When I was 4, my family moved from a small town in Colorado to San Francisco. We went to the airport, took off, landed, then stayed at a hotel for a few days before moving into our new home. Within a couple of days, my 5-year old brother and I became annoyed at our parents for some reason and we decided to run away back to Colorado. We figured we would retrace our steps to the hotel, then to the airport, then to Colorado, and finally home.

We could see the hotel (a tall building) a quarter mile away and set off on foot. We came to a busy road – a freeway. There was a tunnel with steps leading down into the darkness and we didn’t want to go down there. It was a pedestrian underpass, so that would have been the right way to cross the freeway. Instead, we waited at the side of the highway for a break in the traffic. The cars just wouldn’t stop!

Finally there was a large enough break and we ran across to the median. Then we picked our way across the median and waited to cross the second portion of the freeway. Again, the cars wouldn’t stop. There was no break in the traffic. We kept waiting. Finally! A car did stop. It pulled over right in front of us. A police car. The cop told us to get in the back of the car. Once we were in, he asked for our address.

Luckily, our parents had made us memorize our new address, so we were like “I know this!” and told him. We pulled up to our house and the cop made us wait in the back seat while he rang the doorbell. My mom came to the door with curlers in her hair, squinting in the sunlight. The cop was like, “Are these your kids?” I still remember the look of confusion on her face. (She hadn’t noticed we were gone.)

Back inside, we braced for our punishment but our mom (and later our dad, when he was home) just seemed concerned and worried about why we ran away. I didn’t really get that but now I do – running away is sort of a no-confidence vote for the family. Our parents tried to be extra nice for a while and we soon forgot our grievances and life went back to normal. But I learned my lesson: NEXT TIME TAKE THE PEDESTRIAN UNDERPASS 😅

Whenever I can I like to make friends with neighborhood cats.

I also have a daily morning workout jogging before the crack of dawn. After a dangerous close call with a leashed dog in a park years ago I decided to just do a lap around the block.

Occasionally I'll see cats peeking out from behind bushes, probably trying to understand why one of these upright apes is running down the street with a light on their head. I occasionally stop to see if they want to get scritched.

A few months ago, a young black cat stopped to get scritched! And our relationship blossomed from there. One time he even saw me at a distance and ran to me.

But lately he's been sort of standoffish. Like his morning hunts are more important than saying hi to me. :-( In fact, this morning I saw him watching me, so I stopped in the middle of the street. He didn't seem that bothered. Then, my heart went all pitter patter because he actually emerged from his hiding spot and came toward me, tail in the air! I thought, "Yes! He's back! He remembers me."

But then, he walked right past me without a passing glance and started exploring the yard on the other side.

I was so offended. :-(

Hopefully someday he'll yearn for the scritches I could give him and emerge once again when I pass by.

I don't know how other people manage to distract themselves right after a breakup (when they were dumbed). I'm just bedrotting 24/7. I tried so many activities but can't really finish them or don't even start them. I don't feel any joy and I don't feel any motivation do to anything other than bedrotting.

All I do is lie down, scroll on my phone and hoping that I'll just feel better the next day.

Playing a computer game is awful and boring, watching a movie.. way too much effort. Exercising is good but really hard to do when you're very miserable.

Even when I have a moment when I don't cry, I just feel indifferent and I don't see any reason to try an activity if the don't bring me joy anyways.

Maybe I can go for a walk. But even that doesn't really help or feel good. I just do it to feel at least a little productive.

I really don't understand how others can paint, learn how to knit, have fun in cooking, go to the cinema and find so many ways to distract themselves.

To be honest, idek if no fap has benefits. I hear from some many others experiences different encounters so idk for sure. Some people say it improves test and others disagree. I’m curious about what no fap does to improve bc it’s all over the self improvement community. I’m very skeptical bc it can also be a placebo effect. Does no fap actually work ? I would like to hear what people believe on this so called self improvement technique.

