I live in the DC area which has always been known for being stuffy and traditional when it comes to work attire. Men have always been expected to wear suit and ties, business casual was slacks + tucked in button down shirt + dress shoes. Lately I've been noticing things have loosened up a bit. Capital One Corporate HQ is in the DC area and I was hanging out around there with some friends who work there. I was surprised that so many employees are fairly dressed down. Khaki's with sneakers and an untucked shirt, many were wearing jeans. People were still put together and weren't sloppy but it's far from the traditional suits and business casual. The pandemic definitely accelerated the comfy trend but I also believe that boomers aging out of the workforce and retiring has changed things as well.

What have you noticed has changed since boomers are retiring in the corporate world?

Of course this would work if you don't have a family and work allows it.

Just sit the F back for a week doing nothing too much. Relaxing whatever makes you happy?

I've just been doing it the last 4 days now.

Mostly been playing guitar (learning it right now and piano). Went and saw The Odyssey. Couple runs on the beach. Reading. Just chilling. Eating damn good food. Bit of work online. Got a small bit of ganja for a dry herb vape and a 6 pack of beers today (I rarely have either of these but I had my time when younger) which I'm just gonna chill with a bit listening to music on the roof in the sun overlooking all the humans around me (I live in center of a town). It's only 12PM.

I can almost feel my body relaxing after years of grind mode/survival mode almost.

It's almost like a need this time and then I'll be rejuvenated and lock back in in a few days lol. Eat clean. Train. Focus on goals and build.

Hey folks. 28M here needing some advice/hope. I’m sort of restarting my life already. I went to college for behavioral health, then worked as an addiction counselor for a few years. It basically destroyed me. The last 3 years has just been me trying to get back on my feet so to speak. Sorting out Mental health, addiction, trauma, and just trying to find my way. I left behavioral health to look towards blue collar work and I’m just so exhausted from trying to find a better life for myself. I made okay money when I was working in behavioral health health but my mental health health was at its worst and I’m still recovering. I feel lost, hopeless, and think about death quite often. I know a lot of people find success later in life but I’m running out of motivation, hope, energy, and everything in between. I want to give up every day.

Things are never-ending, in my opinion, so I'm constantly learning something new about things I'm attempting, pursuing, or experiencing compared to what I had once imagined them to be.

I often get confused and I'm sure if it's due to my mental and emotional struggles, but at the same time, I'm thankful to be having these "imbalances" that cause me to think inward.

What are you learning about yourself and what you believe is important in life?

How important do you think it is to be a good person and having a strong sense of community? Or, do you prefer to have more solitude and be at peace away from the normalcy of the world?

Men who were very ambitious while your children were young: what did you sacrifice for success that, looking back, absolutely wasn’t worth it?

I’ve had a couple really bad, hostile conflicts and it has put me constantly on edge with everyone. I’m constantly ready for a fight and I’m just always on edge. I have agoraphobia and I just try to avoid people now. I don’t know what to do. Has anyone experienced this?

I’ve got neighborhood cats treating my yard like one giant litter box and it’s starting to drive me insane.

I don’t even know how many times I’ve stepped in cat shit while mowing the lawn. I don’t have cats myself, so cleaning up after everyone else’s pets is getting pretty old.

I’m hoping someone here has actually tackled this problem and found something that works.

I'm 20, in my final year of uni, and I've realised I tell people too much about myself. Not deliberately, it just comes out. I'm quite extroverted and I think I use openness to build rapport, so by the time I notice, I've said more than I meant to. And it also means I can't really keep secrets at times or I spill too much "tea"

The thing that made me notice it: I find myself envying people who are hard to read. Nobody knows much about them and they seem more composed for it. I don't want to become quiet or guarded, because being outgoing is genuinely one of my strengths, I'm good with new people and it's opened doors for me. I just want to be able to choose what I share instead of defaulting to everything.

I've started trying to pause before sharing something personal and asking whether the person actually needs to know. It helps a bit, but it feels unnatural and I don't always catch it in the moment.

