My husband currently makes $120k working fully remote with full benefits. His job is comfortable, has good work-life balance, and being remote means he can help with school drop-offs, see the kids throughout the day, and generally be much more present with our family.
He was recently approached by the owner of a company about becoming a Director. The position would be in NYC, about a 1 hour 15 minute commute each way from NJ by bus, and would come with significantly more responsibility. Salary is $200,000 plus a 5% equity after 3 years. At office 5 days a week.
He wasn’t actively looking to leave his current job, so we’re trying to figure out if the salary would actually make giving up the remote lifestyle worthwhile.
A five-day commute would mean roughly 12+ hours a week just commuting, plus transportation costs, NYC work expenses, less flexibility with the kids, and obviously more stress/responsibility at a director level.
Is leaving a comfortable job worth it for a high paying job?

I have a team mate. We are devs. The project we are on is high profile and extremely stressful. A couple of months ago, my teammate and I got on a 1:1 call to debug something. I’m asking him basic debugging questions so I can understand the problem and he gets angry about it. To the point where I felt the situation needed to be diffused so I said I was asking so I could get caught up to where he was on the problem because I’m trying to help you. This calmed him down slightly but later on the call something came up about the project that sent him into a raging tirade. I was floored someone would act this way at work. It was like 10-15 minutes of him ranting non stop. After that I told my team lead what happened and that it was unprofessional and he needed to treat me respectfully going forward.

There have been multiple other small instances of issues that have come up since then where he’s been rude and belittling and unhelpful. I mostly let it roll off and pushed back when he was rude. These were annoying but not anything as a woman dev I’ve never experienced before and not directly impacting the work.

Last week we were on a call to merge some work and he absolutely lost his shit again but much worse this time. He was full on raging about everything and I kept saying I need to go and he’d say “ok ya we should go” then launch into another rage. I tried diffusing it or redirecting him but it was not possible and tbh, he was so angry I felt like if I hung up that would make his rage even worse.

This week I’ve been obviously reluctant to get on any 1:1 call with him and this is not good for team collaboration or efficiency as you can imagine. I’m now the team lead so I need to be able to interact with him. Furthermore, as I’ve started to take on more of a leadership role I’m noticing more instances of dismissal of me and ignoring my requests.

He never loses his temper when anyone else is present. He also never loses his temper on anyone else. It’s also worth noting that I’m a woman and while there are other women on the team they are the team leadership.

I told my team lead and sent her some screenshots of his slack messages. She reached out to the project EM who spoke with me this morning. She said since no one has had a direct conversation with him we have to do that first. Also she said I should record or transcribe any 1:1 call I have with him. That’s pretty much it.

I told her I did not want to ever be in a 1:1 call with him ever again during the call and that his treatment of me wasn’t only a problem of unprofessional behavior that affected me personally it was also affecting team collaboration and efficiency. I described his behavior as hostile and aggressive.

She sent me a message after she met with him that he was “unaware he was making me uncomfortable.” He definitely knew I wasn’t comfortable because he would intermittently apologize during his rants then keep on going. And he definitely knows this is not acceptable behavior and he can control it. If he didn’t and he couldn’t he wouldn’t wait until we were on a 1:1 call to unleash it. Or send it as back channel slack messages.

Despite this it seems that they still expect me to get on 1:1 calls with him and they won’t remove him from the team, no plans for EAP referral or anything else.

What do I do next?

I interviewed for a BI Analyst role at a global technology distributor and supply chain services company and received an offer letter from them today. To my surprise the job title on the letter is 'Professional – Sales Excellence' which is slightly misleading for me as the JD never mentioned this title and it was advertised as a BI Analyst role. Since this role is for a Sales team, they have given it a sales based title. I asked the HR to correct it or give me another letter which states that my job responsibility is analytics based. I am concerned that if in future I apply to a different role, this sales job title would come across completely different from my job trajectory which has been analyst and reporting based roles.

Is it a fair thing to ask the HR to update my offer letter or mention officially on a letter that my job responsibilities remain as per the JD ?

HR has refused to share a different letter or include job responsibilities in the offer letter which is a cause of concern for me.

