Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/scp7WwfAyp

Hey Reddit! I came across this profile today and saw my previous post, along with all the messages from people asking for an update. Reddit won’t let me edit the original, so here we go.

Those random acts of h!tting me were, as many people predicted, just the tip of the iceberg. After reading the comments, I finally told him how much I hated it, and thankfully, the physical stuff stopped. Unfortunately, the mental torture got much worse.

A few months after the original incident, we were getting ice cream. He wanted to sit outside where there were a bunch of men sitting across from us. I told him I was uncomfortable, and he called me a f*cking princess because his mother and sisters apparently didn’t care.
We eventually sat inside. I told him to get one ice cream and I’d taste his before ordering mine. He started yelling at me in front of the waiter, telling him to get two because he was paying and he didn’t want me “acting cheap.” Each ice cream was literally less than a fkn dollar.
While we were eating, I mentioned that it was too cold and that I was on my period. I was playing with the ice cream with my spoon when he suddenly sm@cked my hand HARD and told me, “Don’t act like you’re about to faint.”
I just stared at him with tears in my eyes, and he immediately hit me with, “Oh yeah, play the f*cking victim now.”

I called an Uber and left. He told me I HAD to get into his car or we were done. I chose the Uber.
He said, “You’ve made your f*cking decision. I’m not talking to you anymore.”
I went toward his car anyway because clearly I had not yet developed a functioning brain, and he literally drove away saying I wasn’t getting in because I had already decided not to sit in his car.
I went home and kept texting him. The next day, he called and said we were done. I said okay.
Ten minutes later, he called crying and apologizing, saying he didn’t want to lose me, he saw a future with me, and all the usual “I’ll change” stuff.
But something had finally clicked. I remember thinking, I genuinely cannot marry this man.
And somehow, I still stayed for longer. 😭

A few months later, we were having lunch and got two completely different colored drinks. Mine was light green/yellow and his was DARK blue. This is important.
I told him mine was good, so he took a “sip.” When I lifted the straw, there was literally BLUE in my drink.
THIS MAN SP!T IN MY DRINK.
I confronted him and he said, “We kiss, what’s the difference?” Sir???? 😭

He then offered me his drink, and I took it just to avoid making a scene. He proceeded to sp!t in THAT one too. I literally watched the green liquid mix into the blue drink.
Then came the gaslighting: apparently I was overreacting.
Eventually, I left him. And yes, I know. Eventually. Please don’t come for me. 😭
The biggest reason I was scared to leave was because I had lost my v!rginity to him. He was my first, and I genuinely believed that because I had already given him that part of me, I somehow had to stay.
Meanwhile, this man was treating my money like community property. One salary day, he went shopping and picked up perfume, underwear, deodorant, floss and about 47 other things. I asked for my money back and somehow got shamed for it.

I was also saving for a car. He had barely saved anything, but suggested we use MY savings to buy HIM a car first and get mine a few months later.
I declined this excellent investment opportunity.
Eventually, he started talking about his marriage timeline and asking me to wait SEVEN YEARS. By then, I was completely detached. I told him no and walked away.
It’s been over a month since I ended things. A few days ago, he literally moved NEXT DOOR, wanted to “catch up,” and then asked me for 90k as a loan.
Obviously, I said no. Apparently I finally developed survival instincts. 😭

Honestly, I’m completely moved on now, and looking back, I can laugh at a lot of this sh!t.
But I really want anyone reading this to take one thing from my story: please don’t stay with someone just because you’re attached to them, because you’ve invested years into them, or because you think you’ve already given them too much of yourself.
I once read a quote that said, “The longer you stay on a train going away from home, the harder it is to get back.”
And I GET IT NOW.

The further you go past your station, the more expensive the journey back becomes.
I’m just glad I finally got off the damn train.
I’m sharing this because so many people asked for an update, and if even one person reads this and realizes they’re allowed to leave, then I’m glad I did.

TL;DR: He went from randomly h!tting me and humiliating me to gaslighting me, sp!tting in my drinks, trying to control me, and treating my money like his. I stayed because he was my first and I was scared that losing my v!rginity to him meant I had to stay. Eventually I detached, left, and realized I could never marry him. Now I’m completely moved on, he literally lives next door, and somehow his first request was a 90k loan. 😭

Four years ago I was a newlywed when I found out my brother and (now ex) wife were having an affair. It started the day before we got married and was about seven weeks in when I found out about it because my brother's (now ex) wife went through his phone and found their texts and she approached me with them. I checked my ex's phone and it was 100% confirmed. Ex-SIL and I confronted them together and they promised it would never happen again but we both divorced their asses. My brother and ex-SIL had kids together but thankfully me and my ex did not.

I refused to have anything more to do with my brother or my ex. I told my parents I would never ask them to choose but their relationship with us had to be separate now. They were upset and they told me they understood but believed I would calm down eventually.

My brother and ex are in a very on and off relationship and they have a one year old son together. From what I have heard there has been so much shit between them. Both have attempted to contact me over the last three years but I have refused to entertain either of them. I never want anything to do with either of them again and I stand by it.

This is why, now that I'm remarrying, I have not invited either. My fiancée supports this 100% and she doesn't want my brother or ex there either. My parents have however decided that a line should be drawn now that I moved on and I should be willing to be a family again because I never met my brother and ex's child and have denied them the chance to have their family all in one room. They also said a wedding is supposed to include the whole family. I told them it does, because that asshole is no longer my family.

Now my parents have decided they won't come unless I invite my brother. I'm standing on business that he's not welcome and neither is my ex who would be there if he gets an invite. They weren't expecting it so they keep reminding me they won't come but they sound less sure each time and I'm questioning if having them in my life brings enough value to be worth all this. I know they'll start some bullshit when I have kids about knowing their uncle or some shit and that's going to be a hell no from me.

So I want relationship advice because my parents using their attendance to make me invite my brother is making me reconsider our relationship.

I lost my virginity to my bf about 2 weeks ago. We've been together since, and he's a bit more experienced than me, so I'm still figuring things out.

Lately, whenever we have sex, I get this pressure in my lower stomach which makes me feel like I need to pee. It usually comes on pretty quickly and gets uncomfortable enough that I ask him to slow down or stop. The whole feeling of needing to pee has also started affecting other sexual things, not just sex. Even when l'm receiving other kinds of touching, I get worried that the same feeling will come up, so l usually end up focusing on him instead. I do enjoy giving him attention, but I would like to be able to relax and receive sometimes too.

He gets frustrated when I ask him to slow down or stop, which I do understand because I've been doing it a lot lately. I just hate feeling like I'm constantly interrupting things. I do orgasm from other kinds of touching, but this feeling doesn't feel like pleasure to me at all. It genuinely just feels like I need to pee, and once I get that feeling, I can't relax because I'm worried I might actually pee.

He says he doesn't care if I pee on him, but I would honestly be so embarrassed if that happened.

Has anyone else experienced this? Why does this happen, and is there anything I can do to stop getting this feeling? Would it be worth seeing a gynecologist about it?