Two things I'd like advice on:

1. When someone asks a question you'd rather not fully answer, what do you actually say? I can either answer properly or go awkward, and I don't have a middle option that keeps the conversation going.
2. For anyone who's made this change, did it cost you anything socially? I'm worried about coming across as distant to people who are used to me being open.

My fiancee is really into wine. Like actually into it. She knows regions, notes, brands, all that stuff. I’ve just been drinking whatever she pours me. I want to surprise her with a bottle sometime but I realized I have basically zero idea what I’m doing. With whiskey I understand the whole vanilla, caramel, oak, smoke thing because Ive tasted enough of it over the years. Wine is different. Ill read a description that says cherry, tobacco, leather, cedar and to me it just tastes likeany other wine. And in general i like drinking it but is there a good way to train your palate without turning this into a second job, bc i did some research like some books and stuff but they seem pretty complicated for me.

I'm at the start of my 20's (I'm 21) and I've already made a few mistakes. I keep seeing online that as a man, as long as you keep going, keep pushing for your dreams and never give up on yourself that when you reach 30 you'll look back and be happy that you tried.

I have what one would call unrealistic dreams especially for someone from my country. I'm from Botswana and I want to be a published fantasy writer and comic book writer. Not like the top 1%, just have a smaller secondary writing career to a day job. Have a small niche audience that enjoys my work, my own mini community. Only one from my country has gotten to that point so I know it's possible, I just carry heavy self doubt because all I've done in my life is fail but I've wanted this since I was 15.

I'm going through a rough time and I'm trying to hold onto hope that for as long as I keep pushing, keep grinding that someday it'll all make sense. People keep telling me your 30's are when as a man it makes sense or at least makes more sense.

Even if my dreams never come true, I might end up in a place I'm happy with because I at least tried.

Right now I just want to genuinely ask, does it truly get better for as long as you put in the work?

I'm 50M, and I noticed recently that might libido has slipped a bit recently. Everything still works and my wife and I have a satisfying sex life, but I feel... a little less randy, I guess, and I don't like it.

So I'm at that place where I'd go to a urologist / doctor and see if TRT is an option, but before I do that, I wanted to check here and see if anyone around my age has gotten their grove back just by exercising and losing weight. I've read post after post about guys saying TRT is the best thing in the world, and I believe them 100%--but I'd like to get things going naturally first if I can.

I guess what I'm wanting to hear is that there are guys out there who have gone the "lifting weights and slimming down" route and had their libidos come to back to full speed, without using TRT.

If you're out there and turned things around with weights + weight loss, I'd love to hear it! What happened and how did you do it?

As I've gotten older and more established I'm a lot more respected but I don't treat younger men the way a lot of older men treated me. I have a lot of older male friends who I don't talk to anymore who used to punk on me a lot and got really grimey when I started growing up and got further in life. How do you carry yourself with younger men now? How do you deal with the resentment you might have towards those men who may have also treated you that way? Do you think it's necessary to "toughen" boys up?

Hi, I recently turned 40, and over the past year in particular, a few of my close friends have really hit their stride and achieved major financial and career milestones.

On the other hand, I’ve struggled a lot over the last few years with various challenges. I got a late start in my career, and while I’ve secured a stable job with a livable income, I’m nowhere near the level my friends are at.

Lately, I’ve been feeling drained after hanging out with them. Hearing about their latest promotions or new vacation homes leaves me feeling dejected, disappointed, and filled with dread. I know "comparison is the thief of joy," and I try hard not to compare my situation to theirs, but that’s easier said than done.

I know this isn't a healthy emotional response, and I don't want to lose good friends over envy. I find myself longing for the "good old days" when we were all just getting by and didn't talk as much about achievements.

I’m not particularly materialistic, but I do dream of homeownership and being able to travel more. Seeing my friends live the life I wish I were living triggers an envy I’m struggling to control.

Has anyone else dealt with this shift in their 30s or 40s? Any advice on how to better cope with these feelings or manage these dynamics without pulling away entirely would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

I’ve been reflecting lately and I realized I don’t have any goals I’m working towards. I have a good career, no debts, am consistent with the gym/diet/physique, have great friends. Before this year I’d always have something to work towards but for the first time in my life I can say I achieved my goals. I do have financial goals but that’s a longterm thing, I want something else I can work on in the meantime and I literally don’t know what else to do. Is there something you realized in your 30’s or 40’s you wish you started earlier? Or something fun to work toward?

