Apologies for the wall of text. I knew something was way off regarding my upbringing. My therapist confirmed it a long time ago. But I didn't really tell anyone else outside my wife and therapist about my upbringing...until this weekend.

I had a good buddy in town over the weekend...and we really talked more personally than we ever have. His divorce concluded in January of this year and he started talking about his therapy journey, the death of his father, and the guilt he felt over not apologizing to his father over something he said when he was 12 (though everything else was ok...they were close when his father passed).

Anyway, he asked about my father because he knew that my father's death screwed me up but not in the way he thought. So I told him...everything since he was asking questions. How he reacted to the things was where I was like, "Whoa, this was more effed up than I thought!"

I'll start by saying if not for my mom, I wouldn't be here today. She was there for me when nobody else was.

My father was never a part of my life despite living under the same roof as him for 19 years.

1. I can count on two hands then number of father and son things we did together...in my life.
   a. Indian guides (1 week)
   b. 1 Boy Scouts Derby
   c. 2 Football games
   d. 1 baseball game
   e. 2 basketball games (Globetrotters and a college team) f. Nothing after age 14.

2. Never showed up to any of my extracurriculars except for ONE notable exception. I played baseball, football, hockey, wrestled...and he never showed up to any game, practice or anything else. But the 1 year my short-ass played basketball, he was an assistant coach who never missed a practice or a game. Why? He played college basketball on scholarship.

3. I had a high school project my freshman year in history class. I chose my topic and started working on it. My father...ever the perfectionist engineer, came down and started endlessly criticizing how 14 year-old me was working on the project...to the point I walked away. He finished it and I turned it in. I failed history out of spite (had to go to summer school) because I love history and my BA is in history. But the worst part? He kept that fucking project in the garage attic as a monument to my inadequacy for 20 years...to be the butt of the family joke every holiday season.

4. I never got any dating advice until 3 months after I got my driver's license. Then it was "keep your peter in your pants." A little late there Dad. I lost my virginity within a month of driving. The advice I got was from my mom.

5. He never called me as an adult to ask how I was doing. After a layoff, breakup, etc? Not a peep. I spoke to my Mom all the time. My Mom always asked how I was doing.

6. Trigger warning:When I was 21, my first love broke up with me. Looking back, I don't blame her...but I was devastated and sunk into a deep depression. My mom and I got into a fight (which is where I broke because Mom was the only one that cared) and I grabbed the family handgun and held it to my head in front of her and said, "I'm tired of hurting, Mom. I don't want to do this anymore." My Mom said, "No Bob (alias), I love you" and fell to her knees sobbing with her arms out. I dropped the gun and she held me. She looked out for me after that the rest of that summer. My father KNEW about this event. He didn't say a word. His son holds a gun to his head in front of his wife...and he didn't say, "Gee son, please don't hurt yourself." Nope. Not a fucking word.

7. A year later, I had gotten my crap back together, was back in college and I interviewed for an internship for a small consulting firm. I was very proud that I had beat out 20 other people for the position. I came home and my father said, "Why did they hire you?"

8. When he retired, they had this retirement dinner for him with 125-150 people. He got up there and said, "I look forward to catching up with spending time with my son." Did he? Nope. I invited him to movies, sporting events, fishing, whatever. I asked him to suggest something. He never wanted to do anything with me. I stopped asking. This really bugged me over time.

I didn't understand any of this. I just knew I hated myself until I was 57 (started therapy at 54). I felt like an outsider inside my own home. I was told that my father was this great man and he was busy working to provide for us. That's a common household lie. After awhile, I just leaned into being an outsider. But here's where the dominoes fell into place where I was able to see it all and understand it for the lie that it was.

First domino was my father's death from COVID. I was not there when he died nor had I seen him for probably 2 months. I didn't cry. Not a tear. Not then and not since. Of course, that made me feel bad about myself because he's this great man and I'm a piece of shit, right? That just flipped me back into my addictions (see post history for details) that came back 10-fold. My therapist finally looked at me and said, "WTF is going on with you, you look unkempt, your nervous tics are back, etc." I came clean and told him everything. I got back on antidepressants which opened me up to processing it. My therapist explained, "You mourn the relationship you had with that person, you had no relationship with your father."