Ok, hear me out on this.
It's my first post ever on Reddit, so it might be a little messy, but I don't know to who I should ask for advice. sorry in advance, English is not my first language ofc.

Me (22f) and my bf (21f) hit the 2 years together a couple weeks ago, but we've been together on and off for 5 years.

we debated for a LONG time if we should actually go or not go live together. we made an attempt last year, but it failed bc he said "it was too difficult to find a house that allows 2 cats". fair tbh, but I had to leave my home anyways, so I found one by myself that allowed my cats.
i have to admit he did a great sacrifice bc he moved city for me and found a job in the city I wanted to live in, but couple weeks later he was the one telling me he didn't wanted to look for a place together anymore so I found a solution just for me and my cats.

I found it strange tbh, but from that point on he started resenting me and mostly my cats for founding a place alone.

fast forward to now: my contract with my landlord ended, so I asked him to try again.

I told him to choose whatever made him feel more comfortable. Moving to another city? totally fine. A rent more expensive? that's ok, sign me in.

The only thing I explicitly asked was to take my cats with me. They are MY responsibility and I want to take care of them. he wouldn't had the need to worry for them anyways, I was and I still am taking care of everything from the vet to the food. they lived all their lives in apartments, so they are comfortable in little spaces.

He told me about one apartment, that now is temporarily rented by his uncle (45m) bc he's doing some work done in his actual house.

My bf's uncle wanted to leave the apartment all paid to my bf bc the landlord is a family friend. the only thing is that landlord doesn't accept pets.
still I can't figure out the problem, bc in my country is illegal to decline the rent to someone who own any kind of pet JUST bc they have a pet to begin with. like, if I was the perfect candidate and he turned me down just for me having a cat, I would drag them to court.
this applies to full yard houses and tinies apartments/flats. and we're not talking about a home in a big big city; we are talking about the country side, a place where NOBODY wants to live by their own will.

okay, im being dramatic, but u get the idea.

today my bf came up w this other option: another house that, counted all the possible expenses, rent and stuff, will end up costing over 4000 euros. he told me that if I wanted the cats so badly I had to cover the entire sum by my self.

i obviously told him that was insane, and he went on with "ok, then choose, I can't go live with someone so irresponsible to choose their cats over their partner. u want to stay with me or u choose ur cats? if u choose those animals I will break up with u."
He really didn't said "animals", he said a word that in my language goes even under that meaning, more leaning to the word beasts. then he added "u threat them like those beasts would care anyway if u stayed or not"
i was STUNNED.
i cried, bc all that conversation made me anxious, and I told him he was being unfair and cruel making me choose. he told me he wasn't, he was just "making sure I made the right choice".

For a little bit of context, my cats are my absolute rock. I have an insane amount of love for them, they helped me keep my sanity through pure hell. I won't disclose anything bc I'm new and I don't really know how much I can explain, but let me just say that my love for them it's THAT deep.

now I'm crying non stop bc even the though of leaving them w someone else its tearing me apart, the feeling of not seeing them as the first thing in the morning and the last as I go to bed is horrendous. and is more horrendous that the one I love the most is making me choose don't caring I'm feeling so damn lost. every time I come home they literally wait for me to open the door and climb on me, how could these beasts not care for my presence?
now, what would u do? I'm being dramatic?

EDIT: ok this is actually overwhelming 😭
Let me say, thank u to everyone who took the time to comment; and no, I won't give up my babies.
It's pretty pathetic to admit that sometimes I feel so detached from reality that I can't figure out if the situation is as bad as I was feeling it.
thanks for every wake up call, harsh or gentle that was. I'm trying to answer the best I can, but please mind that even if it sounds so easy to leave the relationship, is still really hard to process that he doesn't actually care for me or for what's important to me.

thank u again to y'all, I'm reading (and sometimes giggling) to everyone of u <3

​

So to start, i have no issue with men crying or showing emotion. Its normal and its healthy so this is not me having an issue with the fact he cried because he is a man.

The situation started because we were at a pub, sharing some food, we had ordered halloumi fries, there was an even amount. He offered me half of one of his halloumi fry, i refused and said its okay as we have an even amount. I also dont always like to share in this way for two reasons

1: i have a particular thing about sharing equally, maybe its a growing with siblings thing, an autism thing idk but sometimes i feel guilty if it feels like i've had more, i have told him this, so unless there is an abundance of it i prefer an even split.

2: sometimes he will use it as a way to do a lady and the tramp style kiss which will sometimes lead into a makeout, which which can be cute at times i don't always like to do it because texture, taste, ect and i have told him this.

He said he just wanted to do something romantic, and i replied that sharing a halloumi fry isn't really romantic its just a nice gesture. Nice gestures aren't romance.

This is where he started to get worked up. He asked what i meant, and i just repeated that doing nice things for eachother isn't a romantic gesture. Maybe in the initial dating phase it is, but when you're official its just a nice thing you do for your partner.

Then he started breathing heavier and his eyes got watery, i asked if he was okay, he said "yeah but you're basically saying the romance is dead."

This baffled me and i tried to keep a straight face because i was a little irritated about how it was escalating. I then asked him what he thought romance was. He said doing nice things for eachother and being affectionate. I said thats just the base of any healthy relationship. And the issue here is that we just have different definitions of romance.

He started crying more, repeating that I was implying to romance was dead and kept trying to put his head on my shoulder and cuddle into me.

The issue with that is:

1 we were in a booth

2 he was trying to put his head on the front of my shoulder, we are the same height which means in order to accommodate this i have to lean back in the booth which makes us both look drunk

3 because he looked drunk the security guard stopped to check we were okay and told us to go easy on the drinks.

I told him he had to sit up otherwise we will be kicked out/barred for being to intoxicated. He sat up, and asked if i was telling him that because i was mad.

He then did it a second time while asking if he ruined the vibe right as the security guard circled back to bring the second security guard to point us out. I told him no but that he really needed to sit up.

After a few minutes of reassuring him and helping him to calm down, he ofc calmed down, stopped crying and acted like nothing had happened. He went to the toilet and at that point I started looking at transport to get us back to mine, he sulked a little and tried to cling onto me again in the same fashion as before and got upset again when i told him he had to sit up. But we got home fine.

My sister said that while she understands why i felt it was a little irrational, going home immediately after was probably an overreaction/made it worse whereas my mom thinks it was completely okay to leave.

I was overwhelmed, i was already irritated by a few other personal things that were going on, plus to top off just getting over period cramps and a migraine. He knew this. We had gone out to relax. Which was nice.

I can acknowledge that my tone at points could have come across as a bit too neutral/irritated. But in that moment I didn't really know how to deal with the crying aside from tell him to take deep breaths and reassure him that we were fine and not breaking up and the romance wasn't dead. I knew he was a more sensitive person but i didn't think something like this would be enough to have him crying in public. I didn't come from an emotional, cry over things family, and partlt because of my autism i don't process emotional outbursts well (explination not excuse. I usually have a handle on it but even i can get caught off guard.) and if you were crying it was something big. Because of that, the concept of crying over something that i see as this small, (i understand it was big enough to him) seems irrational to me. I don't want to dismiss his feelings, but at the same time i can't understand his perspective when it was a simple matter easily fixed by explaining our definitions of romance and realising we had different definitions. And moving on. But i didn't like that he put words in my mouth especially as he only got himself more worked up over it.

