Saw something that reminded me of this awful memory. Almost 30 years later and it still stings

My 7th birthday weekend was the first I spent with my NDad (he’d recently acquired every other weekend visitation) something I was very upset with my mother about. I cried and begged her not make me go, my NDad was a cruel bully and I was terrified. I was more insistent than usual, it was my birthday why couldn’t I decide where I wanted to go, etc. Earned myself nothing but a spanking from her and still had to go to NDad’s.

But when I arrived at NDad’s, he surprised me by being kind the whole time. I woke up on my birthday morning at his house and there were birthday decorations everywhere, a chocolate cake with vanilla icing (my mother must’ve told him that was my favorite), he told me we’d order pizza for dinner. He gave me a rather sweet birthday card and Cookie Crisp for breakfast (which my mother never allowed me.)

I was disoriented at first, should’ve been more suspicious due to his track record but I was a little kid. I got caught up in the excitement, my dad telling me he was proud of me for how well I was doing at school, that he’d saved up money from his new job to buy me the perfect gift. He showed me the large gift box wrapped in his closet, and I was so excited, I had a pretty good idea of what I thought it was but I’m too embarrassed to even share now. We spent the day having a nice-ish time together, playing catch at the park and walking/talking together. I feel foolish even now for it, but I really thought something was changing, that this man who’d bullied me for the past year could change. That he could grow to love me, that I could be worthy of his approval and affection finally…

He spent THE WHOLE DAY we spent together hyping up the gift, how much I would love it, asking me to guess what it was, but reminding me I couldn’t open it until later, teasing me and teasing me more as the time got closer, I was so excited and giggly. When I finally got permission to open my gift (right before pizza), I was almost shaking from anticipation….only for him to chuck the large gift box at me and laugh in my face. It weighed almost nothing….an empty box carefully wrapped up in “Happy 7th birthday” paper. I immediately began sobbing, I was so humiliated and heartbroken, so angry at myself for believing my NDad could actually love me, actually do something nice for me. No, of course not. The whole day was just a cruel prank, just more teasing from my dad the self-proclaimed “teaser…..he just laughed at me while I sobbed until I had a headache. I didn’t eat any of my pizza or cake, I was too devastated.

This is one of the few childhood memories of mine that I’ve shared with my wife and a few close friends….its enough for anyone to get the picture of what kind of guy my biological father is. What an insanely cruel thing he did to me, I still almost can’t believe it even with all the millions of other cruel things he did…

Just needed to get this out there. I’m OK but this story does piss me off so much whenever I remember it, one of the most humiliating moments of my life.

I’m in a better place than I have been in many ways, but what an infuriating memory…

I very recently found out that what happened to me as a baby did not actually happen the way I had been told.

Growing up, my mother would tell me long stories about spending my first year of life in hospital. She spoke about being there beside me, holding my hand while I went through repeated operations on my head, including surgery to relieve hydrocephalus. That was the story I grew up with, and for most of my life I never really had a reason to question it.

A few weeks ago, a family member I hadn't had much to do with told me that I had been physically abused as a baby, that what happened to my head was as a result of my being shaken as an infant, and otherwise physically mishandled.

I didn't know what to make of that, so I started requesting my medical records.

What I've received so far has been horrific to read.

I had already gone no contact with my mother, although that was ultimately her choice, which I've written about previously in this sub. My father is nowhere to be found either. I thought I had already grieved both of those relationships to some extent.

What I wasn't prepared for was having to grieve something else entirely.

For all the difficulties of my childhood, I had at least grown up believing that, as a baby, I had been loved and wanted. I believed that when I was sick, my mother had been there fighting for me and doing everything she could.

Reading the medical records has shaken that belief.

They describe doctors trying to work out what was happening to me while my condition became progressively worse, until I was critically ill. They raise questions I never knew I needed to ask, and they paint a very different picture from the one I was given growing up.

I don't yet know exactly what happened to me, and I'm still trying to piece that together.

