Going to start by saying that I (42f) and my recently broken up with ex (55m) have differing opinions on the matter.

We had been dating a year and a half. I live in Vegas and he lives in PA but has a condo in Vegas. He is here very frequently. We would see each other in Vegas and then do our own thing when he was gone, but when we started dating we went exclusive. So I wasn’t seeing anyone when he was in PA.

He had season tickets to the Steelers for like 25 years and they played in Ireland last September. So, we went to the opener vs jets in nj. Had a whole trip around it where we golfed with his golf buddies and I met his mom in Allentown and we went around Philly, then went to the Steelers game at meadowlands, then I flew home to Vegas and he was in pa for a few weeks.

I knew he was going to Ireland for the game. He owned a business and usually would take clients to the regular game with his season tickets. So he said he had a solo trip planned and was going to meet at the game in Dublin with some clients. Fine have fun. He sent me pics and updates of his solo Dublin trip. I didn’t ask, he just sent them. Great hope it’s a fun trip!!

Well long story short it’s last month (July 2026 now) and I stumble on his ex’s Facebook page where the most recent photos are pics of them together in Ireland. Every place he told me he was alone, his ex was there. Walking through districts by day. Pubs by night. The pics he sent me of him at Irish pubs, she took and they were posted on her page. I. Was. LIVID.

I found the pics and was like wtf is this?? You said you were alone but you spent a whole week with your ex in another country going on romantic dinners and exploring the towns together???? Fuck you cheater and liar.

So I let it rip and broke up with him. Weeks later he says they didn’t sleep together so it wasn’t cheating. He says he never cheated.

I say, you went on a trip to another continent with your ex, and you lied about the whole thing. That’s fucking cheating you’re just mad you got caught later down the road.

Had I known, I’d have dumped him when I found out. If it was a “we are in the same circles in Pittsburgh, this was arranged before I met you, I’m going to see my ex there” I could have worked with that. But he didn’t just see her at the game, they explored Ireland together as a couple. There was nobody else in any of the other photos I found.

So I told him, if there was nothing to hide why did you hide it from me and lie to my face for months???

Anyway apparently he thinks it’s only cheating if you get your dick wet. But I said if he saw me out on a date with another man, he would have flipped his shit calling me a cheater. And he not only went to every dinner with his ex, it was a whole ass week together. I don’t care if they fucked or not that’s cheating. He didn’t tell me anything about that and didn’t even tell me she was there. Lied from the moment we met apparently, and yet accuses me of cheating when he isn’t around (projecting obviously).

Please tell me I’m right.

I had a crush on an attractive coworker for a while. I had also seen him smiling at me and thought from some messages that it might be mutual. Finally when I left the organization, I shot my shot and emailed him with my number and asked if he wanted to get drinks. We started texting and went out on a date. It went pretty well. We both did drink a good amount and he made other comments about drinking on weekends that did make me wonder if he had a drinking problem. We ended hooking up and it was enjoyable. I did tell him I didn't see anything serious happening.

Fast forward 3 months later and he reached out after my parent's passing. He was very empathetic and seemed to care how I was doing. A few weeks later I decided to message him and we started chatting. He said he wanted to see me when I got back to town and I said I did too.

I'll admit we started sexting and he brought up something he said we did sexually. I told him I don't remember that, but I was tired that night 4 months ago. He got annoyed and said I must have a rotation and confused him with another man and that he deserved more. He said he wasn't sure he wanted to meet any more. I had to defend myself and also apologize. He seemed like he moved on.. then at 3 am I got these weird texts that didn't fully make sense.. "you treated me transactionally... etc. In the morning he was calmer, accepted my apology, and did start trying to sext me. So I was thinking he has some emotional issues, but didn't have the full story.

I finally got approved for a local forum and I searched his name and omg... he's on there a lot. I contacted 6 women and 5 have gotten back to me. The worse things I've read are he cheated in an exclusive relationship with 16 women. 3 of these 16 said he was abusive. One said they consider something to be sexual assault and multiple said he doesn't like to use protection.

