TLDR: My oldest daughter fabricated wild lies about me to her school counselor, and got CPS and law enforcement called on me. Then admitted she lied, and didn't care one bit about it.

This is long, so forgive me... and it is mainly just me getting stuff off my chest since this is something my wife and I aren't wanting to broadcast openly IRL... but fuck, fellow dads.

I have 3 kids - my 16yo stepson, 11yr old daughter, and 5yr old daughter.

My 5yr old daughter has multiple brain tumors (benign, thank God), and she is going through chemotherapy for it because one of the tumors is on her optic nerve and when it started growing, she began to lose eye sight. It was also pushing on her pituitary gland and causing her to grow as much in 3 months as she is supposed to in an entire year. She's been in treatment for several months now, and the tumors are already shrinking.

But, as you all could imagine, she gets a LOT of attention. She constantly gets care packages in the mail; people are always checking in on her; companies and organizations send her stuff, etc etc.

This has caused issues with my 11yr old, understandably. She feels left out. We put in honest effort to do extra things with her, but it does get a bit time restrictive because one full day a week is for chemo treatment, then the next day is a recovery day where our youngest daughter is dealing with nausea and fatigue... I'm in school taking 20 credit hours a semester on top of working, and my wife works full time. But we still do our best to take her out on one-on-one sushi lunch dates, or taking her to Comic-Cons (she's in to anime and Kpop)... we're splurging to take her to a Katseye concert and staying in a nice hotel over night, we signed her up for Hip Hop dance classes and take her weekly... I mean, we try to do as much as we can to make up for her feeling left out.

She's told us she would like to start seeing a therapist for her mental health, and we have been looking... but just about everywhere is either not taking new patients, won't answer the phone or call back, or won't take my insurance. It's been a struggle, but we've been trying.

Friday I had to drive out of town, and my phone went in to Do Not Disturb mode, so I didn't know I got a phone call until I got to my destination. It was my daughter's counselor, and she left a voicemail saying she wanted to talk to me about some "concerning information" my daughter told her. At this point it was well after school and business hours. We tried to call her on Monday, but she didn't answer. We had also already set up an appointment with our PCP so that maybe he could send us in the right direction... and he had us take her to a 24/7 mental health clinic yesterday. They set us up with an appointment with a therapist in a few weeks.

Then... we get a phone call from CPS a few hours later telling us they need to come by.

The CPS lady comes over, and you can tell she is intentionally refraining from looking at me, and is putting 98% of her focus while speaking to my wife, only briefly shifting her gaze to me for like half a second here and there. She finally looks at me after quite some time and says, "I'm going to be honest, there are allegations in this report about you that are incredibly serious. Hardcore stuff. I will let you know the Sheriff's Department has also been informed, and they will be conducting their own investigation."

My daughter told her school counselor that she is terrified to come home because of me... that I make her feel suicidal. She claims I get in her face and scream and have spit flying all over her face. She told them that I body slam my stepson and stomp on him while he's on the ground. She claims she's had broken bones and I've refused to take her to the doctors and make her suffer instead.

It blew my fucking mind. Like, I seriously had no idea how to even react. I raise my tone when the kids are misbehaving and not listening, but I sure as hell don't scream, much less get in anyone's face. I've "popped" her butt one time, and that was like 5 years ago and was the only time in her life... and it was a weak pop at that. My stepson is the same damn size as me and is a high school wrestler, where as I'm partially disabled and old... I'm sure as hell not capable of body slamming him and stomping on him even *if* I was a psycho like that. The worst punishments any of them get is having their electronics taken away, and even then I feel bad and give in after like 1 full day when we told them it would be for a week. Anytime my daughter has complained of being hurt, we have her at the doctor's the very next day. She has had heart-to-heart talks with me well past bedtime many, many times... and I'm always an open ear, and listen to her, and talk with her. I'm not an overly affectionate dad, but I do show love openly, and I definitely don't come anywhere close to even being mean. I walk her to the bus every morning and hug her and tell her I love her and to have a good day. Anytime she asks for something, I do it if I can. Anytime she says, "Daddy, can we talk?" I say absolutely.

I just do not get it. It breaks my heart that my daughter would feel the need to make up such insane, hurtful lies about me being this absolute monster. Not even just lies, but shit that could get me arrested and/or her taken from us.