I don't even know what to fucking say man, im just at a complete utter loss right now

I was looking for volunteering work at this youth centre in my area because I'm fucking bored and need some kinda sense of purpose, it was mainly just hanging back to make sure everything is okay and serving food and drinks and shit, the interview went okay at first so I thought I was in but then the guy interviewing me said "the only issue is that your appearance might make some people uncomfortable, would you be okay with just working in the kitchen?" and then the fucking woman who was with him like nodded her head in agreement, I was going to ask what about my appearance would make people uncomfortable but I just got so pissed and upset that I just kinda gave up and asked if I could outside and have a smoke and then just took off on my bike without saying a word, no goodbye or anything I just fucked off because I felt too dejected

The whole thing is just crazy for me, like I know I'm not going to make it on the cover of any magazines, and most people tell me that I look completely normal and average, and I really genuinely didn't think that I looked THAT bad, but when someone basically me away from a volunteering position because the way I look might make people uncomfortable, I don't even know what the fuck to think anymore, were people just lying to me the whole time saying I look fine? Were they just pricks? Did I just smell bad or project the wrong vibes? Like wtf man

Hi all, I’m wondering what your personal ways of self love are. I want to gain more insight and tips so I can pour more self love into myself. I’m not talking about taking a bubble bath or doing hot yoga. For me, simply just reading a good book and making a latte sure helps. Looking forward to your responses and thank you.

Life feeling to hard after my cats passing, My cat has been my best friend for so long, he’s been through so much with me and had the perfect personality for me he was just chill, and did his own thing, wasn’t to needy, but was always there when I needed him and even tho I have quite a few very stressful things going on in my life, have always dealt with anxiety and tend to feel alone a lot because I don’t have a girlfriend, many friends and I’m not really that close with my family but even tho I definitely felt the stress from all that it was never to unbearable because I always had my kitty, he would always be waiting outside for me to come home from work and seeing him really cheered me up but sadly after just 4 years he became extremely sick and full of pain over this past weekend, he could barely move and wouldn’t eat or drink anything I couldn’t afford an emergency vet visit over the weekend so I was praying he made it until Monday, I broke down multiple times seeing him like that but thankfully he did make it and I was fully confident I’d be able to save him but I was then told it would be close to 2,000$ to save him which I don’t have and they didn’t accept payment plans so I had to make the very difficult decision to have him put down and now that he’s gone all of the stress I’ve been dealing with feels so much worse and heavier in my chest, he was always the 1 good thing I knew I had, I’ve never met an animal as amazing as he was, I can’t even process that it really happened I have not been able to stop crying since everything I see reminds me of him, I feel like I failed him, he had so much more life to live and he didn’t get to have that, the pain is like nothing I’ve ever felt before, my best friend is really gone and I’m finding it so hard to want to keep trying, life has knocked me down over and over but this is the 1 thing I prayed would never happen at least not for a long time yet I don’t think I’ll be able to get over this, and that I’ll never be able to find another animal like him so I’m not even gonna try, having to drive home from work tomorrow night and not have him waiting for me like always is gonna make this even worse i don’t understand why this stuff has to happen in life it’s really not fair, sorry for rambling on so much to anyone who reads this i just really needed to talk about it

this happened years ago, but I still remember anytime it's brought up.

I was watching one of my favorite movies (not naming the title nor hinting around it. last thing I need is some anonymous shit trolling me with it.)

but after the movie ended, I discovered my sweet doggo had died in his sleep on his bed. he was 17 so I knew he didn't have years left. but it breaks me to know that while I was watching the movie, at some unknown point he crossed the rainbow bridge and I wasn't even aware until after the movie had finished. now anytime I've tried to rewatch it, it reminds me of what happened.

I miss him so much

For basically my entire life I have had the most crippling social anxiety ever. The past year I have actually been trying to improve on my social life but weirdly I feel even more lonely. When I had absolutely no one to talk to it kinda just felt normal to me. Now whenever I go to school I chat to people quite a lot. But then once the school day is over I feel even more lonely and having no one to talk to just hits so much harder

How do I stop feeling this way because it's making me feel really depressed?

