Saw something that reminded me of this awful memory. Almost 30 years later and it still stings

My 7th birthday weekend was the first I spent with my NDad (he’d recently acquired every other weekend visitation) something I was very upset with my mother about. I cried and begged her not make me go, my NDad was a cruel bully and I was terrified. I was more insistent than usual, it was my birthday why couldn’t I decide where I wanted to go, etc. Earned myself nothing but a spanking from her and still had to go to NDad’s.

But when I arrived at NDad’s, he surprised me by being kind the whole time. I woke up on my birthday morning at his house and there were birthday decorations everywhere, a chocolate cake with vanilla icing (my mother must’ve told him that was my favorite), he told me we’d order pizza for dinner. He gave me a rather sweet birthday card and Cookie Crisp for breakfast (which my mother never allowed me.)

I was disoriented at first, should’ve been more suspicious due to his track record but I was a little kid. I got caught up in the excitement, my dad telling me he was proud of me for how well I was doing at school, that he’d saved up money from his new job to buy me the perfect gift. He showed me the large gift box wrapped in his closet, and I was so excited, I had a pretty good idea of what I thought it was but I’m too embarrassed to even share now. We spent the day having a nice-ish time together, playing catch at the park and walking/talking together. I feel foolish even now for it, but I really thought something was changing, that this man who’d bullied me for the past year could change. That he could grow to love me, that I could be worthy of his approval and affection finally…

He spent THE WHOLE DAY we spent together hyping up the gift, how much I would love it, asking me to guess what it was, but reminding me I couldn’t open it until later, teasing me and teasing me more as the time got closer, I was so excited and giggly. When I finally got permission to open my gift (right before pizza), I was almost shaking from anticipation….only for him to chuck the large gift box at me and laugh in my face. It weighed almost nothing….an empty box carefully wrapped up in “Happy 7th birthday” paper. I immediately began sobbing, I was so humiliated and heartbroken, so angry at myself for believing my NDad could actually love me, actually do something nice for me. No, of course not. The whole day was just a cruel prank, just more teasing from my dad the self-proclaimed “teaser…..he just laughed at me while I sobbed until I had a headache. I didn’t eat any of my pizza or cake, I was too devastated.

This is one of the few childhood memories of mine that I’ve shared with my wife and a few close friends….its enough for anyone to get the picture of what kind of guy my biological father is. What an insanely cruel thing he did to me, I still almost can’t believe it even with all the millions of other cruel things he did…

Just needed to get this out there. I’m OK but this story does piss me off so much whenever I remember it, one of the most humiliating moments of my life.

I’m in a better place than I have been in many ways, but what an infuriating memory…

before i start, no im not some porn addict who has a fantasy, nor do i find this hot in any way shape of form. nor am i trolling. i posted this to r/ask and got demolished in the comments because they thought i was some 50 year old dude getting off to ts. i am confused.

so i’ve had a previous past of abuse (my past posts will show) and my mum does not care about my privacy. my mum will make comments about my penis calling it big, or as she says ‘with ur big willy’. she said this morning, also since i sleep in my dads room cuz she sleeps in my room due to them having not the best relationship, i get up to go to the kitchen and 9x10 she’s glanced or is looking at my crotch. also when i leave the house with friends and come back, she likes to look down there. and one time she told me why, she said it’s because she thinks im having gay sex with my friends. im being so ffrn. she genuinely thought this for so long and it’s weirded me out hella cuz other parents aren’t like this, my dad watches channels that are esentially clothed porn in the living room, it’s like this channel which walks around cities but instead they follow women with big arses, u can find this available on youtube. my mum and dad are certified weirdos and im growing up all around it. help 😭✌️

My mother doesn't want to do something, so she says "I was wondering if maybe you could help me do ___" when what she really means is "I want you to ___ so I won't have to." And all the sudden, the responsibility to do said thing is on your shoulders. Then she gets shady/passive-aggressive if you don't do it as soon as she asks you when you didn't even want to in the first place (and shouldn't have to). She acts more helpless as time goes on. She used to work with computers for at least 15 years or so, and now she literally has me drop me whatever I'm doing because she says she needs help with how to copy and paste.

I’ve recently started becoming more combative with them, attacking them about their abysmal financial planning skills, pointing out their hypocrisy and saying things to the effect of “they’re not my kids” whenever they attempt to parentify me and make me take responsibility for my siblings’ needs and outright refusing to do them.

