Hi dads, I and my spouse are heading to the hospital to undergo induced labor. As a soon-to-be dad, what advice can I heed from y'all? Thank you.

Responses might be delayed, but please know I thank y'all from the bottom of my heart.

I hate that removing the TV is the ultimate "grounding" for my kid.

And I hate doing countdowns all the time.

So, my 4-soon-to-be-5-year-old son is great; sometimes I think I'm complaining from a place of privilege. But damn, I hate that one of the few things that work with the kid is taking out the TV.

We let him watch 2 hours at most per day. One in the morning and one at night, with selected cartoons. It's clocked; the TV turns off after 1 hour.

Last week, at the beginning of the week, I noticed he was exhibiting a behavior that had already happened before. Stubbornness as hell; you agree with one thing, but when it's time, he starts with excuses. "I didn't have time", "it's too soon, bath takes too long", talking over you, and so on. And guys, everything is talked through; it's not like a 5-minute talk. I do everything by the book too: keep firm, don't scream, lower myself to talk at the same level, when it's right I compliment, positive reinforcement, explain the why. I don't just order him around — the consequence comes after I validate that I know he wanted more time to play or whatever. He just talks over, keeps repeating, and so on. I had to drag him to the shower a couple of times because he kept discussing, and he was going to make his mother late for work. The same behavior happened in his extracurricular activities.

On Wednesday, we received a note from the school. The same thing. He wasn't doing what was agreed upon. I had talked with him the whole week. Sometimes he just stares at me with defiance, listening but not caring.

I talked with his mother and decided to take his TV off until the weekend at least. Then he cared. He improved the next day; we complimented all the good behaviors, and on Monday, by coincidence or not, in the same extracurricular activity where he was disrupting the class the previous week, he received a medal, the best one in that class.

It's a fucking cycle with the TV. I don't like taking it out; he is an only child, we live in an apartment, so not so much space, he has a lot of toys, we don't have all the time to play with him, but we really try our best. And I think it's ok to have TV for 2 hours, spaced out, but I don't know; I feel it affects him too much.

Anyways guys, just wanted to vent about it.

The response to my comment on another thread made me think I'm not the only dad here who has to do his best of backfill around the grandpa role in my kiddo's life.

Growing up, I knew both of my grandfathers well, they lived into my 20s and they remain role models. I loved my mom's dad who ran a restaurant, taught us chess, and tended his roses, but for me "grandpa stuff" is really centered around my dad and his father's serious skills with fishing, hunting, woodworking, all that kinda stuff.

Now, for my kiddo, my spouse's dad is facing increasing health problems and mine passed 10 years ago. He would have loved to be a grandpa but that's not how things worked out.

So I wonder:

• What's "grandpa stuff" for you? Especially the positive and meaningful parts.
• If no actual grandpa is available, what wins have you had bringing that stuff into your kiddos life? Maybe it's skills or experiences, maybe time around other older role models, etc.

My kiddo is 4 and we fit in three camping trips this summer, and a couple (unsuccessful) trip to a trout pond. It's not as much as I might wish for, but each felt like a small age-appropriate win that I can build on as I rebuild my own skills at this stuff. We can't do it all but we can do good. Let's talk about it!

I (27) am becoming increasingly broody as I enter my late twenties. I’m a gay man, and for some reason - have always pictured myself entering parenthood alone. Not with a partner, despite having been in relationships. I guess that’s some sort of limiting belief around healthy relationships. But nonetheless, I’ve always felt prepared to become a single Dad.

I’ve always aspired to be a parent.
At 16 I wrote my future child a letter, telling them how important they’ll be to me and how much I want them in my life. I still have that letter somewhere.

I guess the idea of parenthood meets my need to nurture.

I have lots to work through and achieve before I bring a new life into this world.

I’m far from ready, but I can’t deny the intensity to which I yearn for being a father. It feels like a big part of my purpose.

Any advice or words of wisdom?