PS- This role is based in India and since I am moving back to India from the UK and hold no other offers at the moment, I am concerned to let go off this offer.

I have been at the same company for 5 years and the same role for 3.5 years. I love my company the culture is excellent it's wfh and they put their people first. I took an 18 month maternity leave (i'm in Canada so this is common) and have been back to work for over a year. Since i came back i have been wanting to change roles and an opportunity came up for an internal role that pays 30k more than what I am making now. It is also a more senior role with a better title that could open up a lot more opportunities for me in the future. I did the interview and the hiring manager booked a half an hour call with me today to give me an update (this is a good sign).

I found out i was pregnant a few weeks before the interview. I haven't disclosed this information to my current manager or the hiring manager and I have been on a sick leave the last 3 weeks due to severe nausea and vomiting. I'm almost in my second trimester and feeling a lot better so i was planning to go back to work in two weeks. Now i'm feeling guilty on whether i should disclose my pregnancy. Like i said I love my workplace and i would feel guilty leaving the role in 6 months time. I wouldn't want them to feel negativity towards me. My workplace doesnt have a requirement to disclose your pregnant until 4 weeks before you plan to take maternity leave so I know i don't have to tell them. I worry if I tell them i would be putting my own career at risk. i worked really hard this last year since i've been back from maternity leave to create an impact so i do think i deserve the role (if they feel the same way). I really wanted to make a role change before going on another maternity leave to set myself up for success when i return. otherwise it looks like I have been in the same entry level role for 5+ years. i'm really conflicted here on what I should do. I know I haven't gotten the role yet but the reason i'm asking is because i'm not sure if I should tell them before accepting the offer.

and if i don't get the role that's completely fine too please don't tell me im getting ahead of myself because i like to be prepared for all scenarios. im just really looking for advice from a manager maybe whose seen this happen in the past or someone who has been through this as well.

thank you!

I recently finished several interview processes and am now at the final stage of salary negotiation with one company. I also have a few other opportunities/offers still pending, but I was leaning toward this company because I liked the domain enough to accept a somewhat lower salary. (lower than my initial ask) (For context, I'm a software engineer with about three years of experience and currently between jobs.)

As part of the final compensation process, the CTO sent me an offer letter with salary details.

Later, another employee emailed and texted me saying:

«“I’m contacting you regarding the offer letter we previously sent. Please review it and reply with your decision to join.”»

Because this person was actively following up about the offer and asking for my acceptance, I assumed they were handling HR/recruiting and replied to both them and the CTO with my signed offer letter.

The CTO then called me and said I had made a “big mistake” by sharing salary information with that employee, saying things like, “You shouldn’t handle work this way.”

He also mentioned the existing 3-month probation period and said that this kind of mistake could negatively affect me during it.

Apparently, that employee was not HR and wasn’t supposed to see salary information. Their email signature did say “Marketing specialist” but nobody told me they were only helping with communication or that salary-related replies should go exclusively to the CTO.

What makes me hesitate now is that I actually liked this company’s domain enough to accept a lower salary, despite having other opportunities still pending.

After this phone call, though, I’m starting to worry that the CTO may be somewhat emotional or quick to judge, and that similar communication issues could happen again after I join. I’m now seriously considering withdrawing my acceptance and pursuing one of the other opportunities instead.

Do you think I’m overreacting because this was mainly my mistake? Or does the CTO’s response seem like a reasonable red flag to reconsider the offer?

(For context, I’m not based in the US. Where I live, companies may have policies restricting employees from discussing compensation with one another.)

I hate my job. Its dispatching at a call center. We're severely short staffed and have a few new trainees. It wouldn't particularly matter if I gave them a courteous 2 week notice because they wouldnt be ready.

This company is never proactive. Always reactive. Not to mention I pick up some of the slack which I know I should not. My boss is a snake who says pretty things but never follows through. We have micro managing supervisors and overall its a mess. I don't care about burning a bridge but do care about leaving people in the wind, for a lack of better words.

I'm starting to dread work and be resentful asf which is leading to irritability. I do have another job lined up in 3 weeks. I just want to leave like right now, on my lunch break 🤣

I have half a mind to leave my keys with HR and sending them an email at the end of my work day.