Question :

How do i talk to him about this without dismissing his emotions? How could i have dealt with this better? I don't want to tell him he was irrational, because I'm not in his head but i feel like i have to be more careful in how i talk to him. Was i undersensitive? Was he over sensitive? Was it both?

CONTEXT:

ive seen some comments asking about the security guards. Its a wetherspoons, a chain pub, very common in the uk. They have security on Fridays and weekends though some have them all week if its a busy area. Cheap alcohol, cheap food, but good spots.

38M 37F. Married 11 years. Together 22 years.

My wife and I have been together 22 years. We got together at 16 and have been each others only sexual partners.

She's always been more reserved than me and a bit of a pillow princess but over time it's substantially increased and it's got to the point that I don't even really want to have sex with her because it's so boring.

As long as she gets hers she has no interest in doing anything else. Our sex life basically revolves around me giving her oral sex and us have sex in either rmissionary or prone bone as they are the only positions she likes as she doesn't like any that require work. She doesn't like giving oral sex and hand jobs are given with such low effort that it's impossible for me to cum. Lingerie doesn't exist, toys only exist to help her orgasm.

Before I get crucified in the comments - I am very much a giving partner, I love making her cum and I make sure it's always a good experience for her. I also am in very good shape and I'm not unattractive - I regularly get hit on.

I've tried talking about this over the years but nothing has really changed. As far as she is concerned she is satisfied so there aren't any issues. I've always been too much of a coward to address it properly.

I know I need to be honest and really spell out how much of an issue this is but I just see no way to do this without ending the marriage. Imagine your partner telling you that they are completely unsatisfied and nothing short of a complete change would work to fix things. I don't think I have ever actively felt desired by her. I see amateur porn and couples look so much like they are enjoying themselves and like they want to be doing these things and I just almost can't comprehend how that feels.

I just don't know how to resolve this but I just can't face the idea of spending the rest of my life like this, but equally I don't want to destroy my life and my children's lives for the sake of having good sex. Can anyone suggest a path that might help resolve this?

TL;Dr. Sex bad. Always been bad. Don't know if it's possible to fix.

I was at a company party and everyone was drinking, I drank a little but not enough to be considered “wasted”, I left early at around 10:30 and spent the rest of the night at home.

I get a text message at 12:30 at night from my boss, asking me where I was, what I was doing, if I was still out and other stuff, I kept trying to tell him he has the wrong number and trying to end the conversation to which he replied that he found me hot, I would like to mention that night he slapped my ass when I said goodbye to my team but I thought it was an accident but slowly realized maybe not.

I ask for an opinion from my coworker who I trusted, my mom and my boyfriend who told me I need to report it to my higher-up even if it “wasn’t that bad” or that he was intoxicated because it wasn’t an excuse even if he was impaired. I have been crying a lot because of what happened, I feel really horrible and terrible and have been struggling with what happened because of a lot of trauma. The next day I spoke to my higher up who said he would talk to him about it 1-on-1 but also agreed he drank too much and wasn’t ok.

Today I talked to my manager who I felt I could trust about the situation because I am considering moving to his team because I felt uncomfortable to which he said I shouldn’t of talked to my higher-up and should of had a 1-on-1 with my boss on why it wasn’t ok because I possibly will get him in a lot of trouble or fired, and how company parties always lead to something happening because everyone is drunk and that I slightly overreacted by talking to the higher-ups and pulled a “I don’t think I can be around you on a friendly personal level because what if you did the same thing to me.” Yet also saying I did “good and was in my right”.

I feel terrible, I feel a lot of regret and just a lot of pain and a horrible feeling like it’s all my fault and I made something bad and I’m starting to regret what I did and should of not said anything?

Old post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/krIdP4L21g

It’s been 2 months since i last posted tbh so many things happened i just wanted to get away from everything and take a break to work on myself and i want to say ty for all the people who gave me their thoughts and advices.

After so many people told me it’s best to talk to her or go through her phone i thought it was the best to go through her phone since i knew i wouldn’t get much of her if i confront her, the first time i tried to open her phone she changed the password which was weird since we both don’t change it without telling each other for like a sign of trust but i didn’t want to let her know that im gonna go through her phone so she won’t hide anything if she had something in there so one day i was at her house we were watching a movie and just chilling after it was done she said she had to go shower and left her phone there i took the chance and went downstairs and told her older sister if she knows the password because i need to make a call and surprisingly she did and when i saw what she had in there still makes me wanna throw up to this day

She had her best friend’s husband instagram and when i went through her DMs i was shocked they weren’t only flirting but seting and even sending n\des to each other i was speechless for a while i didn’t even know what to do and just stared at the wall for a few minutes until i thought about her best friend too she deserved to know about it so i took some pics of the texts and went out and called her best friend to meet me*

We went somewhere quite and honestly it was the worst moment of my life it was the first time i was scared and broken,too shocked to even say anything she realized it and kept telling me what’s wrong until i showed her the pics i took and she looked like she would pass out for a while she just sat there quietly and just crying I’ve never felt that for anyone i mean yeah she was my gf and all but for her it was her husband

After i tried to calm her down a little we talked about about what we should do and i told her you should divorce him asap and don’t stay with any longer than you have too she said i don’t think i can when i asked why she said that for a few days she’s been having symptoms that could indicate pregnancy and if that was true getting a divorce would be very hard because she can’t take care of a child on her own but she said she would take some pregnancy tests and hope for the best

After that i finally confronted my gf(ex gf now)about everything on the phone i didn’t even wanted to see her face anymore and i didn’t want to do anything after that day too so i just quit my job and went out of town and went to live with my uncle for these past 2 months

And after a few weeks my ex’s best friend told me that the test came out negative and she wasn’t pregnant and honestly im glad she wasn’t no child deserve to have a cheater father nor does a cheater deserve to be a parent

And now im doing much better thanks for all the people who took their time to give m an advice and asked about how i was doing

But i still think about it and think could i have done that better ? I felt like i rushed it a lot and ran away from that situation and left my ex’s best friend alone to deal with it im gonna go check up on her since im back at the town and hopefully she’s doing well too.