The 2nd domino was a few years later...my mother was dying and my sister and I were splitting duties watching my mom. I came over to spend the weekend with my mom, and my sister and I got into a fight. I told her that our father was never there for me...and he didn't love me. She responded, "You didn't earn it!" Bingo...lightbulb #2 went off. She earned it...I didn't. I never played the rigged game. At this point, I was in a good place mentally...so this was a bit of a kick...and my therapist pointed out that I should have never had to earn his love. Love was a currency and I had insufficient funds.

I had also spent considerable time talking to my mother about my youth. She knew some things...and she tried to get him to be a father. At the end, I didn't press any more because I didn't want her to feel guilty near the end of her life. But her reaction to other things made clear it was difficult for her to hear.

The 3rd domino was a couple years later...after I was happily remarried to the love of my life. We were watching The Brady Bunch of all things...and it just hit me...full force. I went to the bedroom full out sobbing. I could see it. Yes, Mike Brady is an idealized father...but he was always there for his kids. My father was never there...but I realized WHY. He CHOSE not to be.

He chose to golf rather than attend my baseball games. He chose to read the paper, rather than asking me how my school day was or helping me with homework. He chose to shoo me away while doing home improvement so I never learned those skills. He chose to spend at least 10 hours a week talking to an alcoholic college buddy of his to get him to go to rehab...which is more time than he ever spent having any kind of conversation with me...or even caring about me. He chose not to participate in any activities with me after he retired. That retirement speech bugged me up until a few months ago when I was in therapy and able to articulate why. That speech wasn't for me, it was for the other people in the audience so they could say, "Oh, what a good man and good father to now spend time with his son."

Those were his choices, and now I know the negative voice in my head was never my own. It was my father's. I've done ok for myself professional and now personally. He never knew who I was because he didn't care enough to find out. His loss.

I can't lie and say that it doesn't suck. It does. I spent 57 years of my life hating myself because I was chasing a ghost of love and approval I'd never get. It tainted every relationship I was in until my current one because I didn't understand intimacy or communication before therapy. BUT...I DID figure it out. The real tragedy would have been living my entire life feeling that way and dying alone. So I'm looking forward to my rest of my life instead of looking back and feeling sad.

If you got this far, thanks for reading.

-Letting me stagnant though all of my twenties doing nothing with a massive and important chunk of my life.

-Never being concerned or worried about that kind of thing.

-Not teaching me any life skills like how to cook or even do laundry just basic stuff that a parent or who actual cares about their child would have done.

-Asked about me if I wanted a job after highschool I said no and then was simply treated that as good enough. As though asking absolves all responsibility. There was also zero follow up as in something like.

"You don't want a job but I'm going to help you find something anyway because that be good for you or I know your not interested but you need a job." Neither of those things ever happened.

(24M) Since i was a kid i've been yelled at by my dad when things don't go the way he wants. Sometimes i've had answered him with yelling too, and things got even worse. When i just quietly hung my head, he relaxed, but it was like swallowing shit, if you understand me... He lacks empathy at this point. He talks to others the way he wants, but doesn't like others talking to him like that.

I've met hundreds of person with this same behaviour, annd my response doesn't change. I just freeze. Sometimes i get the control and just keep doing my stuff quietly, but i still get hurt.

Like when i was working at a retail drugstore. Several times came a customer complaining and being agressive to me. I just freezed. Then i had to hear more complaints, from the customer and from my manager, for being slow. It was too much for my mind.

I felt like Alex from Clockwork Orange, when he is at the aversion therapy with Dr. Brodsky, being beaten and yelled at for no reason in order the become "civilized" hahahaha

It is frustrating to me, bc i want to just "don't care", but i cannot. It is a mind control i fail to have, but i like to change that. I don't want to feel week and harmless anymore.

we used to have like 5 bottles in the cupboards that were restocked every week. i just assumed they loved tonic water with how often they said they needed more tonic water, or that we were out again lol.

This feels like such a stupid thing to be venting about but i just can’t stand ittt. i live with my parents still ( i know im over 18 and i should be moved out by now, ive heard it a million times but life is hard and college is expensive ) anyways, my parents have always been messy people, like extremely messy. my whole life my house has always been disgusting, like animal feces that never gets picked up, dishes that never get done, trash that never gets taken out and so many more things. i do clean everyday to avoid these things but if i leave on a trip or get sick alll the mess just piles up again cause no one does it except for me. i also have some sort of ocd/anxiety around cleanliness so that doesn’t help. i’m just so tired of cleaning up after grown adults and living in a house that smells like a rotting dumpster. i don’t mean to talk bad about my parents, i love them very much I just feel so alone😢

I (18M) moved out without warning or telling my family the other day as I had been planning for the past year and in the following 6 days after that my mom has called me everyday crying and begging me to come home and guilt tripping me into staying on the line for more than an hour every time.