Id be an asshole and unprofessional huh?

I (25F) have always been a high achiever since my school days. I'm not particularly super smart. My effort was what got me the top spot.

I don't know if its burnout or a lack of motivation, but I don't feel fulfilled at work. I left my first job after graduating in 2 years because the management was toxic and I couldn't find another job that paid as well. A masters degree seemed like a dignified way out of this mess and so I went for one. Throughly enjoyed my time at school again. Now its been a few months since I started my new job post my masters and I feel unfulfilled and unmotivated.

There are a few things I can think of which could be contributing to this lack of motivation:

1. I don't have any friends around all the time anymore like it was in my college days. I do meet my friends on weekends but again that's like 2-3 times a month.

2. I love doing all things creative but my parents strongly discouraged me from taking it up as a career option. I used to play an instrument (trained rigorously for years with a 2 hour practice routine everyday apart from weekly classes) and also love drawing and painting since I was very little (since 2-3 years of age).

3. I never went back to the level of discipline I had before my masters. Before my masters I used to wake up early, practice playing my musical instrument for 2 hours before I head to work and had a fixed routine. I stopped playing my instrument when i started prepping for my masters side by side with my job because my job was demanding too and there was only so much time in every day.

I just feel super hopeless.

I really don't understand if this is burnout, lack of community, lack of routine or if I am genuinely in a career that I don't belong in.

I recently just accepted an offer at a firm.

I asked for a week to decide but got some additional pressure (slight hostile tone) to accept so I signed that very night.

The very next morning I got an offer from a bigger company with a better pay…

Any suggestions on how I should go about this? Wait a couple days then tell them “Thank you for your time but…. blah blah blah”

I’m 42, divorced, and raising two kids under 10. I divorced five years ago and have about 95% custody, so most of the parenting and day-to-day responsibility is on me.
I live in Silicon Valley.
My background is a little all over the place, which is part of why I’m having trouble figuring out what to do next.
I have two university degrees from my home country in Europe: a law degree and a degree in international studies/languages. Before moving to the U.S., I worked in law.
After coming to the U.S., I moved into tech and worked in software quality assurance. That was about 10 years ago. Eventually I left tech and switched to real estate in 2019.
For a while, I thought I had found my new career. But for almost a year now, real estate has brought me very little income despite continuing to try. At this point, I’m exhausted.
Going back to QA doesn’t feel very realistic either. The industry has changed enormously, and the job market here is brutal.
So I’m sitting here at 42 wondering: What do I do next?
I need to make money, obviously. But I also want to build a life that I actually enjoy. I don’t want to spend the next 20 years desperately jumping from one thing to another just trying to survive.
The stress and uncertainty have also taken a toll on me. I’ve had recurring episodes of depression. I’m still high-functioning—I take care of my kids, handle my responsibilities, and keep going—but underneath it, I know I’m struggling.
And right now, I don’t have a clear vision of who I want to become next.
I wonder if there is some way to put all these seemingly disconnected pieces together: law, tech, real estate, languages/international studies, and years of dealing with people and complicated situations.
Maybe I need another career change. Maybe I need to go back to school. Maybe there is a completely different direction that I haven’t considered.
I would especially love to hear from women, immigrants, single parents, or anyone who rebuilt their career in their 40s.
If you were in my position—with two young kids, almost full custody, living in an extremely expensive area, and this somewhat unusual professional background—what paths would you seriously consider?
I’m not looking for “just believe in yourself.” I’d really appreciate practical ideas, specific careers I might not be thinking about, and stories from people who have actually rebuilt.
I feel like there has to be a brighter chapter after this one. I just can’t quite see what it looks like yet.
Kids father will allow to move states since he doesn’t care much.

basically, i live in nyc where it’s supremely difficult to find a job. i have a sociology degree and have no idea how to incorporate that into my job search, and i feel pretty lost right now and like i’m going to be in food service forever. i’ve been a barista for six years and the job is horrible now. i can’t bring myself to enjoy talking to customers and i really hate making coffee. i’m exhausted and it goes so far beyond burnout. every day i pray i get fired so i can try to get unemployment. i’m just so depressed, i would love to go to grad school or cosmetology school but i can’t afford it and don’t know if it would actually lead to any jobs in the future. i’m wondering what i should do. i should mention i very much live paycheck to paycheck and if i quit right now i wouldn’t be able to make rent. maybe that’s my answer, but i genuinely cannot do this anymore. every time i step foot into my cafe i have crazy stomach problems and feel absolutely awful. literally any advice at all is welcome !!