So I have been dating my Girlfriend for almost 2 years at this point. We met trough a mutual friend three years ago. We became friendsans after a bit over a year we started dating. The relationship has been going great and we really love eachother. Sex has also been great. We have it regularly and enjoy it both very much. Something to note is, that I am white and she is black. Anyway two weeks ago she admitted she wanted to be degraded during sex and it has been a longstanding fantasy of hers. She specifically emphasized the fact she wanted me to use racial slurs. I was taken aback, but willing to try it out regardless. I did my best to fulfill her wish and she was really into it. Afterwards she told me, that it was the best sex she ever had. The problem tough is, that i felt really uncomfortable degrading her by using racial slurs. It just felt wrong and I mostly pretended to enjoy it. She has since tried multiple times to initiate, but I have come up with various excuses to not engage in sexual intimacy. She has been getting a bit suspicious and self conscious (she got cheated on twice in the past.). I want to tell her the truth, but she really enjoyed it and I'm not sure how to proceed. So I want to know how I should tell her, that I'm uncomfortable with using racial slurs during sex.

Tldr: My girlfriend wants me to continue use racial slurs during sex. I didn't enjoy having to use them and have been avoiding intimacy since. What would be the best wa to tell her this.

I can't stand the sight of my wife anymore. She has always been controlling, jealous and giving unsolicited advise (but she was always my partner, lifted me up and we were a great team so I thought it was a fair trade) but these last months have been hell.

She nitpicks EVERY thing I do, even though I've told her countless times it bothers me and that I changed several attitudes of mine that bothered HER, so it wasn't too much to ask to tone it down a little. She still does it ALL THE TIME. I'm starting to get angry at her and my fuse is shorter, and I really don't want to be rude to her, but it's getting harder and harder to keep my composure.

She's a backseat driver, giving unsolicited advise, so much I stopped driving entirely because it's gotten so fucking annoying and I'm afraid I'll snap (we almost crashed once because of it, but she kept doing it)

She's taking meds, going to the pyschiatrist (so am I), but things are getting worse and worse, not better. We used to have sex all the time, now it's once a month or less, and it seems forced, I stopped initiating entirely because it feels like she's doing it against her will and I can't stand it.

I really loved kissing her randomly, caressing her body, but that is gone too, we have zero intimacy (she says "I love you" all the time but I'm pretty sure it's Tourette's at this point because it doesn't feel like it), last night she touched my back when I was sleeping and it made me angry and I pretended I was sleeping (I did not want her to touch me).

I took over ALL the bills for more than two years because her mental health didn't let her work (my mental health was in shambles as well, but we had to eat so I kept working two jobs).

I couldn't afford to stop working after MAJOR surgery, but I thought that as a man it was my duty to take care of her when she was down, even if it meant at the cost of my own health. And so I did.

But it seems like all that didn't matter, and that hurts so bad. It feels like it's never enough. I cook (she was a "tradwife" from a religious family, so she always took pride in taking care of her man, but she stopped doing that too, she got MAD if I tried to clean, since I'm a good cook cooking was OK, I guess?), fix everything around the house, do the dishes, walk the dog, feed the dog, work, listen to her vent when she's mad, take care of her, but she still finds a way to piss me off when I'm just minding my own business, like my contributions don't matter.

I'm growing our business on instagram, but instead of helping me, filming, engaging with my content, she doesn't even like my posts (but she's on social media all day), I asked her to film me because I wanted a certain flow and it would really add to the video, and she said "use a tripod".

The only time I feel noticed is when a girl looks at me or talks to me, she perks her ears up and gets mad and aggressive. But what does she get so jealous about if she doesn't even want to sleep with me?

I've wanted to end things for a while now, but I didn't feel it was right to leave her to her own luck since she was so vulnerable, but now she's got a part-time job and her mom can help her if she needs to (she lives in another state, but they've gotten closer, so she won't be alone)

One last thing, her mom stayed a month at our house, I treated her well, talked with her, was a good host, but when my mom comes to see me she makes a face like she's sucking on a lemon and it pisses me off so much. One of my core values is fairness and it seems like my realtionship is so unbalanced, you know?

I've told her this, I've told her EVERYTHING that bothered me several times (I was a bit rude during some of these talks, I admit it, but I never claimed to be perfect)

I cried in my bed 2 times, I'm feeling like I'm becoming a sad man, and I don't want my life to be like that. But I don't know what to do. Maybe she's cheating on me, but I don't care, it would make things easier for me.

How to even have a conversation like this? I feel completely alone even though she's with me all the time.

If you read this post, thank you. I felt good writing this, it feels good to get this off my chest. I know that we are never the villains in our own story, and I certainly must have done some questionable things that have helped lead to her current state, but I can't see it, I have always tried to be my best version for her.

So if you also have any questions about that we can figure it out.

Basic info

• Me: 21F
• Boyfriend: 26M
• Relationship: 1 year
• Long-distance relationship: Slovakia ↔ Germany

Situation

I’m 21F and my boyfriend is 26M. We have been together for 1 year and currently have a long-distance relationship, as he lives in Germany and I live in Slovakia. I’m planning to move to Germany to be closer to him.

The problem is that my boyfriend still lives with his mother.

Originally, his mother was supposed to move out, which would have allowed my boyfriend and me to eventually live together. However, her circumstances changed. She lost her job, was scammed out of around €2,000, and had surgery in July, so she ended up staying.

I recently stayed with my boyfriend for about 6 weeks. During the first week, his mother wasn't there, and everything between my boyfriend and me worked really well. We cooked, cleaned, spent time together, and generally had no major issues living together.

When his mother came back, however, I started noticing that she had quite different expectations about how I should behave in the household.

Some examples:

• She thinks I hang laundry incorrectly because I don't use clothespins, even though the clothes don't come out wrinkled.
• She didn't like me making myself lunch around 12–2 PM, even though I asked beforehand if I could use the kitchen and pan. I usually make something simple like gyoza or ham because I don't eat very large meals. She would cook dinner later, but I sometimes didn't eat much because I didn't particularly like the food. My boyfriend thinks I shouldn't make myself lunch if I'm not going to eat much of her dinner.
• She complained that I buy too many yogurts. I found them for €0.35 each and bought 3–4 because they're an inexpensive and convenient food that I like having available.
• She thinks I own too many personal care products. I have shampoo, conditioner, body wash, bath salts, lotion, skincare products, etc. None of these are particularly expensive or unusual, but apparently she considers the amount excessive.
• My boyfriend has told me that he grew up very poor and sometimes didn't have enough food, whereas I grew up more middle-class. Because of this, some of my habits apparently come across as spoiled or wasteful to him.

There are also things about his mother that bother me, such as leaving dirt around the broom, leaving the garbage bin open, and being extremely loud. However, I mostly kept those things to myself because I was a guest in her home and didn't feel it was my place to criticize how she runs her household.

The part that concerns me most is something my boyfriend keeps repeating:

His mother can kick me out whenever she wants.

I know that this is technically true because it is her home. I'm not arguing about her legal right to decide who lives there.

My concern is what this means for me if I actually move to Germany.

I would be moving to another country partly to build a life with my boyfriend. I don't want to end up in a situation where I depend on him and his mother for housing while constantly feeling that I could be kicked out if I do something his mother dislikes.

My boyfriend and I generally get along very well when we're alone. The majority of the conflict during my six-week stay seemed to come from living in his mother's household and having different expectations about food, cleaning, personal belongings and daily routines.

