Im a 17 year old male from prepping h for neet and recently been diagnosed wirth severe functioning clinical depression,ADHD,emotional instability can anyone help me?

Cant focus cant concentrate there’s a constant urge to cry and sadness

Im writing this on reddit cause ive lost hope in therapy or any self care or being positive this is my last effort…

Need someone to talk to about some mental stuff please dm me I need it right now

if i say it plainly, it sounds so stupid. so, i have a friend group that i play games with online. a specific friend if very close to me. she's the type of person you'd write songs about. someone very magnetic to love. she told me about a very nice guy who makes her feel like how every girl should feel when they're with a guy. he goes out of his way to make her feel comfortable. you get the picture.

there's this other guy that was introduced to me since she invited him and other people to play with us. a while after, i browsed instagram and decided to reply to a photo of a movie he shared. and so we talked for hours about movies and songs. recommended a ton to each other. pero during the conversation, he asked about the same girl. he admitted he liked her and wanted to know things about her. he told me he'd been looking at my profile since i'm a very close friend of hers. i felt off about it and uncomfortable because i thought we were getting along. my insecurity came out and lowkey ranted about how i'm always the bridge when it comes to my friends' love lives. i felt shitty, and now he felt shitty for asking about her. of course i saw how things became because of my insecurity, so i apologized. we were like idiots, trying to apologize to each other when my mind was the reason why things went sour.. he explained that he asked about her because he wanted to know if he should stop liking her. he's been liking her since 2022, but nothing really happened between them. in the end, things went fine between me and him. heck, we played a game online after it.

the next day, she told me stuff about the nice guy again. i was already feeling worn out because i slept at 4 am due to talking to the other guy who liked her. the point is.. i can't stop feeling this dread that no one will choose me in the way that guys get attracted to her so naturally. they're good guys too. it makes me feel so heavy. i want the best for her, of course. i just keep wondering what the difference is between me and her. it's so tiring. this has been going on since 2022. heck, she even admitted she felt the same about me in the past. still, i really don't think it's the same. it sucks. no one has ever chosen me the same way.

i know that i'm not as socially warm as her, but is that really all it is? maybe i'm just not someone you'd choose? i had everything back then, the class topper, pretty, fit.. but even the guy i liked, chose her. why does this keep happening? why me? am i just always meant to be a bridge?

I just want to dig a hole and bury myself… Oh my God, I’m so embarrassed. 😭

Aging itself doesn’t scare me completely. But not living or enjoying my 20s does. Not sure who to tell this but it just feels well I feel nothing. I’m grateful to see another year but just imagined my life to be different at this point. I feel like I want to end my life but I don’t want to actually do it. I just feel numb and not motivated.

I wish I could be the person I used to be. I just feel like I’ve became a shell of myself. I know other people are going through far worse than me. But I’m allowed to feel how I feel regardless.

*Excuse my English it’s not my first language*

Im not sure what to take from this situation but I need to get it out somehow.

Here’s some context:

I’m 33 years old and honestly I feel like it’s impossible for me to create meaningful relationships (even just as friends) with other people that I’m not le easy close with. I have literally 4 friends outside from my family and I’m extremely thankful for them! But whenever I go out and meet new people it’s always the same, I have a nice time and the others seem to enjoy my company as well but somehow it ends there.

Most people that I know though, when it happens to them, they add each other on social media, see each other again or at least keep some kind of communication between them. It hurts a little but most of the time I’m ok with it.

There’s one thing I don’t get though. A little more than a year ago, I’ve met this person through Bumble. We were both ok with just being friends with benefits based on mutual respect, I knew they had just got out of a bad monogamous relationship and didn’t want to force anything on them especially since they wanted to explore polyamorous relationships.

With time I really thought we were friends. We used to send a lot of silly reels to each other, the sexual aspect was great and they really seemed to enjoy spending time with me. The last time we saw each other they even told me that they were happy that their cats were getting used to me. So I thought everything was good. Then out of nowhere they stopped talking to me but kept sending me funny reels almost daily. I reacted with emojis and sent them reels as well but they never reacted to them or said anything to me. Rather quickly, they sent less and less reels and then nothing.

The only news I had from them was what they or their friends posted on Facebook. I saw a couple of pictures with other people and had a feeling that something was up. Well turns out they’re in a relationship with someone and it seems like they are exclusive. It shows that their relationship started a little less than a month after we saw each other for the last time.