A number said has a drinking problem and will start arguments in the middle of the night. One heard his ex wife in another state has a restraining order. At work he was very charming and well liked, but being charming fits with what his job is... sooo I almost want to tell women I know at work, but probably not a good idea. And sadly his career may be one of the best things going for him. But I feel lucky that I dodged a bullet- maybe Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

I’ve had a few relationships now, all failed or I wouldn’t be here. I’ve learned from every one of them and always try to do better for myself. I of course have plenty to still work on, 36f and my whole world has been shattered. The man 36m I thought was my forever person, gave up so fast. 15 years knowing each other, 4 years in a meaningful relationship and throwing it all away because he refuses to communicate. Genuine silence when I tried to talk to him about anything. He literally just said nothing and then never bring it up again. It’s jolting and weird. Admittedly I ended up blowing up because his refusal to talk about anything real. He then broke up with me by saying let’s have a conversation. I was relieved to finally talk all for him to say, I can’t do this, and leave. It wasn’t even a convo.

Fast forward, we’ve been in contact and now he’s blocked me completely. Of course with no warning or conversation, not shocking I know. It’s jarring and hurtful. I’m so angry and mostly devastatingly sad. I had to text his parents to get my stuff back. And his parents said they’ll drop my things off to me…… a grown man almost 37 can’t bring me my things? He’s now chosen to live with his parents and pretend I didn’t exist at all. I’m so confused. I’ve dabbled in dating apps just to get myself back out there now. It’s been a year since the break up, a month since being blocked. So it’s obvious I’m definitely not ready to date. But i feel so old now and what’s even the point. I don’t want to start a family into my 40s, I’m already exhausted and all the things I want has disappeared. Maybe I’m being dramatic, but this really sucks. How unlovable I must be that he could so easily block me and act as if I don’t exist. I don’t know. I’m sorry for my rant. I haven’t slept in what feels like years.

Just because the question is reasonable, not super personal early on, so you would think the person you are dating would have no problem answering. While trauma and stuff can happen and you want to protect yourself and you don't have to be forced to share anything, you feel that you should have the right to ask and know these things about someone you call your partner. So if they were to say, I don't know, stuff happens, or delay answering the question, you would find that odd in that specific context.

So, I'm inching closer to 40, and I've really never had any success with dating. The thing is, I feel like I never find anyone interesting or appealing to me, personally, to want to pursue romantically. Honestly, I can count the number of women I've been interested in on one hand, and none of them have reciprocated that interest.

I don't feel I'm "picky", in the sense of, it's not like I'm looking for someone with supermodel good looks, wealth, and/ or anything else unreasonable. I'm generally more drawn to women I feel I'm on the same wavelength with, in terms of personality, sense of humor, etc., and for whatever reason, that seems strikingly rare.

Now, admittedly, over the last few years, I've also been struggling to find ways to meet new people, but through my 20s and early 30s, I've had abundant opportunities to meet people, and like I said, I can count on one hand the women I've been interested in romantically.

Funny enough, there's a woman I'm kinda talking to now, and I think she's really cool, but I get the impression this will be another instance of her not reciprocating my romantic interest. She's still talking to me, but her situation is kinda complicated. I wish something could blossom between me and her, but realistically, I'm guessing that probably won't end up happening, given my track record.

But, overall, I just don't really understand why it's so hard for me to develop romantic interest in people. I don't love the idea of having to just be alone in life, but I can't even imagine a partner for myself, at this point. I don't feel like I'm looking for something unrealistic, so I don't really understand what the problem is?

Hi everyone. I have been seeing someone for a month and a half now, we’ve been on 5 or 6 dates. He has communicated with me previously that he’s not the best texter, and I appreciated that communication with me. We text every day, but it’s just a couple times a day, which honestly I’m okay with! I think it’s a good amount for in between dates without it feeling overbearing, even if I am more of a texter myself. I think we both compromise in that I text less than I would, and he texts a little more than he would.

He’s communicated with me stuff going on in his life (nothing serious or bad, just stuff he’s been busy with). He has been taking a longer time to text me now for the past week. Sometimes he doesn’t text me til halfway through the day or later.

I am very aware that this could be a sign of him losing interest/gaining interest in someone else. We are not exclusive as we’re still getting to know each other. My question is: when he doesn’t text me until like 5pm or something, how do i know the difference between my response time being natural and genuine to me or me "matching his energy" or it turning into feeling like i have to play games. Texting is very low effort to me, so I have no problem texting back as soon as i feel like it/am not busy. And for the most part i do that. But I'm starting to feel like I shouldn't be so quick to respond now. What do you think?

