/r/dying needs new mods

[u/evange]

I started https://www.reddit.com/r/Dying/ to post my fiber arts projects (ie. tie dying), but it ended up that most of the posts were about terminal diagnosis, palliative care, etc. So someone had messaged and asked if it would be okay to officially change the meaning/direction of the subreddit. Which I was okay with.

However our content has evolved to almost entirely suicide posts. And I have no idea how to handle this, nor does our other mod.

Does anyone have any experience with this or feel it in their heart to take this on? It's a heavy subject and I don't have any formal training on suicide, palliative care, or death counselling so someone with that interest or skillset would be ideal.

[u/needamod-app]

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[u/eatmyasserole]

Theres a mod for r/chronicillness whos really good with this topic. Definitely not volunteering them, but they may have a suggestion for you. Let me go find their username.

[u/eatmyasserole → u/eatmyasserole]

Forgive me - it was r/chronicpain and u/djspacebunny

Pinging you DJSpaceBunny as we spoke once about a similar topic on ModSupport. You spoke about the necessity of having spaces about this type of topic (while doing it within Reddit's bounds). I thought you may have some guidance for these folks who dont seem to know where to start (which is fair because nor would I). If you dont, no worries, please forgive the ping.

All the best.

[u/djspacebunny → u/eatmyasserole]

Oh hello! Having suicide posts is a very tight line to walk when it comes to modding. It involves gray areas of the Reddit ToS. If people are discussing ways to commit suicide, you're probably gonna have a bad time with reddit removing posts. Discussing WANTING to die is ok though. We've found that letting people post about the want, but not the HOW, has prevented them from doing the actual deed. u/evange it is COMPLICATED AND DEPRESSING, but a vital service.

[u/Destruct-o-Bun → u/djspacebunny]

Excellent comment. It's a very common theme in psychiatric care that people will not share their thoughts around/desires to die with their healthcare provider because they fear being 'locked up'.

It is in fact a very healthy thing to talk about and not something you should be scared to discuss. You won't be shut away because you say you want to die. It is an incredibly common topic of conversation between patients and mental health professionals.

Outside of acute mental health crises, there are many people who are considering their impending death or even their far off in the future death. I have some significant disabilities and know where my lines are for where to withdraw care.

Speaking to many people over the years I think it's something everyone could benefit from. I've seen way too many friends and family confronted with Big Medical Questions and no idea what their loved one would want. 

It's morbid but tremendously beneficial to talk about these things in advance. It gives everyone a sense of clarity and control in a situation where there is none.

[u/evange → u/djspacebunny]

Would you be willing to add /r/dying to your moderator portfolio?

[u/cacille]

As a mod of vulnerable community groups, I would definitely recommend keeping the rules strictly against posts/comments about HOW to end oneself, and keep it more toward pallative, spiritual, medical (terminal diagnosis or whatnot) and estate planning type things. For those who are suicidal, direct them to r/suicidewatch, r/depression, or the super-support groups r/findapath or r/almosthomeless. (Those two are run with a type of clinical methodology the best I can do with reddit.)

For making a fiber arts group, r/tiedying or r/fiberdying might be a bit more pointed to the direction you wanted! I get it, I run r/skills intending on having a "show off your cool talent" group and it kept going straight into "career/marketable skills" instead of "talent show"! I shut it down, so it's good that you're reaching out to others to take over vs shutting it down like I have (temporarily. I just have a little too much on my plate for making that one a career skills group since I run like 5 career groups already! And i'd volunteer to join to help if it wasn't for that!)

I'd recommend your first rule be "Support and Kindness is Modus Operandi Here" if anything, just to put the group into a support group frame, and then Rule 2 would be "No threatening to end yourself, go to these groups for support: A / B. Legally, no Subreddit can have ending-life threats." This then puts the subreddit into a "talk about anything BUT ending oneself" mode.

Anyway, with good moderation policies and a few vulnerable-community-knowledgeable mods, you should be able to get the group under a handle-able amount of control that you feel comfortable with (or can leave in their hands.)

[u/venomsulker]

Hi, I am a terminal patient who has been a long time hoper that someone would need help with this sub. I have extensive mod experience and would create a full mod team to manage it.

Please take a look my profile and let me know!

[u/Psychedelia64]

I work in the legal field, deal often with end of life/estate planning, and have spent a fair share of my life actively or passively suicidal (thankfully don’t fall into either of those categories currently). I can’t claim to be any true expert, but I’m absolutely open to joining the team and helping out however I can! HMU if you’ve got any other questions or screening you’d like me to do first. 🫡

[u/Necessary-Badger3539]

I work in the legal industry and know a good deal about health, so im happy to help