I don’t mind them finding someone that makes them happy at all! But it hurts to see them just pull away even as friends… I get that their new partner might not want them to speak to people
They had sex with bit still.. A heads up would have been nice…

After finding out I waited a little and wrote to them without mentioning their new relationship, I thought they would bring it up or something. I wrote that I was sad because I thought we were friends and I even apologized in case I’ve done or said anything to hurt them because I never wanted that.

They replied. They were apologetic and said that they didn’t see they never replied and that they did the same to another friend as well. We laughed about it, sent like two or three messages, never mentioned their new partner and they still haven’t seen my last message. It was two months ago.

Im sick of feeling used for sex. Im sick of people making me feel safe and cared for and be left out in the end.

I hate that I feel so sad at this situation…

My best friend and I have been friends for a few years and before I met her I had no one for a while and now it’s her and 3 other friends plus my boyfriend. But she’s my primary friend and during this year I’ve been starting to feel more and more distance from her because of this particular relationship she’s in. She’s been with this guy for about a year now and throughout their whole relationship except the first few months have consisted of arguments and two break ups within the span of just a year. They got in the relationship very fast and even claimed to be engaged within the first month which I found ridiculous. Their main problems revolve around the bf’s behavior, he’s very controlling and acts like a helicopter parent and she has to update him on everywhere she goes even though he has her location including even just going to the pool in her own apartment. He also waited a whole year to confess he has a kid that he kept a secret. The dude is very insecure/jealous it’s actually insufferable. The last time they broke up I had to be there for her and we called the cops on him because he was being suicidal from her dumping him and he went to the mental hospital and got out within 4 days and right after that they got back together which I didn’t support and now the worst of all I shortly find out she’s moving out of state with him away from everyone. It was such a random spontaneous decision and she kept it from me for a little bit since she knew I’d be upset. She is only gonna be around for 3 months now and I’m at this point of feeling like I need to find a new primary friend. I’ve also usually been the one to initiate plans with her the most and her and I don’t FaceTime or call normally so I doubt she’s going to stay in contact much when she’s gone. I feel sad yet anger and resentment at the same time and I absolutely hate the boyfriend’s guts more than I already did before.

I hast had my heart ripped to shreds and I’m going down a very bad path. I tried to end it all last night with pills and alcohol and now I’m just feeling like complete shit. Been drinking water and had a little coffee but that’s probably not the best thing. Just water should be fine. I took 4mg of lorazapam and drank like 6 beers ranging from 6-9% abv. I don’t want to die I just want this pain to end

im currently in the beginning of my senior year in high school. i want to make it out of my country. im pretty privileged. my parents have stable jobs and make enough to send me to a private school (thankfully, since my country's education system is very bad). however, i dont want to financially depend on them, or my older brother (who in the past has offered to financially support me should i need it). i want to be able to live on my own. i want to have my own life.

i suck. my past grades suck, and even when i got them to be better, i burnt myself out and they dropped again. im average looking and not very sociable. ive basically done nothing for the past few years but suck and be a financial burden. ive been an average C student for the past three years (gpa of around 3-3.2). i have exactly two extracurriculars. i dont think i can make it out of my country. or make it to where i want to go (US or canada). i dont my profile is competitive enough to make it into biotech or to become someone that earns a decent living.

My week was such a mess...it would be one of the weeks i cried most..n i really try to be strong but can't I have my exams i couldn't prepare for n also had 2 grp presentation...it sucked so much because i alone had to do mostly everything for one of them.. I had to form a group with few of the most incompetent ppl in batch for an very imp 2 year proj, cause my actual grp betrayed me end moment I feel ppl laugh at me for being with them n consider me to be like them even faculty giggles I can't take it anymore I'm mentally suffering n also my grades r suffering Can't even share this with anyone...I jst pray for this nightmare to be over I keep crying but still have to work N this presentation also didn't go well N i couldnt prepare for my exams because of it I feel so embarrassed can't explain n can't do anything about it

I really try to keep it together but I'm so exhausted I jst cry alone in my room

I jst wanna cry to sleep but i can't even sleep because of all this stress

Seen the guy yesterday that lured me to a dumb situation twice last year and seeing him made me so mad and then on top of that I got home and my dad came to my grandmas all drugged out and he didn’t see me but me seeing him brought up all the memories of abuse . I literally just want to smoke all day and drink this weekend . Can someone make me feel better so I don’t crash tf out 😭