This thing pulls outward into a double wide, so not terrible. But I am 6' and this couch thing is like 5' 9". You're the only group I get to complain about this to, everything else is rightfully about mama.

We packed things for action, but unfortunately we're just bored waiting around and didn't bring any games. Even if I had my Switch 1 we could play Mario Cart. Being bored was not something I was prepared for. The first kid was pure anxiety from start to finish. Luckily the gift shop had a deck of cards.

Hey fellow dads. I noticed another post where a dad said he was tired of being treated like a predator or threat. I generally feel the same way and I feel like the only change is how I carry myself anymore. I volunteered to help coach my daughters youth soccer team and I sure was nervous at first, afraid of the predator label, I avoided any contact with the girls. Over time though, they started hanging on me and touching me and I still am very uncomfortable, but it has put me at ease. So much so that the other day one of the girls fell and I actually just grabbed her torso and stood her up real quick. No issues.

The point of my post is that I think that the more time we spend with kids, that aura wears off, I genuinely think its about 50% in our own heads.

To all my stay at home dad's, or other dads that may have just had the experience, do you ever feel guilty being a stay-at-home dad?

I was raised that money is super important and to keep everything as pristine as possible and I know I have a bit of a complex because of it. So, I decided a long time ago I wanted to be a provider for my family and the rest can fall work wants to.

Lost my job just before finding out the wife was pregnant! My kiddo is now nearing one year old and I'm still unemployed. Lots of positives! Don't get me wrong lot of great times with the little booger, but I feel so guilty being a stay-at-home Dad when my wife would love to be a stay-at-home mom that I feel guilty just stepping away to watch a TV show for myself, or taking a few hours every week to go do a hobby or something I want to do.

I know I'm a bit of an oddball but wondering if anyone else has had these irrational(?) feels?

I mean I love my kid and he's putting me in a great mood as I started stressing by thinking about losing my job etc but I still feel like I'm wasting my time and not doing enough

Picked up my daughter from My Gym today. It's a little bridge camp we put her in between summer camp ending and school starting.

I walk in the door and before I've taken three steps, a staff member basically cuts me off: "What are you doing here?" Not "Hi, can I help you?" Not "Who are you here for?" And right on cue, I get the death-stare from the gaggle of moms in the lobby.

I tell her that I'm here to pick up my daughter.

She goes, "Well, which one is she then?" Like I'm about to fail a pop quiz and prove I'm the predator she's already decided I am.

I say my daughter's name. And at that exact moment my kid spots me through the interior window of the studio next door, and she SCREAMS "DADDY!" and comes sprinting to the glass.

Case closed. But nobody apologized. No "oh sorry about that." Just an awkward reset like nothing happened.

I'm not naive — I get that these places are trying to keep kids safe, and I'll never be mad at anyone for actually protecting children. But there's a difference between a security protocol and treating every man who walks through the door like a suspect until proven innocent. I'm a big guy — 6'3", 240, facial hair. And I've noticed the bigger and more "dad-shaped" you are, the faster people's brains jump straight to threat.

I've got a bunch of friends who are dads with the same stories. Getting side-eyed at the park. Getting asked "are those YOUR kids?" at the pool. One buddy got followed around a Target by an employee because he was buying kids' clothes. Alone. For his own kids.

I love being a dad. It's the best thing I've ever done. But I'm tired of the baseline assumption that a man in a kid space is dangerous until a screaming toddler personally vouches for him.

Anyone else dealing with this? How do you handle it without either losing your cool or just quietly eating it every time?

Not the newest topic on earth but trying to find the right balance between holding a teen accountable (particularly with school) and letting the kid be a kid.

A bit for context: My parents were very hands off with my schooling; in their eyes, I would reap what I would sow. I loved it then but can now see how a push in the right direction every now and then could have opened a lot of doors. On the opposite side of that coin, I had friends who's parents beat their education into them and based their lives on report cards. Their relationships have suffered quite a bit. There's a middle ground in here somewhere that I'd like to find.

