How desperate you must be to be like these individuals??? Imagine yourself in this situation, your identity is based on what your ansectors possessed, no obvious meaning, you just followed orders, you reshaped your personality to satisfy theirs standards, and adapted values you don't understand, only to achieve superficial comfort and beloging such as food, identity and shelter, you have gotten this only, you didn't receive proper health care, education nor you got well-treated, and you believed in it, you thought that these basic human right were a privilege, and they did this out of kindness therefore you own them, because if they didn't you would not be able to survive -Animal mindset- even the bitch raise its puppied without expecting anything in return because that is an obligation, you have condemned a person to exist without his consent thus you must provide for them , based on this people behavior, there is no different between a parent who consider reproducing as an investment which may return positively on them when they are incapable, when you see it objectively you find out that this is similar to a chicken merchant, he only provides the bare minimum needs to them in order for him to end up winning a profit.

People might say: but without your parents you would have grown up and become who you are now.

No I would, they do not want me? Sure put me in an adoption center, I will choose to fucking die over being a stock in someone's market. And how are people still believe that they belongs to their parents? Isn't that slavery?

I am living like this and I fucking hate, consider yourself a lottery winner if you hadn't been born in the third world countries.

My Ndad is the worst, at 24 yrs old he got a $250,000 loan from his dad. He leveraged it and bought a $1M of rental real estate. 40 yrs later now has $30M. Of course he never mentioned the loan when I was growing up.
My grandfather was generous and supported him. My dad even admitted this is a text to his 7 kids.
He promised he would bypass any money he received and pass it to his kids. But instead he decided to give 4/7, $100,000 for Xmas. Me and 2 other brothers got $0.
My life was normal until my grandfather got Alzheimer’s. They isolated me from my grandfather the last 6 yrs of his life, and never got to meet my son.
I was in my grandfathers will, but later found out it was changed years after dementia onset.

It is criminal that my dad can just decide he isn’t going to support his adult kids. I am contesting the will in court, but there is no legal remedy.

Is there anything I can do legally? Case is in Louisiana

hey everyone!! i (25f) have been with my partner (24f) for 7 years now. this is a bit of a long one so please bare with me. my parents are arab and muslim, hers are as well but her mom is a different ethnicity (i don’t want to disclose to keep this anon but she’s a revert). my parents are definitely way more religious and strict than hers. i won’t get into every detail here but anyway, when we first started dating it was going good, they thought we were best friends and our parents eventually met because her parents wanted to know my family and who she was hanging out with.
i understand now that this was a mistake but we were teenagers at the time. fast forward to 2021, my parents find out we’re dating and all hell breaks loose. i’m 20 at the time so they can’t do much because i’m an adult and in college/working paying for my own things but they tell me not to see her and to cut all contact. i obviously didn’t but i kept it behind their back. during this time i worked extra hours, had to drop out of college, and we planned on running away together. we got an apartment and jobs and everything was set besides a few complications like not having a car but we figured we’d find a way. also in hindsight kind of dumb but we had no other options.
that plan went south, both parents begged us to stay once we fled and eventually we went back thinking we’d work it out. they gaslit us and said they’d accept up and let us hang out. this quickly changed when they started having “meetings” without us discussing what to do and possibly conversion therapy. it just kept getting worse so my gf had to move out temporarily and live with a relative. during this time i went back to school and started saving.
fast forward a couple of years, she’s back and her living situation is interesting i won’t get into it but i’m still at home. she’s in school, i’m in school we both have about a year and a half left. she’s working part time and i just recently became unemployed. so we’re kind of back to square one. her parents are never home so thankfully we have some space to hang out and be ourselves. my house on the other hand is a shit hole. my parents suck, my mom is constantly in my business and trying to get me married. they begged me to go to therapy to “fix myself”, i do go but my therapist is an amazing queer ally and they don’t know lol.
now they complain that i go and that i’m never home and being the oldest immigrant daughter means it comes with a lot more bs. recently i was able to pay for a trip for my gf, our first trip together and alone. my parents thought i was with friends and so did hers. my mom decided to contact her mom and found out we were there at the same time. i convinced her we weren’t together and after all the backlash and anxiety we moved on.
today, i was on my moms phone (not snooping i was helping with something) and i noticed she’s been texting her mom?? i don’t understand why they keep contact if they don’t approve of us. during that trip apparently my mom was texting her saying she wants to kick me out because she knows we’re together and found a photo of us kissing. she was snooping through my room. her mom was more like “may god guide them the right way there’s not much we can do, we’re just being tested a very immoral test” which okay??
they both go on a tangent about how they’re crying every day and think it’s disgusting behavior. i took pictures of this and blocked her on my moms phone. they shouldn’t be in contact. our dads regularly call as well for whatever reason. i really don’t understand why they contact each other if they don’t approve of us. they will talk on the phone for hours but i’m not allowed to say her name or hang out with her?? i do everything behind their back and i’m applying to millions of jobs to move tf out.
does anyone know how i can safely move out? any advice or help is much appreciated. i’m tired of living with them and living a double life. i have so much anxiety because of them and i can’t even look them in the eyes knowing what they’ve said about me and wished on me. and on the flip side i don’t want to hurt them. how fucking ironic. anyway, if ur still here i appreciate u listening 🫶🏼