This has all revealed to me they are deeply pathetic people whose only real friends are their immediate family. As things have grown harder to hide they’ve ruined everything for themselves and are now lonely irresponsible losers who get off on controlling their kids, but now that I refuse to be controlled it’s making them spiral.

This won’t work for everyone but I’ve found once I started being as selfish as they are its worked to my benefit

I just remembered something... Did anyone else have a similar story to this: my mom would often take me shopping, but after buying me something she would abuse me the entire car ride home until she got a reaction.. then when I snapped since I had zero escape she would kick me out of the car so I'd have to walk about 30 minutes home. This happened a lot and even as I got older she would threaten me with kicking me out of the car. Also I suddenly remembered my dad would sometimes have to drive me to school because I missed the bus (turns out I had ADHD..) and would completely lose it and scream the entire way. Like he almost cried he got so stressed... Once he even said he would drive us of the road and crash the car. Weirdly that story wasn't as bad to me as what my mom used to do. What I'm getting at is, did your parents ever use the car as a way of trapping you or abusing you with no escape?

Just a random thought, because just the way cats are and the way narcissists are, I just can’t see them matching.

I specifically remember my dad getting mad at our “mouse killing” cat because she ran away from him after he kicked her. Then he went on a big spill about how dogs are better than cats…which make sense why someone like him would say that because a dog’s recovery time from forgiveness is much shorter than a cat’s.

I very recently found out that what happened to me as a baby did not actually happen the way I had been told.

Growing up, my mother would tell me long stories about spending my first year of life in hospital. She spoke about being there beside me, holding my hand while I went through repeated operations on my head, including surgery to relieve hydrocephalus. That was the story I grew up with, and for most of my life I never really had a reason to question it.

A few weeks ago, a family member I hadn't had much to do with told me that I had been physically abused as a baby, that what happened to my head was as a result of my being shaken as an infant, and otherwise physically mishandled.

I didn't know what to make of that, so I started requesting my medical records.

What I've received so far has been horrific to read.

I had already gone no contact with my mother, although that was ultimately her choice, which I've written about previously in this sub. My father is nowhere to be found either. I thought I had already grieved both of those relationships to some extent.

What I wasn't prepared for was having to grieve something else entirely.

For all the difficulties of my childhood, I had at least grown up believing that, as a baby, I had been loved and wanted. I believed that when I was sick, my mother had been there fighting for me and doing everything she could.

Reading the medical records has shaken that belief.

They describe doctors trying to work out what was happening to me while my condition became progressively worse, until I was critically ill. They raise questions I never knew I needed to ask, and they paint a very different picture from the one I was given growing up.

I don't yet know exactly what happened to me, and I'm still trying to piece that together.

But I do know that the version of my infancy that I carried with me for nearly my whole life no longer feels true.

And strangely, that is what I find myself grieving now.

Not only what may have happened to me as a baby, but the loss of the belief that, whatever else happened later, I had at least been loved, protected and wanted at the beginning.

That has affected me far more than I expected it to.

My common sense tells me I'm still here, still functional and alive... knowing how I got the scars doesn't really change anything, but it ...does now?

I have no siblings. My friends have normal families, they love their parents, they don't know what it's like to have a narc father and a useless mother. I feel emotionally abandoned, I'm all I have but I've been feeling that I'm not enough. I have no one to talk to, I have no support, nothing. What should I do? I hate my parents for being unable to parent me, to give me support. I hate being all by myself.

I don't want to have children, so I will not "build my own family". I feel like I'm going to be alone forever.

My nmom wanted to introduce me to her "friends", 2 teenage boys who are 13. She has this whole weird narc web going on with all the neighbours, giving all the children candy and trying to be their best friends, acting nice to the parent's faces and saying vile things behind their backs e.g accusing them of abusing their children, accusing them of having affairs.

I've been living in another country for the last few years and recently came back temporarily. So she's talking to these kids and says to them "you haven't met my son, he lives in x country and yeah he has a friend he lives with". These kids have seen me walking with my bf and one of them asked my mum if I was gay a few weeks ago, my nmum told her that I was and then this kid spread it around to the other kids.

She orders me to come and meet these two teenagers saying "x come here come meet my friends". I was about to eat and really didn't want to and made the mistake of venting one frustration saying "why do I need to meet everyone, I don't know these people". I go to meet them and it's incredibly awkward, I just say "nice to meet you" twice and leave. She does this thing of forcing people into awkward situations.