Pretty much the title the rest is context and fluff you can ignore it it's bonus

I'm the type of guy to always forget stuff, and who takes time to understand stuff people say to me. I mean couple weeks ago I had a job interview for an apprenticeship wich is extremely rare to get, the guy told me he only had 2 other people who applied and he could only hire 2 people, and that he was going on vacation so he would just hire the 2 first people that contact him when he comes back in the 20th august, and I remembered it just today and obviously I'm the one he didn't hire. Now it's not that big of a deal because the field I was in isn't even that good but still shows how dumb I am I keep forgetting stuff

And outside of that I make terrible choices, long story short I do lots of sports, mostly MMA and swimming and couple years ago I litteraly had the potential to compete internationally and a high chance to at least make it to the podium too. And o refused for stupid reasons, I thought I wasn't good enough wich clearly wasn't true since every coach and everyone who competed told me I had a 100% chance to do great, I thought competing was useless wich is not true since it opens opportunities academically and professionaly, and I thought it was a waste of money and time to buy the material and make my passport but that's just lying to myself. And now I'm gonna have to work harder to compete now since I got injured and in rehab, for stupid reasons too I overtrained and did it too myself

Idk where I'd be if I was just a bit smarter I could go on and on but I have like half of my problems that happened because of stuff out of my control, and the other half that happened because I make such terrible choices. Idk why I'm so dumb, I read books, I don't have a huge screen time I don't use social media, sure I don't have 8 hours of sleep but I have like 6-7 and everyone else does but they are not as idiotic as me, only thing I could see is problematix is that I'm often buried in thoughts and sometimes I multitask wich could mess up my attention span

Yea idk what to do thanks for reading

I arrived on Reddit a few weeks ago, and at the start I was having difficulties to understand how it works here. But now I can give some advice, as a new member who is still figuring out:

- NEVER spam posts or comments, people and the reddit algorithm does not like it

- Instead, post or comment about subjects you master (or at least are interested into)

- Be patient: I think patience is key on reddit, there is no shorttrack. Contribute, and you'll see your "reputation" growing if your contents are helpful. Think of reddit as a community: when you join one, you can't expect to have immediately your place, you have to earn it.

Reddit is one of the last social media where humans rule, not the algorithms. So yeah it takes some time, but I am 100% sure it is worth it.

need to wake up at 5 am everyday for my routine to work, but here’s the thing

I do wake up then, but then I return home from my college at 3:30 pm, and then almost immediately I get fatigued and fall asleep, I need to stay awake atleast until 8:15 PM, please tell me what can I do? Thank you.

I don’t want to feel fatigued until at least 7:00 pm, please help me out, diet, any valid advice needed, thank you so much.

​

I'm 18 male I've just recently turned 18 but it doesn't feel as good as I thought I would be .

Ever since I was Little my mother had always been harsh she'd hot us a lot with anything she could find and for a good while until we were crying a lot I guess to her that's what she felt it was valid.

She dropped me and my 9 siblings out of school because we were moving I was around 10 at the time and a phew if my siblings were older the oldest being 14 said time I was a quiet kid I never talked to Manay kids my age only ever spoke up when it was time to answer a question.

I regret that to this day because I never once had a friend and my mother never enrolled us back into school and when I would complain she tell me to "stop bitching and moaning" or when is get emotional she said " I'm acting sassy" or "like a girl" so I've learned at a young age to keep my emotions to myself.

She'd sometimes starve us specifically me and my brother a year younger than me for a couple days to teach us a lesson for not cleaning up the house sometimes id feel extremely sick.

Shed constantly compare me to other boys on how small I am and how I'll grow tall. But as I grew I didn't grow tall i was only 5,8 I felt so pathetic lie I couldn't even protect anyone I blamed myself for not eating better or stressing less for being so small.