But I do know that the version of my infancy that I carried with me for nearly my whole life no longer feels true.

And strangely, that is what I find myself grieving now.

Not only what may have happened to me as a baby, but the loss of the belief that, whatever else happened later, I had at least been loved, protected and wanted at the beginning.

That has affected me far more than I expected it to.

My common sense tells me I'm still here, still functional and alive... knowing how I got the scars doesn't really change anything, but it ...does now?

I’ve recently started becoming more combative with them, attacking them about their abysmal financial planning skills, pointing out their hypocrisy and saying things to the effect of “they’re not my kids” whenever they attempt to parentify me and make me take responsibility for my siblings’ needs and outright refusing to do them.

This has all revealed to me they are deeply pathetic people whose only real friends are their immediate family. As things have grown harder to hide they’ve ruined everything for themselves and are now lonely irresponsible losers who get off on controlling their kids, but now that I refuse to be controlled it’s making them spiral.

This won’t work for everyone but I’ve found once I started being as selfish as they are its worked to my benefit

My mother doesn't want to do something, so she says "I was wondering if maybe you could help me do ___" when what she really means is "I want you to ___ so I won't have to." And all the sudden, the responsibility to do said thing is on your shoulders. Then she gets shady/passive-aggressive if you don't do it as soon as she asks you when you didn't even want to in the first place (and shouldn't have to). She acts more helpless as time goes on. She used to work with computers for at least 15 years or so, and now she literally has me drop me whatever I'm doing because she says she needs help with how to copy and paste.

before i start, no im not some porn addict who has a fantasy, nor do i find this hot in any way shape of form. nor am i trolling. i posted this to r/ask and got demolished in the comments because they thought i was some 50 year old dude getting off to ts. i am confused.

so i’ve had a previous past of abuse (my past posts will show) and my mum does not care about my privacy. my mum will make comments about my penis calling it big, or as she says ‘with ur big willy’. she said this morning, also since i sleep in my dads room cuz she sleeps in my room due to them having not the best relationship, i get up to go to the kitchen and 9x10 she’s glanced or is looking at my crotch. also when i leave the house with friends and come back, she likes to look down there. and one time she told me why, she said it’s because she thinks im having gay sex with my friends. im being so ffrn. she genuinely thought this for so long and it’s weirded me out hella cuz other parents aren’t like this, my dad watches channels that are esentially clothed porn in the living room, it’s like this channel which walks around cities but instead they follow women with big arses, u can find this available on youtube. my mum and dad are certified weirdos and im growing up all around it. help 😭✌️

I have no siblings. My friends have normal families, they love their parents, they don't know what it's like to have a narc father and a useless mother. I feel emotionally abandoned, I'm all I have but I've been feeling that I'm not enough. I have no one to talk to, I have no support, nothing. What should I do? I hate my parents for being unable to parent me, to give me support. I hate being all by myself.

I don't want to have children, so I will not "build my own family". I feel like I'm going to be alone forever.

My nmom wanted to introduce me to her "friends", 2 teenage boys who are 13. She has this whole weird narc web going on with all the neighbours, giving all the children candy and trying to be their best friends, acting nice to the parent's faces and saying vile things behind their backs e.g accusing them of abusing their children, accusing them of having affairs.

I've been living in another country for the last few years and recently came back temporarily. So she's talking to these kids and says to them "you haven't met my son, he lives in x country and yeah he has a friend he lives with". These kids have seen me walking with my bf and one of them asked my mum if I was gay a few weeks ago, my nmum told her that I was and then this kid spread it around to the other kids.

She orders me to come and meet these two teenagers saying "x come here come meet my friends". I was about to eat and really didn't want to and made the mistake of venting one frustration saying "why do I need to meet everyone, I don't know these people". I go to meet them and it's incredibly awkward, I just say "nice to meet you" twice and leave. She does this thing of forcing people into awkward situations.