As a common nparent thing to do, my mo is always talking about death and her health like it’s tomorrow. All while not really doing anything for it. I have phases of not trusting her. She wants to put my name on the title now vs leave it in a will.
I need to get the house set up so I inherit it asap.

But I’m really not sure the best way to do that.
I do not have the means to pay taxes or liens on it before receiving it.

Oh, yeah. She’s never filed bankruptcy though has had the paperwork for rover a decade and has liens on the house for years. And she’s also a massive hoarder.

I’ve got a lot of work cut out when this happens and want the easiest transition to owning it.

What are my best options? In CO btw.

my nervous system is out of control. sometimes i don’t even know if i can help myself so i seem out of wack and overshare online. it makes it hard for connection. is it possible to have a long lasting relationship?

i’m talking about specifically coping with narcissistic behavior.

do you guys remember one of your first thoughts? and can that be related to anything? i was a very philosophical, isolated, contemplating, maladaptive daydreaming, had intrusive thoughts. i couldn’t relate to other kids. my first thought was, “why is everyone around me so stupid? i want to go home.” now i’m a childish adult. went through so much that people wouldn’t believe me even if i told them.

I’m 24F and I currently live at home with my parents. I’m looking for genuine advice about what I should do because I feel like I’m stuck in a really unhealthy situation with my dad.

My dad and I have arguments fairly regularly, but the issue is that they often escalate way beyond what the original disagreement was about.

For example, today he was in the shower and apparently wanted to let me know he was in there. Instead of just saying something, he banged on the floor so loudly and hard that my entire bedroom shook. I told him that was crazy and that he didn’t need to do that. He completely lost it over me saying that.

He then told me he wishes I was more like my sister.

This isn’t an isolated incident. Over time, he has called me things like brain dead, stupid and a slut, told me there is something wrong with my brain, and said that I belong under a car. He’s also said that if a future boyfriend ever beat me up, he’d laugh at me. During other arguments he’s told me I’m no longer his daughter and that I need to leave.

There have also been incidents where he’s broken things during arguments. He’s broken my door and three of my fans in the past. On another occasion, he threw blankets at me and almost hurt my fingers.

One of the things that makes this especially difficult is that I don’t feel like I can simply move out. I can’t currently afford rent and I’ve previously felt like I have nowhere else to go.

I’ve also been told that if I ever called the police on him, he would come back after being released and it would be “x10000” worse.

I know I’m not perfect. I can be argumentative and defensive, and sometimes I probably don’t communicate things in the best way. I’m not looking for people to tell me I’m completely innocent in every argument. I’m trying to figure out where the line is between normal family conflict and something I should genuinely be getting away from.

At this point I don’t know whether I should try to repair the relationship, stop engaging with him during arguments, try to move out despite not being able to afford it, or cut contact once I’m able to leave.

What would you do in my position? And for anyone who has been in a similar situation, how did you actually get out of it when you couldn’t afford to move out?

This isn't a genuine question. I understand the theory behind children needing to think their parents are safe. It was just never true for me - I always knew I couldn't trust them. Why would I want to "play" with someone who's always yelling at me? I haven't seen this discussed in the literature which is really frustrating. I don't think I'm better or smarter or anything, it's just ridiculous to assume that no child could view the situation rationally. Of course I'm not going to beg someone mean to hang out with me!! I grew up thinking I was a cold person because I felt nothing for people who didn't care about my feelings.

It was very obvious that their inconsistency and irrationality was unsafe. I see stories about people begging their parents to spend time with them. Why?! Maybe I was born broken or they fucked me up super young, but I've never wanted to hang out with my randomly-assigned captors. Yes, they were nice sometimes, which I never trusted because they always turned mean again. They were clearly unstable, unreliable, unreasonable. I matured past them as a tween, yet they still have adult friends?? They've been trusted with authority?? They're clearly delusional though so???? I feel like I'm living in the twilight zone sometimes.

I don't envy the people who took decades to realize they were being abused. I'm sure that sucks. I'm glad that wasn't me, and I know I'm not the only one who saw the danger in their family early. I just don't understand why it's apparently so uncommon.