Edit: Thank you for the advice, I am reading through all comments, and they just made me think what I wanna do moving forward. Thank you so much kind strangers ❤️

Anyone here have low hemoglobin/hematocrit, RBC’s in their 40’s that turned out to be something other than cancer? I have an appt to go over labs more and will be pushing for a GI work-up. But this is new for me and looking for other things to look into.

My H/H, RBC’s and testosterone are all low. Everything else was within the test ranges. Waiting for ferritin and iron panel labs.

I feel like I hit 40 and feel so old now.

There are three main cities where the viruses started, New York City, Chicago, and Los Angeles.

Let me know your opinion down below and feel free to debate (nicely) with others.

my dad died an his last wife (not my mom) expects me to give up my part (50%)cause she tells me it was my dads wish. my aunt kinda confirms it, My dad wanted his new wife to be financially settled.

He left around 150.000€ and on top she gets half of his retirement money monthly 2000€.
What would you guys do in a situation like this.

I'm currently prepping to move out, savings depleted, credit in shambles, currently trying everything to keep from spiraling. For anyone who was able to pick themselves up from this point, what helped you do it? How did you manage, and what is life like after the process of rebuilding? What would you tell the version of yourself still going through the motions of trying to figure it all out?

To the dads here, what's something you wish you knew starting off?

So my husband lifts in our garage. We have some machines and stuff... but i dont think he really has had any proper training since high school. Im sure he knows the basics of lifting... its not rocket science, but I have noticed poor form every once in a while which made me realize some personal training sessions might be beneficial.

BUT, i dont want to make him feel stupid. My husband is a green flag guy... but sometimes, as human beings, we dont want to feel like we need a "refresher" on how to do something. We like to THINK we know how to do something.... which I understand.

I would like to get him some training sessions at a gym, but I dont know if he would feel bad, or not want to do them, or that it was a waste.

He is 45 also, and i would like for him to avoid ingury. He hurt his shoulder not long ago lifting something a bit too heavy, and he loves basketball which made it so he couldnt play for a while.

How would you feel if you wife got you this as a gift, even though you have been lifting here and there through out life, but more casually.

- update, I decided it’s probably not for him after reading through your comments and thinking about his personality type. Thanks for all your input, I appreciate your takes! If he wants training sessions he would like to pick his trainer, goals and gym and what not. He is a very thoughtful person that puts a lot of thought into things like that.

I’m gonna be 34 next month, I have no idea where the time went, last few years I’ve been feeling really bad. I’m single, one friend, maybe 2 at a stretch. After work I chill out, watch some show, go for a walk and play some games…. and that’s it. On weekends if I force myself to go out and drink, I can’t wait to go home, but if I stay home I feel depressed. During the day I just lay around and watch tv. Feels like shit no matter what I do. I go to visit my cousins, aunt, mom etc. but everything feels like I’m just killing time, if you know what I mean. I went to Japan 2 years ago and that was amazing but only lasted for 2 weeks. Went to the seaside last year but felt like somethings missing the whole time… anyone has any idea what to do to feel fullfilled ?

many days I want to give up because nothing is working. I could be working on something that I find interesting do it for many days/weeks and then I get no results whether its views on socials, or sales, or gains, or making friends, or going on dates.

so for anyone that started from literal nothing and then became successful in life what worked for you?

Being told that you need to just focus one thing at a time and just keep going sounds nice but I don't think that is very helpful because some of it is strategic.

for eg. you could join some hobbies, show up everyday and talk to so many people and end up with just acquaintances, or you could be working on a side project and try to make it into a full time thing but results shows you cant even get a client, or go to the gym all day everyday and still look the same.

What would you say to someone who is successful in all these realms or does it now exist?

Everyone seem to be super successful on here and in real life

Like button-down shirts or even business professional/suits. No wfh. Was this early in your career or later? Did the job pay well enough to offset this extra expense or was it just a necessary evil?