I’m a 20F Black woman and my boyfriend is 21M South Asian.

He asked me to send him some buzz cut inspiration, specifically guys with beards. I sent him a picture of a guy with a pretty normal buzz cut and a lineup.

He replied, “lmao wtf.”
I said, “what?”
He then said, “I’ll look like I’m in a gang.”

I was confused and said “what?”. Instead of just leaving it at that, he clarified/doubled down and said the haircut would make him look like a “hood gangster.”

The haircut was literally just a buzz cut with a lineup. There wasn’t anything particularly extreme about it.
I’m Black, and lineups/low cuts are extremely common hairstyles among Black men. The phrase “hood gangster” specifically made me uncomfortable because of the stereotypes surrounding Black men, Black hairstyles, and criminality.

i’m sort of looking at him different already and its only been like 30 minutes and honestly feel uncomfortable around him now…

His parents are extremely racist toward Black people. (it wasnt a shock to me because i also have racist parents to in the sense they don’t believe in interracial relationships or “mixing”/“ruining ur genetics or bloodline” (ik gross)

its been 2 years and they still dislike me because I’m Black, and even now they still don’t like me. (he has no friends that are outside his race at all and i kinda feel like he only considered dating me because i don’t fit the stereotypical “black girl” even though he says he has no type none of the women i’ve seen him be attracted to are black and are either south asian or white)

Hello, earlier this week my childhood hero Peter Cullen died and the next day I called into work to grieve him, but I told my job it was my grandfather that had died because I'm sure they'd find it ridiculous for someone to call out to mourn a celebrity death

However, today they've asked for an obituary of my fake dead grandpa and I need advice on how to get out of this situation

I open both of my parents Spotify and it's all AI. Dad is really stubborn and I'm trying to talk with him to stop listening to it cause it sounds like shit.

Anything helps cause I want to to listen to real artists

I have views people would deem extreme (Anitnatalism, BlackPill - with every fact of the political and racial stuff).

It's alienating me and making work and relationships harder to deal with.

How can I become a leftwing normal person? I really don't want to be like this anymore.

The only reason I was attracted to these views was because I was an alienated autistic neet. I have a career and gf now. I work with black and transsexual people who are quite nice. I can't shake these right wing views.

Please give me advice and I will take it on board. If you're going to abuse me, please note I am trying to change. I don't want to be like this when im 30.

We have been married for about 40 years (both h/w around 70). We have recently started to schedule when we have sex which is usually once a week. My wife is pretty conservative/shy and refuses to tell me when, or if she comes. Is there an objective way for me to know whether she has an O without asking her? I always try to wait to think I’ve satisfied her first before coming and I look for non-verbal signs which is the essence of my question. Are there any physical manifestations that would make things clearer for me. Again, asking her gets her upset.

Yesterday me and my girlfriend of six months walked out local lake and I had a really good time she even extended it by thirty minutes. At the end of the date I decided that it was time to ask if I could kiss her. She isn't a very touchy person (her words) which is why I asked since I didn't want to make her uncomfortable. She said she was sorry and that she's not that kind of person I said I get it we hugged and went out ways. I held it together until she drove off then my heart just sunk and I thought I was going to die on the way to my car. I got home found out there was some family issues I needed to take care of and that helped me keep my mind off of things but when I went to lay down all the anxiety just flooded my mind. I decided to open Instagram and check all my friends post and I decided to check my girlfriends post. She deleted our pictures I immediately have the worst panic attack of my life it didn't go away for an hour so I reach out to 988 because I have to talk to someone. After a hour on the phone with them I'm generally feeling better and I'm able to get some sleep. I wake up four hours later with another massive panic attack and I still haven't been able to go to bed. I really really need some advice I don't want to live like this anymore. The anxiety isn't just with her it's with all my friends too and I really don't want to lose her.

