r/dadjokes 13h ago

I don't know why people rate Excel very badly

1.2k Upvotes

Personally, I give it October the tenth.


r/dadjokes 6h ago

I have a bad habit of running red lights.

232 Upvotes

I really need to stop.


r/dadjokes 7h ago

My adult daughter was questioned by her baby sister about her many dad jokes. "You're a girl," sissy said, "You're never gonna be a dad!" My daughter hung her head, "yeah, you're right..."

184 Upvotes

I guess I'm just a faux pa.


r/dadjokes 1h ago

My friend and I argued about which vowel is the best.

Upvotes

I think I won.

But it could have been U.


r/dadjokes 3h ago

Not a blonde joke

53 Upvotes

A scatter-brained woman is a passenger on a small plane when the pilot suddenly faints...she frantically calls out a May Day over the radio. "Someone please help...my pilot has passed out and I don't know how to fly this plane!" A voice from the radio responds, "This is Air Traffic Control. I hear you loud and clear. Don't worry, I'll talk you through this and get you back on the ground. Everything will be fine! Can you tell me your height and position?" She replies..."I'm 5'4" and in the front seat."


r/dadjokes 9h ago

The EMT's were called to the airport to assist a woman who passeed out on the luggage carousel.

139 Upvotes

When they arrived they found her slowly coming around.


r/dadjokes 4h ago

Which US state is the best to visit to learn about consent?

48 Upvotes

Alaska


r/dadjokes 1d ago

The Bible says being gay is fine, as long as you're high.

1.6k Upvotes

"A man who lays with another man should be stoned."

• Leviticus 20:13


r/dadjokes 13h ago

When I joined a local theater, the director pointed around the room, assigning jobs. “You, props. You, sound. You, lighting.” Then he asked, “Can anyone here write a good ending?” I raised my hand. He pointed at me and said, “Great. Act III.”

145 Upvotes

I nodded, then collapsed on the floor and threw a tantrum.


r/dadjokes 7h ago

An e-book is nowhere as good as a paper book

36 Upvotes

Doesn't even hold a kindle.


r/dadjokes 9h ago

I got kicked out of the kitchen this morning.

45 Upvotes

Partner making our kid's lunch. They give me a post-it and ask:"Do you want to write a little message?" I say "Sure!" and I write "A little message." on the post-it.

I got an eye-roll for the ages, and was promptly pointed the door, whilst I cried laughing. It was a good morning.


r/dadjokes 5h ago

What month are sheep typically born in?

19 Upvotes

Maaaaaaaaaay


r/dadjokes 13h ago

What’s faster than an escalator?

79 Upvotes

An esca-sooner


r/dadjokes 7h ago

My buddy Steven went to the capital of Texas during a blizzard. He and his friends smoked a bunch and got locked out of their AirBNB. I knew something was wrong when he sent me a four word text:

30 Upvotes

Stoned. Cold. Steve. Austin.


r/dadjokes 4h ago

What do you call two men hanging above a window?

14 Upvotes

Kurt and Rod


r/dadjokes 10h ago

The local theater's passion play on the cruxification of Jesus was halted mid-play due to historical inaccuracies, and only continued after the actor who played Jesus changed his hair color to black.

46 Upvotes

Jesus dyed for our scenes.


r/dadjokes 1h ago

In honour of the renamed Lake America, I propose that Jack-o-lanterns be renamed

Upvotes

Trumpkins.


r/dadjokes 23h ago

What do you call a cow that’s good at math?

336 Upvotes

A cowculator.


r/dadjokes 10h ago

What does a house wear to a party?

26 Upvotes

Address!


r/dadjokes 9h ago

Going vegan would be ..

18 Upvotes

a HUGE missed steak!


r/dadjokes 15h ago

Americans may pull guns but Canadians…

53 Upvotes

..may pull leaves.


r/dadjokes 9h ago

What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?

16 Upvotes

A walkie-talkie


r/dadjokes 11h ago

How do you make an egg roll?

21 Upvotes

You push it


r/dadjokes 22m ago

What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.

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