I understand that I'm the one entering their household, so I don't expect everything to be done according to my preferences. I'm willing to compromise and respect reasonable household rules.

However, I don't know where the line should be between respecting the homeowner's rules and having to constantly change normal parts of my daily life to avoid upsetting her.

What I need advice on

I don't want a moral judgment about whether his mother is a "bad person," and I'm not looking for people to simply tell me to break up with my boyfriend.

I want practical advice about the situation I'm actually facing:

If you were moving to another country to live with your partner while their parent was still living in the home, what specific boundaries, agreements and backup plans would you establish before moving? How would you approach your partner about housing security and expectations within the household, and what would you consider a reasonable arrangement before making the move?

I would especially appreciate advice from people who have moved countries for a relationship or have lived with their partner's parents.

TL;DR

I'm 21F planning to move from Slovakia to Germany to be with my 26M boyfriend. He still lives with his mother, who was originally supposed to move out but is now staying due to financial and personal circumstances. I stayed with them for 6 weeks and discovered that his mother has very different expectations about food, laundry, shopping and personal belongings. My boyfriend repeatedly reminds me that she can kick me out whenever she wants. I want to know how to handle the situation before moving countries, particularly regarding boundaries, household expectations, financial independence and a backup housing plan.

After 7+ years together my partner (36M) and I (37F) talked about getting married and decided it was something we wanted to do. I designed the ring (I wanted to) and he planned a nice trip out of picking it up since it was made in another city.

He never officially proposed, which I didn’t mind since we are not super traditional and I was just excited about my ring and how much I adore him. Unfortunately some of the women in my life (friends and family both) made comments about how he never did. A few of them asking multiple times if he was planning to officially propose and why not, and being generally negative about it. This had me feeling less excited for a bit. I then decided to let their comments go and be happy and secure in my self and our partnership (which I am). I have no interest in him getting down on one knee personally.

Recently, other couples in our friend group have also gotten engaged, which we’ve all expressed excitement and happiness for. Both of which had "proper" proposals.

Then in our group chat this week someone says “that’s three of us couples getting engaged this year!", and one of the ladies asked who the third couple was (it's clearly fiancé and I) and when told it was us replied that while true, it “wasn’t really the same will you marry me vibe". Newly engaged person liked her comment (after saying she was also wondering who the third engagement was). 

For the record I was extremely excited when I showed everyone the ring earlier in the year. It is 100% clear that it's an engagement ring and we plan on getting married, however are not having a large wedding reception due to saving money to buy a place, and not wanting the stress of planning one (which sounds like my nightmare tbh). The person making these comments even asked to be present when we do get married at one point (in case there was any doubt of them knowing about planned marriage).

​Worth mentioning fiancé was friends with everyone first, but I've known them and been friends with everyone most of our relationship.

​My Question: 

Is it really so different if he didn’t officially propose?

I'm feeling pretty hurt and like these people may not be the friends I thought they were. I would never invalidate someone I care about like this, but it's entirely possible I’m being too sensitive.

EDIT:

Want to clarify that I am 100% happy with not having a proposal in the traditional sense (I think it happened when we took trip to pick up the ring personally). I also have never put much thought into having a wedding and decided I did not want the cost and stress of organizing one, which he definitely agrees with. Neither of us likes to be the centre of attention either. Everyone is aware of this.

--

TL/DR:

Some people around me don’t think my engagement counts the same as theirs since there wasn't an official/traditional proposal (in their opinion)​ and we aren't having a large wedding reception like they have or likely will.

My cousin and I were close when we were small kids like 8 and younger but families grew apart but we always stayed in touch somewhat. Both of our parents and grandparents have passed away so us and our siblings are the only ties we have to that side of the family now.

Now there were a couple of things that happened between us as small children when staying with our grandparents. It was mainly just childhood curiosity and playing alone together led to us rubbing each other on private parts. This would’ve been at maybe 5 years old. I have never talked to anyone about it and never brought it up to my cousin. I don’t know if he remembers this or not and really don’t want to bring it up.

I feel like the awkward comments really started in our 20s or adult years. He has made weird comments even telling my friends that he met that his girlfriend looked like me. He’s made jokes about my bfs p*nis probably being smaller than his own and recently made a comment about me wearing a bikini and how he hasn’t ever seen me in one and this was in front of his friend. I didn’t know how to respond to any of this and have always just said you’re being weird.

His weird comments have made me withdraw from my family gatherings and I’m no longer close with any of my cousins really. Even when he invites me to hang out with him and his new
girlfriend he is usually drinking and I’m just uncomfortable. I don’t know if it’s even worth trying to work on this relationship.

How can I go about keeping a relationship with the little bit of family that I have without being uncomfortable?

TLDR; my cousin is making weirdly suggestive jokes and comments toward me. Not sure how to handle the situation.

I 27M have been dating my old boss 29F for the past 4 months after we had been working together for the past 3.5 years. I was fired from my job for getting a DUI and have been unemployed since (but have been actively applying). I saw her again at her birthday party I was invited to and we shared an uber (we live close to one another) and she asked me to stay over and we hooked up that night. As my old boss, she knew why I was let go, and she was going through a rough time of her own, cancer scare, a hard breakup with her ex the year before, and two failed smaller relationships.

At first, we knew it was more of a FWB situation, but also agreed not to tell anyone as I still have close to personal ties to my old company and she didn’t want anyone to question her professionalism. From the start, we would spend so much time together (whole days at a time) that it eventually became a situationship and we mutually agreed to make it exclusive. She was always more hesistant as she said she felt numb from her being on antidepressants (she had ADHD, depression, bipolar disorder, and anxiety), but that I definitely have improved her life, but she’s still working through her past trauma. Then one night, after drinking, she told me she loved me. I told her in the moment that I want her to tell me that for the first time when she was sober and we’ll talk about it in the morning. In the morning, she said it again and I said it back (as she was the girl that I had a major crush on my whole time working with her, but never tried crossing that line as we were colleagues).

From that point, I would help make furniture that she couldn’t make as she felt it was the person she was dating job, I also brought over a tower fan as her apartment is quite hot, fixed things around her place that was in obvious disrepair without her telling me to, bought her a microwave, and actively helping her pursue hobbies that she had always wanted to try but didn’t get around to them. I also started introducing her to my friends and family, and she started talking about me to her family (except her dad as she said she doesn’t really tell him about everyone who’s she is dating), and her therapist.

Any day we were apart she would text me she misses me and that I’ve treated her the best that anyone she has ever dated has treated her. I then started to help her with rent as she was in massive credit card debt and was almost broke (even though she makes over 6 figures). I even helped her come up with a plan to get out of debt within a year and she said that everyone always talked about helping her, but never did.

With the way things were progressing, I offered to plan out a trip to NYC as our first vacation together and I would cut her a good deal on the amount she pay for her share and she said “yes”.

About a week before the trip, we were cuddling and she eventually said that I was her bf in a passing remark. I reminded her that I didn’t have a gf, but I was ready for the label if she was. She then told me to ask her and she emphatically said “yes.”