When it comes to my son's grades, my wife and I are using the carrot and stick method. The carrot- extra privileges, contributions towards a car, and we pay for his recreational sports. The stick- less privileges, no contributions, not allowed to play recreational sports. Now school sports we handle diffently as the school has its own rules, but for recreational, its just for fun (sure it makes him better at school sports but not to the degree that it would earn him a scholarship, so it *is* just for fun). We hate to threaten something he loves but it's honestly the only thing that gets his attention. Even then, it doesn't do much to motivate extra effort in school, so it feels like taking something and gaining nothing. That's why I'm at a loss.

So dads, whatcha got?

I don't want to approach it completely hands off or with a full grip of the wheel, so where's the middle ground. Am I on the right track but need some adjustments? Do I need a different approach all together?

This Sub seems like most of it's traffic is about how to deal with the crisis of parenthood and how to deal with all of the complexities and challenges that come up.

And yeah, we need that. Having a kid completely transforms your life and your marriage, and not in easy ways... but oh my god, for me at least it is worth it a thousand times over.

I have what, by most standards, is a pretty challenging kid (special needs and medical issues both) but it's amazing to see him in his joy.

I just got him riding his bike without training wheels yesterday, and the level of joy and pride I feel is incredible, it's something it's really hard to communicate. He's started learning to play the drums, and he is *terrible* and honestly it's like the most joyful and moving music I have ever heard.

He's reading "Calvin and Hobbes" now, and loving it, and sees that he's just like Calvin as opposed to most of the media portrayed kids. And he loves it.

Honestly, it feels like creating the universe. And you look at it, and it's good.

I really hope everyone on this sub gets the moments where they look at there kid, and see that someone with a whole life is in there behind those eyes, and realize what an amazing thing it is that they have done.

Newborn, 8 days in. Wife is having issues breastfeeding, we havent done more than an hour since the hospital because the latch hurts her. Milk production has been low.

We have seen a lactation consultant and pediatrician which all say latch issues are from a tongue tie. We are seeing an ent for a consultation tomorrow.

I'm hesitant to proceed with this surgery. I've read how it can create more problems, causing sensitivity when eating and read horror stories about babies who have seen rapid weight loss from essentially refusing to eat post surgery.

I also dont see the point. I get my wife wants to breast feed, but our baby has gained weight since leaving the hospital, almost back to birth weight, and averaging 16-20oz per day on bottles. I dont think ive seen someone chug like that since college.

Why mess with bottle feeding when it is working so we can try something that you may not like? Her niece had no tongue tie, was breast fed for 2 weeks before her sister was like f this, and went to bottles.

To add, both my wife and I were fed as kids on formula only and both turned out healthy. I get the motherly instinct to breastfeed but neither of us did. If production picks up, let's pour it into a bottle.

Worst case scenario, I could see us proceeding with a surgery, her deciding breast feeding isnt for her and want to do bottles, us back pedaling, and our baby being in pain and not taking back to the bottle, introducing a sleuth of serious problems.

Does anyone have experience with tongue tie, how did the procedure go, what was your motivation for getting it? Would you get one if your only reason was breast feeding comfort but baby was otherwise fine with a bottle and gaining weight?

Our daughter is 2.5 and it feels like the ability to do anything has progressively disappeared. I really enjoy being a dad but I can’t do anything on my own anymore, and my health is paying the price. I can’t exercise, can’t get enough sleep, can’t recharge, hobbies are all dwindling. I’m not sure I’d do this again if I knew it would be like this even with as much as I love my daughter. I didn’t realize being a dad would be the only thing I was within a few years.

thanks.

Edit: thank you for all of the advice. Recently went to the doctor and have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and prediabetic. I’ve never had any problems with any of that stuff and now I drop into bed completely spent every day. I have no idea when I’d work out, unless I started getting up at 3am.

This has been very validating, thank you again.

RIP my back though

Sharing a couple of tips

Saw a mum at the park stood by the slide telling the kids the slide was closed. Every child took delight and fits of giggles using it when it was “closed”.