Quick note that he has planned almost every date and they've been very fun. he has gotten me little gifts, remembers things about me, sends me pictures of his day. I'm at the point where things are starting to feel a bit scary, like we're at the make or break it point. but I am trying to keep my composure lol. any tips appreciated

I’ve been going on dates with someone 11 years older for 1 month. We went on 6 dates and this last one I stayed in his place and we were intimate for 4
hours (grinding and kissing because I never did PIV sex). I did my best to make him cum without penetration and he even fell asleep in my arms which I thought it was a sign of emotional connection. It would be our last date until he comes back from his home country because he’s going to stay there the next 3 weeks.

When I came back home, he just texted me asking if I reached home and react with a kiss emoji to my reply. No good night message. No good morning message. No see you soon message. He just texts me the next day saying he landed because I asked him to and again, he reacts with a heart emoji. Today no messages too.

I thought it’s cold from his side to do this and I was expecting more communication after being intimate and flying to another continent, especially because he knows I’m a virgin and we aren’t even official. I feel used and ignored. I’m 26 and he’s 37. We belong to the same friend group and I feel so ashamed and embarrassed of this situation. He literally came on my ass and is acting like nothing happened. I feel like to stop seeing him. Besides of this situation, things are going so slow and he just texts me every other day and his dating history is only short-term relationships that lead nowhere because it “had no future.”

I just wanted to share this (in case anyone else can relate). I am a 31 year old guy, and I have felt very unwanted when it comes to dating and relationships for a long time now. I’ve had one girlfriend before, but that’s basically it.

I think I have good qualities overall. I think I’m a reasonably good looking guy. I’m tall (6’6), im not bald, I’m in good shape, etc.. Personality wise, I think of myself as being very outgoing and sociable. I really like to get to know people and have many friends who are women (the irony is that women love me as a friend, but as nothing more than that apparently lol). Career wise, I’m doing quite well and would consider myself to be successful.

But at the end of the day, it’s still not really enough. And that’s the part that really starts to suck after a while.

I used to kind of shrug it off. Someone doesn’t like me? That’s cool. I’ll meet someone else eventually else. And then someone else… and then someone else.

Now I’m starting to feel like there may be no end to any of this. I’ve never been one to get hung up on someone not liking me back, but it feels like nobody likes me at all, and that’s a horrible feeling. I’m not sure how many more times I can dust myself off and say “it’s okay, I’ll meet someone else” when there appears to be no end in sight. Just a constant cycle of me liking someone, wanting to get to know them (only to find out either a. they’re taken, b. there’s a difference between us that makes any sort of relationship unrealistic, c. they just don’t like me, or d. there’s another ridiculous reason standing in the way, like they’re moving away or something).

I just wanted to know if anyone can relate to this. I don’t really want to get old and die knowing I was only able to have one relationship (a bad one at that).

A ton of advice or books about stopping being a pushover, or a "Nice guy" tell you to stop being ashamed to be a man, and thus having sexual desire or being too accommodating to a woman, putting her on a pedestal, etc.

Yet the advice I read here often says the opposite. That we have to make her feel special, that if weh ave to take it slow regarding sex and showing interest.

Of course the "stop being a nice guy" mentality does NOT suggest going for sex on date 1, lol, it's just that sometimes people tell us to listen to women, but then women give advice which goes against what is usually recommended to avoid coming across as a doormat to one's partner.

Where's the truth?

People who have tried both for a significant amount of time: Which is better?

Does dating one at a time mean each person is a potential heartbreak after a couple months?

Is it possible to minimize dating heartbreak by dating a bunch of people, even getting physically intimate with multiple people at a time? How many people do you date a time and for how long? Do the wrong ones just sort of fade away until you're left with someone who's great for you?

Let’s say one person had a curable STI from sex with someone prior to dating (stayed asymptomatic, just didn’t get retested yet, etc). And then after sex for the first time, they gave it to the prospective new partner.

Assuming things were already going pretty well in the first couple of dates, is that a clear end to the relationship? Or is that something someone could overlook? Is the relationship tainted at that point?

Do you guys get annoyed when it takes you 3-5 days to reply and then the person replies right away?

