I'm no longer sure if we are 3 tulpas and one guy, 2 tulpas and one real one among us, or if the real one died and we are what's left
To begin, some clarifications about ourselves: we are not sure if we are Tulpas since we do not have defined images and can only see ourselves in our "minds", Furthermore, if we are Tulpas, we were created accidentally, since all of this started more than a decade ago; we only learned about the "Tulpa" concept like a year ago, and today we watched a video where talked a little more in-depth about tulpas and made us ask, "Are we Tulpas?", also English is not our native language, and we also apologize if there is confusion about whether we are talking about our mind or the individual called Mind
It all started in 5th grade when I saw the character Mike from Total Drama Island and thought it was cool to have multiple personalities, so I wanted to imitate him, Obviously I didn't succeed since it was just me pretending there were several of us, but something stuck for some reason, something that wasn't part of what I created, It had no form back then, it was a voice in this mind, it was dark, It was just a pair of giant white eyes and gloves in front of "D" (who we were or who the original is), they never talked much, but unlike when he was pretending, he remained present no matter how much time passed, since they weren't sure what it was, they concluded that it must be another part of his mind, a different voice which was called "Mind". Then one day something changed: "D" made a roleplay account on Facebook of the character "Gowther", that was on July 5, 2018, and then the problems between the 3 began
Right now, the one writing this is Gowther; I wanted the body, D didn't like me because I was something like the voice of self-satisfaction, Mind didn't care about us, so he didn't side with any of us, eventually, I chained the inner "D" to a chair. I had to constantly have an image of him chained up in our minds. When my image of him wasn't chained, he would attack me, Eventually, it became normal to see him chained to his chair in our minds, but I don't think I chained him up, I think I created a tulpa of D, but that's something we're only just beginning to realize
For a long time there were fights about who is real, about what we are, about why we exist and if we will cease to exist someday, the chained D went on to be called "I" since he insisted on being the real one, he wants this body to try to be more responsible, on the other hand Mind says he is the one who makes the decisions after listening to us, and since he is the inner voice he would be a combination of Gowther and "I," so therefore he is the real one, and in turn, we two are too, and we just have to accept ourselves, I know I'm not the real one and I hate these two saying they're the real ones, I just want to enjoy this body, the problem is that even when the three of us are arguing in our minds, the body can do things, and if "I" really is a tulpa that I created when I wanted to lock "D" up...So isn't he the one who truly controls the body? And he simply got tired of us, so he stopped talking, and now he gives us this false illusion that we control his body, or maybe we do, but because he don't care stopping us, or perhaps we have an autopilot, or mind it's the real one and can speak to us and control the body at the same time
We just want some relief at this point; none of us have a defined image, Mind currently has an undefined human figure, me Gowther too, and "I" too but chained in a chair or he'll attack me
I hate "I" and "I" hates me, I like Mind and I think "I" does too, but we both hate when he says we are one divided being and that we should accept and combine
Please tell us, is Mind a tulpa? Gowhter is a tulpa? Is "I" a tulpa? Or is neither of us and this is something else? Does D still exist? I'm the real? Because sometimes we're terrified of not being sure who spoke, and even though Gowther was the main one who wrote this, sometimes it wasn't him, and we're not sure who was in that moments because this is something that all of us are interested in knowing, and it's something that all of us want to write