Every night I feel like I'm sinking. And it only gets better when I talk about it. But I don't want to text my friends every night complaining about the same problems. Once or twice is normal or even more than that if I space it out. But I don't know how to deal with it without burdening others. I have a girlfriend but she is really bad at texting, which only makes my anxiety worse when she doesn't text me for days and even then I only get a couple word answers. She's lovely otherwise so this is nothing against her or any of my friends. But I just don't want them to see me as the miserable sad person I am. Especially when during the day I try so hard to look happy. And sometimes I even feel it. But during the night I just feel like I'm sinking and I can't stop thinking about ending it all. And I can't get someone to talk me off the ledge every night. But what do I do then?

My partner came back after working 21 days a day and he would’ve been home for seven. He did the stent for couple months and it really wasn’t very healthy for a relationship. I miss him and he missed me. And I have some issues in my life, but I don’t like to be alone and I did some things that I should’ve done. I didn’t cheat or anything like that. I just use some substances to kind of like numb the pain you know about it but you don’t lead to a couple arguments or whatever. He’s so sweet to me when he was away and then he came back and it’s just been a shit storm ever since. Both have a few issues with substances and stuff and I can’t make anything any better but I just feel like something has went on and I don’t know what it is. And I think my biggest fear is that it’s not that there was one situation like he cheated or something like that or whatever but that it’s been this long-standing thing and finally something has come to ahead and now I am just waiting for the day that I wake up when he’s not here. But the scarier part is I feel like he’s pushing me to leave because he doesn’t want to but at the same time I feel like he’s actually pushing me to like leave leave leave… Like not leave the household, like leave this world. I honestly feel like he’s so scared to leave and he’s so scared for me to leave that he feels like it would be easier to push me into my depression so far that I finally do something that I regret and that nobody will ever be able to recover from. I’m not saying that I’m necessarily suicidal cause I’m not like I don’t have a plan or anything, but I can’t live like this anymore. I want him to be happy and I wanna be happy. And we’ve been through hell and back and we’ve always just recovered and everything‘s been fine. We have never been not OK for weeks and weeks. Sex has suffered a lot because I feel like he’s being mean to me all the time and I guess maybe he thinks the same. We have all these really great discussions and then all of a sudden switches flipped and we’re in an argument for hours or something stupid and it’s never been like this for years. I feel like there’s only so much people can take and I just wonder if we’re just like hanging around cause we don’t wanna leave. I love him. I love him so much. I have put up with a lot. I’ve paid for everything for years. And I just want to think. And I don’t know what to think. And I kind of feel like I’m living in an alternate reality where like I don’t even know what is up and what is down. I’m not saying we’re like these big huge like drug addicts or whatever that’s not the case but I think we both been numbing out a little bit lately and I think that neither of us don’t really have to like get out of that. And I was kind of all over the place but like the sex part super super super super important for him and it’s a really important for me too and our sex. Life has always been like fucking amazing. But the fighting doesn’t make me wanna do it, but then I think like me not wanting to do it that makes him more upset or more wanting to argue with that makes me wanna do less… and so the circle repeats. There’s so much more that would take me days even type out here, but I’ve had a lot of trauma in my life around sexuality and I’m not being treated the way that I feel like I should be treated then I just shut down. And I shouldn’t with him to trust him, but something has happened and I don’t know what it is. I don’t think that he actually physically cheated or anything like that but like maybe somebody or something or someone or a friend or a family member or something said something that has down his head or like maybe there’s another woman who has said something or whatever that has got him thinking that maybe life would be better somewhere else. I’ve spent several nights on the crisis line over the past few weeks because I just don’t know what to do. I just feel like I’m not OK to be OK myself right now. I’m rambling. Sorry you guys don’t know me but I’m lose my mind. And I just don’t know what to say or ask to like make this any better

Thursday, August 27, 2026, 7:37PM 

To the Dearest, 

Hello, I just wanted to write because I had an urge. Also, I'm listening to "Another Love" by Tom Odell. It's kind of soothing.  