After she comes in I say "why do you need to tell everyone on the street about my life and business?". She says she didn't and I said "they all know I'm gay and about my life in x country". She goes on this whole speech about how "no one in this country cares about being gay anymore, everyone accepts it no one has a problem with it". She says "fine you just hide away and I won't tell anyone about you ever, I'll just act like you don't exist". I say "okay". She then goes out to drink with a friend.

She comes back hours later completely drunk, I tell my older sibling because she can barely walk and I dont think I can get her up the stairs myself. She shouts "why are you telling him saying I'm really drunk, you're always judging everyone I'm sick of it". She then orders me to sit on the sofa saying "this is my house sit down now and listen" (I pay rent to her while staying here for a month or two). I leave the room saying we can talk tomorrow. She says "yeah run away like you always do, you can fuck off back to x country, fuck off back to x country in the next 2 weeks. I'm going to get [your older sibling] to knock you out."

I go to my bedroom and she follows, comes in and sits on my bed (she often does this even when I'm naked in bed under the duvet btw). She starts on this whole diatribe for an hour repeating the same phrases over and over again. The whole time I'm sitting just saying "okay, okay". She starts screaming "YOU DON'T KNOW ME, YOU DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL" (she literally spends hours everyday talking at me about every mundane and tedious detail about her life and ignores anything I say and talks over me). She continues "YOU ARE SELFISH YOU CAN FUCK OFF BACK TO X COUNTRY IN THE NEXT WEEK, HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT TELLING ME I CAN'T TELL PEOPLE THAT YOU'RE GAY. YOU KNOW WHAT THE TRUTH IS, YOU'RE ASHAMED OF BEING GAY, YOU'RE ASHAMED OF BEING GAY AND YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. DO I HAVE FEELINGS, AM I NOT HUMAN WHY AM I NEVER ALLOWED TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS, ARENT I HUMAN? I HAVE FEELINGS, I HAVE A HEART (she is extremely emotionally immature and her go to tactic is immediate emotional manipulation. She is an emotional vampire, like a dementor from Harry Potter and I act cold and never show my feelings because of how she raised me). She starts beating her heart and then beating her chest like a crazed gorilla. My older sibling comes in and starts shouting at her and they start arguing.

It's the next day and I guarantee she will stay in her bedroom and start the emotional blackmail. She usually says stuff like "I'm going to kill myself, I want to be with my mum and dad (who are dead)" and we all have to listen to the pity party.

I just remembered something... Did anyone else have a similar story to this: my mom would often take me shopping, but after buying me something she would abuse me the entire car ride home until she got a reaction.. then when I snapped since I had zero escape she would kick me out of the car so I'd have to walk about 30 minutes home. This happened a lot and even as I got older she would threaten me with kicking me out of the car. Also I suddenly remembered my dad would sometimes have to drive me to school because I missed the bus (turns out I had ADHD..) and would completely lose it and scream the entire way. Like he almost cried he got so stressed... Once he even said he would drive us of the road and crash the car. Weirdly that story wasn't as bad to me as what my mom used to do. What I'm getting at is, did your parents ever use the car as a way of trapping you or abusing you with no escape?

If so, what were your symptoms?

I, 26F, was diagnosed with PTSD and depression at 19. I’ve been estranged from my narcissistic birth mother since 15. I don’t know how long a diagnosis can stick with you, it seems to have morphed into crippling anxiety, insomnia, and I’ve been on and off antidepressants for years.

Anyway, I’m just curious

As in homophobic, transphobic and also including racists, misogynists, fatphobic, etc etc

And have you noticed that its all a form of control?

The audacity that my dad, who wouldn't let me be seen making Muslim friends despite going to an 80% Muslim school, is wearing a tshirt that says "love music, hate racism".

Extra points for dickheadry because he seems to hate female singers and will turn the radio off and make a gun noise as soon as they hit a high note. Hurts his ears apparently

10/10 ridiculousness points to him

Before I type out this post, I just want to disclaim that I am not giving medical advice or asking for medical advice.