After she comes in I say "why do you need to tell everyone on the street about my life and business?". She says she didn't and I said "they all know I'm gay and about my life in x country". She goes on this whole speech about how "no one in this country cares about being gay anymore, everyone accepts it no one has a problem with it". She says "fine you just hide away and I won't tell anyone about you ever, I'll just act like you don't exist". I say "okay". She then goes out to drink with a friend.

She comes back hours later completely drunk, I tell my older sibling because she can barely walk and I dont think I can get her up the stairs myself. She shouts "why are you telling him saying I'm really drunk, you're always judging everyone I'm sick of it". She then orders me to sit on the sofa saying "this is my house sit down now and listen" (I pay rent to her while staying here for a month or two). I leave the room saying we can talk tomorrow. She says "yeah run away like you always do, you can fuck off back to x country, fuck off back to x country in the next 2 weeks. I'm going to get [your older sibling] to knock you out."

I go to my bedroom and she follows, comes in and sits on my bed (she often does this even when I'm naked in bed under the duvet btw). She starts on this whole diatribe for an hour repeating the same phrases over and over again. The whole time I'm sitting just saying "okay, okay". She starts screaming "YOU DON'T KNOW ME, YOU DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL" (she literally spends hours everyday talking at me about every mundane and tedious detail about her life and ignores anything I say and talks over me). She continues "YOU ARE SELFISH YOU CAN FUCK OFF BACK TO X COUNTRY IN THE NEXT WEEK, HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT TELLING ME I CAN'T TELL PEOPLE THAT YOU'RE GAY. YOU KNOW WHAT THE TRUTH IS, YOU'RE ASHAMED OF BEING GAY, YOU'RE ASHAMED OF BEING GAY AND YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. DO I HAVE FEELINGS, AM I NOT HUMAN WHY AM I NEVER ALLOWED TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS, ARENT I HUMAN? I HAVE FEELINGS, I HAVE A HEART (she is extremely emotionally immature and her go to tactic is immediate emotional manipulation. She is an emotional vampire, like a dementor from Harry Potter and I act cold and never show my feelings because of how she raised me). She starts beating her heart and then beating her chest like a crazed gorilla. My older sibling comes in and starts shouting at her and they start arguing.

It's the next day and I guarantee she will stay in her bedroom and start the emotional blackmail. She usually says stuff like "I'm going to kill myself, I want to be with my mum and dad (who are dead)" and we all have to listen to the pity party.

I’m 25 and trying to figure out how to navigate this with my mom.

Growing up I was extremely sheltered, especially financially. I knew basically nothing about money, scholarships, SATs, financial aid, etc. My mom also discouraged specialized classes and a lot of my interests/hobbies. So when college came around, I genuinely had no idea what I was doing.
My mom encouraged me to take out private loans and promised she would pay half. I originally borrowed around $80k (still an insane amount), but some of my loans had interest rates as high as 16%. When I questioned it, my mom told me that was normal.
I trusted her because I was a teenager and had zero financial literacy.

I graduated at 23, almost 24, and I’m 25 now. With interest, my total student debt ended up approaching $200k.
Since graduating, I’ve gotten a decent-paying job, saved money, and refinanced my private loans so my payments went from around $2,200/month to $1,200. My federal loans are another ~$350/month.

I recently asked my mom if she could at least take over the $350 federal payment. I’ve taken over my phone and removed myself from her insurance, saving her around $750/month. Meanwhile, my siblings are still on those things AND she paid both their private and federal student loans. No resentment toward my siblings at all—it just makes the difference in treatment hard to ignore.

My mom also seems to genuinely believe she’s been paying my loans when, as far as I remember, she contributed about $50 once during my sophomore year.

I went no contact with her for reasons beyond the money. Then I found out she apparently has a rare pituitary gland carcinoma and may only have around two years to live. I heard she was sobbing over me not speaking to her, so out of guilt I decided to try low contact instead.

She hasn’t reached out to me once. I’m the one reaching out to her.

And now that I’ve asked about the $350 loan payment, she’s basically ghosting me and saying she’s “deciding” whether she wants to help.

I know legally the debt is mine and I’m actively handling it. What I struggle with is knowing that I was a sheltered teenager being told by my parent that 16% interest was normal and that she would pay half—while she ultimately paid my siblings’ loans.

Now I feel guilty distancing myself because she may be terminally ill, while also realizing that even after I reopened contact, I’m still the one chasing a relationship with her.
Has anyone dealt with a narcissistic parent making huge financial promises and later rewriting what happened? And how do you handle no/low contact when the parent is seriously ill?