The CPS lady did talk to my stepson, my 5 year old, and me and my wife. She admitted, "I'm going to talk to your daughter now, and be honest with her that this just isn't adding up. I see abusive households all the time, and this definitely is not one of them". When she came back downstairs about 10 minutes later, she said my daughter admitted to making it all up... but tried to claim her brother told her to say it all. But then after the CPS lady left, she admitted to my wife that that was a lie, too.

The only silver lining in this is that the CPS lady told us the way she is going to write the report should shut everything down, and the law most likely won't even bother contacting me now... but it's still possible. Regardless, the damage is done.

I told my daughter that I need space from her for "some time" and let her know how much it hurt me that she would just blatantly lie like that. My wife, who never cries, was in tears and told her how hurt she is. My daughter just stared blankly at us, and didn't seem to give one single fuck. She just walked off and went to bed.

Sucks, bros. Send good vibes, please. I have a lot of schoolwork today, so not sure how often I'll be able to reply to anything, but thanks for taking the time to even just read this.

Picked up my daughter from My Gym today. It's a little bridge camp we put her in between summer camp ending and school starting.

I walk in the door and before I've taken three steps, a staff member basically cuts me off: "What are you doing here?" Not "Hi, can I help you?" Not "Who are you here for?" And right on cue, I get the death-stare from the gaggle of moms in the lobby.

I tell her that I'm here to pick up my daughter.

She goes, "Well, which one is she then?" Like I'm about to fail a pop quiz and prove I'm the predator she's already decided I am.

I say my daughter's name. And at that exact moment my kid spots me through the interior window of the studio next door, and she SCREAMS "DADDY!" and comes sprinting to the glass.

Case closed. But nobody apologized. No "oh sorry about that." Just an awkward reset like nothing happened.

I'm not naive — I get that these places are trying to keep kids safe, and I'll never be mad at anyone for actually protecting children. But there's a difference between a security protocol and treating every man who walks through the door like a suspect until proven innocent. I'm a big guy — 6'3", 240, facial hair. And I've noticed the bigger and more "dad-shaped" you are, the faster people's brains jump straight to threat.

I've got a bunch of friends who are dads with the same stories. Getting side-eyed at the park. Getting asked "are those YOUR kids?" at the pool. One buddy got followed around a Target by an employee because he was buying kids' clothes. Alone. For his own kids.

I love being a dad. It's the best thing I've ever done. But I'm tired of the baseline assumption that a man in a kid space is dangerous until a screaming toddler personally vouches for him.

Anyone else dealing with this? How do you handle it without either losing your cool or just quietly eating it every time?

I did not expect this to make me emotional. We picked out this bed as a family, and while she is at school her mom and I put it together to surprise her. When we were done I realized this is a little girls room not a toddlers room. My baby girl is growing up too fast.

“Do you know how easy this is for me? Do you have any fucking idea how easy this is? This is a fucking joke! And I'm sorry you can't do this, I really am because I wouldn't have to fucking sit here and watch you fumble around and fuck it up.”

The speech from Good Will Hunting comes to mind almost every time we interact.

For me, I’m so tired of always being the one who checks up on family and friends while no one checks up on me.

I miss cooking.

Since meeting my partner I've had this drive to cook for her, make delicious meals that she loves and to remove the mental load from her day. Before we had our 3mo old I cooked nearly every meal (bar takeaways/eating out) for the 4 odd years we have lived together. I did it for her, but also for me.

It became a nightly ritual, she'd decompress with some TV and I'd decompress by making something new for dinner or just by making it from scratch. When tomatoes were cheap I'd roast them in the oven, blend them into a sauce with homemade meatballs. I'd make my own curry paste, I'd fuck around because it was brought me joy and grounded me after a day at work.

My partner keeps reminding me that we can have jar sauce and pasta, or frozen pizza. Because however long I'm cooking is more time she has to look after our son, when she's spent the day with him and is already touched out.

I was prepared to step back from my hobbies and I've been okay with that for a while, it's just I'm suddenly realizing that my cooking is another hobby I have to step back from.

Summer is fighting back with a stretch of 90+ degree days this week.

And thanks to https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/s/r7RlYLQHwY this post, i finally had use for scrap 3/4” pvc laying around from destructing a previous owner’s project.

The kids haven’t seen it yet and i plan to add more mix of pieces. This isn’t 1/4 of the scrap pvc and i bought contractor bags of fittings.