I also had problems with my gut so I couldn't eat certain foods so I'd ask my mother can she get the foods I can eat she'd agree but later in the day would say she forgot then would order pizza I couldn't eat the pizza given my gut so I had to just sleep it off.

I felt extremely bad and left out from my family so I stoped talking for a while most of my family and my mother just called me " fake emo" the only two that didn't where the brothers I've mentioned previously but they didn't know how to comfort given my mother never taught us how do they just didn't say much to me until I've spoken first.

My mother would sometimes buy me good things so itert me conflicted sometimes I hated her so much I wanted to choke her the next I felt bad for her buying me things spending her money on me eventually I started hating myself for thinking that way and I would sometimes cry myself to sleep at the thought of being alone.

My mother had a boyfriend I was young I didn't like him too much but he was nice he does one day shot ten times I didn't know how to feel about that it wasn't like I knew him for a while so my mind just went blank.

As I mentioned she used to beat us allot over things we did wrong I once stole from a candy store and she beat me with a shoe so hard I was bleeding she made me stand in the corner as my other siblings laughed\*

She's stared multiple times how she wished she never had us and that she should of put us up for adoption she's even said sometimes she'll kill us . Every time we'd speak up shed tell us to be quiet or she would hit us.

She always threw it in our face how she sacrificed for us and she have breakdowns blaming it all on us.

Couple months ago she was beating up my brother who was a year younger them me pulling out his hair and hitting him I felt numb I didn't feel sympathy anymore and I knew that made me a bad person.

I still sided with my brother and I already stopped talking toy family for almost two years after a couple months of that they just stopped talking to me as a whole treating me like a ghost. My mother said I was enabling him by siding with him.

After a while of not talking she called me and my two brothers who still talked to me a room full of weirdos and that when I move out I'm still ain't going to be anything in life.

I've been living with them for all my life I haven't left the house in 8 years and I don't have a ID or so socials becausey mom never got them.

She suddenly started acting nice to me and treating like a decent human which left me in a weird spot I don't even see her as a mother anymore just a person taking care of me.

Currently I'm still living with her because I have no other option I don't have any ID or anything like that and I haven't left the house or talked to anyone else in 8 years so I'm scared of talking.

I just feel so empty my Little sister almost died on choking and I didn't feel anything nothing at all I knew something was wrong with me. I want to stop living but I'm scared of death.

All I wanted was to feel loved to be hugged at night to cry into someones arms and they'll tell me it's okay I wanted the entire world to see my pain.

But more than anything I just want it all to stop and I know when I eventually live by myself I might gain the courage to end it.

When I was a teenager in the 2010s, I remember seeing a lot about “Singularity 2050” where people were predicting cyborgs and ultra longevity treatments, genuinely just insane sci-fi stuff. I was wrong for doubting them.

In Australia we have a company called Cortical Labs that makes computers out of human brain cells. Something like 200k neurons per computer. You gotta feed it some nutritional broth to keep it alive and it’ll run for six months. The human-machine hybrid technology is actually here right now. wtf?

We also got paralysed people speaking with their minds through a Brain-Computer Interface.

I heard of a guy whose spine was broken, walking via Bluetooth with a transmitter connecting his upper and lower spine (where the break was).

We’ve got robots running in robot Olympics faster than humans, people in relationships with LLM’s, social uprising against “clankers”, dystopian techno-feudal power struggles at the top of society. We’ve got surgeries aided with precision robotics, and autonomous drone strikes.

We’ve figured out how to make intelligence in a bottle. We’ve got computers that run on light. We have quantum computers that calculate across timelines.

We’ve got tech that can predict your thoughts before you think them.

Dude 2016 did not have all this going on, ten years and it might as well be an insane alien world to what I grew up with. In another 24 years?

Yeah I could believe we’d be in the singularity by that point.