We then go to NYC a week later and the cracks in the relationship are very apparent. We argue over her luggage (she didn’t know the difference between a checked bag, carry-on, and personal item and packed 2 checked bags when she only had one and then also a personal item), as I’m trying to figure it out with the airline, I lose my temper and continue the argument (never yelled or cursed at her) to which she says “I wish I never came.” I told her that her statement really offended me after all my planning and we mutually apologized. Later in the trip, she was going to reconnect with her cousin who lives in NYC and meet up with me later. As I have friends who live in NYC, I use the time to see them and eagerly tell them about her and everyone is excited to meet her, but she gets blackout drunk and stays at her cousins place after an unsuccessful attempt of them finding some cocaine and doesn’t answer any of my texts or tell me what’s she was going to do other than meet up with me later. Unable to tell everyone where my gf is throughout t e night, and then repeatedly asking as they continue to drink, it embarrasses me and I tell her that when she returns to the hotel at 4:30 a.m. and that no gf of mine should ever disrespect me that way and we go back to sleep.

Eventually we reconcile and she says that she’ll appreciate me more and that she loves me. We have a great day after that and I think everything is fine.

The last night comes and I want to go to something with my friends, but she wants to explore the city more so we agree to do things separately and she’ll hangout with her cousin again (it was primarily, from my pov, my gf’s fault we couldn’t explore more as she would sleep in and take 2.5 hrs to get ready pushing us to the late afternoon/early evening before we could do anything).

The night happens and she said she’s having fun, but will go home early to rest. I’m out till midnight with my friends as we went to a show, and I keep her updated of my plans and she is texting me too, but before I leave in the morning, I decide to stay out later and teach my friends how to ride a bike, and she says she’s staying out late with her cousin too since I’m still out.

I make it back to the hotel at 4:30 and she doesn’t get back till about 15 mins later. She’s exhausted, but is hungry and attempts to order food but is having problems ordering as she is drunk so she asks me to help. While helping she falls asleep and I see a text notification from an unknown number saying “I already miss you.” I think that’s weird as she had her cousins name listed when she showed me before and I see that she spent the day with someone other than her cousin. I try to find out who it is in a search of messages and it reveals more than I wish it did.

I see old screenshots from a couple weeks before the trip from her previous ex who moved to NYC abruptly right before we hooked up and she told me she never really got closure. He said that he missed her and she said that she was coming to NYC and maybe they could see each other. I then find other texts from her friends at work (who I thought were also my friends) where she talks about how I’m definitely not her type, I was supposed to be temporary, but from the way I treat her, I won her over and she decided to give me a shot. I also see a text where she says says she would feel bad if she sees him because it would require lying to me, and her friend says not to do it, but that since I’m not her bf, she doesn’t owe me anything. I then see a text from her mother where her mother praises me, but says that it’s a shame that I’m young and unemployed (my gf has stated that I’m the first man younger than her to date her and the previous ex was 40), and still live with my parents.

We have to fly back home now, and as I try to be a good person, I haven’t said anything and controlled myself and chose to confront her once I get her safely back to her place. She doesn’t know what I know but I have been crying and despondent as I feel so hurt, betrayed, and empty so she knows something is up. Idk how to confront her or if this is salvageable or if how I feel is even warranted as this is the first girl I’m genuinely in love with and tried my hardest to treat well, especially since she also owes me $3k after all the loans I’ve given her. I’m so lost and any advice or kind words would be appreciated.
I’m pretty sure they didn’t have sex as I saw her location was out in public the whole night, but idk what else happened. All I can think about are the last few text messages they sent to each other saying “my door will always be open to you and they miss each other.

My girlfriend (F30) abruptly broke up with me (M29) about halfway through a vacation after giving me no indication anything was wrong. Up until that night we were affectionate, taking pictures, laughing, making future plans, and spending time with my family. Then after dinner one night, I got out of the shower to find her bags packed. She told me she didn’t think we were long-term compatible, had already booked a flight home, and was staying at another hotel.

This was the first time she had ever raised any concerns about our relationship. When I asked what was wrong, she initially gave vague answers and said she didn’t want me to change because the issues were part of my personality. The next morning she sent me a long message explaining that during the trip she had become bothered by things like me slightly talking too much, not being generous enough financially with others, and several other smaller things that added up for her.

She said she didn’t want to work on the issues because she believed they were fundamentally who I am (even though she omitted a lot of key details in her reasoning). I understand that she’s entitled to feel incompatible with me, but what I’m struggling to understand is why she never communicated any of these concerns before deciding to end the relationship, especially when we had always emphasized communication when things got hard. And if she was already having serious doubts, why go on such a big trip and continue acting completely normal right up until the breakup?

Is this something worth fixing? And should I or should I not respond back to her long text message?

I’m pretty disappointed because I liked her a lot, and met her entire family, almost all her friends, and went to plenty of family and close friend events too. She met most of my family and friends as well. Her parents met my mom too. Everyone really liked each other.

*Update at the end*

Hi
My M26' girlfriend F24 and i are together for almost 4 years. We are a long distance couple, so i see her on the weekends. All this time we never had a big or serious fight until now

In the summer of this year, she met new people on discord. She has friends in her area too but often plays and spends online time with them. She then decided to meet up with them for a weekend. It was fine for me as i trusted her and assumed they were a big group and girls where there too. She was very distant tho, and one evening she wrote me nothing from 6pm all the way to the next morning. I assumed the worst, i was worried about her

Then she texted me the next morning and told me she just forgot the time and was terribly sorry. But this behavior cut a deep scar into me. I always call her no matter which party im at to tell her good night. She completely forgot about me

This nagged me and caused us to have a serious talk about it a few weeks back. She again was terribly sorry and promised that this wont ever happen again

Fast foward to this weekend. She again mentioned that she wants to drive 3 hours to meet her discord friends. I still know nothing about them. She doesnt tell me on her own and when i ask she answeres very shortly

I told her a feel bad about it, she then managed to switch the conversation and started blaming me for a female friend i have. I then told her that she knows my female friend and i never intented to have a sleepover at her place alone

But turns out she did. She met 3 male friends, no women. And she proceeded to go to a bar with them, drink with them and sleep at their house. For 3 days. She admitted it was only 3 men, saying the women didnt show up at the last minute. Now i feel like im being made fun of, she again apologised and told me she regrets doing it the moment she went home

I still know nothing about them, i dont know how they look like and she says of course she didnt sleep with them but that she just met her friends. I told her i feel very uncomftable and expected her to be in a group with many people, male and female and not only her and 3 dudes. She just said sorry

Now i feel like she doesnt respect me or my boundaries. I was embarrassed to tell my parents or friends where she was at, and i see her with different eyes. She just apologised again

*UPDATE*
U guys are obviously right. My feelings are right. After 4 years of seemingly a trusting bond, i needed that tho. I told her i wont be seeing her again and she went absolutely ballistic, wants to call me and everything. I ignored everything.
My family supports my decision and its done and over. Tbh i feel much better

I (26F) and a coworker (27M) are on standard office good terms and have had several nice chats just between us - he’s friendly, speaks my native language and is fun to chat to. He’s really my type, and I can’t stop thinking about him!!! 😓 Guys, what are some advices for how to get to know him better in a way that’s suitable for coworkers? What would work for you? Of course I really want to flirt or ask to spend some time with him outside work but that’s not appropriate for the office. I need to be less intense than flirting, something that won’t make him uncomfortable as I want to be considerate of him. I don’t know how likely it would be that he’d be into me. I think we are eligible as we’re looksmatched, have similar socioeconomic group lol and our families are from the same place but who knows. Even if he liked me, he might be doing the same thing and trying not to do something office inappropriate by not showing it. I can’t tell. I don’t know if I should even give up as it just seems so tragically impossible? I don’t even want to date anyone else. I feel so stuck 😫

My brother has a habit of doing this, and I'm really struggling to know how to deal with it.