For some backstory, my parents, especially my mother, have been narcissistic for the entirety of my life, and I had an abusive + narcissistic boyfriend from ages 15–17. I won’t get into many details, but when I turned 14, I started fainting every time I got into an altercation with my mother. This has not stopped yet. When I was 16, I ate some kind of spoiled ice cream that gave me severe food poisoning (fatigue, throwing up everything I ate, severe dehydration), and my parents refused to aid me because they said I was ungrateful and that my bad mood exhausted them. This led to mild sleep apnea, which was made worse by my narcissistic ex-boyfriend, who didn’t allow me to take naps or sleep early because he was convinced I was cheating while I slept. Several months ago, I started fainting out of the blue, and on one occasion, I had to take an ER trip because I fainted in the shower and hit my head. My mother insists that this is because I’m chronically lazy and that I’m having some kind of orthostatic hypotension, but I’ve been consistently seeing a cardiologist, and she diagnosed me with inappropriate sinus tachycardia. I wore a heart monitor twice, once for thirty days and once for only three. The readings were pretty telling, as my heart rate would randomly jump up to 160–180 during the day and drop down to the 30s when I fell asleep. I’m not a medical professional, but I am almost 100% sure that these problems have stemmed from narcissistic abuse. Have any of you all felt or noticed anything like this?

My Ndad is the worst, at 24 yrs old he got a $250,000 loan from his dad. He leveraged it and bought a $1M of rental real estate. 40 yrs later now has $30M. Of course he never mentioned the loan when I was growing up.
My grandfather was generous and supported him. My dad even admitted this is a text to his 7 kids.
He promised he would bypass any money he received and pass it to his kids. But instead he decided to give 4/7, $100,000 for Xmas. Me and 2 other brothers got $0.
My life was normal until my grandfather got Alzheimer’s. They isolated me from my grandfather the last 6 yrs of his life, and never got to meet my son.
I was in my grandfathers will, but later found out it was changed years after dementia onset.

It is criminal that my dad can just decide he isn’t going to support his adult kids. I am contesting the will in court, but there is no legal remedy.

Is there anything I can do legally? Case is in Louisiana

last december, i (f21) had my 21st birthday which is on christmas eve. my mom planned a very fancy dinner for my birthday at 7:30. told her i would be home by 5:30. i was spending some time with my boyfriend hiking. we got super tired and fell asleep when we got to his place. i texted my mom at 6 saying that i am coming home.

we got to my parents place at around 6:45. my mom was understandably pissed, because i said i would be home by a certain time and i didnt follow through. we had reservations to a nice place. i get it. i apologized to her but shes pissed.

at the actual dinner, she isnt speaking to me bc shes pissed, and i start crying. my dad is trying to comfort me and tell me that she wants to talk to me and its a misunderstanding. she starts yelling at me, calling me ungrateful, etc. Mind you, its a fancy restaurant. im talking course meal, a 4 hour dinner.

so the entire time, she is just shouting at me and im sobbing uncontrollably. genuinely the dinner was 4 hours and i was sobbing the entire time, people probably could hear me sobbing and her crying at this nice place, and she just wouldnt stop yelling at me and then ignoring me. i had my first drink, blew out my birthday candles, and my dad said happy birthday to me. she didn't even say happy birthday.

when we finally got home, i ran to my room sobbing. she didn't even come up to say happy birthday. and the next day was christmas, and guess what? she was happy as can be.

I recently started a new job which offered the option of shared housing or a weekly stipend in lieu. I was going to go with the stipend as my parents live in town, but they told me if I lived with them that I would need to hand over the entire amount to cover "food and lodging". So like, fuck that, right? I'll just do shared housing. If I can't have the money, then no one can.