Hoping for some fun this week.

Hey guys, we signed our son up for his first youth soccer team through a local youth sports program. We found out late last week that our team still hadn't been assigned a head coach which meant no practice or games until that role was filled. I reached out yesterday and said if there were no volunteers, that I'd be happy to help out.

The league said in their email that they'd be sending resources to help coaches figure out what to do, but it was pretty much all CYA safety training stuff meant for older/more competitive leagues.

My last experience with soccer was ~25 years ago when I played on a youth league. I have not watched any soccer at all since, so I have essentially no knowledge.

I know it's a casual league so expectations are low, but I have genuinely no idea where to start, and practice is this afternoon lol. If you have any suggestions, I'd appreciate them!

Edit to add: This is for a 6-year old league! Should be very casual, but I'd still like it to be beneficial with teaching skills and somewhat structured

This thing pulls outward into a double wide, so not terrible. But I am 6' and this couch thing is like 5' 9". You're the only group I get to complain about this to, everything else is rightfully about mama.

We packed things for action, but unfortunately we're just bored waiting around and didn't bring any games. Even if I had my Switch 1 we could play Mario Cart. Being bored was not something I was prepared for. The first kid was pure anxiety from start to finish. Luckily the gift shop had a deck of cards.

The answer is The Sleepover S01E39 and it’s not even close. But I do have two more seasons to watch

So I was reading a book to my son in the bed in preparation of putting him to sleep. His reactions where specially cute so thought it would be a good idea to record the audio to show my wife when she got home. When the story ended we kept talking in the dark about various things.

As an autistic dad I tend to talk about facts more than the traditional things. I talked to him about how rockets work, how large is the moon, how deep are the craters etc.

I made a story where he fell into the crater and found all kinds of cool things in there. Of course he was scared but I assured him I would be there to protect him. And then he said twice: "te amo muito papai!'. Which would be "I love you very much dad!" in English.

Later I realized I never stopped recording so I have it for posterity!

That hit very strongly because he recently said the same thing to his aunt (before me!). I didn't tell anyone but I felt very jealous at that moment. I'm not feeling jealous anymore!

So, I'm very comfortable as a rational physical materialist.. But I've also learned that the world is both larger and smaller than it seems, and funny shit happens sometimes.

Well, we connected today. Things have been a mess... marriage is bad, dad's dying, I just got randomly laid off, and jr. is starting college... and my extended family, who I've allowed to creep back into our lives over the last 15 years or so, and who live near jr.'s new school, have decided to go back to huffing leaded gasoline exhaust or something. We'd almost gotten back to full on "everyone's on speaking terms" levels of familial bliss... But the ergot poisoning has apparently resumed. Other stuff too... lol.. I can't possibly list it all.. even just plans for the trip wouldn't stick.. the entire agenda and schedule changed literally the day we were supposed to leave... 🤷

You know when you're fucking something up, and everything you try to do is a problem? But before you realize you're fucking up, it just feels like you're having shit luck? I was starting to think this wasn't supposed to be working.

But then we actually got to school... no family, no other bullshit... This place is fucking awesome. This is exactly where she's supposed to be. Everything gets settled in, she meets s ton of people, all of a sudden, everything works. I can exhale for the first time in about a week.

Fast forward to tonight. It's the first day of class... In her evening seminar, she looks up at the teacher and he's wearing a tee shirt from the local bar in this tiny little town in Colorado where she went to high school. Next town over from where we live... Population, maybe 1,100? 🤦😂

I know it only means something to two people on the planet, but the world sure can make a person feel down right welcome sometimes.

Other times, less so... but not today.. yet. 😉

“May your child discover the harmonica.”

Send help. I believe bourbon counts as help.

I've read the tales, I've consulted the oracle, and yet I'm still shocked at just how fast she got a cold. Y'all weren't lying when you said it hits hard and fast....but she just started 3 weeks ago 🤯

Fellow fathers…I feel the need to seek your counsel. I know I’ll get flak from some and I’ll respond by saying I already have the books so no additional profit.

I’d like to introduce my kids to fantasy like Narnia, Harry Potter, and Lord of the Rings. I’m sure others will come as Ender’s Game sent me into reading in high school. Has anybody introduced these series to their kids and do you have a suggested order? We all know the reward will be watching movies At some point (4/6 y.o. kids).

