r/whenthe Femboy in denial 12h ago

Dolphins? Anyone? I regret the ability to read

4.3k Upvotes

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163

u/ILikeJapaneseMuchOwU Femboy in denial 12h ago

tldr: Let's just say Dolphins would be Hitler's biggest fans

More context:

So dolphins have many morally questionable behaviors by human standards, some of which include:

- gang rape, I am not joking

  • Getting high on pufferfish
  • Killing other animals for no reason just for fun
  • Dolphins also kill baby dolphins because they see the calves as competition
  • Invention of mustard gas (I might have made that up, but I am sure if they were given the chance, they'd have done it)
  • Dolphins like to play with other animals, like using a baby shark as a volleyball

85

u/Regetron 12h ago

Apparently the smarter the animal, the more weird shit it does

At this point I'm waiting for elephant controversy facts. Absence of any information shows that they're at least good at hiding

62

u/DumbestComicsNerd 12h ago

Elephants have been noted to rape rhinos as stress release. Every animal (including humans) can do bad shit, theres no point in demonizing particular species.

18

u/Button-Masher117 Flare gun? No please dont kill me ple-[BANG] 12h ago

Counterpoint: we dehumanize the humans and humanized the dees. What this means is up to interpretation

7

u/BazKnightFan 8h ago

humanize dees nuts

1

u/Button-Masher117 Flare gun? No please dont kill me ple-[BANG] 1h ago

No thank you

11

u/FromWhereScaringFan 12h ago

Rhinos would be good witnesses I guess

8

u/Inquisitor_Boron purpl 12h ago

One elephant went on total rampage due to exile from it's family

8

u/deeSeven_ 11h ago edited 11h ago

I also think that the more intelligent an animal is the the more variation in behaviour is among individuals of that species. Behaviour and traditions between pods vary drastically. Because they're a different species to us, it's pretty easy for us to look at fucked up things a group of dolphins do and assume it's something that is an innate behavior as a species instead of something that specific pod does as a "tradition."

62

u/IllustriousWelder349 HAIL KROMER 12h ago

They also use eels as a fleshlight

58

u/ILikeJapaneseMuchOwU Femboy in denial 12h ago

I don't even have a suitable white person reaction image to react to this 🥀

26

u/Navi_Professor 12h ago

a researcher and dolphin had a relationship.

the dolphin drowned itself when the researcher was taken off the project.

19

u/madguyO1 12h ago

no that one is reasonable

15

u/Navi_Professor 12h ago

it was sexual.

8

u/AdElectronic6550 🏳️‍⚧️fem Bianka 12h ago

morbid curiosity: was it mutual?

17

u/Navi_Professor 12h ago

18

u/Dem0rik0 do u se banana man?🍌 11h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/MVJJ8d1iDgdVWu3Nnh
Well it couldn't be that ba-... "Peter, being an adolescent dolphin, frequently had sexual urges which disrupted his lessons, and taking Peter to a downstairs pool with two female dolphins proved to be a logistical issue for Lovatt. Eventually, Lovatt relieved Peter's urges herself, stating "It wasn't sexual on my part. Sensuous perhaps. It seemed to me that it made the bond closer. Not because of the sexual activity, but because of the lack of having to keep breaking. And that's really all it was. I was there to get to know Peter. That was part of Peter ... It would just become part of what was going on, like an itch, just get rid of that scratch and we would be done and move on.""

12

u/madguyO1 11h ago

after the project had no results and lost funding peter was like thrown into a tiny dark empty tank also

9

u/IllustriousWelder349 HAIL KROMER 12h ago

Same with me when I looked up how dolphins rape female dolphins

4

u/Ok-Direction-5619 Wawawawawawawawawa :3 12h ago

How about this one

3

u/susnaususplayer I love hype moments and aura 12h ago

will it do?

12

u/ResurgentClusterfuck meow 🐈🐈‍⬛ 12h ago

4

u/IllustriousWelder349 HAIL KROMER 12h ago

Agreed, keep baby Durin away from such evil shi dog

4

u/ResurgentClusterfuck meow 🐈🐈‍⬛ 12h ago

He is precious (I have him c1r1)

3

u/IllustriousWelder349 HAIL KROMER 12h ago

Truly precious baby boy

37

u/DumbestComicsNerd 12h ago

"Killing other animals for no reason just for fun"

"Dolphins like to play with other animals, like using a baby shark as a volleyball"

So like exactly what cats do? (Not to mention theres many highly beloved animals who do literally all the other shit you listed)

15

u/Inquisitor_Boron purpl 12h ago

Cats notoriously torture mice for fun

10

u/DumbestComicsNerd 12h ago

Yeah ive been witness to it myself. They never end up eating them too. They just play around with the corpse then leave it there and fuck off.