My father makes extremely good money and has been charging me rent since the second I turned 18. Over the years, rent has gone up whenever he's felt like it. I have (thankfully) been mostly out of the house the past few years for college, and I only came back just under two months ago. He is not wanting this money to "teach me how to be an adult" but he is doing it out of greed. The second I shut him down and told him I'll just do shared housing, he panicked and backtracked and all he could muster was "But what about food costs?" as an argument. As though I hadn't been living away for the prior few years and have no idea how to fend for myself.

Oh yeah, also, my brother has never left home and now pays my father $950/month. More than a 1-bed apartment in my area. And my father argues that giving him my stipend is not that bad because "I charge your brother more." Okay man.

Glad I chose to do shared housing with my coworkers because they're chill - and I don't have to interact with my family.

For years I have been selfless and loyal to people that have abandoned me and been completely selfish. Parents, older sisters, and grandparents specifically. Its so crazy how all these people are older than me and so entitled to my time. You would think they would help guide me, but they have watched me struggle as if they like it. I've also discovered that nothing is free with the N Family. The help is never help. I always have to pay pack ten fold on the back end. I'm so used to betrayal that I expect it. I am now coming to terms with the fact that they know exactly what they're doing.

I put my self last for years and after being burnt out and abandoned for the last time I had the chance to escape. I've been very low contact with family, but more visible online, doing things I put off for years and was even discouraged from doing and the stalking has commenced. Its such a weird experience, because I can tell they are trying to hoover, send flying monkey and engage in revisionist history, but I know these people very well, so I'm not giving in to any of it.

I feel like if I'm not serving them, then they want me to suffer. I'm already so far back in life because I put so many people before myself for so long, but it feels like that isn't enough for them. They want to punish me for escaping and living life.

The N Family dynamic is really exposed when the scapegoat gets out. The one that was sacrificing for everybody's comfort. They desperately want me back in that position and I'm not going back. I do have a bit of guilt and anxiety, but I think they are well aware of that and want me to feel that way. Its crazy how they get to live guilt free, but when the scapegoat finally is so called selfish its a crime. As if I owe them anything.

Its so crazy how once the scapegoat takes a step back the dynamic is so clear.

I’m 25 and trying to figure out how to navigate this with my mom.

Growing up I was extremely sheltered, especially financially. I knew basically nothing about money, scholarships, SATs, financial aid, etc. My mom also discouraged specialized classes and a lot of my interests/hobbies. So when college came around, I genuinely had no idea what I was doing.
My mom encouraged me to take out private loans and promised she would pay half. I originally borrowed around $80k (still an insane amount), but some of my loans had interest rates as high as 16%. When I questioned it, my mom told me that was normal.
I trusted her because I was a teenager and had zero financial literacy.

I graduated at 23, almost 24, and I’m 25 now. With interest, my total student debt ended up approaching $200k.
Since graduating, I’ve gotten a decent-paying job, saved money, and refinanced my private loans so my payments went from around $2,200/month to $1,200. My federal loans are another ~$350/month.

I recently asked my mom if she could at least take over the $350 federal payment. I’ve taken over my phone and removed myself from her insurance, saving her around $750/month. Meanwhile, my siblings are still on those things AND she paid both their private and federal student loans. No resentment toward my siblings at all—it just makes the difference in treatment hard to ignore.

My mom also seems to genuinely believe she’s been paying my loans when, as far as I remember, she contributed about $50 once during my sophomore year.

I went no contact with her for reasons beyond the money. Then I found out she apparently has a rare pituitary gland carcinoma and may only have around two years to live. I heard she was sobbing over me not speaking to her, so out of guilt I decided to try low contact instead.

She hasn’t reached out to me once. I’m the one reaching out to her.

And now that I’ve asked about the $350 loan payment, she’s basically ghosting me and saying she’s “deciding” whether she wants to help.

I know legally the debt is mine and I’m actively handling it. What I struggle with is knowing that I was a sheltered teenager being told by my parent that 16% interest was normal and that she would pay half—while she ultimately paid my siblings’ loans.

