I saw him get roofied a couple years ago he’s constantly drinking while driving I found coke in his sock drawer he always has to have the latest iPhone he knows all the lyrics to Fergie’s Duchess album he drives a red convertible hot rod car with a vanity license plate and he doesn’t have a plan for retirement his parents are in their late 90s and he doesn’t take care of them they are living in an apartment complex that is meant for young adults they are the only two people living in the building over the age of 45 and whenever I visit the neighbors look at me with judgment that I’m allowing this and that I’m associated with them

Seriously though. I'm in my 40s and trying to make plans with friends is a shot in the dark sometimes. I get that everyone's busy but simple courtesy of answering a question is not that hard. I don't need a lengthy response- literally yes or no, or even 👍 or 👎 works too.

I go to work then fall asleep. I don’t even have energy to make it to the bed usually I just sleep on the floor. I don’t brush my teeth beforehand either I just don’t have the energy. Then I wake up workout shower and all that and go to work rinse repeat. On weekends I’m tired from getting up early so I don’t do anything then I go back to work.

I don’t know how I’m expected to live like this for another 40 years it’s already been 5 and I feel dead inside. I can already see people saying come back in 15 years you’ll be used to it that sounds horrible I feel sorry for you guys. If that’s the future what is even the point? And the little “happy” moments in between isn’t enough to make this enjoyable

5 months ago my wife called me worried about a dog she had found wondering our neighborhood wearing a crewed through harness, smelling of urine and digging through a trashcan for food. This young pup walked slow and low to the ground as if it had been injured around his back hips. He was young but in fragile condition.

I was on the drive home when I received this call and arrived only a few minutes after to see and meet him for the first time. It was evident that he had been seriously under fed and by the looks of it he had chewed his way out of wherever he came from. He was lanky with legs too big for his body and a big head with droopy ears foreshadowing that his adult size would be quite big one day.

He was still across the street when I pulled in the driveway and immediately I ran inside to get a bowl of food for him. By the time I stepped outside with the food, despite his very slow and crippled like walk, he was walking up our driveway as if he already knew we were safe people. I sat with him in the grass as he ate up his food and I will never forget how he stopped eating about half way through, took a step towards me to lick me a few times before returning to his food to finish. My heart melted instantly.. and that night we set him up with a bed and some make shift shelter to sleep on our back porch until we could have him checked out by a vet.

Despite having 2 cats and a dog of our own already, we quickly decided to foster this large puppy until we could find him a permanent home. A bath, a visit to the vet and many belly rubs later and he had his own little room in our home and we named him Tucker. Tucker and our dog played everyday together and got along very well. Unfortunately however, Tucker did not get along well with our cats, and when you through the fact that my wife and I were also expecting our first child in a few short months we knew that Tucker wasn’t going to be able to make his forever home our home. Yet still, we proceeded along anyway because it had already been a month at this point and no one had shown interest in adopting Tucker so far.

So we created routines - cats go in one room, dogs in the other and we either rotate the animals or the adults every hour or so. Each cat and each dog had their own order of being fed and their own space so no fights would break out and keep in mind, we have a very small one story home. All the while my wife is becoming more and more pregnant each day and I’m not always at home to help with pet logistics because of work. Nevertheless, we pressed on.

Month 2 went by, Tucker got a new walking harness. Month 3 we changed Tucker’s food. Month 4 we got Tucker a beeping and vibrating training collar so he could learn what we do bark at and what we do not bark at. And in month 5 Tucker got neutered. During all of this time he gained lots of healthy weight, his injuries healed, and he grew significantly taller. The playing got more energetic, our daily routines became more chaotic and everyday was like a circus in our house juggling the needs of 4 animals between 3 rooms while preparing for a new born baby to enter the equation. It was A LOT - and then it was over..

Today a sweet couple came over to adopt Tucker into their family. My wife and I had planned for this. But we didn’t plan for our hearts being removed in the process.. It’s only been a handful of hours since we said goodbye to Tucker and I can honestly say I believe we made a huge mistake! All we’ve done is ugly sob since they drove away.