My mom says that she is more devastated than she’s ever been in her whole life and that she wouldn’t sleep tonight because she’d be up all night crying and my dad said what I did is super hurtful and that if I wanted to come back I need to apologize to him.

Today I decided to block them all and tell them I’d contact them again in a week. this whole time moved out I’ve been riddled with extreme stress and have had a lot of physical symptoms from it too my hands are shaking as I type this.. how do I calm down??

I’m still like shaking in fear my dad said if he found the friend I was staying with what he’d do to them would put him in jail.. I’m in my own place now but holy shit. my dad also used to get drunk and beat my mom and he’s also extremely vicious to his 87 year old mother. for my life he’s tried to put on a facade of being a nice person but I see right through it and my whole life my moms slept on the couch and all they do is argue argue argue. my moms not perfect either she’s pretty selfish and a horrible mother but she’s at least an alright person.. so how can I calm tf down?? blocking them all helped a little but I’m still shaking..

thanks in advance for reading this or commenting‘

The main character Eun from the webcomic Rewuiem by Potcha is said to have emotional neglect and I just really like the Webcomic (Webtoon specifically). Sadly it has been on hiatus.

I’ve been reading about childhood emotional neglect, but most accounts I find describe parents who were emotionally unavailable from early childhood. That doesn’t quite fit my experience.

As far as I can remember, before high school I was a sensitive child, and my mom was actually quite emotionally supportive when I was upset. I don’t remember feeling emotionally neglected as a young child.

The shift seemed to begin in my late teens. When I was around 16–17, I was in a genuinely difficult place: I was struggling socially at school, felt trapped in an environment I found very stressful, and often couldn’t sleep at night. I did turn to my mom for support during that period, but over time her responses became noticeably less patient and emotionally responsive.

By around 21–22, the change felt much more pronounced. When I expressed anxiety or distress, there was often very little emotional acknowledgment. Her responses were more likely to be things like, “There’s nothing you can do about it,” “Being anxious won’t help,” or simply confusion about why I was telling her in the first place. During conflicts, if I cried, I might hear, “What is there to cry about?” or “You’re too sensitive.”

I don’t mean that I expect to be comforted in exactly the same way I was as a small child, or that I expect my mom to regulate my emotions for me. What feels strange is that emotional support seems to have gone from something that was naturally offered when I was a child to something that is now treated as unnecessary, irrational, or something I should simply deal with on my own.

In other words, I don’t feel like I grew up without emotional support. I feel more like I aged out of being considered someone who should need or receive it—as though comforting a distressed child makes sense, but a distressed adult should simply regulate everything internally.

Realizing this has also made me look back at my childhood differently. I used to assume that when my mom comforted me, my sadness was being understood. Now I’m less certain. Sometimes I wonder whether she may have found some of my feelings just as difficult to understand back then, but comforted me anyway because I was a child. I obviously can’t know what she was thinking at the time, but the possibility has been unexpectedly sad to consider.

I know that, as an adult, it’s important to have emotional support outside of one’s parents. The complication for me is that because my mom was emotionally supportive when I was younger, I never felt much need to build friendships around showing my most vulnerable self. With friends, I tended to be the more composed or “mature” one.

Later, I realized that some of those friendships were no longer relationships I actually wanted to maintain, and I stopped forcing them just because I was afraid of having no friends. That left me in the strange position of realizing that the kind of emotional support I once assumed I could get from my mom was no longer really available either.

At this point, building a new social circle is something I see as a long-term process, starting more or less from scratch. I’m not looking for advice on how to make friends or for suggestions to simply get emotional support elsewhere. I’m specifically wondering whether anyone else has experienced this same age-related shift: a parent who was genuinely emotionally supportive when you were a child, but became increasingly dismissive of, confused by, or unwilling to engage with your emotional needs as you became a teenager and then an adult.