Now I feel guilty distancing myself because she may be terminally ill, while also realizing that even after I reopened contact, I’m still the one chasing a relationship with her.
Has anyone dealt with a narcissistic parent making huge financial promises and later rewriting what happened? And how do you handle no/low contact when the parent is seriously ill?

TL;DR: My mom encouraged financially sheltered teenage me to take out ~$80k in student loans, told me interest rates as high as 16% were normal, and promised to pay half. The debt ballooned to nearly $200k with interest, while she paid my siblings’ student loans but essentially none of mine. I’m 25 now, refinanced and got my private payments from ~$2,200 to ~$1,200/month, and asked her to cover my ~$350 federal payment. She’s now “deciding” if she wants to help. I had gone no contact for other reasons, but broke it after learning she may only have two years to live. Despite apparently being devastated about no contact, she hasn’t reached out once—I’m still the one pursuing her.

Hi and thanks in advance if you’re reading this, I’ve decided to post here because I need to share this with someone and I don’t really want to talk to my mates and partner about my mom anymore as it’s really consuming.
I grew up with an abusive mom, single child no dad . Mom used to blame me for her depression all my life, call me a slut before I even kissed a boy, look at me when I was naked even when I screamed at her to get out because it’s her “right” as a parent, she would say I’m the devil and a curse.

I grew up to be an extremely troubled teenager, had bulimia , was sleeping on the street just to get away from her, was using drugs.
Now I’m 30 and I’m doing quite well, of course she takes all the credit and says she saved me from the streets and being bulimic which is nonsense. She put me in one of the worst mental homes when I was 15 , I experienced further trauma in that facility.

If I try to confront her now for the way she treated me she would say she had to be “tough ” with me because I was a wild teenager.

The good news is that a few years ago I’ve moved to the other side of the world , i have two children and I’m a single mom and I’m quite contained with the life I’ve made for us, nothing fancy but I have the freedom from my mom.

When I was back at my home country with the two children, my mom was doing all sorts of weird shit , for example; one time I was walking with my friend and my son on the street, my son who was 3 was about to jump into a puddle and I yelled “no don’t go in” , out of nowhere my mom ran down the street screaming at me to not raise my voice at my son, she looked insane..

Another time, we were at her place and my son wanted to take his scooter as we went for a walk, and I said “no this time we aren’t taking the scooter” my son then proceeded to cry, and my mom then started shouting to the stairway (it’s a building with more apartments) “no no why are you doing this to him?” , in combination with him crying it sounded like I was actually doing something really bad to him.

The another time she wouldn’t let us leave and locked the door, I called the police and when the police man showed up she told him that I have borderline personality disorder, the police man then came back to me and repeated what my mom had told him and he then said he would call child services on me, i then explained to him what my mom is like and he ended up apologising and left , but that was really scary for me, in-fact shes done this to me my entire life, and she still does, makes herself to be this innocent single mom who’s just want to help her “troubled” daughter.

I haven’t seen her in 5 years and recently we had a plan for her to come visit here, I honestly feel bad for how lonely she is and how depressed and sad she is , she’s got no one really. I wanted to believe it would be possible , of course I sill have a tiny hope she will just be my mom.. but she said pretty much she’s expecting to spend 6 weeks together all the time , she was constantly asking me to stay in places that are really far away from where I am, it’ll be the summer holiday here , she was expecting to watch my children on her own while I’m working, when I told her I have an arrangement for them and that I want them to be at that place, she got angry and said it’s her right to watch them, when I said no again, she said I’m a scum and that she hopes I’m going to die.

I ended up canceling the whole thing, last few days she’s trying to guilt trip me saying she’s old and it’s her last few years and to open my heart (she’s 70)
I feel really bad I’ve been crying every night thinking about how lonely and sad she is and that I can’t help her… I just don’t trust her around my kids… if it wasn’t for them I’d let her come..