I’m a 23 year old Canadian woman with absolutely no skills (or so I feel like, anyways). I grew up in a bad situation and didn’t do well in school, especially with math. Now I’m 23 and I have no idea what to do. I’ve unfortunately had chronic pain for years and still trying to get a real diagnosis and I’m usually an artsy person but in this economy, anything art feels like a dead end. (Sorry if that’s considered a ‘sob story’, first time posting here and just trying to explain the situation 😅)

I’m interested in trades to be honest but I don’t think I’m smart enough for any of them. I worked at a movie theatre for 3 years but that’s about it and felt like I gained nothing out of it.

Any suggestions are welcome, even if they’re a bit abnormal.

Title says it all, I went into college, had three different degrees and failed at all of those careers.

Career one was trying to be an occupational therapist, so I had a BA in psychology (a horrible decision). Got rejected for OT school so I gave up.

I did well with business courses in undergrad and in high school so I pivoted into business management. Couldn't get a job. The most I got was an office manager role that paid poverty wages.

So then I decided to go for a further specialization in accounting, because at the time, accounting was stable, had a middle class wage, and was good for analytical individuals (I am an INTJ, if that even matters). Biggest regret of my life. I constantly got fired or laid off. All of the accounting jobs I had also paid poverty wages. It was impossible to get a decent accounting job because everyone is better than me (I was blind at the time to how subhuman I was). And now, this field is dead.

So what is even left now? Even worse, I have become disabled due to a physical injury I got ten years ago. And I am crushed by student loan debt. What can I even do now or am I just ... destined to fail?

Hi guys, so I'm trying to create a professional email but my professional emails are taken ( firstname.lastname@gmail.com, lastname.firstname@gmail.com, lastinitial.firstinitial, firstinitial.lastinitial, etc, etc. ) right now I can do firstname.lastname.work@gmail.com and also firstname.lastname.first and last initials@gmail.com, which one of these two do you guys think is more professional ? or do you guys have a better suggestion ?

Thanks!

I’m 25M with a ton of hospitality, media, and customer service experience. I already work for a luxury fitness brand as a front desk associate for a lil over a year (not sharing brand for privacy reasons). I’m actually pretty great at this hospitality thing and was wondering if it was possible that certain businesses offer living spaces or heavily reduced rent for their employees. I’m in the NY metro area, CPR/aed/first aid certified, and can absolutely get great recommendations.

Hello!
I am a new college student and moved to a new area. My first job back home was at a fast food restaurant for 9 moths. I was worried about coming to school and everyone competing for a job. Over the summer I applied and drove 3 hours for an interview at a different fast food place. They were quite unprofessional but I needed a job and the pay was good for the state I’m moving to (less than back home). However during orientation the unprofessionalism became more concerning. They told me to skip the handbook. I came in my first shift and saw everyone bagging food without gloves. The person training me was only there a month. The managers were all very rude. I was shown where they do dishes and there was one sink (3 compartments). They put the raw chicken, grill, and front dishes all in the same sink. They also said at the end of the night they dump the dirty rags in there. The person training me said they never told her to use bleach to clean the sink so it wasn’t cleaned properly in a month.
Additionally when I would work a shift they wouldn’t tell me where to go to train. I would just put myself somewhere. If I hadn’t worked fast food before I would have been so lost.
WORST OF ALL…on my third day someone mentioned there being a rat in the dining room. The manager went and checked and saw mice poop and covered it back up and the staff was just talking about it and how they’ve had them before and come in the food trucks.

I want to quit. It is far a walk and I already found a different job. I was just going to send a message but don’t know what to say. I am not going to tell them I am quitting cause it’s unprofessional and unhygienic . I feel bad cause I only worked 3 shifts, but it is terrible there. I want advice on the best way to quit and also…should I report them for an inspection?