I (30 yo female) have been with my wife for almost 7 years, and married coming up to 3 years on the 15th. She went to a bach trip with her friends over the weekend.. got drunk and slept with a man.
She obviously felt guilty enough to tell me the next day about it when she got home. We haven’t really spoke much in 2 days but I think it’s time to talk.. I don’t deserve this and I know it. I’ve never once given her any reason to cheat. My loyalty is my best quality. Even though I’m absolutely heartbroken, I won’t even tell anybody to vent about it because I don’t want to ruin her image. I love my wife and I cannot imagine my life without her.. I dont know what to do or what to say without discrediting what she did. I want her to be held accountable and put in the work to fix this.. but I’m not sure she even will. Any advice on what to do/say?

Hello,

For a little context, about a year ago I (29M) lost my best friend (29m) of 21 years. A genuine brother to me whose loss still hits home everyday. He left behind a family with his wife of 5 years and two young children under the age of 5.

I’ve recently been informed by a mutual friend of ours that she is Dating someone from his unit. After confirming this to be true, I am struggling to not take issue with this guy. Now, while I feel like it’s wrong/irrational for me to get angry at her, I do feel like I should be angry at this new guy.

I have no problem with the fact that she’s dating someone new and was going to eventually move on so please don’t get that wrong. I do take issue with the guy who served with, deployed with, and was in arguably some of the worst times of his life with, trying to step into that family dynamic. It’s not Jodie behavior per se but it kinda feels like it. I don’t really know how to broach the subject either, and I definetly don’t think I can be around him right now, which limits my time visiting their family.

There’s a certain dynamic I feel like some people without military experience/attachment don’t see the level of disrespect I think but maybe that’s just my bias showing and this whole paragraph might be for nothing.

I guess my question of advice is: How do I cope with this or what should I say/do to cause as little issue as possible while maintaining respect to all parties as much as possible.

EDIT 1: Alright a few things to clear up. 1) he’s not deceased to due anything service related. He was killed in a tragic car accident when another driver turned into him. 2) I don’t take issue with her taking on another relationship, I take issue with who it’s with due to my poor assumption that the intentions behind The man stepping are bad. Based on the replies and responses I’ve gathered it’s not my place and that I’ve assumed the worst. I appreciate everyone’s advice, however negative or positive you intended it.

So as the title says, My bf(23) is the best man at his friends wedding. I (F21) am going as his guest. I have terrible social anxiety and hate crowds A LOT. I want to be there to support him and he says he needs me there. However, I don't really know these people. All of his friend group and their partners are going which I've met but they are opposites of me, most of them are super girly, outgoing, and their styles are basic. This is going to be a more christian type wedding as well. I'm scared because I'm going to stand out no matter what with my piercings, tattoos, and alternative style. I want to look my best while also trying to stay hidden or take any light away from the couple. I also rarely do my makeup, but when I do it's usually alternative as well.

What can I do to try to stay low? What makeup style can I do while also staying true to myself? How can I best support my BF during this? How do I avoid awkward conversations? What can I do to stay calm and not run away and hide during this?

hi,

I’ve been dating this person for almost two years now. recently on a call they started doing the n*zi salute outta nowhere and it made me so uncomfortable. the worst part is apparently they used to do this with friends previously as a joke. when I asked why do you do that, they mentioned they wanted to annoy me???

well it annoyed me alright. I don’t think I can date someone doing this kinda thing. What should I do? it grossed me out.

Yesterday, I received a call from my mom and she told me my brother was getting married and she was so happy. I was happy for my brother, but I already kind of knew what was coming. He called me an hour later, discussing his wedding plans, but the issue is the plans he’s making are kind of expensive. My relationship with my brother hasn’t always been great, because for one he makes more money than me and tries to flaunt it and he never really introduced me to his girlfriend in real life. That makes sense, because he thinks I would be a weirdo to her. If you scroll back through my red flag of a post history, you’d notice I bought a car a while ago. This car was primarily for the purpose to impress women, now I am footing the bill for my foolish mistake. My mom wants me there, and to attend every event. She knows I am pretty frugal, and told me I should buy him and his fiancé a nice gift. Usually, my mom offers to pay for my flights but she thinks since I am working, I can afford things. My mom has always been controlling, and if things don’t go her way she gets really upset. She has planned events, which cost money. My mom wants me to go buy a new tuxedo, and do a lot of clothes shopping. The thing is I already spent a lot this month, because I have upcoming trips that were pre-planned. I have till October, to save up but if I’m being honest I don’t want to partake in any of this. I am debating on going, because a flight would cost me $600. Not to mention, my brother and his fiancé only paid for the hotel costs for them and their parents and they expect me to pay my own hotel. My parents could easily pay for my flight, hotel, and other purchases but they want me too. This is an unnecessary expense of like $3-4K which I could continue to add to my savings to save for buying a house. Should I just lie to my mom?