She’s cutting me off her will too so I’m pretty much giving up around 6 million dollars, as this is the value of her property, mind you it’s also hard because i live in a tiny space with my children with a small income and I would’ve loved to give my children a house so they will have stability , but i just can’t ,this woman ruins me . I wish i could deal with her but i find it impossible every single time

If anybody read all of this then i appreciate it. It’s only a tiny bit of my life with this woman. I start understanding I will never get a closure and will never know if she really loved me or hated my guts.

Hi, anyone know what narcissistic moms obsession with cutting off their daughters hair or just the hair in general?

Back when I was 12, we were going to a semi-formal event at my aunt's house. Back then, I wanted to 'look like a teenager' so i wanted to wear a black hoodie but my mom said no. I was fine with it but i was pretty angry that time cuz she always got to control everything i wore and i hated it.

So the whole time, my eyes were practically glaring at the thought of her controlling what i wear but i didn't yell or try to tell her my feelings.

But she noticed how i looked and was angry about it and it led into an argument, she'd say "you think you're so beautiful?" "Haba ng buhok mo ah, landi mo teh (wow, your hair’s gotten long. You’re such a slut) idk how to translate it sorry.

In the Philippines, there's a saying that longer hair = beautiful. It's just a saying and a lot of filos kinda use it for jokes and stuff.

So then that's when he grabbed my hair and tried to cut it off. Luckily, my hair was too thick that time so it didn't work.

Mind you, I wasn't even being disrespectful and i wasn't saying anything at all.

Growing up, she'd still threaten me to cut my hair whenever we had a disagreement and she'd tell me how i wanted to look like a hooker whenever I tried to wear just a bit of makeup. I never felt confident with how I looked back then.

Idk why im writing this but its been 2 years since i had to go no contact.

I'm a university student and still am struggling with my mental health. I was a shell of myself after leaving home. Any autonomy or independence was seen by my mum as a threat so i learned to disappear.

i still sometimes split and devalue myself, but the times when i feel totally present in my life make me so sad.. I think about times when my parents could've been there for me instead of the projection and manipulation.

they still tell anyone who listens that they love me and just wanted the best for me.

Its a different kind of pain when talking to other people because they reassure me that of course my parents care. I feel like an ass when i tell them how i feel and my situation. I know i sound ungrateful and like im playing the victim.

But i was a victim and the more self aware I become, the more i realise how unwell I actually was at home.

To my mum it was always about painting the picture of a successful life rather than living one. She never gave one shit about me or my dad or my brother. I became a scapegoat and was devalued for years. My dad was devalued before i was even born so i never got to know either of my parents.

Its like waking up from a fucking nightmare.

Even a quick visit or short call can leave me feeling completely wiped out.

Nothing specific even has to happen, it's just the constant tension in the background. Does anyone else experience this?

Last October my dad made some really hurtful comments about me. Because I was getting nowhere I decided to leave the house.

When we spoke next he was completely defensive of his behavior and we talked for an hour and a half. At the end of that conversation he was able to restate the problem that he had hurt my feelings.

When the phone call ended he said he knew he needed to make it up to me. He has not called me since.

I just saw my dad at a family event and said I wished he’d call me and check on how I’m doing. He gave me the “phones work both ways” and when I referenced he was supposed to be making it up to me he became extremely angry and said MORE defensive and manipulative shit. Because, according to him, he has all these perfect relationships in his life except for me. Implying I’m the problem. But my dad is twice divorced and regrets both of them.

Truly, at the end of the day, he’s mad at me that I haven’t forgotten what he said he’d do. That it’s my fault for remembering he said he’d reach out. It’s so backwards I want to apologize but it’s reasonable to ask people to be true to their word. After everything all he had to do was try. To call me once on in 10 months, and he didn’t. Not even on my birthday. So disappointing.

my nervous system is out of control. sometimes i don’t even know if i can help myself so i seem out of wack and overshare online. it makes it hard for connection. is it possible to have a long lasting relationship?

i’m talking about specifically coping with narcissistic behavior.

do you guys remember one of your first thoughts? and can that be related to anything? i was a very philosophical, isolated, contemplating, maladaptive daydreaming, had intrusive thoughts. i couldn’t relate to other kids. my first thought was, “why is everyone around me so stupid? i want to go home.” now i’m a childish adult. went through so much that people wouldn’t believe me even if i told them.