When he was about 17, he stopped talking to me for two years after a disagreement. We eventually reconciled after the death of a family member, and things were okay for about a year. Then he chose to cut contact with me again, this time for four years.

Once again, we suffered a major loss: our father died. We reconciled because we spent his final days together in his hospital room and grieved together. I genuinely thought that maybe this time things would be different, and that we could finally have a healthier relationship.

Unfortunately, he has now decided to stop talking to me again.

Apparently, I made a joke that didn't land well and he took it badly. I apologized, but ever since then, he has refused to acknowledge me.

The thing is, this isn't something he has only done to me. He has also given both of our parents the silent treatment for years at a time, without ever properly explaining why.

He stopped speaking to our father for years, even though he was an elderly man in his 80s who had Parkinson's disease. He also did something similar to our mother, who ended up becoming depressed during that period. Even today, she still wonders what exactly she did to deserve being cut off back then.

So I'm starting to see a pattern in the way my brother deals with conflict. When something upsets him, instead of discussing it or trying to resolve it, he seems to completely withdraw from the relationship and refuse any communication, sometimes for years. It has affected every member of our immediate family.

I'm by no means perfect, and I'm not trying to portray myself as completely innocent in all of our conflicts. However, his reactions often seem extremely disproportionate to me.

For example, when he stopped talking to me for four years, the whole thing started because I cooked something using a small amount of his coconut oil without asking him. He became extremely angry. I told him I understood that I should have asked, and that I would obviously replace it immediately if he wanted me to, but that it didn't seem like something worth getting so angry over.

At the time, I was scrolling on my tablet. He grabbed my arm and took the tablet away from me. I told him that I wasn't okay with him using force against me, and that I wasn't going to continue the discussion while he was behaving like that.

He went upstairs, blocked me on every social media platform and on his phone, and that was it. He didn't speak to me for the next four years.

I live far away and only come home to see my family. During those years, whenever I did come home, I unfortunately had to deal with occasional insults and provocations from him, and he also took some of my belongings without permission. The whole situation was deeply traumatizing for me.

When we reconciled after our father died, I honestly believed that maybe he had changed, and that we could finally learn to deal with disagreements in a healthier way.

Then, recently, I came home again. I had absolutely no idea that he was angry with me. Nobody had told me anything. I only realized something was wrong when I noticed that he completely ignored me when I arrived.

It absolutely crushed me mentally.

I am still affected by all those previous years of rejection, and I'm currently in a psychologically vulnerable place. Having this happen again brought back a lot of those feelings. I'm devastated that I may once again have to experience the same thing: having a knot in my stomach every time I visit my mother and my cat because I don't know how my brother is going to treat me.

My mother is also very affected by the situation. I think it's incredibly difficult for a parent to see their children unable to have a normal relationship, especially when she has already experienced being cut off by him herself.

And I don't know how to navigate any of this.

I love my brother. Despite everything that has happened, I still do. And I don't want to spend my life walking on eggshells, wondering whether something I say or do will cause another years-long estrangement.

At the same time, I don't know how I'm supposed to maintain a relationship with him when he can apparently decide overnight that I no longer exist, without giving me an opportunity to understand what happened or resolve the conflict.

I feel like I'm grieving a brother who is still alive. I'm grieving the sibling relationship I thought I could have, the possibility of healthy family reunions, and the hope that we could eventually become a normal family again.

And seeing my mother suffer because of this makes it even harder.

For people who have experienced something similar: how did you learn to navigate this kind of relationship ? How do you cope with repeatedly being cut off by a close family member, especially when you still love them ?

I'm not necessarily looking for advice on how to "fix" my brother. I know I can't control his behavior. I'm mostly trying to understand how I can protect myself emotionally, stop living in fear of the next rejection, and still maintain some kind of relationship with my family.

TL;DR: My brother has repeatedly cut contact with me and our parents for years at a time whenever he is upset, often without explaining why or giving us a chance to resolve things. We reconciled after our father’s death, and I thought things had changed, but he has now cut me off again over a joke I apparently made. I only realized he was angry when I came home and he completely ignored me. This has brought back a lot of the pain from previous years of rejection, and I’m struggling to cope with the feeling that I’m grieving a brother and a family relationship that I still desperately wish I could have. How do you protect yourself emotionally in this situation ?

Several years ago, after my father (85,M)  passed away, my family received an unexpected DNA match notification. We discovered that my father had a son from a relationship many decades earlier, before he met my mother.

It was obviously a huge surprise for all of us, but after the initial shock, we met our newly discovered half brother and developed a wonderful relationship with him. He had apparently spent much of his life feeling that he didn't quite resemble or fit into the family that raised him, so the DNA discovery answered some long standing questions for him.

For all these years, we believed that our father probably never knew he had another child.

Recently, I (66F) began digitizing old family photographs and documents. While going through a box of papers, I discovered a multi page letter written to my father by my half brother's mother several months before my half brother was born.

Much of the letter was personal and romantic. However, she repeatedly said she needed to speak with my father about something "very important" that would be a "big surprise" to him. Given the timing, it is difficult not to wonder whether she was trying to tell him about the pregnancy.

This discovery has left me wondering whether our father actually knew, or at least suspected, that he was going to have a child. Of course, the letter doesn't prove that he knew.

My mother, who did not know my father at the time this letter was written, has no recollection of ever seeing the letter and was also surprised by the possibility that he may have known about the pregnancy.

Now I have a dilemma.

I feel that my half brother should know about the letter because it the only piece of correspondence we have involving his biological parents. I don't feel comfortable deciding that information about his own history should be withheld from him.

One of my siblings (72F) strongly disagrees. Their feeling is that nothing good can come from telling him that our father may have known about him and possibly chose not to be involved. Another family member is undecided.

Our half-brother is happily married, and doing well. We have a good relationship with him, and I don't want to cause him unnecessary pain.

So Reddit, what would you do? Would you tell him about the letter and let him decide what it means to him? Or would you keep it to yourself because it could raise painful questions that can never be answered?