I've never liked the term. I'll say my supervisor, manager, or director but I've never liked the term "boss". Boss, to me, feels like I'm calling you King or Queen like you rule over me.

I'm probably blowing this out of proportion but it's how I feel...

I am a college girl and I’m kind of losing my mind with how I don’t even understand the point of life and that people don’t actually really care about each other. They’re mostly just worrying about themselves so what really is the point of anything? As I’ve gotten older, I’ve increasingly started to worry about how people perceive me, and what kind of person they think I am based on how I look, walk, act, do my makeup, my outfits, etc., and I feel like my routine, and even the things that I buy or things that I think will bring me joy like shoes clothes, makeup, etc., is all for other people. I don’t know why I’m doing this to myself and spending so much money if people don’t actually care about me or anything like people don’t actually care for each other. Why am I dressing up just to go onto the street, why do I care so much about the way I look if nobody else really cares if they see me for five seconds, they’re gonna forget about me in a few minutes. pretty much everything I do is for how I’m going to be perceived. and do relationships and friendships even matter if they just take up such a small portion of your time and throughout the day, you’re just thinking about other things? Like what is the point in anything?

About me

I’m 17M and I have mild autism. I tend to say I just have autism and that’s about it, because it doesn’t affect me extremely heavily, of course. There’s some noticeable stuff, but nothing heavy in terms of support or anything.

I also don’t currently go to regular school. Instead, I go to a place that’s meant to help me build some routine and eventually get back into school or work.

How I’ve been feeling

I’ve been struggling mentally for the past few months. My mood can switch between feeling okay, really low, angry, numb, or like I need to cry. I can also laugh and joke normally while feeling absolutely terrible, which sometimes makes me question whether I’m actually struggling or just faking it.

I have very low self-worth and often feel like I’m not allowed to feel this way because other people have it worse. I also don’t really see much of a point in life sometimes.

I’ve had/have suicidal thoughts as well. Sometimes they’re more passive, sometimes I joke about it, and a few times over the past few months I’ve thought more seriously about it. I’m not sure what to do with these thoughts anymore. Although recently, when I’m feeling bad, I’ve been getting more of a tingling feeling about really just wanting to slit my throat or strangle myself etc.

Things I’ve already tried

I’m currently on citalopram, and we previously tried quetiapine, but it didn’t really help. I’ve also already had therapy with multiple different therapists and tried different approaches/methods, but unfortunately none of it has really helped.

My friendship

One of the things that has been bothering me a lot is my only real-life friend. I get along with other people at the location, but he’s the only person I’d actually call a close friend.

He’s already 18, and eventually one of us will leave the location. I have no idea when that’ll happen, and I’m scared that we won’t stay in contact afterwards. I asked him about it before, and he said he doesn’t know because he isn’t very good at keeping in contact with old friends.

And I asked him if we will hold contact if one of us leaves. He said, “I don’t know.” He also does not have a lot of contact with old school friends besides a handful, and I dislike texting.

I’ve even asked my friend before if he still wanted to be friends because I was worried he was only being nice to me. He reassured me that he didn’t see any reason not to be friends.

The weird thing is that I actually enjoy being alone too. We hung out outside the location once and had a great time, but afterwards I was also relieved to have some time alone again. So I don’t think I constantly need him around. I just really hate the idea of losing the friendship.

What I’m wondering

I guess what I’m wondering is: how do you stop constantly worrying about losing a friendship that hasn’t even ended yet? And how do you deal with being so scared of being replaced or forgotten? And what to do with myself to begin with?

Any advice or experiences would be appreciated.

Yes, my parents know about how I’ve been struggling.

I’ve been pretty tired this past week, and sometimes I am just on autopilot. Today, I needed the toilet in a public shop that I was in, and somehow missed the male symbol on the door.