Please help me introduce in a way that they find wonder and the flame doesn’t get blown out by unnecessary nightmares.

The one thing I(25m) was terrified of while this journey started is that I didn’t want to miss my first child’s birth. But it looks like it’s happening now. I honestly feel like I’m a failure and having a bad start as a dad and a husband.

It kills me everyday from within that I can’t do anything about this situation, and I have nobody to talk to about it. My wife has been supportive and says it’s okay but I just can’t digest the fact that I’ll miss being there for my first new born.

My wife(24f) is in South Asia and I’m in the states working on a non-immigrant visa.

She isn’t getting an appointment thx to the major changes in immigration rules and is running out of time as she cannot travel after September.

I’m unable to take off as my company won’t let me and she’s due in late November.

The earliest I can travel back to South Asia to see my kid is in feb and I just can’t help but wait that long

Did any of the dads go through this? How did you all deal with it? Any tips?

This Sub seems like most of it's traffic is about how to deal with the crisis of parenthood and how to deal with all of the complexities and challenges that come up.

And yeah, we need that. Having a kid completely transforms your life and your marriage, and not in easy ways... but oh my god, for me at least it is worth it a thousand times over.

I have what, by most standards, is a pretty challenging kid (special needs and medical issues both) but it's amazing to see him in his joy.

I just got him riding his bike without training wheels yesterday, and the level of joy and pride I feel is incredible, it's something it's really hard to communicate. He's started learning to play the drums, and he is *terrible* and honestly it's like the most joyful and moving music I have ever heard.

He's reading "Calvin and Hobbes" now, and loving it, and sees that he's just like Calvin as opposed to most of the media portrayed kids. And he loves it.

Honestly, it feels like creating the universe. And you look at it, and it's good.

I really hope everyone on this sub gets the moments where they look at there kid, and see that someone with a whole life is in there behind those eyes, and realize what an amazing thing it is that they have done.

I got an oura ring a few months before my son (kid #2) was due as I was interested to see what tangible changes in my health/ sleep might show up. It’s been fun at 3am to check my stats and be reminded of my total sleep debt and be told how stressed I am! 🤣

Even though we‘re all fine and healthy, I miss my two year old every second, at work, at hobbies - like constant.
Deep inside I want to quit everything else in my life just to spend the max. amount of time with her.
I know, sounds crazy - won’t do that.
But does it get better from time to time?
I am really struggling to for example play tennis once a week because that’s time I could spend with her.
It drives me nuts sometimes to get my ass up and actually go to work when she’s at home.
Can anyone else relate?

He’s turning 5 in 1 month, wherever we watch him play with our friends kids I notice a pattern. Namely if the other kid(s) are also nice and sharing toys and gentle he has a great time with them and they laugh and play etc. But some kids are more rough than him in their play, like we were playing with our good friends kid who just turned 5 in their pool and the other kid was going on splashing water at his face and spraying the water gun right at his face. Normally I would expect my son to tell him to stop and strongly if he didn’t like it, but he just kinda kept giggling or saying stop in a very non serious way and just holding his hand against the barrage of water. The kids dad did step in and yell at him to stop and he did briefly before starting again, he got some consequences from his dad for not listening.

But I was concerned that my son himself was not doing much to defend himself, and it’s a recurring pattern, like another kid in another house was bouncing this big beach ball on him again and again and catching it, again my son was giggling but looking uncomfortable because of the repeated bouncing. That boy also stopped only because his mom was walking by and asked What are you doing? So kind of the same thing again. And I don’t blame the other kid because they’re also only 5 and they just have a more aggressive high energy temperament, everyone is different

interestingly his 2 yr old sister is tracking towards a very different personality, like if someone tries to take a toy she’s playing with (someone includes the 5 yr old) she will scream bloody murder and the other kid will quickly concede whatever she’s screaming about. Or If someone is playing roughly with her, same thing. I’m secretly happy when she screams at other kids at the right times because it seems like instinctively she already knows she has to stick to her boundaries and make them loud and clear. I’m glad I didn’t have to worry about the same thing for her also

Maybe I’m projecting a bit on my son but I was also a bit of a pushover myself and still am to an extent like often I’ll just agree to group decisions even if I don’t like them because I want to avoid conflicts. So maybe I’ve not been a good role model for him and he’s picking up on that. But I’m terrified to think as a boy and future man he’s going to have a lot of trouble standing up for himself if he doesn’t start now and I’m struggling to think how can I teach him this when I’m kind of a people pleaser myself. Any advice on this is appreciated!