I'm in my early 30s and I've been trying to work out whether I walked away from something genuinely rare, or whether I'm romanticising someone because of how intensely I felt about him.

Now firstly, I do know it's rare, I've dated A LOT in my lifetime, and he's been by far the best in mostly every criteria, except one, which i'll come to.

I met a man who, on paper and in person, has an almost ridiculous number of the qualities I've always wanted.

He's intelligent, highly educated, good looking, extremely career-driven and successful, but somehow isn't boring or consumed by work. He's silly, adventurous, sociable, curious about everything, loves travelling, music, food, photography, going out and actually doing things. I don't think I've ever laughed as much with someone I've dated.

He's also very emotionally deep. This was probably the thing that affected me most. He really really got to know me in the few months we were close, in fact I'd say he knows me better than anyone else ever in my life.

He listens. Properly listens. He remembers tiny things I've said months ago. He asks questions rather than immediately trying to fix everything. I've told him things that I normally find very difficult to talk about and somehow never felt judged or embarrassed. I felt incredibly seen by him.

He's affectionate and thoughtful, takes care of himself, dresses well, smells good, is extremely clean/hygienic, cooks, keeps his home nice, earns good money, is financially responsible in the ways that matter, and is ambitious without making his career his entire personality.

And yes, I'm very attracted to him. The physical chemistry was ridiculous and the sex was genuinely some of the best I've had. But weirdly, that wasn't even the biggest thing. It was how comfortable I felt around him. I could be intellectual with him one minute, completely stupid the next, vulnerable later, sexual later, and somehow all of those versions of me felt accepted.

Another thing too was how good is with planning and making it look effortless. My best friend was in town for a weekend and I had just described her personality a couple days before briefly. He immediately booked something for us that she'd love, and arranged, paid for everything, then took us to a nice restaurant after, and a super sexy cocktail bar. My friend was like "your boyfriend is awesome!". I had no plans of going home with him that night as my friend was staying over at my flat. But I told her "Hun I'm going back to his tonight, here are my keys".

The other thing that surprisingly got me was seeing him with children.

A woman he had a long relationship with has children from a previous relationship, and her daughter absolutely adores him. There was a night she had a fight with her mom and she called him on facetime, I wasn't trying to pry, but he had the call in the same room, and he was so sweet to her, funny, caring, understanding.....i was like "Damn this is doing something to me".

It made me think, "This man would probably be an amazing dad." He clearly wants children himself and seems to have a huge amount of love to give. I've always wanted kids too, and this just got me so excited.

So what's the problem?

OTHER FUCKING Women.

There are a LOT of women in his history/life, and when I met him his romantic situation was incredibly messy.

Obviously ppl will ask, so here it goes:

1. A super hot female best friend who was a FWB before she got married, her husband does not know of their sexual history.

2. An ex-wife who is very emotionally close too, but said they have not been intimate since their divorce.

3. 3 FWBs he occasionally sleeps with and are good friends with.

4. A crazy ex who is in love with him and wants him back badly, like really really badly.

To his credit, he didn't hide this from me. If anything, he was almost excessively transparent. I knew about the women he had dated, slept with, had feelings for, etc. He never pretended he was some innocent man with no baggage.