It's taking me so long to accept the depth of the damage and I can't help but be so so angry at those that are fine hanging around cruelty. I tried for so long to convince myself things couldn't be that bad because I was the only one freaking out over it. Nah, some people just don't register pain the same way - their own and others'. When you're on the other side of it, it's really messed up. Someone has low standards for their own treatment so they don't recognize that others are being mistreated too. For me who grew up feeling some inherent sense of self-worth, it was pretty fucked up constantly being faced with "that's just what they're like! I don't mind ☺️". Are you okay?????????? Why have you accepted that some people's emotions are more important than others??? Why are you defending this??? You're not helping anyone - them, yourself, or anyone else.

I know, I know, I know, it's not intentional or a moral failing to be in denial. But it really fucking sucks for the rest of us. I thought we could've been allies but maybe you were never capable of that.

I’m 16. Prior to this post, I made a post 3 days ago titled “My mom got extremely angry and totally freaked out over my new haircut.”

If you haven’t read it, here’s a summary: I’ve always liked having longer hair, but my mom has always wanted it short. After I got a mullet, she forced me to cut it very short, and during the argument she told me I was her “biggest regret,” which honestly really hurt.

Anyway, that was 3 days ago. After that, we barely talked for the next 2 days. Then she received an email with my report card. Most of my grades were B’s, but I failed Biology.

When she got the email, I was on my laptop just listening to music and vibing. She barged into my room, took my headphones, and started yelling at me. She didn’t even give me a chance to speak. Then she threw my Sony XM5 headphones across the room, and obviously they broke.

I got extremely mad, but I knew yelling back would only make things worse. So I put my laptop in my bag and left the house while she was still yelling. I went down the elevator, got outside, and just ran. I didn’t even know where I was going. I ran for about two hours until I couldn’t keep going.

I eventually came back because I really had nowhere else to go. I considered going to the police, especially because people here had told me to before, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t want to see my own parents, who I genuinely loved until recently, get arrested or whatever would happen.

When I came back, my mom looked extremely stressed and was crying, which was the first time I had ever seen her cry. She screamed, “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?” I didn’t respond. I went straight to my room, shut the door, and broke down crying.

About 10 minutes later, my dad came back. He had been looking for me. We eventually sat down and talked. My dad actually seemed genuinely worried about me and wanted to understand what happened, unlike my mom, who was sitting on her phone scrolling through Facebook until my dad made her put it away and listen.

I told them I ran away because I didn’t feel safe, and I told them a lot of other things that I honestly don’t remember anymore. I told my mom that I wished she would show me some support or love because I never feel like she does.

Her response was basically, “We do everything for you. We give you clothes, feed you, and pay your school fees, and you can’t even give us good grades?”

That pissed me off so much. I also told her I feel like she controls me too much. She asked me to give her one example, so I brought up the haircut situation, as well as her not letting me go play football with my friends or sleep over at their houses.

She said, “If you got good grades, I would let you do all of that.”

I honestly don’t even know what to say to that.

She then started saying I’m fucking crazy and that she’s never seen a child like me. I told her I think she’s being a really bad mother, which she obviously disagreed with.

I showed them the comments from my previous Reddit posts, and she started reading them. She read maybe two comments before blaming my “craziness” on social media and the people commenting on my posts.

At that point, I slammed my door and went to bed.

Then today, she didn’t wake me up for school like she normally does. She told me I should have woken myself up.

I DON’T EVEN HAVE A PHONE. SHE TOOK IT FIVE MONTHS AGO AND I HAVEN’T SEEN IT SINCE.

And now she’s signed me up for school counselling.

I’m not going to comment again after this. I honestly don’t know what to think anymore.

Do you guys think I handled this situation badly, or was leaving the house the right thing to do?

As in homophobic, transphobic and also including racists, misogynists, fatphobic, etc etc

And have you noticed that its all a form of control?

The audacity that my dad, who wouldn't let me be seen making Muslim friends despite going to an 80% Muslim school, is wearing a tshirt that says "love music, hate racism".

Extra points for dickheadry because he seems to hate female singers and will turn the radio off and make a gun noise as soon as they hit a high note. Hurts his ears apparently

10/10 ridiculousness points to him

I just need to get this off my chest because thinking about it still hurts. I want to share the story of the absolute worst birthday I have ever had in my life.

I don't remember the exact age I was, but I think I was turning around 8, 9, or 10 years old. I woke up in the morning excited because it was my birthday. Usually, my mom would make me pancakes in the morning, and then my grandma would come over later so we could open gifts.

But that morning, I woke up and the house was completely empty. My mom wasn't anywhere. I looked through every single room and started to completely panic. I was terrified. I thought, Where is my mom? Is she okay? Did something happen to her?

I didn't have a phone back then, so I tried everything I could think of to contact her. I tried using my Nintendo Switch and my Alexa to see if I could call or message her. I know now that you can't really do that, but I was just a kid and panicked, trying to use any tool I had. I was getting more and more scared by the minute because nothing was working.

