r/nottheonion • u/novagridd • 8h ago

Thailand's Prostitution Patrol on High Alert as 5,000 US Sailors Drop Ship After 200 Days at Sea

https://www.fashiontimes.co.uk/pattaya-police-intensify-prostitution-patrols-us-navy-visit-1763395
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405

u/poonmangler 7h ago

And they're still not charging enough. They need to take a page out of every Chevy dealer's book.

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u/rolloutTheTrash 7h ago

Prostitutes 🤝 Dealerships

Taking care of America's military

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u/The-disgracist 7h ago

Our brave servicemen drive dodge chargers with 22% interest rates, sir.

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u/rolloutTheTrash 7h ago

Only the finest "gently" used chargers/prostitutes for our soldiers 🫡

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u/accidental_Ocelot 6h ago

Just wait till the prostitutes figure out subscription models.

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u/TheArmoredKitten 5h ago

My man, infantry brigades in Vietnam would occasionally sponsor an entire brothel just to keep their guys clean. I've read more than a few stories about how you wouldn't hear a peep about how you spent your downtime as long as you stayed clean, didn't get into trouble, and always went to the 'correct' establishment.

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u/DoctFaustus 4h ago

By 'correct', you mean the one that greases the right palms.

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u/Head_Examination_264 1h ago

I've found that really improves the sensation.

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u/PermanentTrainDamage 3h ago

We'll fight unwinnable wars but keeping track of 10000+ dingalings is too much work. Just don't get VD and we're good.

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u/TheArmoredKitten 44m ago

I want the record to state that men were reportedly jumping off the ship recently over how absolutely mind bogglingly bad the Iran thing has been.

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u/PumpJockyTwerks4Tips 42m ago

Gotta wonder how many of those guys get let loose in Bangkok and never come back

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u/rolloutTheTrash 6h ago

That or season passes/fast lane passes 🤣

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u/National-Charity-435 4h ago

You mean the dating trap?!

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u/Saymynaian 4h ago

Just reinvented marriage

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u/HongChongDong 4h ago

Financing sex?

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u/rabbitlion 3h ago

What do you think onlyfans is?

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u/Badboy-Bandicoot 49m ago

That’s just getting knocked up

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u/Chaos-Cortex 7h ago

Have you adjusted for the orange pedophiles tariffs inflation? More like 42%

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u/ButtersScotch7000 6h ago

Trump has signed an executive order to rename the Brampton Assembly Plant to the America Assembly Plant.

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u/Agreeable-Network485 6h ago

22%? Financiers are going soft.

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u/Raneynickelfire 3h ago

Because smart, adjusted, educated, intelligent people don't end up in the military.

That was easy.

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u/PumpJockyTwerks4Tips 44m ago

Well, their old pal Jody is driving the Charger right now. Good guy, always does a great job looking after the family during deployments.

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u/jay78910 7h ago edited 7h ago

Had a guy order a 65K (~2006) truck, before we even left Iraq. It was parked waiting for him when we got home and I remember thinking "he just spent everything he made in the past year before we even got home". I think it was Ford(?) that had those little stations set up on FOBs. They knew what they were doing.

He was married, and I remember his wife sent him booze disguised as something else. Maybe she should have kept him sober while he was away.

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u/PumpJockyTwerks4Tips 28m ago

I buy and sell motorcycles as a hobby. Areas around military bases right before or after deployments are a goldmine for "it ran when I parked it, but need to sell it asap" deals on marketplace. Lots of guys get an enlistment or re-up bonus and decide to include buying a motorcycle to the standard list of enlisted priorities:

  1. Buy Charger/RAM 2500/Jeep Wrangler (Stellantis knows their market, lol)
  2. Get oversized military tattoo
  3. Marry the first girl who pays you any attention and/or you knock up
  4. Blow a lot of money on a Harley/Hayabusa/Gixxer you don't know how to ride / will probably only have time to put 1000 miles on before wrecking it or putting into storage until you need cash in a hurry

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u/ChekhovsAtomSmasher 7h ago

Lol make them finance a lay at 26% APR

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u/kmasur 6h ago

Hey, it’s a different market. 🤷🏻‍♂️

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u/MiI0rd 5h ago

Wait what does Chevy do

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u/phl_fc 2h ago

You get a big enlistment bonus when you join the military, and so many guys go and blow that money immediately buying something they don't need. Car dealerships know this and target them with ads and "military discounts" so they spend their bonus on a vehicle.

New recruit buying an $80k truck they can't drive because they're about to be deployed is the stereotype.