r/dadjokes • u/rage_bait_final_boss • 9h ago
I don't know why people rate Excel very badly
990
Upvotes
Personally, I give it October the tenth.
r/dadjokes • u/lnc_gomes • 3h ago
I have a bad habit of running red lights.
164
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I really need to stop.
r/dadjokes • u/strobro88 • 4h ago
My adult daughter was questioned by her baby sister about her many dad jokes. "You're a girl," sissy said, "You're never gonna be a dad!" My daughter hung her head, "yeah, you're right..."
78
Upvotes
I guess I'm just a faux pa.
r/dadjokes • u/dennyitlo • 6h ago
The EMT's were called to the airport to assist a woman who passeed out on the luggage carousel.
119
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When they arrived they found her slowly coming around.
r/dadjokes • u/Due-Entertainment700 • 21h ago
The Bible says being gay is fine, as long as you're high.
1.5k
Upvotes
"A man who lays with another man should be stoned."
• Leviticus 20:13
r/dadjokes • u/ilikesidehugs • 10h ago
When I joined a local theater, the director pointed around the room, assigning jobs. “You, props. You, sound. You, lighting.” Then he asked, “Can anyone here write a good ending?” I raised my hand. He pointed at me and said, “Great. Act III.”
133
Upvotes
I nodded, then collapsed on the floor and threw a tantrum.
r/dadjokes • u/shoresail • 4h ago
An e-book is nowhere as good as a paper book
33
Upvotes
Doesn't even hold a kindle.
r/dadjokes • u/SirAeglos • 6h ago
I got kicked out of the kitchen this morning.
35
Upvotes
Partner making our kid's lunch. They give me a post-it and ask:"Do you want to write a little message?" I say "Sure!" and I write "A little message." on the post-it.
I got an eye-roll for the ages, and was promptly pointed the door, whilst I cried laughing. It was a good morning.
r/dadjokes • u/Sodrohu • 7h ago
The local theater's passion play on the cruxification of Jesus was halted mid-play due to historical inaccuracies, and only continued after the actor who played Jesus changed his hair color to black.
38
Upvotes
Jesus dyed for our scenes.
r/dadjokes • u/iamtherog • 4h ago
My buddy Steven went to the capital of Texas during a blizzard. He and his friends smoked a bunch and got locked out of their AirBNB. I knew something was wrong when he sent me a four word text:
17
Upvotes
Stoned. Cold. Steve. Austin.
r/dadjokes • u/levosis1 • 20h ago
What do you call a cow that’s good at math?
329
Upvotes
A cowculator.
r/dadjokes • u/Fieldofcows • 50m ago
Which US state is the best to visit to learn about consent?
•
Upvotes
Alaska
r/dadjokes • u/golfballahwhackerguy • 2h ago
What month are sheep typically born in?
10
Upvotes
Maaaaaaaaaay
r/dadjokes • u/IEnjoyDadJokes • 12h ago
Americans may pull guns but Canadians…
45
Upvotes
..may pull leaves.
r/dadjokes • u/Mapleleafguy83 • 5h ago
What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?
11
Upvotes
A walkie-talkie
r/dadjokes • u/zeeshadowfox • 5h ago
My cat loves stormy weather
11
Upvotes
When it rains, it purrs.
r/dadjokes • u/Fuzzy-Mix-3642 • 48m ago
What do you call two men hanging above a window?
•
Upvotes
Kurt and Rod
r/dadjokes • u/Revolutionary-Doge • 5h ago
My kid might have a religious following soon…
8
Upvotes
He can turn water into whine.
r/dadjokes • u/Pretend-Meaning-1536 • 19h ago
Do you know why i don't drink coffee?
109
Upvotes
Because it's not my cup of tea