In photos my skin looks horrible, my face shape looks horrible, my body shape looks horrible, my hair texture, hairline and color is horrible, my sideprofile is horrible, my nose and eyes are horrible, my double chin is horrible, i look horrible because im fat but when im slim I look still horrible. Even my very good lookin clothing turn horrible looking when i wear them.

I would really enjoy takin selfies and outfit pictures but i just look way too strange and ugly on photos especislly outdoors.. bright lights are my big enemy

Just wish had money to fix this all

I don’t understand how being mean to people is normalized as a joke. I have coworkers and managers that bully me for my height, mock me constantly, say “we’re best friends”, etc. and say it’s a joke. How is that funny? I had friends in college who would joke that I couldn’t dance or sing, that I looked like a kid. I would always be too loud around them or not understand certain social cues. But they were just joking and I was supposed to accept that. I don’t understand why the world is so mean. Like I don’t understand how belittling someone is funny. I had a friend who was made fun of for eating green peas and everyone was laughing at her and one friend was going around to other tables, asking if they ate green peas, and I said this behavior was wrong, and I was seen as the problem. Why are other people even involved in the first place? What’s so bad about eating green peas and why must you yell and ask everyone in the cafeteria if they like to eat green peas? I don’t get how it’s funny.

i NB20 and boyfriend m25 have been together for a few months and i've been best friends with his little brother for almost 10 years now (my best friend was excited when me and my boyfriend told him we're together.) when i was 12, their mother was terrible to me when i was trying to get away from my abusive household and sicked her oldest child on me. i never actually let it go, i was a child searching for an adult to help me. i told my boyfriend i didn't want anything to do with his mother until i could prepare myself or the such. on my boyfriends little sisters birthday me, my boyfriend, and his son were at Spencers (we were in the front of it and looking at the plushies and backpacks they had, my boyfriends son was walking further in the store and i went after him, his son saw bfs mom and ran to her. i was panicked and ran to my boyfriend to tell him his mom was there. she said 'apparently we have a past.' to me and i was very obviously uncomfortable to be around her, so my boyfriends sister walked around Spencers with me and got me away from their mother. maybe a week later his little sister told me their mom said 'i don't remember her so i'm not apologizing,' i immediately told my boyfriend and he was pissed off, she had been better with her kids for years, but she said that about me. i told him until she can give me an apology even if it's 'i'm sorry i don't remember you, i'm sorry if i had done something that upset you.' that when we have a kid she will not be allowed to see it whatsoever because if she can't be nice to me or try to make amends that she can't see our child because it'll be a part of me and he said that was understandable, he is really upset that she said that about me.

This is from a long time ago, but I do have to get it out somewhere I guess. I am a 38m. One Friday night when I was 18 I called up my long time friend, we will call Sam, to see what he and everyone was up to. Only Sam did not answer the phone. Instead his friend Craig answered the phone. Craig proceeded to tell me that they all hated me and did not want to be my friends. I in turn some how ended up at a random persons apartment and got blacked out drunk. Stupidly I continued to hang out with this group of guys. We never talked about the events of the night in question, but I couldn't help but feel like they did not want me around. It was not until I returned home from a trip I took to Europe in 2012 that I finally said enough is enough. I ceased all contact with the toxicity of my so called friends and ended up moving cross country years later.

Fast forward to the now! People are jerks man. I have tried for years to make new friends, but no one gives a shit about you! I have spent the last 14 years attempting to make new friends. It is always the same. I reach out to them. I ask how they are and they respond to it. Yet it is never returned. I know they reach out to people because they are always hanging out with others. I have done the inviting myself to things in the past, but let us all be honest with each other if you did not invite someone you never wanted them there. Group chats that you have to hear about, but never apart of because you aren't that important. Camping or hunting trips that you see pictures of, but are never invited to attend. I know I am rambling, but I have been dealing with this for 20 years. I just want a friend to hang out with. I am not here for advice on how to fix this stupid shit. I just want to vent it out loud anonymously because I know it would do no good to tell the offenders.

So here is to the assholes that treat people like this, you are the scum of the earth!