I have worked in social care for 12 years, and really want to leave it fully.. but I have no idea what I want to do in life.

Is there anything out there, a system or questions for example.. which can help us really think about what we want to do in life for a job? (Sorry unsure how to word it)

I am really miffed if I am honest..

Thanks.

For context, I’m in my mid 20s and I’m ready to leave my current job. I wake up with dread and despair, and just feel the expectations of the role and position have changed since when I started about 2 years ago.

We got acquired by a parent company in the new year, and that’s when the work really started picking up. Things kept changing, systems started breaking down, and we actually had layoffs a few months ago. I ended up making a small mistake infront of my supervisor, and was told by my manager I needed to improve the quality of my work: basically a verbal PIP. I went on PTO and came back last week. I noticed my manager kept cancelling meetings, and this morning I woke up to a “performance discussion” with him and the supervisor. There’s no HR, but I’m fully prepared to be fired.

Emotionally I’m burnt out and have been wanting to leave for a while now. I’ve been interviewing and making progress, but the idea of being fired still makes me want to throw up. I do think the expectations of taking on more work and still being expected to improve is unfair. But I just think at my level they probably need someone a step or so higher - I just feel the systems in place and not hiring an additional team member set me up to fail. It is what it is, but I can honestly say I’ve tried my best. I don’t miss deadlines or come unprepared, it’s just not meeting their expectations and I can at least say I’ve tried my best given there’s no support or oversight.

Anyways, how do I emotionally prepare? Anyone else been in a similar situation? Advice is appreciated 🥲

Posting for my cousin. She failed out of college at 19, but she went back and got a bachelor's in marketing from an online university in her 30s. She's smart and does well whenever she's employed, but she can't seem to convert it all into a steady career. And because she struggled her first go around in college, her network is small (and only connected to some niche, unstable industries). We're also in the PNW where the job market has been rough. She's getting stressed out because she's only been able to land spotty gig/contract work without growth potential, but she has a kid to support. She's willing to make a big change if it comes with stability. Are there any career paths that are stable, even if unglamorous? She has skills/experience in customer service, some coding/IT, and event management. She's also bilingual in Vietnamese, but can't read or write. Thanks for any ideas.

I accepted an offer at a seed-stage startup and start in about 1.5 weeks. The offer is strong: $185k base + ~0.5% equity, early-stage ownership, and work that aligns well with my technical/design background. They raised significant money but the tradeoff is that it’s heavily in-person and likely pretty intense - have dinners at the office and sometimes on work on weekends.

Now another company I applied to about a month ago just reached out for an initial interview. Their role also aligns very well with my skills, but they’re fully remote and may be a better fit from a lifestyle/culture standpoint. They already hit series C.

I obviously don’t have an offer yet, but the timing is awkward because their process will likely overlap with me starting the job I already accepted.

What would you do?

• Keep interviewing and see where it goes?
• Tell the second company I’m about to start another role and ask if they can move quickly?
• If a clearly better offer came shortly after starting, would you leave?
• How bad is it to leave within the first few weeks, especially in a small industry?

I don’t want to burn people who hired me in good faith, but I also don’t want to pass up a potentially better long-term fit purely because of timing.

TL;DR: Company A (Spain, high salary, dream location) ghosted me for 2 months, never sent a contract, then withdrew the offer 3 days before start — but paid 1 month’s severance as promised. Now, 2 months later, they want to re-offer, the same day Company B (home country, ~30% lower salary, more stable) made me an offer too. Torn between chasing the money/location with a company that already burned me once, or taking the safer, lower-paying local option.

---

I'm from Europe, and a few months ago I went through the recruitment process for a Tech Lead position with a gaming company. The process took almost 2 months, but I received a job offer.

The offer was very good (well above average) and involved relocating to another European country, which I was open to. The start date was set 2 months out, since I still had a notice period with my current employer.

After I formally accepted, HR basically disappeared. I received a single-page offer letter but never the actual contract with terms and responsibilities. I followed up multiple times and got no response.