This experience has taught me the most valuable adulting life lesson I can imagine in a single afternoon:

When Love is worth the chaos, it isn’t chaos.

When we unboxed the beeping/vibrating training collar for the first time my wife and I were frustrated and scared. Frustrated that we had to take measures that basically scared this dog just to ensure the cats were safe and all other moving objects were safe whenever Tucker would react. And we were scared because it has already been over 3 months and no one showed interest in Tucker and we didn’t know what we would have done if no one ever took him home the way things were going at the time. - Fast forward to today and placing that same collar in the bag for Tucker’s adopted parents made me break down and sob like a child. This is because the collar represented ownership that we took over Tucker and the efforts we put into working with him.

Love is a VERB! It’s an action that we take in the direction of something or someone.

And each of the day to day chaotic juggling my wife and I handed ended up building a solid mountain of affectionate action in the direction of love towards Tucker.

Yet, he’s not in our home anymore. And tonight as I write this we are now feeling the magnitude of this loss that we incorrectly labeled as chaos.

If you’re reading this and you’ve made it this far please learn this from us:

Anxiousness is a choice.

Tonight is the first night in 5 months that we have all the doors open to each room in our house. It’s quiet here and it’s peaceful and yet we both feel more emptiness in our hearts than anytime before. It turns out that our anxiousness was only a perspective and a choice. And this is the hardest lesson of my life so far.

Thanks for reading .

If you also want to add your age & how your relationship with them is, feel free!

What about you ?

I'm about to be 30 but i've noticed that I can't eat a bunch of junk food without upsetting my stomach. Like chocolate, chips, sodas give me a bit of reflux or worst case scenario I end up with constipation or diharrea. Most of the time it's something like gas and bloating. If I stay away from these foods I'm generally okay. The longer I don't eat them the worst the reaction. Like a heavy pizza will leave me feeling super bloated. Before I could eat all of this stuff on the same day and be totally fine.

I barely felt anything or any reactions to heavy fatty junky foods. Has anyone else noticed this difference?

Edit: are the 40 something’s okay?

When the world went to crap with covid so did I. Had my car stolen twice, lost my job, and my car. Recently got a better paying job and actually start an emergency savings fund and also pay off the cards that kept me afloat. Just want to share some good news with everyone.

It was nice having money yesterday. See you all on October 1st.

When I was a kid, I was told,

“Study now. You’ll enjoy life later.”

So I studied.

When I got to college, I was told,

“Just get your degree. Then you’ll be able to enjoy life.”

So I got the degree.

A few years ago, when I started working, the message changed,

“Work hard now. Once you get married and have a partner, life will get easier. Then you’ll enjoy life.”

So I kept going.

And today?

I go to work.
I come home.
I do the household chores.
I take care of what needs to be taken care of.

And somewhere along the way, I started wondering…

When exactly was I supposed to enjoy my life?

It feels like I’ve spent years preparing for a future that keeps moving further away.

There was always a “later.”

Later, after school.
Later, after college.
Later, after getting a job.
Later, after getting married.
Later, when things finally settle down.

But what if “later” never actually comes?

Maybe life isn’t supposed to be something we earn after we’ve finished all our responsibilities.

Maybe we’re allowed to live it while we’re studying, working, cleaning, building a career, building a relationship, and figuring ourselves out.

Because I don’t want to wake up one day and realize I spent my whole life preparing to live…

without ever actually living.

I’m a few months into handling my dad’s estate and starting to wonder if doing it all myself is actually saving me anything I work full time and the estate is in another state. I’ve already had to take time off twice just to deal with the house, and every trip seems to lead to something else that needs handling after I get back.

I started out thinking paying for help would be a waste when I could technically do most of this myself. Now I’m looking at the time I’ve lost from work and how much of my week this keeps eating up. DIY route isn't worth it anymore I think so who could I hire to help with this?

When I got into a good position and started seeing some success, grinding all by myself, I noticed that people around me started getting annoyed for no reason. They behave differently now and sometimes make fun of me. I can tell they’re not the same anymore.