My older brother had his football friends over Saturday. They were screaming at the game and talking to me on commercials, last year they didn’t want me around. I went to the movies later and later changing into my night shorts my laundry basket wasnt the same my shorts and panties I just put on top were not on top of and the ones in my jeans I remember are gone, why guys ??? My dumb dog started eating them a couple years ago and now I have to worry about guys too, not really sure what to do either ??

I know that I will always be different not enough for most people. Idk when I will get an injury I could get it any moment my life is just stressing and being sad I try to make myself happy but it's just not true

-I'm to tired to speak

-My fingers feel weak typing this

-I want to cry

-I'm too tired to even shower

-my bus ride is 3 fucking hours

-PE first thing and one of the most energy draining classes at the end of the day

-homophobic ppl in my classes

-everything feels so overwhelming

Not much even happened today and I still feel so fucking weak and dead

I have 6 hours of school, waking up at 5 AM with 3 hours of sleep and a 1 hour and 30 minute bus ride each way to school.

I'm trying to do better in school (my last year grades were ass lol) But I feel so horrible even thinking about walking back to the bus stop tomorrow but idk maybe I'm just being dramatic

I have been struggling for some time deriving any sort of good feelings or pleasure. I feel aimless and unfulfilled. I have a dead-end job, broke as a joke, my relationship is good but i feel guilty about being such a bitch sometimes, i end up being quiet and letting the day go by without letting him in truly. i just feel like i have failed at life, things are not in my control. im not even hysterical about it, but more matter of fact that i kind of want to end it all.

Just ranting about my sister, she's in her early 40s with an infant son.

It upset me that when my nephew was around 2-3 months she came over to moms house, where I'm currently living and precedes to leave for a walk. I was on a lunch break from work but knowing my sister her story to just go for a walk seemed fishy. So I circled back by the house about 30-40 minutes later.

She had gotten a few bottles of liquor and had quite a bit, our mom was at work and I had to get back to work. So I called the police, they came out she had locked us out and they said they couldn't do anything because they could see her through the door with him

She does have a record and our address is in the database for her behavior.

CPS just doesn't do anything. Our systems are overloaded.

I worry all the time about him, and if I speak up, I'm somehow being a problem to both her and my mom.

It's just not a good situation here for me. I feel like I'm an accomplice to their abusive behaviors.

I quit my job a few months ago, and I really can't stand the current way our society is in general in the US.

I'm torn between trying to stick it out here, I sometimes feel like my anger will get the best of me one day and I'll do something that will have irreversible damage to my relationships.

I've been looking for work but not as much as I could.

I guess I'm trying to figure out where I want things to go.

If I don't get a job soon like in the next month I'll be forced to defaulting on my credit card debts.

There's a long haul truck driving job I could take. That lifestyle is a bit crazy and I worry if I'll be able to maintain my health and sanity doing that.

But at the same time I think it's pretty insane for me to stay in my current situation.

I've lived in sober living homes before pretty hard to study at those houses for better paying work.

I also just watch to much news and very concerned about our world

Won't go into all the past that led her but to say we come from a pretty dysfunctional home. Dad's schizophrenic-bi-polar. Our parents divorced each other twice, there's a lot more here that shaped our childhood I've been in ACOA meetings for the last two years and it's helped me in building my empathy for myself and others as I also struggled with addictions, just not to the extent of my sister.

Just wanted to try some shirts for fun and saw my face on mirror which made me feel like its pointless and just left without trying after zone out 5min

Im 13, and my little sister is 2. I know, this age gap is wack.
Some of this isnt really my little sister’s fault, but I can’t help but feel angry in her presence. My mom doesn’t do anything to teach her any basic life skills. She can’t walk, she can’t talk either. She just crawls around babbling and whining. Whenever she touches me I can’t help but cringe at her disgusting and grubby hands. I know she didn’t do anything wrong. I just hate her. My mom has made comments before about how I need to spend more time with her but I’ve already tried. It doesn’t help anything and I still find myself wanting to get away from her.

I have older siblings that have larger age gaps than me and my little sister, and they don’t seem to hate me the way I hate my little sister. I feel like some evil person.

I just want to know if I’m in the wrong or something. Or maybe why I might feel like this. I don’t know if this is normal.