TL;DR: My mom encouraged financially sheltered teenage me to take out ~$80k in student loans, told me interest rates as high as 16% were normal, and promised to pay half. The debt ballooned to nearly $200k with interest, while she paid my siblings’ student loans but essentially none of mine. I’m 25 now, refinanced and got my private payments from ~$2,200 to ~$1,200/month, and asked her to cover my ~$350 federal payment. She’s now “deciding” if she wants to help. I had gone no contact for other reasons, but broke it after learning she may only have two years to live. Despite apparently being devastated about no contact, she hasn’t reached out once—I’m still the one pursuing her.

As in homophobic, transphobic and also including racists, misogynists, fatphobic, etc etc

And have you noticed that its all a form of control?

The audacity that my dad, who wouldn't let me be seen making Muslim friends despite going to an 80% Muslim school, is wearing a tshirt that says "love music, hate racism".

Extra points for dickheadry because he seems to hate female singers and will turn the radio off and make a gun noise as soon as they hit a high note. Hurts his ears apparently

10/10 ridiculousness points to him

If so, what were your symptoms?

I, 26F, was diagnosed with PTSD and depression at 19. I’ve been estranged from my narcissistic birth mother since 15. I don’t know how long a diagnosis can stick with you, it seems to have morphed into crippling anxiety, insomnia, and I’ve been on and off antidepressants for years.

Anyway, I’m just curious

Hello. F 25 here. I recently realized I am a manipulator. Not just the regular kind either, the emotional kind which I think is worse. I’m starting to think I may be a sociopath or something, I use to think it was autism and my therapist told me so…but I feel much more evil than that. Now that I’ve become aware of the manipulation I’ve been doing, I simultaneously want to get better at it & also kick the habit. I’ve realized I’ve manipulated everyone in my life, including my therapist. People are often drawn to me and then once they get close they don’t want to be around me anymore because they can tell something is off. What is off is that I am manipulating the fuck out of them. Every single thing I say or do comes from a place of needing to get my way. If I don’t get my way, I become emotionally distraught. Through the years I’ve learned how to manage the distraught and fold it into something more palatable so that the people I’m manipulating don’t even realize they’re being manipulated. I subconsciously noticed that when people act distraught for not getting their way, they are less likely to get it. I lie every day. It eats me up inside because sometimes I lie so much I don’t even remember what I’ve said. Or, I lie so quickly that i dont even have time to tell the truth. It seems like no matter how many time I tell myself to stop, the lies and manipulation fly out like vomit. Has anyone ever recovered from being a manipulator? I was raised by alleged narcissists and I think this is why.

TLDR: I’ve recently realized I’m a liar and manipulator & want to stop.

I had a miscarriage within the past two weeks. Then an accident with a scooter two days ago. Today at an appointment, my doctor was concerned about an obviously broken finger and concerning bruises. The doctor wanted xrays and blood work considered how close together they are. My mother decided to call my doctor after I got home to call her stupid and say it wasn't important and treatment for broken fingers are stupid anyways. After my doctor called for permission to respond to my mom she called back and tried to explain why both are important. My mother responded about how it's stupid im being treated as PP or Post miscarriage since it never happened. The doctor was confused as hospital visits had been involved with the miscarriage. My mother said 'it never happened. I would have remembered. It's not that that's important anyways. It's just a stupid broken finger. And I would know ifI had had a child that was pregnant. I remember things that are important. Baby's can be so important." The thing is, my mom did know. She knew when I walked for a while trying to find a ride to the hospital when I had bad fever for days after I was sent home.

What she said and how she said it. Clearly showed not only am I not important to her, but my child, also isn't and wouldn't be.

Edit. Fat thumbed and posted to early.

Last October my dad made some really hurtful comments about me. Because I was getting nowhere I decided to leave the house.

When we spoke next he was completely defensive of his behavior and we talked for an hour and a half. At the end of that conversation he was able to restate the problem that he had hurt my feelings.

When the phone call ended he said he knew he needed to make it up to me. He has not called me since.

I just saw my dad at a family event and said I wished he’d call me and check on how I’m doing. He gave me the “phones work both ways” and when I referenced he was supposed to be making it up to me he became extremely angry and said MORE defensive and manipulative shit. Because, according to him, he has all these perfect relationships in his life except for me. Implying I’m the problem. But my dad is twice divorced and regrets both of them.