Another is to stop the child half way down and push them back up with a “oh no you don’t.”

And lastly reluctant eaters or when they are low-born blood sugar out food in front of them and say it is yours and they are not to eat it.

They will love defying im you and eating the forbidden food. Oblivious to the fact that is what you want.

Also sometimes when they are feral you can give them some chocolate to raise the blood surgir and have a more rational conversation about why some broccoli would be a good idea too.

Good luck. Let me have yours.

My son just started Kindergarten and we have been reading Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as our first chapter book at night. It is the first time he has been interested in a longer-ish story.

Any fun, adventurous books that you would recommend that will keep my son engaged?

Fellow dads, I am drowning in diapers and completely out of the loop.

I’ve got a 1-month-old, a 3-year-old, and a 5-year-old. My brain is basically scrambled eggs right now. I’ve been playing fantasy football for 10 years and usually spend all August obsessing over depth charts, but this year I genuinely haven't tracked a single off-season move. (Pretty sure I thought Mike Evans was on the Bucs until five minutes ago).
Draft is this Friday night and I have zero prep time between bedtime routines and 2 AM feedings.

What’s your go-to low-effort prep strategy? Any single-page cheat sheets, tier lists, or draft kit links you swear by that I can digest in 15 minutes while hiding in the bathroom?

“Do you know how easy this is for me? Do you have any fucking idea how easy this is? This is a fucking joke! And I'm sorry you can't do this, I really am because I wouldn't have to fucking sit here and watch you fumble around and fuck it up.”

The speech from Good Will Hunting comes to mind almost every time we interact.

I need a sanity check. I don't think I'm being unreasonable, but if I am, I'm all ears.

Currently, my wife works weekends 7AM to 7PM (Fri/Sat/Sun). I work during the week, M-F, regular old desk job 8-5. This leaves us in a situation where my son needs childcare one day a week, on Fridays. I watch him all weekend, every weekend while my wife is at work. He goes to bed shortly after she gets home but she gets time with him during the week. Since my wife is pretty tired after a 12 hour shift, she goes to bed and we don't get much time together. It kinda sucks, and I don't like it, but it could be a lot worse so I try to be thankful for what we have.

This is the part that I need advice on. My wife will not, and I mean will not, consider anyone watching our child that is not immediate family. Not even friends we have known for years. She says that she is protecting our son. While I am very thankful that she is invested in our child's safety, this greatly complicates things. To give a concrete example, she thinks that it is reasonable to ask me to drive an hour and a half one way to drop our son off at her sisters place. If this was a last resort option, I would consider it, however she refuses to even contact any of our local friends. This is not a permanent arrangement either, this is just two Fridays coming up near the end of the month where our usual arrangement will be unavailable. Another concrete example is I had to negotiate with my wife to be able to go to church. She used to work F/Sat/Sun overnights, and would get off around 8 AM. We would meet at the 9:15 service where my wife would volunteer in the kids program and always be in the room with my son. It would have been seen as a major violation of trust if I took my son to church without my wife having volunteered. This leaves me alone during service which is kind of lame, but again, I can just be thankful my son is able to socialize and I get to attend service.

Due to the nature of my wifes job, she does see some pretty bad people and hears about some bad things, some of which have to do with children. I am empathetic of this and understand that her fear is coming from a real place, however it puts a lot of pressure on me to always have to accommodate. I've been able to make it work so far but I'm honestly kind of getting sick of always having to bend. I'm also projecting out in the future a bit, as a second kid has been talked about and I really don't think I can work all week and watch two kids all weekend by myself. Could I do it? Sure, I could, but we aren't really a family. My wife recently turned down a week position because of her stance and I can't help but feel let down that we passed up on a chance to be a family. I hardly know my wife as a parent.

I guess a concrete question to end off with, am I being unreasonable in my expectations and just need to stop being a wuss or does this seem off to you? My personal opinion is that I'm not asking much.