Important detail: The letter strongly suggests that the pregnancy may have been what she wanted to discuss, but it does not prove that my father ever knew about the child.

My boyfriend [21M] and I [18F] have been together for seven months, and we currently live together. Lately, I have felt as though I am putting much more into the relationship than he is.

I recently found a note on his phone in which he wrote that he could not tell whether he was in love with me or the ideal of me. I also found porn on his phone and saw that he followed other women on social media. I had previously told him that porn and similar content were no-no's for me, and I do not watch anything myself or follow any guys. I forgave him, but I keep thinking about what I saw, and it continues to upset me. He said he was going to quit, but i saw him in a hentai group today on his discord.

Earlier in our relationship, he messaged another woman to ask a simple question. The message wasn't inappropriate, but I was jealous after seeing how many women he had added on Snapchat. He was also still in porn groups that he had joined before we started dating. He allowed me to remove some of them, but he jokingly said there were so many girls he had on snap that we wouldn't be able to delete them all in a day, and that was true.

My family and friends have been telling me to leave him. I still love him, and in the beginning of our relationship, he made me feel loved in a way i never had been before. I want the relationship to work, but it has become difficult.

He has not worked for several weeks and hasn't been able to contribute much toward rent. I have spent almost all my savings covering this month's and last month's rent, as well as food. I have been looking for work but have not found a job yet, so I am under a lot of financial stress.

I also feel responsible for maintaining our relationship. I try to arrange things for us to do, but he does not plan dates and rarely wants to go out. We recently attended a festival, but only because his friend was going.

I have considered taking a break or ending the relationship, but the situation is complicated because I live in his apartment, all my furniture and belongings are there, and he relies on me for transportation because he cannot drive.

How can I determine whether I can trust him or not anymore? I feel bad just for posting this.

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have been together for seven months and live together. I no longer trust him because of porn, social-media activity, and a note questioning whether he loves me. He is not working; I have used most of my savings to cover our expenses, and I feel that I am carrying the relationship. How can I assess whether the relationship can improve while protecting my housing and finances?

My 25M Bf have been dating for almost 2 years now. A lot happened to us during our relationship that I am sadly embarassed to say I accepted. He has cheated on me with the mother of his kid and it was difficult taking him back and trying to regain trust all over again.

Fast forward, she has a boyfriend now but she is still so sneaky and tries to get at my bf when her and her boyfriend argue or "seperate". He told me months ago a story where she asked him to meet her at a parking lot because she had to tell him something important. When he did, she apparently tried to make a move on him and he rejected it and told me immediately. I appreciated that.

Some how this story got brought up again, but the way he told me the story was completely different that what he said months ago (location, how long they talked for, etc). I got super angry at him and tried to break up because I am tired of him and his lies. He's gaslighting the situation saying the small details don't matter because he told me the main stuff and that I'm making this a big deal.

How do I trust that it's truly what happened if you can't even own up to the small details? But, I feel that because of our past I may have made it a bigger deal than what is was. I told him I need a few days to think about this, I just want to break up but he's very persistent in me staying and also telling me that I'm doing this because I have "options" when I don't.

I just want to break this toxic cycle.

TL;DR

My 25M bf of almost 2 years has had a cheating past with me and him so the trust had to be rebuilt. He had told me a story a few months ago of him rejecting the mother of hi s kid, but when the story got brought up again, he told me it completely different. Now I don't know what to believe.

My dad raised me solo for the first couple of years of my life because my mom was an addict who OD'd when I was a newborn. He met his wife when I was two and a half and they married within four months of dating. It was always explained to me that she wasn't my mom, she was my stepmother and that her parents were not my grandparents, her siblings not my aunts and uncles and her nieces and nephews were not my cousins. I have known that for what feels like my whole life. There was never any room for doubt that I was the stepkid. I wasn't included in the grandkid photos. I wasn't given birthday or Christmas gifts or special grandkid gifts that the other grandkids got. When my half siblings were born it was explained that they were grandkids but not me. It was also explained to them that I was not a member of their mom's family.

My dad has always known this was how I was treated and he never did anything to stand up for me or to say I didn't deserve to be treated like that. His own family weren't around and my mom's side were all addicts too. The only contact I had with anyone from mom's family was when my grandma was dying I went to see her a few times when I was 15 and she explained about the issues our family had. Other than that I grew up without my own extended family and even today my dad's side don't care about knowing me so I have no family.

It was never explicitly said but it has been implied before that I would no longer be welcome to spend time with my dad's ILs once I was 18+ and no longer a kid/minor. Her family sounded happy when I said I wouldn't be at next Christmas when I was there back in December and I only said that because one of the kids who are not my cousins asked me about it. Nobody except for my dad pretended they were sad I wouldn't be there or even acted like it was something I would be at again. I refused to attend a bunch of different family dinners and parties after my 18th birthday and my dad tried so hard to get me to go to them with "the family". I told him exactly why I wasn't going and he said it wasn't as bad as I thought it was and nobody would kick me out.

It drove me crazy because he heard how they made me feel and still said that shit to me so I moved out to stay with a friend before graduating and now I live in another state with the same friend. My dad calls and texts every day and he checks in and stuff but I struggle to think of a future for our relationship given how he feels and he's pissed that I made it clear to him that I would not be home for Thanksgiving or Christmas.

I've been stuck on whether I should go no contact with him for months now and I'm asking for relationship advice for this decision because I cannot access therapy at this time. I just can't do it. Please do not just give that as advice because it's not an option for me right now but I will explore it in the future.

I’ve (31F) been with my boyfriend (31M) for roughly three years, for which two of those we’ve been living together.

Around two months ago whilst I was away visiting my family, I asked him if he saw a long term future with me and he told me he wasn’t sure. It fucking hurt I won’t lie, but I calmly called him up and told him it may be worth reconsidering the relationship, as I’d like to think after three years together and being in our thirties, he’d feel more certainty.

He told me that my reaction was ‘nuclear’ and that I was completely overreacting. He told me we should just see how the summer goes and then decide what to do. Around a month ago we got into a somewhat petty argument and I asked him if he still loved me.

He went silent and when I asked it again he simply responded with ‘I’m tired of you’. I instantly stopped being angry and instead suggested that maybe it’s best if we separate, as clearly he wasn’t happy. I let him know I still loved, respected, and cared for him but that ending things would probably be for the best.

He seemed to instantly backtrack and say that I’d just had a long day at work, I was moody, and to just pretend the conversation didn’t happen. Later that evening he got back from a family meal and started telling me how lucky he is to have me in his life, how kind I am, that he wanted to work things out etc.

From what I can gauge, he isn’t happy with me. I’ve given him a few opportunities to end things on a kind note, where we can acknowledge we still love one another, but that we both deserve to be happy separately. I could be wrong here as he won’t open up, but he seems to be depressed in general too, not just with me.

What would be the reasons somebody could be so seemingly unhappy in a relationship but not take the opportunity to let the other person leave?

TDLR; Boyfriend is unhappy with me but shoots down my attempts to amicably end things. Why could this be?