I moved schools last march. I'm going onto 9th grade.

The friends I made at my old school were so nice. They were so understanding and so supportive. We even hugged and held hands in the hallways. It was the worst year of my life but I'd never had such a wonderful friendship with anyone ever.

Then I had to leave because we couldn't pay the school tuition. My new school is actually pretty fire, but my old friends... drifted off. I was so overcome by guilt and grief that I thought I could get over my old friends by pretending they were dead. And they weren't mad, they had other social connection so they didn't rlly respond either. I kept in touch for a bit afterwards, but I realized that I didn't mean to them what they meant to me.

I don't think I'll ever make friends again. Not like that. I miss them so much, but I really can't keep up online friendships so I have no chance at an actual friendship with them either. I was expecting the end of our friendship eventually once we changed classes, but I wasn't expecting the months of grief and loneliness that came with leaving so suddenly.

I can usually stand being by myself, and truthfully I actually can't keep up friendships so it's not so different. But tonight I feel so depressed and defeated. And deep inside me, I have felt this way for 6 months.

I'm not writing all this to gain an online friend or someone to talk to. I can't talk by text. I can't stand it. I just want to get this out of my system and not onto my pathetic diary. Thx if you read all this haha.

The only thing i understand it as is when you just for the most part let go and trust and excuse the persons wrongdoings past, current and future… and yes reconcile (assuming they want to be in your life).

I find it hard to not have a black and white view of forgiveness. Maybe thats just codependency speaking.

Because i get scared thinking of bad world events or personal health crises and i feel like when/if such things happen, I do/would not want or be able to have have some chip on my shoulder so to speak where i have some judgement or resentment towards someone/people and then I need to humbly rely on or ask for their help. Because i realize even if people/someone sucks in some ways, they are often/can be helpful in other ways (like practical).

Imagine having an attitude lowkey with someone because you were upset or miffed they had one with you first, or maybe they actually are someone you know better and they have hurt you repeatedly in the past… and then you have an emergency and you have to rely on or ask them for help in some way. How silly would that feel in that moment?

I do want to forgive people. But when I look for advice about forgiveness, people may say you can forgive but have boundaries. And that confuses me. It sounds great, yes, but in practice i dont get it.

Ive also heard someone question how you can say you forgive someone but then say “i close myself off to this person and dont want to fellowship or welcome them”— this is the way i experience forgiveness practically or on an emotional level as well. It just doesnt sound appealing on an intellectual level because it sounds dangerous. And i have forgiven this way many times and repeatedly get hurt, but maybe i have grown a bit smarter each time and natural self-protective boundaries form, without it feeling purposeful or weird—just natural. So maybe that makes repeated forgiveness easier.

May I ask, is there a forum or group to talk to other people in this situation and find out each other's location if we chose to disclose to see if anyone is near each other and wants to be friends or get to know each other and maybe get out of the situation? I get kicked off saying I broke rules. I do not want to go in split pad or roomies cause rather someone else going through same. I rather help someone not in a room than someone already in one. 2 people with similar medical problems and situations might be able to help each other in different ways. See everyone similar but everyone is so far apart. I get rapist murders pedophiles etc. We are our own judgement when meeting just as if we were on the street. I wish the census bureau or local des or foodstamp housing offices would try to help homeless or urban car living together like pedophiles together, people with gi issues together. Not sure about to schizophrenia but you see what I mean maybe two close or 2 that can help each other to not be hungry, not feel unsafe cause alone, to work together to have a roof food doctors etc. Or safe parking. So many in and on and around in cars on the streets and many alone by choice many alone cause they don't know how to get back into a place. Face it most people don't even really want to rent to people living out of car or street. Where or how can people get together to get out of situation? The mod person told me to look for others around but if in a new state and living in car and Airbnb I don't see others. Not in this situation. And most not in this situation don't want to be friends with someone, its almost like they pitty you. Lol. I just do not know where to end up which state and don't want to try alone anymore. I know someone else in situation may want to team up and get out. Just don't know how to find them. And get in trouble if I put a post requesting or asking where they live at times. Is there a specific forum for each state? Do you think it would be a good idea to make one. Example homeless urban arriving in Florida or Canada Ohio etc. I know safety reason but we have the same safety outside we have to talk video meet up BEFORE making a choice. I think its the same as meeting for a quickie and I see tons of pages for that. Asking to meetup for sex cannot be safer than asking someone homeless or in car where living and do you want to meet to be friends & possibly get out of homeless or living in car etc.