My dad is such a unequivocal peice of garbage. He doesnt have a single genuine relationship with another human being on earth. All he has is the people who are obligated to do what he says because of money and thats how he controls everyone in his tiny orbit. And me getting a job and trying to subsist on my own is the biggest existential threat to him. And at this point I hate myself for not being able to do that. I'm aware it logically isnt my fault that this is the case but that literally makes zero difference. He tried and failed to put a conservatorship over me so *legally* I wouldnt be able to leave his orbit. Luckily he did this on the basis that I am "mentally ill" and it was so unfounded and outrageous, the court appointed psych as well as the judge didnt buy it. But the damage is done. Theres no authority I can go to after this. And apparently it isnt illegal to financially inhibit someone so that theyre indefinitely dependent. I even submitted another case after this one ended with this exact same reasoning and to this day they just delay it and not acknowledge it no matter how many times I call and follow up. Why? because I dont have money to bankroll this, so naturally It doesnt matter what happens to me in the eye of the bullshit "law."

In the wake of all of this my family literally broke up. Its all chaos. the people I grew up with are all gone *forever.* And he relishes in it. It is so disgusting how he doesnt even hide how much he enjoys the misery of his own family. Its family in name only. My life experience, regardless of what I think it is, objectively proves that blood means nothing. My dad is seriously mentally disturbed and has zero empathy or ability to form relationships with anyone. And hes a coward. Its only behind closed doors he loves nothing more than making someone suffer. But when you expose this worm to the light he suddenly becomes meek and his inability to communicate is exposed. And no one in this world gives a shit. We just accept people like this. A sadistic emotionally stunted sperg with full domain over my life and is determined to keep me under his thumb and no authority gives a shit. Miserable old coward with no one, and hes such a psycho that it doesnt even matter to him that he's like this. A rotten peice of refuse thats committed to misery. The fact that this person is my parent is so profoundly evil. My life is not my own and its intolerable. I hate him so much. I realize I did not comprehend real hatred. I truly did not.

i was not at all aware of what a narcissist is. My understanding was, some people are stubborn, some headstrong. Highly opinionated, or emotional. things which i was never able to wrap around my head were why are they denying their fault every time? With all the evidence, still deny?

Any discussion quickly gets side-tracked. They would employ logical fallacies while arguing. When I explain a situation with proper example, then their counter argument was you pick example which perfectly suites the situation.

I'm still learning to handle the situation when dealing with them. Day by day i'm improving.

What did you change about yourself when interacting with a narcissist

today i had to open a new checking and savings account because i just turned 18. my old one was under my moms account since i couldn’t open a normal one. my mom was at work and my dad had to come with me. the bank teller is explaining that my mom has to be there in person since my account is under hers, my dad blows up and starts saying that HES the “owner” of both of us so he should be able to close the old account. his body language gets super aggressive and he starts looking around and sighing to himself and talking to himself.

the bank teller literally thought i was in an abusive relationship. idk how but he thought my dad was my husband and as we were leaving he tells me that he can’t access my account or money and asks if i’m okay. i was so embarrassed.

later today we went to walmart and my dad screamed at the cashier because she wasn’t at her register. multiple people turned around and murmured including a group of mid 20’s guys who laughed but saw me and asked if i was okay as well. i told my dad to shut up because he’s embarrassing himself and he said, “no i’m not. she was slacking off at her job. it’s embarrassing for HER. everyone is laughing at her, not me. she’s embarrassed because i called her out.” i had to apologize to her and she was the sweetest lady ever. i feel so bad. it’s genuinely humiliating to go out with him in public because he’s so weird when it comes to human interaction.