Now that's a sight for sore eyes.

He was working on something sketchy

You can’t handle the tooth!

She always had to have a comeback to everything he said. In desperation, he told her,

“Honey, you just don't know when to stop.”

A scatter-brained woman is a passenger on a small plane when the pilot suddenly faints...she frantically calls out a May Day over the radio. "Someone please help...my pilot has passed out and I don't know how to fly this plane!" A voice from the radio responds, "This is Air Traffic Control. I hear you loud and clear. Don't worry, I'll talk you through this and get you back on the ground. Everything will be fine! Can you tell me your height and position?" She replies..."I'm 5'4" and in the front seat."

Kurt and Rod

Alaska

Maaaaaaaaaay

To get to the udder side

…but I have a keg.

I really need to stop.

Willem Dafoe

They’re called hootin’nannies

They've been contaminated with dihydrogen monoxide!

I guess you've become overcucumbered.

Dude pretended he didn't even know me and kept pushing his cart around Wal*Mart.

Doesn't even hold a kindle.

I guess I'm just a faux pa.

Stoned. Cold. Steve. Austin.

When it rains, it purrs.

He can turn water into whine.

A walkie-talkie

a HUGE missed steak!

Partner making our kid's lunch. They give me a post-it and ask:"Do you want to write a little message?" I say "Sure!" and I write "A little message." on the post-it.

I got an eye-roll for the ages, and was promptly pointed the door, whilst I cried laughing. It was a good morning.

When they arrived they found her slowly coming around.