I actually ended up speaking directly to three of the above women....the ex-wife (who was really cool and totally supported us), the hot best friend (I do not trust her at all, she wants him and seems like she'd cheat on her husband with him but he said he would never allow that), and the ex who is in love with him.

I expected at least one of them to basically say, "Run."

They didn't.

They all had genuinely lovely things to say about him. They described him as caring, generous, emotionally supportive, funny, affectionate and someone who made them feel safe and comfortable. Even women where things hadn't worked out didn't describe him as some manipulative player who lies to women to get them into bed.

Only the crazy ex was a bit insulting to me, saying "He's just using you for sex, he does that to women all the time".

If anything, hearing them talk about him made my problem worse.

The most concerning one was the ex who was still in love with him, it wasn't a "I still have a soft spot for my ex", it was the kind of love where you realise this person isn't emotionally disappearing from his life anytime soon.

She was actively calling, harassing him, whenever he blocked her she'd show up randomly. He came close to filing a restraining order many times, but he said he worries about her as she has kids and he wants her to be there for them.

Seeing this and the other women, made me have many second thoughts, I thought, this is gonna end badly for me somehow.

So I stepped aside.

He and I have remained emotionally close, which probably hasn't helped. I still see all the things I originally saw in him. He still makes me laugh. I still feel incredibly understood by him. I'm still attracted to him. Part of me still thinks we'd be ridiculously compatible if his life weren't so complicated. But I've started pulling away after getting a bit too close 2 weeks ago.

But I'm also old enough to know that someone's good qualities don't automatically make them a good relationship choice for you. Emotional availability, stability and timing matter too.

So I'm curious what others think.

How rare actually is this combination in a man?

I'm not asking whether intelligent/successful/attractive men exist. Obviously they do.

I mean someone who is ambitious and successful but emotionally expressive; masculine but gentle; genuinely interested in your inner world; sexually compatible; affectionate; adventurous and fun; wants family; good with children; takes care of himself; makes you feel safe; and can also be your best friend.

Because part of me thinks, "You were right to walk away from the chaos."

And another part thinks, "You might spend years dating perfectly decent men and realise you never feel that combination of attraction, friendship, emotional intimacy and excitement again."

Women who have dated a lot or found genuinely great partners: how unusual is that combination?

And more importantly, at what point does a man's complicated romantic history outweigh everything else he brings to the table?

we've been talking for more than a year already. yes, we already became affectionate but not to the point that we'll end up kissing. he hasn't even kissed my cheeks yet coz I don't allow him. it feels like we're still young for that kind of stuff.

upon hearing about my friends' story about their active sex life, it makes me wonder if we should also do it already. they're saying that we're already at the right age and we're not that young anymore. kissing will be fine for me but im too nervous for that. well, we're both a virgin so.. 🤷🏻‍♀️. should we do it?

Hi! I won’t go into much detail but basically my friend was raped, but due to the circumstances refuses to believe it, they have been raped before and have doubt about previous experiences but still refer to them as rape. This happened fairly recently, what do I do?

I already seen people discuss this but usually one is in highschool and one is a college graduate. Well I’m 18 and hes 22 but we are both sophomores in college. So is it less weird that he’s into me and we want to pursue something further? Is it different because we are in the same college year? Should i even bother with him or is it weird?

ok so i am (16M) and i saw a trans girl (17F) in a public server both of us in she sent a photo of her like i couldn't believe she is trans she is so beautiful like a 10/10 so i think i lowkey like her like i always think about her always return to see how she looks in the photos she sent and i got the butterfly thing in my stomach and i want to tell her that i like her but there are problems

first thing she is trans and i live in a culture that doesn't really like these people i live in a muslim majority country and in islam being trans is not a good thing and the culture really hate trans people and i am also convinced that being trans is not a good idea but i still talk with trans people cuz they are humans the thing is a don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is trans cuz i will not be able to have sex with them

second thing she lives in a country that is 3h by plane from my country i know it is not that bad but I just wanted to mention it i also want to be a doctor and go live in that country (i decided that before i know her)

thing is a don't have any experience with love before i did not get a crush a gf or anything of that before

also i basically never talked with her i have talked about a couple of masseges with her in the servers we share but never a dm she also sounds really cute and she is really gorgeous

i also suspect she might be lesbian because she said that in a server but i don't really know if she is ok with dating men or not

what should i do try to massege her normal conversations and then tell her about me having a crush on her or should i just try to move on or should i do something else ?