Truly, at the end of the day, he’s mad at me that I haven’t forgotten what he said he’d do. That it’s my fault for remembering he said he’d reach out. It’s so backwards I want to apologize but it’s reasonable to ask people to be true to their word. After everything all he had to do was try. To call me once on in 10 months, and he didn’t. Not even on my birthday. So disappointing.

I was recently in a car crash, where a drunk driver rammed into my car violently. Called my Ndad, he immediately gave me shit for not calling the cops right away (didn't even ask me if I was okay).

My Nmom showed up , and kept saying the 'damages' don't matter, all that matters is that "I'm safe 🥰". Still while giving me shit for worrying, btw. Like I'm grateful I'm alive, sure, but I'm thinking about whether it's going to be a problem with the claim cause it was a hit and run (all that kinda stuff) and she just like "stop worrying silly 😜". Same energy.

I come back home after a LOOOONG night, talking to the cops, paramedics, firefighters... My Nbrother meets me at the door, goes to the garage to see the damage on the car, and then tells my dad "Oh so it's not bad".

My parents had a planned trip to Zion and Bryce Canyon, literally the next day.

Mom was complaining the whole time on the road just looking to find something to get offended by. I have a good time exploring all the beautiful nature, just minding my own business. At a certain point I just can't keep appeasing my narc mother and my enabling dad. I'm just in my own world on the hikes, I'm not creating any drama, just quietly enjoying the beautiful landscapes.

After a bit we get to Bryce Canyon and my mom finally breaks, gets out of the car, starts driving around the bus, making us chase after her. Meanwhile my dad is yelling at me, like I'm the one who provoked her. I end up getting out of the car and just leaving. Not picking up my phone, ignoring them after she gets into her apologetic phase. I have a whole plan on how to get back, I don't want their help, I don't need the drama.

They call and say they're gonna involve the park rangers. I didn't want them to create even more of a scene. I get back in the vehicle.

My mom and dad are just sitting in the car while I drive with bitter faces and dead shark eyes.

One day after I could've died in a violent car crash.

When we came back home my mom told me: "I love you but you're so mean sometimes".

Good lord, universe, neverending galaxies guide me to the light.

These people slowly dismantled any personality I could've had. Snuffed out the twinkle in my eyes.

My mental health is on thin ice, damn.

Stay safe everyone 🫶

my nervous system is out of control. sometimes i don’t even know if i can help myself so i seem out of wack and overshare online. it makes it hard for connection. is it possible to have a long lasting relationship?

i’m talking about specifically coping with narcissistic behavior.

do you guys remember one of your first thoughts? and can that be related to anything? i was a very philosophical, isolated, contemplating, maladaptive daydreaming, had intrusive thoughts. i couldn’t relate to other kids. my first thought was, “why is everyone around me so stupid? i want to go home.” now i’m a childish adult. went through so much that people wouldn’t believe me even if i told them.

Not exactly a long story, but my mother made dinner tonight. She sliced me up some cucumber, which I initially thought was rotten due to the extreme sourness of it. My dad tried a slice, said it was fine, then told me to quit bitching and just eat my food. After I ate, I threw up. The cucumber just didn’t agree with my stomach. My mother heard me hacking up in the bathroom, asked if I threw up, and oh, here it all begins! Neither of them asked if I am okay. My mom just immediately resorted to guilt-tripping me, and she blatantly implied that I threw up because I just “didn’t like the food” rather than my stomach having a reaction to it. She kept piling on me to “puke some more,” and she kept stressing how “her food is just so awful and how she’s a terrible mother.” I got so stressed out from all of the yelling and the terrible feeling of throwing up in general that I started crying. This unfortunately gave her more verbal ammunition. She went on about how “I’m just drama” and that “she’s fucking done with my bullshit.” My dad stayed silent throughout the whole thing and only asked if things were okay once my mom went out to throw her tantrum outside. Like, yeah, don’t be there for me when I’m getting verbally berated over fucking nothing. I hate my family, and I can’t wait to move far, far away one day.

Empathy is sharing emotion, ex: seeing an innocent creature suffering might cause you suffering.

Narcs do not have empathy, but the smarter ones still understand empathy and how it works. Beware of being manipulated by them.