Hello stimulation, I am father.

So I’d like to gather some opinions on something I’m a bit at odds with my wife on.

We have one son, 2.4, and from the very beginning my wife has been ultra engaging with him most of the time. It’s beautiful, and it’s hard for me to wrap my mind around why I’m not sure it’s a good idea but I’ve always had a feeling about it.

By ultra engaging I mean basically non-stop talking, singing, playing, teaching, reading, etc etc. She is also usually exhausted from it.

Her father, who is our main community, is the same way.

Where I start to wonder is how our son is often expecting that high level of engagement, and when he doesn’t get it he can start attention seeking in more-often-than-not whiny/destructive ways.

I’m feeling inclined to talk about it because this evening before the bedtime routine (which I was doing), and after a hard day of work and cooking for them plus g-pa, she was guilting me for not being ultra engaged with him in the 10 minutes before we started. I was very tired and needed a moment. And I started to think… can we not start settling down??

Short preface, I was a VERY quiet and easy child, very introverted until later in life, and constantly engaging with anyone in any capacity drains me.

Anyway where my son has appeared to “need” constant stimulation, I’m beginning to wonder if this has been nurtured more than it might be inherent. I’d be curious to hear from fathers who have calm households what they might think of a situation like this.

Hey boys, I'm in the Waterloo region, Ontario, Canada.

My wife and I had our first daughter last October, she's closing to a year now. Since birth, my wife got post partum depression. I rated her out to our doctor and she's been medicated ever since, but, things are just getting worse again month after month.

I know our little daughter is the cause of her bursts, coupled with lack of sleep, and all her closest friend moved to different places. Not to mention that we have no family nor anyone to help us out.

With me all day at work and her still on maternity leave, I fear something may happen. More likely with my wife than with our daughter... And every time our daughter cries refusing sleep, refusing to eat or just cries, the misses get triggered.

I really don't know how to intervene. She refuses any help from me, and I want to stand up and take care of both...

I don't even know what details to share, so, my apologies for the lack of any clarity. I'm more than willing to share anything to know what should I do.

We have two boys (K1 is 3 yo, K2 is 19 mo). They both sleep in the same room, in different sides of the room.
We start around 7 pm with the bedtime routine and both of them are asleep between 07:30-08:00 pm. K1 falls to sleep alone since he is about 1 yo. K2 needs help, usually about 15-20 minutes until he is asleep.
Both of them sleep thrue the night since around their first birthday.
Until around two month ago (when the heatwaves in Europe started) they both slept until 07:00-08:00 am. Since then, one of them, most of the time K1 wakes up between 05:45 and 06:30 and wakes the little one and with the noise they make me and my wife aswell.
The last few days were even worse, today for example they woke up at 05:10.

We have tried to „train“ them to only come out and be noisy once we tell them over the baby monitor or if we come in their room. And if they do, they get a little treat or something. The little one doesn’t care at all, the big one also not really.
We also tried with a clock that only shows a little after a set time, but they just get up and turn the big light on.

Separating them is not an option due to the living situation. Long term we want everyone to have their own space, sadly that’s not an option right now.

Any advice or ideas on how everyone of us can get 1 or 2 more hours of sleep a day?

RIP my back though

For context, her mom and I aren’t together any longer. Her mom lives with her parents, with her 3 kids. They have a pretty decent size house. I’m 29, been on my own since 18, dealt with some drug/addiction stuff in my 20s, but as of the last couple years I’ve been in a much much better spot. I currently own a trailer in a trailer park and my daughter absolutely hates coming to my house. For those three days a week I have her, she’s constantly asking when she can go home and she throws tantrums and fits. She’s only 8, so I understand the emotional side of things can be tough and I try to keep our days full of activities. Her yearning to go home to “her house” (as she calls it) ruins things a lot of time. And it’s not like she doesn’t have a pretty sweet space of her own at my house, she has a freaking couch in her room and it’s decorated to her liking. As a Dad, it’s difficult having my kiddo not enjoying spending time with me at my house. Just because I don’t have a giant house right now and I’m not rich like her grandparents, that doesn’t mean I don’t love that girl a ton. It’s just hurting my heart is all.