I really don’t know how to title this. Essentially my dad lost his job and my mom is a teacher and because it’s summer she is not getting paid right now.(Summers ending though so she will get back into work soon so that’s good) They have been takeing money from me that I make, which I am going to be clear I am 100% ok with and willing to do. The thing is the money I make disappears so quickly and I get a little heart attack when I see -500$ or whatever from my savings account. They have taken a lot of money ( I have a joint account bc I’m under 18) and I mean a lot from me and again that’s fine and I don’t expect them to replace it because they are my parents and I love them. But it’s insane that they don’t think I notice the missing money and it’s a lot. This has been going on all summer. Like they have to know that I know they are out of a job with the amount of money they take from me. And I can’t stay quiet any longer

I don’t know if this is even the right place to post this but still how do I proceed? I really would just prefer I give them money rather than them feeling like they have to sneak and take it from me. I want them to feel it’s okay to take my money. And I will also be honest I spent a lot of my summer working over hanging out or wtv and I feel a little salty that I haven’t really spent any of it on myself or even able to save up for anything. Please any advice.

I have a pretty tight friend group of about seven people. We hang out regularly, do a lot of things together, and one of the people in the group happens to be an ex-girlfriend of mine. I originally introduced her to everyone, and she stuck around after we broke up. There was never really any drama between us. We didn’t date very long, the breakup wasn’t heartbreaking, and we’ve always gotten along fine afterward.

Obviously, because we dated, we also had sex. Apparently, unbeknownst to me, at some point she told some of our friends that I'm pretty good in bed. I’m genuinely not saying that to brag. It’s just relevant to what happened next. When I eventually found out she had told people, I thought it was pretty weird that she was discussing something that private about me, but we’re all fairly close and I basically just brushed it off.

Recently, another woman in our friend group (let’s call her Michelle) approached me privately and asked if I would be interested in having sex with her. I’ve never had romantic feelings for Michelle, although she is very attractive. She told me she hasn’t had particularly good sexual experiences with the men she’s been with, and after hearing about my size from my ex, she became curious about what the experience would be like and wanted to know whether I’d be interested. To my knowledge, she has never had romantic feelings for me, and I don't think she's even approaching me in any kind of romantic sense. I think it's just purely sexual.

I was pretty caught off guard and basically told her I’d have to think about it. That was about a week ago. She has brought it up once more since then, mostly to check whether I’d thought about it and to make sure she hadn’t weirded me out by asking. She honestly didn’t. If anything, I’m tempted. It’s been a while since I’ve had sex, I obviously still have needs, and she’s an attractive woman who has made it very clear that she’s interested.

My hesitation is the friend group. We see each other all the time, and I’m wondering whether sleeping with her could introduce jealousy, awkwardness, feelings, gossip, or some other dynamic that neither of us is anticipating right now. I also don’t want to screw up my friendship with her just because we were both horny and had an opportunity.

So what do you guys think? Would this be a mistake??

A friend of mine has been married for a few years, but they’ve been separated for some time. He was still hoping they could work things out, but recently found out his wife had started a relationship with another man while they were still married.
He says he could have accepted her divorcing him and moving on, but finding out she cheated before the marriage officially ended completely broke his trust. He was always faithful to her.
He considered giving her another chance, but now he doesn’t know if he can ever trust her again. He’s thinking of taking a month off work and focusing on moving forward.
He’s also extremely angry and has proof of the relationship, including photos/videos. He has thought about sending them to her close friends and relatives, but isn’t sure if that’s the right thing to do.
What should he do? Try to save the marriage, move on, or simply keep the evidence private and walk away?