I went in, and to be fair to myself, this bathroom had no urinals so I literally had no way of knowing aside from the door symbol. So I entered a cubicle, it looked clean enough, so sat down and started to do my business. When I heard multiple guys walk in talking about something. I was confused and startled and that made me hold my pee😭 but that’s when i kind of realised.. I’m in the wrong room

So they went to the toilet and left, which allowed me to carry on peeing, except no! Because another guy came in and went in the cubicle right next to mine. So I had to stop again! And just listen to this guys stream that was so heavy it sounded like he was pissing liquid metal, while coughing loudly. I for some reason thought he might be able to see my shoes and my skirt around my ankles, so I lifted my feet up and put them against the door of the cubicle. So i was then sat on the toilet with my legs up like an idiot until he left.

When he did I finally finished my business. And then built up the courage to leave and try my best to not be seen. So I quickly, opened the door speed walked over to the sink and washed my hands (I’m not an animal). And just as I finished and was ready to leave, another guy came in maybe 40 years old, saw me, a 4’11 woman with a skirt on standing there bright red in the face staring at him like a deer in headlights. He then apologised and left, so I had to catch up to him and tell him that it was the right toilet that he walked into, before he went into the real women’s toilets.

I then spent the rest of the day cringing and I still am tbh.

Ok now, it was Sunday I was asleep sung as a bug in a rug then I was in this VR game, I was holding this yellow ball and it was smiling too, and I was crawling on a ramp. The weirdest part of the VR game was that there was this large gray ball rolling towards me with the word "cyberphobia" on it. It slowly rolled towards me then it started to roll towards me faster and faster, and for some reason I couldn't turn around, when it got close enough I woke up in a panic with my heart racing. I have no idea what was the context of this VR game. I unfortunately can't recall much else because it was really dark for some reason.

(Note: the yellow ball with a smiley face on it isn't Verity.)

​

You get right back up every single time and spit blood back in life's face and shout at it, "Haha! Is that all you've got?! Maybe someone else would stay down but not me motherfucker! Not me!"

I'm quite sensitive to sound and didn't realize how much the noise was going to affect me until I moved into an actual apartment for the first time two weeks ago near my college.

I'm on a first-floor unit, which is nice in some ways because 1) I'm a musician and I don't have to worry as much about bothering other people with my own noise (esp. percussion) 2) I rather enjoy just walking to my door. However, the entire apartment shares one wall facing an alleyway one street removed from the major urban road in my city, which means deep into the middle of the night random cars will fly down it at max speed right outside my window.

I keep a fan running and sometimes my speakers to deaden the impact, or put on my earplugs, but it's almost all bass so I literally can't tune it out. Same thing with upstairs neighbor noise, which hasn't been bad until today when I got about 30 minutes straight of what sounded like slamming the floor with a rubber mallet. The unpredictability of it fucking murders me.

It's better now that there isn't also random construction and car alarms going off directly outside my window, but there was a moment last week where I had about a 2 hour long meltdown from it all. Ended up with my head buried on the floor of my bedroom in some blankets with earplugs in and shivered every time a car went by.

Umm hey

So lately I've been feeling like a total loser

Umm so am a med Student

I feel like am not good at anything

No sports, no hobby, no extra curricular activities

If I start to learn something i quit it in 2-3 weeks ,

Started gym , ukulele , video editing.... Quit all of em

Was only good at studying

And lately am not able to do that too :(

I literally studied my a off but still am failing my exams dudee

All my friends who do nothing just study one night before exams are aceing the exams ,are great at sports, even eSports,

All I do is scroll insta or watch yt , deleted em still can't study.

Everytime I look in mirror idk I don't like what i am looking at

Like w t f is what's happening man ;-;

Idk how will ppl react but yeah just wanted to let it off

This is mildly interesting but wanted to post it somewhere - think it would probably be removed from r/mildlyinteresting though. I had an email about a sale of rail tickets with a countdown - I wondered how the countdown worked so looked at the source They load a 32 second gif that looks like it is counting down but just loops for the next half minute. I tried to do one for Christmas but it maxes out at 99 days: https://img1.niftyimages.com/mn9h/d-4p/1gyl?dt=25/12/2026%2000:00:00&format=dd/MM/yyyy

Okay. Can't put it out for long enough. Have to write it down. Have to gather the energy to type. I am not sure what are the things i am going to talk abt tonight. It will be anything and everything. There is nothing specific in my mind but a bunch of ordinary moments i am struggling with.