Anyway, thanks for reading and thanks for any constructive advice.

EDIT: Our child is two. My wife also wants to home school for the same reasons.

My daughter's been in daycare since she was ~6mo old, changing daycare at just over 2 years old. She handled that change really well & now is loving her daycare. However, that daycare is about 20min away & we want her to be involved in her school district. So when we found out her school district offers preschool for her age (3.5yr), we enrolled her. Her last day at daycare is tomorrow & she starts school on Thursday. Im so excited for her, because I think she will excel in the school setting & shes generally excited too. But you can definitely tell shes nervous, & i am too. Any advise from my fellow dad's who've gone trhu this situation already?

I did not expect this to make me emotional. We picked out this bed as a family, and while she is at school her mom and I put it together to surprise her. When we were done I realized this is a little girls room not a toddlers room. My baby girl is growing up too fast.

My 25 month old son started daycare last week. Happy as anything for the first couple of days as it was new and fun. Now in the second week he's started crying when we drop him off.

From photos etc during the day he looks happy enough. When we pick him up he runs to me (not Mum so much) and is obviously a bit emotional and mostly happy...not crying.

I understand that this is pretty normal for starting daycare and we just have to make the drop off process quick and routine and he should get used to it over a period of a few weeks hopefully.

What I wasn't expecting was that it has made him extremely clingy at home. I work from home and he now constantly wants to come in and play with me or sit on my lap and play with my laptop. Trying to take him back outside to play on his own or with mum ends in tears.

I presume this is just a reaction to him feeling separated during the day and making him not want to lose sight of me when he can at home?

Any tips for easing the process? It's really hard to get my work done and I feel if I just close the office door and lock it he will be extremely upset and this upsets Mum too. Thank you in advance.

For context, her mom and I aren’t together any longer. Her mom lives with her parents, with her 3 kids. They have a pretty decent size house. I’m 29, been on my own since 18, dealt with some drug/addiction stuff in my 20s, but as of the last couple years I’ve been in a much much better spot. I currently own a trailer in a trailer park and my daughter absolutely hates coming to my house. For those three days a week I have her, she’s constantly asking when she can go home and she throws tantrums and fits. She’s only 8, so I understand the emotional side of things can be tough and I try to keep our days full of activities. Her yearning to go home to “her house” (as she calls it) ruins things a lot of time. And it’s not like she doesn’t have a pretty sweet space of her own at my house, she has a freaking couch in her room and it’s decorated to her liking. As a Dad, it’s difficult having my kiddo not enjoying spending time with me at my house. Just because I don’t have a giant house right now and I’m not rich like her grandparents, that doesn’t mean I don’t love that girl a ton. It’s just hurting my heart is all.

The one thing I(25m) was terrified of while this journey started is that I didn’t want to miss my first child’s birth. But it looks like it’s happening now. I honestly feel like I’m a failure and having a bad start as a dad and a husband.

It kills me everyday from within that I can’t do anything about this situation, and I have nobody to talk to about it. My wife has been supportive and says it’s okay but I just can’t digest the fact that I’ll miss being there for my first new born.

My wife(24f) is in South Asia and I’m in the states working on a non-immigrant visa.

She isn’t getting an appointment thx to the major changes in immigration rules and is running out of time as she cannot travel after September.

I’m unable to take off as my company won’t let me and she’s due in late November.

The earliest I can travel back to South Asia to see my kid is in feb and I just can’t help but wait that long

Did any of the dads go through this? How did you all deal with it? Any tips?

Cross-post

Just looking for some insight and recommendations. My 3-month-old baby had been sleeping so well for the past few weeks, but now she’s suddenly waking up every two hours at night.

Thankfully, we’re able to feed her and get her back down pretty easily, usually within about 15 minutes. I’m just wondering if anyone else went through this and what you did to help your baby start sleeping through the night again.

For me, I’m so tired of always being the one who checks up on family and friends while no one checks up on me.