So this is going to sound really fucked up on my part but idk what to do, so me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 10 months now and our sex life is great but one thing that I really want her to do is wear costumes for me while in bed. I used to not be into it but my ex had done it for me and she had some really sexy costumes and I really want my current girlfriend to wear some of the ones that my ex had and ofc I would buy them for her. I know this sounds so fucked up but one of the costumes i want her to wear is one of the playboy bunny girl costumes but i feel weird if i just straight up ask. My current girlfriend doesn’t know though that my ex had wore costumes for me before so I am thinking she wouldn’t be to crazy opposed to it but if she finds out that my ex had then I’m scared she might not want to. What should I do?

I have a guy friend who used to have unrequited feelings for me. We’re friends now, and I genuinely love him as a friend. He’s going through a lot at the moment, and I just want him to know that he’s loved and that I care about him.

Would saying “I love you” be inappropriate or potentially confusing given our history? Or can you love someone deeply as a friend without it having to mean anything romantic?

So this guy and I have been seeing each other for a while now. I know that he has it hard because he is basically the caregiver for his family. Recently he has asked for money because he doesn’t really have and I gave him. I keep seeing videos that say if he truly loved you and respected you he wouldn’t have asked you for money. But I’m a giver at heart. When someone I love needs I’m there. I don’t wanna be someone who gets used. is it wrong for him to ask for money?

Warning, I think a lot of you will hate me for this so if you can look past that and give advice then please read, if not then please leave.

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years, she’s cheated on me a few times, or at least that’s how I define it…. She calls it trauma bonding, as both her and these guys she talks to tend to be like how she was on the past (I don’t think I can go to much into how she was as the Reddit is earning me not to) anyhow, I myself have never cheated or done anything to upset her.

I am a karate instructor for my local dojo, and I love it, it’s shaped so much of who I am now. My mother is mentally unwell and has been for the last 5 years so my sensei at karate who yes, is female, she’s like a 2nd mother to me and she’s done more for me in the last year than my mum has since I turned 18. So I owe her everything, but unfortunately I’ve lied to her, and I’ve lied to my girlfriend. Let me tell you why…

In October of last year I found more messages from my girlfriend to someone else, this isn’t the first as I mentioned it’s happened before. Anyhow I told my Sensei about it and she told me to break things off with my girlfriend for good, and I did, and I told my sensei I did, and ever since she’s told everyone we’re mutual friends to, how better my life is and how happier I am now that I’m single but realistically I’m only happier because nothing happened between me and my girlfriend in a while and outside of that work and everything else is going really good.

About a week after I broke things off with my girlfriend, she messaged me and in short emotionally blackmailed me into getting back with her and giving her another chance. Given her past on self harm and drug abuse, I’m sure you can understand how easy it is for someone like her to make you feel bad for her. I should have said no and lived my life but I didn’t and that’s where I fucked up….

I still to this day (10 months later) haven’t told my sensei that we’re back together because I know that if I do, she’d kick me out of the dojo and I’d loose all of my friends I’ve made from Karate, some of who I would die for. My sensei had a huge thing about trust and once she looses my trust, I’m back to being a total stranger to her and everyone else on the dojo.

So I don’t know what to don’t how to handle this? I’m
worried girlfriend finds out I’ve been telling everyone bar her and her family that we’ve been split up for the last 10 months she will tell everyone I know which will ruin me…. But I’m also worried that once she does that she will self harm and that the self harm will end really bad. I mean imagine being her and finding out your boyfriend has been telling people you’ve been split up for the last 10 months whilst he’s secretly been living a double life where he is your boyfriend but only you and your family know about it

We don’t use social media much and even when we were properly together we never posted couple related things so it hasn’t been hard to hide in that regards. Ultimately, I don’t want to be with her, I do love her, so so much and I can’t understand why I have done this to her. I hate myself for it, I really fucking do.

But I can’t break things off and tell her truth as to why, because then my sensei will 100% find out and I’ll loose everything, in which case I doubt I could continue, you know, living…. So please Reddit, give me some really good advice, I’m begging…