ive stopped taking my antidepressants properly for almost 3 months now and im visibly doing shit

i can never manage to be consistent with them and it doesnt even matter if i take them because i need to either drink or be high every day

its either that or jacking off to very unhealthy porn, or both actually

i wanna escape i wanna leave i wanna feel everything more, i just always wanna get out of anywhere i am

i have no weed and all i can think about is getting high, or just leaving

no matter where i am i always wanna leave, be it my bed or with people or alone or having fun or not i always wanna leave

and im out of weed and i cant do that

I literally dont know what else to say to my family other then "if nobody helps me i will kill myself" to get help

To start, it’s not exactly that i’m unable to feel the pain of others. It’s that their big struggles are not as important to me as my small issues. I get really anxious and overwhelmed when dealing with any problems. Example, i’m going to college (which is fully being funded by my parents and we are financially able to), i have the privilege of going on month long vacations to visit some relatives, get whatever i ask for (newest phones, games, pc parts, etc), two properties going under my name, and a savings + stocks account (that i don’t touch) made for me which gets money deposited every month. And i don’t pay for my living expenses (i just get a lump sum and if i run out i just tell my parents and they transfer me more).

But, I struggle to emphasize with others. like My cousin has horrible teeth issues that would cost 50k to fix but i was more concerned about my one tooth that needed a root canal (which is covered by insurance and parents) while hers is being denied because it’s too expensive.

There are more people struggling than me and their problems are so much more severe than mine. I don’t know how to stop the guilt i feel when I have my very minor problems. Like i know i can’t fix their problems but it feels unfair comparing my issues with others. I feel really bad worrying about what brand of car to choose, how i can’t find cute decor for my dorm, and idk what restaurant to get takeout from, which mall i want to go to today, and how theres nothing i wanna buy online.

So i guess i just find it hard to live without guilt? Like why am i the one living this life. Why am i even complaining about my non issues. How dare i live like i do when others my age are struggling. These thoughts have been getting more frequent lately. I don’t think it’s a self worth issues. idek

Hi, sorry, long vent post

I'm 20 and I just began my penultimate year of university where I study academic Art

I want to do animation for a job in the future, but I ended up going to university where I study academic art and art basics, because I didn't have other options within my city, and I couldn't leave the city. So I generally came here to get a diploma and basic art knowledge

But the longer I spend here the worse I feel, I don't understand color, my teachers can't help me, art coloring teacher refuses to teach me because "you don't listen!" When on numerous occasions I directly, clearly told them that I hear them, but physically cannot comprehend how to apply it in my art, I ask for more elaboration on the topic or examples but they refuse, assuming my asks for help is me just being rude and wanting to fight, which is why they get aggressive, I had times when they would throw my work around because they would get angry at me for not understanding the subject

Then there were a lot of other situations where teachers would be rude to me or refuse to teach me.

One time I was told to choose what additional subject I wanted to study, I chose linocut but then, with no prior warning I was added to linocut and calligraphy group, I didn't choose to learn calligraphy and have life long problem with it that I wasn't ready to resolve, so I asked if it can be fixed and I was told "of course, just talk to your teacher and he will allow you to study linocut only, like you chose" and so I did, but the teacher refused to do that, somehow, I was the first student in his life that didn't want to study calligraphy, and It shocked him, so after I elaborated that I was added to calligraphy by mistake and didn't chose to study it, and was told to resolve the problem with him directly he said "well now that I know don't want you study calligraphy, you will." I had a fight with that guy, I cried and stood on my own and I did get to study linocut only, this teacher kept joking about me "crying to avoid calligraphy" all year. I really don't like how this situation escalated, none of my group mates had to go through it, none of them got their classes mixed