So, terrace no longer helps. Yuppp. You heard it right. What used to make me calm has run out of its dose. Restlessness doesn't go away with walking anymore. I had slept too little last night and was tired yet my body refuses to calm down. I should go on terrace anyway for fresh air and open sky. But i am tired and want to sleep rather than do any physical activity.

Last night i talked too much with AI and tried to find a solution but today i still feel the same. Ai is the temporary relief and therefore what we need is human connection. So, i booked a therapy.

It's been a year since i have been taking counselling and it has definitely helped. Earlier i booked there times a month, then gradually turned to 2 times a months then one and now i have booked it after 2 months. I don't have anything soecific to talk to her just a bunch of ordinary daily life struggle.

Talking to her helps and i have started to make her my rescue plan. That she will be just one appointment away. I will have her cor my future problems. I do not have any big responsibilities yet i feel burdened. Taking care of yourself is not easy. I would rather do it for others because it shifts the onus on them to take care of me in return. I am the best at this thing where i have to do things for someone i like. But the catch is i want the return with the same language. Therefore, its better to turn inward. The hardest thing you do is to live for yourself.

There is always an urge to have a specific person to dump my burdens to. Sharing the burden, being a witness to other's life is what makes other feel lighter.

My issue is that I do not ask for help. I do not think that they will be able to help actually. Sometimes, yes but most of ths times i hv done things by myself. I need a special bond to share my life with. The person should be present and attentive. Sometimes i question my choice to live alone but other times i remember that i used to live with roomates. And there are still people if i want to share but the problem is i don't feel connected to them. There is no trust and safe space to open my heart.

It's my issue because others do not operate the same way. They do not have these criteria or requirements. They are social bees. I don't know. I am probably making a mistake by being rigid but thats who i am. I also shouldn't compare myself with my genz siblings. They all are naturally confident and self assured. I am saying this coz my sister doesn't hide her tears if she is frustrated while talking to my mother. I also doubt my abilities to not be a big sister everyone wants. Anyway, they know what they wants. On the other hand i keep making myself small.

I am not fit to live on this planet. I am odd one out. What i want rn is to be at peace. If only i could access my therapist rn so we could talk. But, it's alright. I am also practising to sit with my emotions. To not be an extreme. To be able to wait for tomorrow. I don't know what will i say to her but i hope i feel better after talking to her.

There are so many people on the earth but i use AI and pay to speak my thoughts out loud. There are parents, friends and colleague but noone to share the mundane evenings with. Noone to tell what happened at the office. Noone to advice me that how should i navigate my life purposely and effortlessly. Therefore, i am constantly planning, preparing and trying so that i can be a better version of myself.

P.s. My neighbor uncle died today. He was a good person. They are crying now at 1:30 am. I am scared. I won't be able to sleep anyway. I do not fear sleeping alone. Tonight is different. Bartan dho leti hu. Chatt pe chali jati hu. Darwaja khol leti hu. Ajeeb sa lag raha hai.

I’ve been In tech for about four years and my current role is as a solo tech (desktop/help desk support and junior system administrator). I don’t enjoy IT because I feel like it was forced upon me when I was younger and I kept reinforcing it because “I’m ok at it.” I know what I need to do to move up to higher level roles (getting certifications, degree and doing projects) but I don’t have the drive for it because I just don’t care enough.

I want to make a career change but before I jump ship and leave all this behind, am I being unreasonable? Should I suck it up and push through it or should I abandon IT and start fresh with someone that might make me happier?