My parents were talking to me about how I can tell them anything I want and I don’t need to hide it from them but when it does come to talking to them they always bring me down saying stuff that demotivates me. Of course I love my parents but how can they expect me to tell them stuff if they can’t support me with the proper words?

It sucks when you have genuinely loving parents that didn’t know how to care for you so they fucked up in unforeseen ways so you’re not allowed to Be mad at them, resulting in a sense of extreme discomfort with their presence. No only that, I also feel extremely guilty for feeling this way. There were things that happened to me that they could not protect me from. Now I feel like my family isn’t my family. Just a collection of people I feel oddly obligated to. My mind is split all the time because I feel so guilty and obligated to them but I also feel so much anger towards them. I just want to get strong so I can go my separate way. Isn’t that fucked up? Why can’t I remember the love I had for them as a child?

i (25F) know she’s (50F) trying to punish me. i realized a while ago she is a covert narc who emotionally neglected me during my teen years. In this case, do i not even deserve a simple “OK” or “shoot i didn’t realize that upset you ill try not to do that again “ or SOMETHING? ANYTHING? I understand being told somthing you did upset someone doesnt feel good, iv been on that end before but i still thanked the person for telling me and i always want someone to tell me if i upset them. Iv been conditioned to sweep things upder the rug to “keep the peace” to “not stress her out”
But I’ve just come realize that she a grown adult, I’m a grown adult, if we want to have a somewhat healthy relationship we should be able to have these kind of conversations.
Well aparently not bc now im being ignored 🙃
And i was so nice in my text too, i reassured my love for her and how much she means to me /my family and thats what i get in return. Silence 😅

Pretty much what the title says. I still talk to my father who basically has learnt to adjust himself around my mother and just do as she says and stay in her shadows to escape her wrath. He advises me to do the same but I refuse to do it. Anyway people can swing anytime so I don’t want to be too reliant on my father either. I have about 9 months before I can’t move out of this house. I need a solid mechanism to survive because every penny I save is going towards later financial freedom and getting my own place to live.

How did people who couldn’t afford therapy and medicines help themselves? Are there any proven methods, channels, books? Currently I’ve ordered the book, “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents”. I also found a very cute pink old diary in my house to write my emotions into. I want to heal from this because I want to adopt a daughter in the future and I don’t want my wounds to affect my future daughter in any way. I also want to heal to finally have some peace in my mind. Has anybody pulled themselves out of this deep pit without any therapists, resources and big money?

Edit : changed a typo (the word book to the word title)

i feel like that little girl again who got yelled at/punished for crying when all i wanted was to be comforted and held until i felt better. i’m not really trusting of others, so it’s rare of me to even open up. especially to close friends. but when i do, it means i trusted you with my heart. i still have a very hard time opening up about how i feel because everyone in my family is emotionally neglectful. in result of that, im very distrusting of others and have no friends. i can’t go after the career path i wanted to because it feels impossible having to battle with my mental health/physical health problems with no emotional support. i could’ve been a different person if only my parents had the emotional capacity to support me like they were supposed to.

So i'm asking because this is something that happens to me, and i want to know if this is normal or not

Sometimes a fantasy crosses my mind that something bad will happen to me through no fault of my own so my parents can finally stop criticizing me for a minute and care for me.

Also *sigh* I just feel not good enough rn

I was emotionally neglected as a child, I recently realized. I only had my mom, who worked long shifts to afford to care for me and my sisters, and my sisters themselves grew up too fast and left the house by the time I was nine. I had friends in elementary school, but then I moved and ended up going to a different middle school, and I had nobody. My family is Hispanic, they’re not used to talking about emotions, and my Spanish isn’t good enough for me to explain if I wanted to. From middle school on, I haven’t had a proper friend to talk to. And apparently work friends are just work friends, they’re not someone I can open up to, unless we started hanging out away from work. But we don’t.

I recently found out I have ADHD, so emotional regulation is an issue I struggle with already. I feel things strongly and I’m able to sympathize with people, but I rarely get that in return. But when I do get a little bit of kindness or respect from someone, I instantly want to cry. I’m not used to being seen. “Are you okay?” or a “Hey, it’s okay,” when they notice I’m overwhelmed is too much for me. I appreciate the sentiment so much, but I hate that I get teary.

I feel like a stray dog that is too wary to accept kindness but too hungry to live without it.