Overall I hate classes and my university but I never skip a single lecture and even the thought of having to skip one stresses me out greatly, and there was a situation where teacher A made me skip a lecture of teacher B, to finish up the project I used to work on with teacher A, I disagreed at first, I could finish the work any other day and it wasn't worth to me to skip a lecture, but teacher A disregarded the class and made me skip the lecture for me to do absolutely nothing because teacher A just had me and other students sit in a class and talk about random things, my group mates loved it, and kept talking about how nice it is to skip a lecture for nothing, but it was absolutely unessesary, I stressed out a lot and didn't do anything useful

And situations like this kept going on and repeating, it's just teachers doing no respect, little education, and my group mates absolutely encouraging them in skipping classes

And it doesn't stop, my teacher wants to take us on a bus trip to another city to hang our artwork in the gallery, and I got worried, because I didn't want to skip any classes for that trip, and instead of discussing the schedule of the trip and our classes, my group mates just kept saying how amazing it would be to skip a class for the trip, and the teacher encouraged it

I just don't understand, I'm really tired, I don't like my university but I will finish it for a degree, degree only since I'm not getting much of education here unfortunately. I also hate skipping lectures because I need good grades, if I get 98% grades I det additional scholarship money, that's why I care about classes so much, but my group mates, who can also get that scholarship if they have good grades (which they do) feel absolutely excited about skipping university and not doing much to get good grades

I feel empty, I'm almost friends with them, but I don't like them, I don't like anything that's about that place , I also really don't like oil paints we are using right now, I feel like I'm failing despite the fact that I'm a top student in my group, I'm lost and I have no idea how I am going to get animation job in the future when I have no animation education (I study animation by myself but I don't think it's enough), I'm extremely frustrated and I feel like I'm wasting my time (I know I don't, I'm working for a degree), but I still feel like I could be doing more useful for me things

I don't have any more energy to talk to my group mates or show my emotions, I don't want to make oil paintings, but I still continue to do even through tears because there is no way out of it but pushing through for until I get the degree

But with that, I have no idea what to do after I get the degree, I have no animation education, and my art education alone would be useless, since they mainly teach us how to make oil paintings and I cannot stand oil paints, I'm going to give mine away after graduation and forget I ever had them

This is very frustrating

I think it's all because I chose the wrong major, but unfortunately it was the only one available for me

idk if this is considered bullying so i wont label it as that but i genuinely despise when boys tap your shoulder and laugh when you look or that stupid thing they do when they say their friend has a crush on you or just when they say your name so you'd look back

its been happening to me way more often

this has been happening since i was in middle school, i know what it means

a boy tapped my shoulder and i legit just started crying and trying to run-walk away because i just cant take it anymore

it pisses me off and reminds me constantly how ugly i am and how low they think i am by treating me like an animal

i just cant stop thinking about killing myself and being reborn as a man who isn't autistic, i want to claw off the skin on my arms so i can be distracted by the feeling of being so ugly

We're online friends and he's had his ups and downs in his mental health.

He's my age (19) and we've been pretty casual, inside jokes, being on calls with other friends, sharing interests and playing games. Normal friend stuff.

The other* night when he got on call, he was acting really weird. One of my other friends has just barely made out that he had taken something. The next hour and half was spent trying to get him to throw up, to call emergency services or give us a number for someone who can physically check on him.

Since I was the only one in his state, the other guys on call were like "be prepared to make some calls to get him some help". And I ended up having to do that.

It was back and forth trying to get info (with him also dropping on and off the call and going scary quiet at times) until eventually he said he had called the cops.

My other friends and I kind of just stayed in call for a bit, trying to process. Needless to say, it was a scary experience. And I haven't been okay since. I can't sleep, I'm constantly checking my DMs for any news and just hoping that's he's alive.

If you're ever considering committing, please don't. You have people somewhere that really do care for you and will try their hardest to make sure you're okay. Don't be afraid to reach out to someone. You're not a burden. You're not annoying. Just find someone, anyone, that you gotta keep living for.

As someone who's gone through a fair share of trauma, I too have considered. But this in a fucked up way, made me change my mind.

Reach out to your friends. Hug your loved ones. On that note, I need a serious hug. Or ten.

Edit: it's also pretty fresh so I don't know if he's okay or not. The people I called took my name and number so hopefully I'll get an answer? But it's just radio silence at the moment.