Got my first adult "crush" and in trying to figure out how to feel things i guess. Had a lot to say 😭

I legit was struggling today. feeling like some of my friends dislike me (I have no real reason to believe something like that ). But the feelings were strong and I felt like I was just in a rut, going things over and over. During my time reading the bible this morning I got distracted again and had the impulse to just submit, and say ”yeah they don’t like you very much, but it’s not a big deal. just get over it, you will always be alone, but it’s not the end of the world. It makes sense why people don’t want to be close to you. It’s not their fault.” etc.… That has been my coping mechanism in the past at times. again, in reality I had no information that would back up this feeling. As I sat there working through these emotions, I had the impulse to write down ”Your friends don’t hate you” I felt immediate relief. The rest of my day has been so much better since then. It’s on my to-do pad so I’ve naturally glanced at it throughout the day.

has this type of thing helped anyone else? the difference for me today was huge. Instead of wallowing, I actively started reminding myself of what I thought was actually true. That I’m not perfect, but amazingly I am accepted, and loved by quite a few people, and how amazing that is.

TW: Hospitalizations, Suicide, Mental Health

On August 20th I was 5150ed for a Suicide attempt. While on the 72 hour hold, all I could do was write. I wanted to share what I wrote the first 10 hours I was there. I got there at like 1am and finished writing around 11am.

I don’t necessarily have a big message behind them. I just wanted to share what was going through my head at the time. Being alone in your head really makes you feel insane.

This is not my first time being in there for an attempt but it was the hardest one mentally.

Feeling really proud of this Moleskin Journal :))

Sorry for the bright colors, I may swap to an actual pen at some point 👀

TW: SUICIDE, HOSPITLIZATIONS, MENTAL HEALTH

CONTINUED

Being in there definitely was rough and I hated every minute of it, but it was exactly where I needed to be. I didn't have to like it; I just had to accept the fact that I was in there for my own safety.

These were my thoughts as I was slowly able to process all the thoughts that were going in my head.

Had it not been for the people that I met in there, Nurse Jane, and my therapist and psychiatrist, I wouldn't have been able to leave that place the way I did.

Now. Next step is to do ECT and just continue journaling as I get through this next big step in my life.

It is nice to be able to share these things somewhere, where I don't feel like I am shoving it down my friends and family's throat. For example, if you guys take the time to read this, it is because you wanted to, not because I forced you haha.

Hi everyone! I want to thank you guys for being so supportive and kind the last time I posted my journal pages here. I am safely home and doing much better mentally now, and I'd like to share this spread of what my journalling looks like right now :)

The quotes are from "Wine red" by The Hush Sound

i've been journaling for years but lately i've been doing something a bit different and i'm curious if other people do this too.

i'm in between projects right now and the ways i used to find work just aren't working anymore, so most mornings i sit down for 15-30 minutes with the same 5 questions from otto scharmer's theory u (it's a change/leadership method, not a journaling thing originally). before i start i do a 3 minute meditation, nothing serious, just sitting until my head is quiet. when i skip that part the writing stays shallow and i basically just complain on paper for half an hour lol.

the questions are:

1. Reality: What is actually happening in this situation, once I set aside my explanations and self-protective stories?
2. Signal: What am I noticing but have so far overlooked? What might this situation, customer, team, or my body be trying to tell me?
3. Letting go: What old pattern, fear, role, or need for control am I willing to let go of, at least temporarily?
4. Emerging future: If I were acting from the most mature version of myself six to twelve months from now, what would that future self invite me to say yes to?
5. Prototype: What is one small, reversible step I can take in the next 48 hours to test this?

what surprised me is how much question 1 does. half of what i write down as "the situation" turns out to be a story i've been telling myself and it kind of collapses the second i have to put it in plain words. and by question 3 i'm usually staring at the actual thing i'm stuck on, which is almost always more embarrassing than whatever i sat down thinking the problem was.

question 5 is the reason i keep coming back though. one small reversible step in the next 48 hours. it's small enough that i actually do it, and i close the notebook wanting to go do something instead of feeling vaguely worse, which is not how my journaling usually goes when i'm just free writing about being stuck.

honestly at this point i'm not sure what a coach would ask me that these 5 questions don't 😅

so, does anyone have other prompt sets like this? ideally something with an actual structure or method behind it, where the questions build on each other, rather than a random list of 30 prompts. would love to have a couple to rotate through.

If you had a journal meant specifically for writing to a future reader, aka your son/daughter whose mom you haven't met just yet, what would you write to them?

Do any of you ever think of what to write to your kids, or is it a strange thing?

here's a relatively innocuous page because i felt like sharing today :)