I like doing that sometimes just to mess with them 😂😂 but its also cuz I frankly dont care, if you text me, I literally might respond to you the very same second you send your message or it might take me a few hours. Speaking of which I have a voice message from a friend I havent responded to 🤔 so let me get back to that

29F. I have friends that I get along with. I’m great with the customers at my job, I’m proud to say I’m very charming. I get along with people platonically.

But, recently I med a guy at a pool party. After that day, he called me everyday. It was agreed we were just gonna be casual, so I was surprised when he kept calling me daily. But I went along with it. The convos were nice, and I thought that we could have fun together.

We hooked up after like, a month of talking. I didn’t expect us to start a relationship or anything. Again, the plan was casual. We hooked up on a Saturday, I went home that next morning on Sunday. We were both busy Sunday, so we didn’t talk. I texted him about a movie I think we should see, and he didn’t respond. That was fine. The next day I called him, at night around the time we usually talk. No answer. I texted the next day, no answer. He finally answered on Wednesday and I asked what’s up, and he coldly said “I’m sick”. Long story short, I told him my bad, I thought he was ghosting. He said “this feels like a relationship” and basically I told him that if he’s over it, then I won’t bother him anymore.

I just don’t get it. How did things go so wrong that we go from daily talking, to me seeming like I annoyed him?

I guess this is just what I don’t get. All I wanted was someone to occasionally spend time with. Maybe see a movie, go to an arcade, dinner, escape room, anything. It’s just my friends don’t have much time for me so I end up alone most of the time when I’m not working.

I don’t get it. If I’m intentional, they ghost. If I’m going with the flow, they don’t want anything to do with me. Am I crazy for thinking something changed? I just felt like, he was initiating contact and then stopped all of a sudden. I just don’t get it, or what I did wrong.

Asking because i’m new to lifting and my type is tall girls with muscles but i don’t have muscles of my own yet, and i feel like women who spend a lot of time in the gym would often want someone who looks very fit or athletic, not making any judgements though. It’s something i’m working on but that will take time. But i don’t want to feel like i can’t ask out my type just because i’m not there yet you know?

He pays his own rent, food , car etc. but things outside his control makes it hard for him to pay for additional things, I pay for a lot of our dates but sometimes I just get exhausted paying for most of our things, I don’t have a car and due to my living situation I have more disposable income for fun things, but it’s hard feeling like I’m fully financially supporting our relationship (not him I guess) but he’s so incredible but I can’t see his situation getting better for at least a year or so and some days I find it so draining.

For those of you asking, he doesn’t ask to go on dates that he can’t afford, when he’s able he takes me out but it’s far and few between and I like going out but I also feel bad doing things without him so I always invite him and pay for him but what I mean is that it gets draining, I can either stay in with him or go out and pay x2 all the time

Have you been in this situation before? Do you have any advice or words of wisdom?

I'm 34f from the UK and have been dating for around 7 months after the breakdown of a 10-year relationship. I really need help with this as I'm getting so frustrated.

I'm really attracted to men that people would probably describe as nerdy. I'm kind of nerdy myself though I acknowledge I don't really present that way because aesthetically I'm quite girly and other people say "glam". My family and friends always refer to me as nerdy though - I'm a homebody and I enjoy gaming, LOTR, the fantasy genre, reading and poetry.

I like men who have interesting hobbies, niche interests and a rich inner world. I'm attracted to homebody types that are into gaming, LOTR and interests that they enjoy at home. Gentle, shy men who are a little socially awkward make me melt 🥹

I get a lot of matches on apps and men also ask for my number a lot when I'm out. I've been on quite a few dates while I've been single. But I always gravitate to nerdy men over extroverted, adventurous or materialistic types.

However I've noticed that the nerdy guys I've spoken to are a lot more passive when it comes to communication and dating, sometimes to the point where I feel insecure whether they're even interested in me. But when I ask them they always insist that they do like me. They rarely mention setting up a date, don't message/call as much as other men and just seem quite hesitant. This worries me because I am dating to try to find a long term partner/husband and I don't want to be pushing for each stage of progression in the relationship.