Two weeks before the start date, they mailed me a work computer: still no contract. Three days before start, HR called and said: “Unfortunately the company went through unexpected restructuring, since we were spending more than planned, and got word from the higher-ups to freeze all hiring. We need to withdraw the offer, and you can send the computer back.”

I was pissed. I’d quit my old job for this, and now I had neither. I also didn’t like that they vanished for months and only told me 3 days before start. They did offer, and pay, 1 month’s salary for the trouble.

Almost 2 months later, HR called again out of the blue: restructuring was over, hiring resumed, they wanted to make me an offer again. That call came the same day I received a new offer from a different company in my home country.

I’m still pissed at the first company for the withdrawal and poor communication, though they did keep their promise on severance.

The second company’s salary is about 30% lower than the first’s offer. It’s convenient to stay in my home country, but I’d been looking forward to moving abroad; the first company is based in Spain, and I love Spain.

So: do I give the first company a second chance, for the location and higher salary, risking another round of their unreliability? Or stay with the safer, lower-paying option at home?

Every job I have ever had falls into the "super fast pace chaotic work environment" thats advertised as some sort of perk of the job, though we all know it is not. I currently work at a bakery and despite not even being 30 yet my body is struggling to keep up with the amount of work I do. I have never worked a job where I get to sit somewhere and have my own workspace, but it sounds appealing to me. I am interested in going to school next year for something and I would like to try the office job experience before I potentially commit to schooling of any kind.

I have no degree and primarily have experience in childcare and working at the bakery. Are there any potential options for me? I am in the midwest btw.

I work in middle management in a Marketing and Communications role for a multinational company. I've been working here for +10 years and while it's a great employer, I really have no complaints. Of course I wouldn't mind getting paid more or getting better benefits. But I have good relations with my manager, colleagues, etc.

However, the job itself... Pfff. I have a very hard time getting motivated to do literally anything. I tend to procrastinate all my projects, then do stuff last minute. The worst thing is I've been slacking off and nobody seems to notice. Somehow, I actually could be pretty successful if I was productive for just two hours a day, but honestly. That's even too much to ask.

Since I work in marketing, I should be the one that's shouting about our company from the rooftops and be cheering everyone on. The thing is, I can't. I see many of my (US) colleagues rooting and boasting on LinkedIn, but I get disgusted by it. I can't imagine anyone getting remotely enthusiastic about our industry.

I am wondering though. Is it the job, or is it me? Am I depressed? I'm not depressed in other areas of my life to be honest. I'm just very 'meh' when it comes to work. I also gave it some thought about what I could/should do. But nothing really stands out. I'm actually always surprised when I hear people talk about "how much they love their job". I always think that's impossible or they lie.

I’m on the road Monday through Thursday almost every week and keeping appointments consistently is getting ridiculous. For people who travel a lot for work, what actually works for keeping therapy sustainable?

26 M. People working in big tech/startups, please let me know if they actually ever allow people from non-Tier 1 colleges into Software Engineering roles. I’ve always wanted to become a SDE/SWE but I got a DBA role after my internship with decent pay in a well-known company and have been stuck here for the last 2 years. I’ve tackled multiple development and infrastructure projects, automated a lot of processes to reduce tickets and manual tasks and learnt a lot but I really want to get out of a support role ASAP. I’ve also worked on Infra a lot and worked with Kubernetes, Docker, Jenkins extensively apart from coding. Please share any advice on how to go about it apart from DSA preparation.

TL;DR

I feel like my current title of DBA is one of the biggest hurdles in getting a SWE/SDE job at a big tech company after 2 years of experience. Any advice?

Background: I have a bachelors in accounting, 13 years of combined experience in audit, banking consulting at a big 4, and risk management experience at the senior manager level managing directs reports. I’ve stepped away due to family reasons and have the ability to figure out next steps as my husband can support our family. I live in Charlotte NC and really don’t want to work for a large banking corporation. I’ve considered going back to school and have always thought about psychology but clinical patient work isn’t what interests me it’s more the research side. I have no idea what to do next and worry I wouldn’t be able to even get into a higher ed program due to my GPA in undergrad. My GPA doesn’t reflect my abilities or my intelligence but more so my mental difficulties at the time and ironically lack of ADHD diagnosis until I was an adult. What should I do next?