4

u/TheWhistleThistle 9h ago

If I remember correctly, that's incorrect. It's anthropomorphism on our part. What's actually happening is a rapid alteration between two competing instincts, predatory and phobic. It looks like playing to us, but they're actually going "Imma kill it," and then immediately "I'm afraid of it" and back and forth and back and forth. Strays and African wildcats don't do it, because they were taught how to hunt from a young age so they lack the fear response; they're less pussy about it. Thank you.

1

u/Fittsa Certified FangBites Expert 7m ago

my cat would never, he is a pure and innocent boy

1

u/Fittsa Certified FangBites Expert 6m ago

26

u/Mangustino17 i like dinosaurs :) 11h ago

>gang rape, I am not joking

That's a thing in bottlenose dolphins, other species don't do that.

>Getting high on pufferfish

Again, bottlenose thing. And scientists are skeptical about the "getting high part", it's more playful behavior rather than actually doing drugs.

>Killing other animals for no reason just for fun

As if humans didn't do the same...

>Dolphins also kill baby dolphins because they see the calves as competition

That's normal for a lot of animals, like lions that kill other lion's cubs in order to make their genes prevail.

>Invention of mustard gas

Can confirm, i was the mustard.

>Dolphins like to play with other animals, like using a baby shark as a volleyball

Orcas do that too.

I think we should stop appliying human morals on animals because, ya know, THEY'RE ANIMALS, THEY'RE NOT PEOPLE.

18

u/vote4some1else MY LIFE, FOR ROCK AND STONE ⛏️ 12h ago

That second to last part:

14

u/no_reports_found se ta na internet é verdade 12h ago

I mean, since dolphins are highly intelligent (for a big fish) they gotta distract themselves and when you're in the middle of the ocean you don't have much to do so druging yourself in pufferfish and using othee fishes to play before killing them it's not as absurd

also dolphins don't share our moral compass and a lot of what you said are behaviors you see in all kinds of animals

1

u/Fabulous_Spite_2775 4h ago

They’re mammals, not fish

6

u/Skinnyfat-Throwaway 11h ago edited 11h ago

Other fun facts about dolphins:

- A Brazilian male dolphin named Tião was the only one recorded to ever have killed a human after two beachgoers tried to restrain him, getting free and striking one of them in the ribs, causing his death by internal bleeding. Previously and despite interacting peacefully with tourists he'd been in return frequently touched, punched, grabbed, pulled, forcibly restrained, forced to ingest beer and choked by having its blow hole blocked with ice cream sticks and cones. He disappeared one day, probably after being victim of a revenge killing.

- Humans kill approximately 300.000 dolphins every year, which is more or less the population of Iceland. Most of them are collateral damage from fishing operations that don't bother being careful because that would cost money.

4

u/ItzMeSneaky 12h ago

Literally me

3

u/Mediocre-Tip2954 12h ago

cant believe my goat jotaro left his wife and daughter for such kind of animals

3

u/tfhfate 10h ago edited 10h ago

As a fellow human I wouldn't judge them, a dolphin reading about us would be extremely shocked at what we are capable of...

2

u/Dapper_Magpie 9h ago

Good thing they can't read. No other animals can judge us on reddit.

3

u/Daxxex 7h ago

Can you stop with the anti dolphin propaganda, they're not human. Morality is one of the biggest dividers between humans and the rest of life, to pretend dolphins are offending some greater concept or right or wrong, when all their doing is living their best life is fucking stupid.

2

u/CilanEAmber 11h ago

Dolphins like to play with other animals, like using a baby shark as a volleyball

A while back now, a few Bottlenose (It's always those bastards) doing this to a Harbour Porpoise, were caught on film.

2

u/ANG13OK 8h ago

Ducks also gang rape other ducks

Cat nip messes up cats, both big and small, and they actively seek that

I saw my cat play with a rat's corpse before eating it

Many animals kill babies

I also made mustard gas

There are many animals that torture other animals

All that is not dolphin exclusive

1

u/JellyfishBoring885 12h ago

Now look up what Sea Otters do