My 19^th year is coming to an end, and my 20^th birthday is coming up. I honestly don't want to celebrate it; I just want it to be another day. I think I have been through so much for the past few years, and without a break, it started to feel breathless, especially in my 19^th year. And I have wanted to take my life or give up in so many ways and so many times that the day of my birth started to feel like a dreadful and annoyingly exhausting day to even think about. And sadly, I feel upset that I don't feel grateful, like I would regret not celebrating another year of being alive. But it's hard not to think of it as another year of hardship, having to beg to God on my knees, pleading for the tiniest amount of strength just to move forward. For the tiniest amount of salvation that would feel satisfying enough to want to live. While I still had to put one foot in front of the other, walking, not even running, just walking, just taking things at my own pace, just walking. And many would feel happy that they were able to at least walk through it and somehow make it out alive. But for me, it felt like I was being burned alive, like each day someone was choking me or someone was drowning me in my own mess. It was hell, but I guess I still made it out, and I don't know how to feel about it. It feels like a defeat more than anything. And honestly, it makes me not want to celebrate anything. It actually makes me feel as if I'm mourning the death of a life half lived. So, I'm kind of scared of what events my 20^th year has held for me. 

I feel as if my patience has been withering, and I am slowly becoming a bitter person. But I don't want this; I don't want to be bitter. I just want to be me; I want to be ME again. I don't mind if it takes time. I just want me.  

And for the people who made my life so miserable, I won’t forgive you. I don't care what people may say. I just can't forget the pain that you have caused me. Sorry. 

Also, is finding love worth it? Isn't anyone scared of their partner waking up one day regretful and hateful just by the sight of you? Aren't they scared that their partner would talk shit behind them? How do they have so much trust in them? Maybe I'm just projecting my thoughts, feelings, and experiences too much. 

I don’t know if you can tell by now, but I'm scared to fall in love, though I do want it and even yearn for it every now and then. But I can't help but let fear consume me, and it makes me not want to feel such emotions. Honestly, I feel bad for my future partner to deal with me. But then again, if I'm such a burden, then I would rather wish they wouldn't spend their energy and time with me.  

I know there are so many days in a lifetime, that would change my mind one day, but right now, as a 19-year-old girl, I just want to live, and make it out alive, and just continue to live a peaceful life, with a bit of whimsy <3 

Anyways, I'm also applying for this job called GEM Studio; I sincerely hope I get it. And I also don't know why I wanted to write this, but I did, but it's whatever, lol.  

Sincerely, 

J. 

Goodnight, Dearest Love 

End time: 9:15PM

Just to start off before I get to the story it’s not my place to intervene nor is any of my business but I still feel upset about the situation.

Two years ago I had this boyfriend I’ll call Jake, Jake and I dated in high school and summer before the school year he was a freshman when I was a sophomore so we were a grade apart.

Jake was super sweet at first it was actually his friend who suggested we should be together and we were together for about three months however, he pressured me to have sex we were 15 and 16 I wasn’t ready at all he even tried dry, humping me and touching me in way I didn’t feel comfortable and to be honest I was a little mean about it. He didn’t respect my boundaries so naturally we broke up well his friend told him to break up with me, but regardless we ended things. Fast forward in 11th grade. I met this girl and I already knew about her from other people (i’ll call her Veronica) People would say that Veronica would just sleep around but I’m not the kind of person who would judge someone without knowing them I’d be friended her, and she is a doll she really is a sweet girl I was always very supportive of her and she was always supportive of me.

One thing to mention about Jake is he would always pull the victim card and some kids and our school would say to me is it true you did this and that he would flip the story around and make it seem like I was the villain I mean, don’t get me wrong. I was a little mean when I mentioned earlier, but that’s because he pressured me to do stuff I didn’t want to do by the way we never had sex, but he would tell people that we did

Fast-forward, Veronica knew I was upset about Jake and his antics but little did I know that she started dating him and they are still together. They started dating in May or June of this year so I was graduating high school so I thought you know what I’m never going to see these people ever again but I was very upset with Veronica so I still keep in touch, but I distance myself I only started dating when I heard about it so I asked do you have a boyfriend and she said yes Jake and I said aww even though I was holding back tears typing this out.

Obviously, I would never intervene or talk to her it’s none of my business however it’s still hurts my heart that Veronica did that to me. Do I have a reason to be upset?

So in the past I had this friend who had randomly stopped hanging out with me and will instead hangout with this other person that I knew little about.