My Ndad is the worst, at 24 yrs old he got a $250,000 loan from his dad. He leveraged it and bought a $1M of rental real estate. 40 yrs later now has $30M. Of course he never mentioned the loan when I was growing up.
My grandfather was generous and supported him. My dad even admitted this is a text to his 7 kids.
He promised he would bypass any money he received and pass it to his kids. But instead he decided to give 4/7, $100,000 for Xmas. Me and 2 other brothers got $0.
My life was normal until my grandfather got Alzheimer’s. They isolated me from my grandfather the last 6 yrs of his life, and never got to meet my son.
I was in my grandfathers will, but later found out it was changed years after dementia onset.

It is criminal that my dad can just decide he isn’t going to support his adult kids. I am contesting the will in court, but there is no legal remedy.

Is there anything I can do legally? Case is in Louisiana

My first memory of this was crying because I felt bad for my grandma. I shared a birthday with her and spent it at her house. I woke up to a cupcake and card on the table for me that she left out before going to work.

I was just a kid and felt bad that she had to work on her birthday but still tried to make my day special. As a kid birthdays felt like such a big deal to me so I didn’t understand why it wouldn’t be to my grandma.

I cried to my mom about it later and my mom got really upset with me. She yelled that it made no sense to be crying and stormed off.

Looking back as an adult and a mom, I don’t understand why that made her so angry. I would think it was sweet if my son was showing me how much he cared about how other people felt and would comfort him. Obviously kids overreact but it doesn’t invalidate the way they feel.

i’ve seen my therapist for years. multiple. different ones.

she would say “ugh…” or a sigh.

“have you been taking ur meds. i do have to ask you.”

my family didn’t take me to therapy until 12 and that was because it was required by the school. they absolutely refused to believe anything was wrong with me. i hated my first therapist. i was just so angry with her all the time.

my “new” therapist AND also my mom’s:

“why haven’t you said anything like this?”

“why haven’t you left yet?”

“that’s an interesting first thought to have.” , when i told her i had to isolate myself as a child because it was too much and i had said “my first cognitive thought ever is “why is everyone around me so stupid?”… “that’s an interesting first thought to have”, suspicious asf. i clearly feel stupid myself. i just knew patterns. my nervous system was out of wack lady

our family dynamic switches. the oldest is now golden child. i am scapegoat. the middle distances herself, but she clearly has problems with men. imagine pawning off 7 kids on everyone else. imagine not taking care of ur kids the way ur parents didn’t. imagine choosing drugs. imagine being lazy asf like me questioning myself if i even can get out. i am hopeless.

“why haven’t you made anything clear?”

there were signs. there was things i told you, you just failed to recognize. just as the 3 other therapists did. omg. and then.

it makes it so hard for connection. so hard…

IT SEEMS LIKE IM SCREAMING EVERYTHING SEEMS NORMAL ON THE OUTSIDE. i seem like i have nothing. i bought things for comfort, until i realized. oh. yeah. it registered. i have little memories of my childhood mostly good ones involving my grandfather and grandmother. i have good ones with my aunt. this is such a weird family dynamic i don’t know how to explain to y’all. it seems like i’m the narcissist talking about it. i don’t know how to help myself and i’m always trying to run from issues. i seem very codependent. very sick for love. i’m a mess.

I just need to get this off my chest because thinking about it still hurts. I want to share the story of the absolute worst birthday I have ever had in my life.

I don't remember the exact age I was, but I think I was turning around 8, 9, or 10 years old. I woke up in the morning excited because it was my birthday. Usually, my mom would make me pancakes in the morning, and then my grandma would come over later so we could open gifts.

But that morning, I woke up and the house was completely empty. My mom wasn't anywhere. I looked through every single room and started to completely panic. I was terrified. I thought, Where is my mom? Is she okay? Did something happen to her?

I didn't have a phone back then, so I tried everything I could think of to contact her. I tried using my Nintendo Switch and my Alexa to see if I could call or message her. I know now that you can't really do that, but I was just a kid and panicked, trying to use any tool I had. I was getting more and more scared by the minute because nothing was working.

Finally, I decided to go outside to look for her. And there she was. She was just sitting outside, drinking with our neighbor. She wasn't hurt, she hadn't forgotten what day it was—she just chose to sit there instead of being inside with me. And the worst part is, she stayed out there drinking all day long.

I went back inside and just played video games by myself all day long to distract myself. My mom didn't get me a single birthday gift that year. No pancakes, no grandma coming over, nothing. The only thing I got for my birthday was McDonald's, and then I had to go to bed.

Looking back, I feel so sad for my younger self. She literally just sat there drinking with a neighbor all day on my birthday while I was inside panicking and crying, thinking she was hurt. I was just a little kid and I didn't deserve to be ignored like that on my day