Please can I have some insight as I feel really dejected about this and like I'm missing something

I have a personal plan on first dates, I ask a woman out for coffee or something smaller like that. If I like her and the vibes are there, i ask her if she wants to grab a proper bite to eat. It's worked out pretty well for me, as most of the time, the woman is open to dinner if I ask (though I haven't always offered)

My question is, should I reveal this plan from the go or just keep it to myself until I decide i do actually want to have dinner with her?

I’m, so touched, you’re one of the most perceptive people I’ve met and one of the most no-nonsense people too and you’re really kind and sweet and you saying that makes me want to cry and it means a lot and I feel guilty for not saying it back to you but as you keep telling me I’ll keep it until it’s as real as can be

His reply^^
Pretty much a slap in the face lol.

Think this is doomed?

Hey all,

I was living with my brother for four years before he found his love, proposed and they wanted to move ahead with their lives. I let her move in, and not being able to move in on my own to an apartment I went back to my dads. Soon ill be an uncle!

I've never had alot of luck seriously dating. I've always had an anxious attachment style which made me fear true intimacy when I was younger. Now im older and I simply don't find many opportunities in a small town.

This is where I feel really bad about myself often. I tell myself to put the effort into the friendships I do have and just work on myself - but the practical aspects of being single over 30 and especially in a small town is difficult. I cant afford to rent myself.

Im really trying to put myself out there online with writing and film projects, as well as take some fitness classes out of town on weekends. But i find moving ahead in life just hard without a significant other.

Anyone have any words of encouragement or been through a similar phase?

maybe it's because I've only gone on coffee/ day time dates, but the idea of meeting up so late at night for a first date feels foreign to me... I don't mind going out for just drinks (instead of dinner), and the bar looks kinda fun, but I want to keep it casual. as in... no sex. I'm hoping that my date isn't expecting something more.

am I just too in my head about this?

edit: changed it to 7, he said okay, I may or may not have subtlety said the phrase "take things slow get to know you" once or twice, he may have mentioned something about getting lucky (? kinda ignored it), we kissed, it was fun, but we're probably not a match lol...... guess all that matters is they are respectful, and you set your boundaries....

I'm definitely doing a coffee date next time though, that's just more my speed. to each their own!

I went on a first date with a nurse (included kissing) and started showing signs of a cold the next day. They’re surrounded by sick people often and have probably built up an immune system, but I haven’t. Is there a chance dating a nurse will expose me to more sicknesses? I can’t guarantee I actually got it from them, but just a thought

Hi, I am dating a woman. We're both 30. I have a question about her wish for a slow burn. Context below.

We had two dates now which lasted about 6-8 hours. We had lots of fun, talk easily. I like her and I think she likes me too: constantly asking deep questions (who am I as a person, why do I find X and Y important), makes eye contact, gives me compliments, teases me and does touch me/is close to me. For example, when we walk she'll lean against me or when doing things to together she will give me pad on my shoulders, high fives or playfully poking me when I am make a mistake.

What is new to me is how slowly she takes things. Example, if I bring my arm around her when she's leaning against me while walking, she told me she's not ready for that. Kissing is not okay yet too. Luckily she is someone I csn safely talk with about her boundaries without being afraid that I'll scare her off. Actually, I am prone to being anxious while dating and this is the first time I feel secure and thus felt okay asking her. Probably because we communicate well. She also told me I can ask about her emotions (in my culture it's usually seen as "none of your business" in early dating") and what other things she likes in communication.

She also makes hints to a potential relationship. As she often mentions things we could do in the future if we get into a relationship and asked me questions about me that clearly give her knowledge about how I handle certain relationship issues. Anyway, we will meet again and she let me know she has a great time seeing me.

Since this is new to me to takes things this slowly. It also feels new (thus a bit unusual) to me. I clearly see she likes me but still takes distance with physical contact. If she were a different person I would've kissed her (she knows that).

I was wondering:

1. If some of you have similar experiences and how it turned out; and

2. if some of you recognize themselves in her

Thanks in advance for the replies

It’s not a reason like heartbreak or wtv like it used to be but more so that I’m not even sure if it’s something I actually want, because I look at things related to my hobbies/interests and I go “wow I really want that” but when it’s about wanting a relationship I just think “it would be nice I guess” and no other real desire to have it. To put it simply I do want a relationship but I just don’t care enough about wanting one, to put it simply I don’t know what I want and I need some kind of direction to figure out what it could be.