Hi everyone, I 20F have been going through a period of mild depression and unhappiness. It all unraveled from a bigger situation that kind of made me realize some things. Throughout my childhood I always felt like I had to be older than I was, I was always praised for my maturity, and emotional intelligence, but I was still a child.

My parents divorced when I was around 5-6, throughout my childhood my mother wasn’t the type parent that would bad talk my father all day long but she would discuss about it publicly and say stories about how he was cheater and a gambler in front of me. My brother M25 took the divorce very seriously, he suffered depression went through a rebellious phase and didn’t talk to my dad or his new wife for years. Eventually he accepted it but till this day he has traumatic sequels that are reflected in his daily life. Me as a 5 year old comprehended the steps that took them to divorce and didn’t have major problems (or so it thought) about the separation.

At 10 I got diagnosed with TD1 and because of the economic crisis in the country I was in we had to migrate to a nearby island which I have been living in for the past 8 years. I had to deal with many problem, since 12 I had concerns about financial issues, food issues, emotional issues I never harmed myself but did think about doing it and always felt like my existence wasn’t worth it. I always wanted my mother’s approval and validation, she’s not an affective person and it always hurt me since it was always me and her. Her family wasn’t nice to her, so she cut them off. So we quite literally have no one. In summary I never had the chance to be a kid and I mourn the fact that I didn’t have a childhood where I could remember myself being happy and innocent. I was always criticized and had many adjectives attached to me that felt negative, disorganized, dependent, dramatic, drama queen, a cry baby.

I was always overprotected, never could do anything didn’t grow up with friends and my mother always found things to criticize about every person, and obviously because of that, I always distanced myself because any slight change in her tone, or attitude would come off as disapproval and it filled me with anxiety. Presently, our relationship has decayed even further as I’m an adult and I’m trying to find myself and build my life, I still seek approval more so that I had a period where I doubted my relationship because her tone towards me discussing about how great my partner is were always dismissed, or answered with short dry responses. My mother went through a heartbreak, and she told me all about it, for the past 7 months I’ve been hearing about this guy which is out neighbor, on the daily, everything is surrounded by him, and always in negative connotations, how she doesn’t like it here, this country isn’t good for her, she has no opportunities, and I always try to remain positive, hopeful, I’m studying building my life I have a kind of decent job. I’m trying to do something but every attempt at a positive reconnection is always met with full negativity from her, and this ideology that I’m 20, and she doesn’t need to do anything for me. Which i understand I meant be there for me in a supportive relationship, if I say things about how I paid for my university alone, she gets angry and says I’m insinuating that she’s useless, or if I bring up how I feel she’s negative she goes on to say how she’s the worst mother ever, she never doesn’t anything right and fills me up with anxiety.

I’m trying to correct my patterns, I want to be able to live life fully, I tried talking to her and it never ends up in a positive conversation. And most times I’m the person to blame because my actions caused her to react x way or y way. And most conversations work as a comparison of I might not be perfect but I did an amazing job, and I wasn’t a careless mother which also feels like some kind of validation she seeks in return?

I don’t know I just want real insight and advice. Thanks everyone.

My parents were talking to me about how I can tell them anything I want and I don’t need to hide it from them but when it does come to talking to them they always bring me down saying stuff that demotivates me. Of course I love my parents but how can they expect me to tell them stuff if they can’t support me with the proper words?

It surprisingly hurts a LOT coming to the slow realisation that a parent never really cared. You are so blinded by "it's your parent, so of course they love you" so when the realisation hits, it leaves such a deep ache. Especially when you open your eyes and see that love being driven into a sibling, realising that they'll never feel that emptiness.

I'm debating on going no contact with my mother, or at the least, stop putting in all the effort. I was going to cut things off a year ago when she was on drugs, but in an attempt to salvage, I gave her another 100th chance. But I'm tired. I thought her behavior was chalked up to the drugs, but even now that she is sober, I think that my mother genuinely dislikes me. And if not that, she's holding a grudge against me.

It's as though she blames me for her problems. She doesn't say it, but I can feel It in her behaviors. I have tried speaking to her about her wrong doings, but she always somehow loops it back to me trying to prevent her from having a life... which... doesn't even make sense. So it must be coming from something else.

I'm an adult. 21 to be exact, but I thought that even despite that, she'd still be my mother. In her eyes, she sees otherwise. But I don't think she was ever really a mother in the first place, the only difference now is that she doesn't care to hide her disinterest and disdain towards me.

I'm the only one who's holding things together. I plan visits, I'm the one who contacts, and I'm always blown off. My time is never respected. She'll hold it out and say she's coming but at the very last minute she backs out after I have waited all day. This is a routine.

Sometimes I question why I've dealt with this for so long. And the answer is simple, she's my mom. And she isn't the devil. I know she loves me in her own strange way. She can be gentle. Kind. Caring. That's why I've tried. But kind words do not replace the neglect to raise me, the educational neglect, the screaming, drugs, fighting, sexual exposure. And then to top it all off, act like I am the problem in her life. Like I am too much. Like I'm the one who's dramatic for wanting to be treated like a daughter. I wouldn't treat a stranger the way she treats me.

I want to talk this through so badly with her, but at the end of the day, there is no point. She won't hear me. And even if she pretends to in the moment, it always backfires later. Once more, I will become the problem.

I almost came to a point of acceptance. She will never change, it just isn't in her due to her own traumas. She isn't capable. I was willing to look past that. But when a new man came into her life, she's changed so many things for him. Hell, she even arrives on time when it comes to him. My mom has been late all her life. The woman would probably be late to my own wedding.

I suppose my venting comes to this, do you have a parent who is like this? Are you still speaking with them? Do you regret it?

I’m a 16(F) in high school and the title basically summarizes what my parents think of me

My parents prioritize academics and achievement heavily. Ever since I can remember I was put into classes to improve reading, math, sports, etc. I’m not complaining about this because obviously I was privileged enough to have this occur and I’m grateful for the experiences I got.

However the problems arise when I’m not academically perfect or in seek of achievement

Small examples include being abused when I didn’t finish the work they gave, yelled at when getting bad test scores, being told that I‘m not “serious” at the activities I do (at the age of like 7) or constantly being compared to peers. It made me develop this sort of anxiety to be the best I can be.

This was especially apparent during Covid , when quit a lot of the activities I did and my parents made me feel like straight shit. They completely ignored me and even when they did acknowledge me it was to crticize (academics, ecs, looks,etc). I will also mention I was severely depressed and had very low self esteem during this time.

I was afraid to be treated like that again so in the last three years or so I kind of rebuilt myself. I did everything they’ve ever wanted me to do and more academically, physically, and within extracurriculars. They treat me so much better it’s appalling, for once I feel like my parents actually like me. They do everything from driving me hours a day just to bring me to some sort of academic activity and will even pay hundreds for college counseling.

I feel like a trophy. I’m trying so hard to do things in my own accord, accomplish things just because I want to but this has been my whole life and for once I am treated well.

I’m going to give as much context as I can without giving my whole life story…

- Parents had a tumultuous relationship. Sure there was some love but also deceit, arguments, etc. that really put a scar on me. I basically did not feel emotionally safe in lots of ways and thinking back to it now, I can see how it has affected me to this day.
- Parents also immigrated. So, they uprooted the family to give a better life. They also grew up not the most well off at all soo…there’s typical scarcity mindset and what not that comes with it. Plus cultural differences as well.
- I was probably a latch key kid. I say probably because they were home after school and all but I wasn’t given a lot of attention.
- I was rarely home growing up once I hit 2nd grade. I my block had kids and parents who were friends with mine. I basically went there all the time because I finally had people who wanted to spend time with me.
- whenever I’m around my parents, although I’m a grown adult and they’re older, I get stressed out whenever I’m around them. I shut down and if they try to ask about my life I get really angry sometimes. Like I don’t want them to know anything.
- given all the above, I can understand how they grew up in a different time, did what they could with what they know, and worked hard to give me and my brother a better life. I know that intellectually. But my body and mind react in a way that really stresses me out.

So basically I hung out with some cousins as I visited my motherland recently and some stories they told me about our family made a lot of my parents behavior make more sense. It tore a hole in my heart a bit because it made me think about a lot of stuff and my feelings on everything. And it’s all really bittersweet. Even after chatting I sat and cried in my room for some reason thinking about all of it.

I want to forgive and move forward and just care more about them without being how I was before. It’s just really hard to deal with. If anyone has dealt with this I’d love to hear how you healed.