Finally, I decided to go outside to look for her. And there she was. She was just sitting outside, drinking with our neighbor. She wasn't hurt, she hadn't forgotten what day it was—she just chose to sit there instead of being inside with me. And the worst part is, she stayed out there drinking all day long.

I went back inside and just played video games by myself all day long to distract myself. My mom didn't get me a single birthday gift that year. No pancakes, no grandma coming over, nothing. The only thing I got for my birthday was McDonald's, and then I had to go to bed.

Looking back, I feel so sad for my younger self. She literally just sat there drinking with a neighbor all day on my birthday while I was inside panicking and crying, thinking she was hurt. I was just a little kid and I didn't deserve to be ignored like that on my day

Last October my dad made some really hurtful comments about me. Because I was getting nowhere I decided to leave the house.

When we spoke next he was completely defensive of his behavior and we talked for an hour and a half. At the end of that conversation he was able to restate the problem that he had hurt my feelings.

When the phone call ended he said he knew he needed to make it up to me. He has not called me since.

I just saw my dad at a family event and said I wished he’d call me and check on how I’m doing. He gave me the “phones work both ways” and when I referenced he was supposed to be making it up to me he became extremely angry and said MORE defensive and manipulative shit. Because, according to him, he has all these perfect relationships in his life except for me. Implying I’m the problem. But my dad is twice divorced and regrets both of them.

Truly, at the end of the day, he’s mad at me that I haven’t forgotten what he said he’d do. That it’s my fault for remembering he said he’d reach out. It’s so backwards I want to apologize but it’s reasonable to ask people to be true to their word. After everything all he had to do was try. To call me once on in 10 months, and he didn’t. Not even on my birthday. So disappointing.

before i start, no im not some porn addict who has a fantasy, nor do i find this hot in any way shape of form. nor am i trolling. i posted this to r/ask and got demolished in the comments because they thought i was some 50 year old dude getting off to ts. i am confused.

so i’ve had a previous past of abuse (my past posts will show) and my mum does not care about my privacy. my mum will make comments about my penis calling it big, or as she says ‘with ur big willy’. she said this morning, also since i sleep in my dads room cuz she sleeps in my room due to them having not the best relationship, i get up to go to the kitchen and 9x10 she’s glanced or is looking at my crotch. also when i leave the house with friends and come back, she likes to look down there. and one time she told me why, she said it’s because she thinks im having gay sex with my friends. im being so ffrn. she genuinely thought this for so long and it’s weirded me out hella cuz other parents aren’t like this, my dad watches channels that are esentially clothed porn in the living room, it’s like this channel which walks around cities but instead they follow women with big arses, u can find this available on youtube. my mum and dad are certified weirdos and im growing up all around it. help 😭✌️

My nmom wanted to introduce me to her "friends", 2 teenage boys who are 13. She has this whole weird narc web going on with all the neighbours, giving all the children candy and trying to be their best friends, acting nice to the parent's faces and saying vile things behind their backs e.g accusing them of abusing their children, accusing them of having affairs.

I've been living in another country for the last few years and recently came back temporarily. So she's talking to these kids and says to them "you haven't met my son, he lives in x country and yeah he has a friend he lives with". These kids have seen me walking with my bf and one of them asked my mum if I was gay a few weeks ago, my nmum told her that I was and then this kid spread it around to the other kids.

She orders me to come and meet these two teenagers saying "x come here come meet my friends". I was about to eat and really didn't want to and made the mistake of venting one frustration saying "why do I need to meet everyone, I don't know these people". I go to meet them and it's incredibly awkward, I just say "nice to meet you" twice and leave. She does this thing of forcing people into awkward situations.

After she comes in I say "why do you need to tell everyone on the street about my life and business?". She says she didn't and I said "they all know I'm gay and about my life in x country". She goes on this whole speech about how "no one in this country cares about being gay anymore, everyone accepts it no one has a problem with it". She says "fine you just hide away and I won't tell anyone about you ever, I'll just act like you don't exist". I say "okay". She then goes out to drink with a friend.

She comes back hours later completely drunk, I tell my older sibling because she can barely walk and I dont think I can get her up the stairs myself. She shouts "why are you telling him saying I'm really drunk, you're always judging everyone I'm sick of it". She then orders me to sit on the sofa saying "this is my house sit down now and listen" (I pay rent to her while staying here for a month or two). I leave the room saying we can talk tomorrow. She says "yeah run away like you always do, you can fuck off back to x country, fuck off back to x country in the next 2 weeks. I'm going to get [your older sibling] to knock you out."

I go to my bedroom and she follows, comes in and sits on my bed (she often does this even when I'm naked in bed under the duvet btw). She starts on this whole diatribe for an hour repeating the same phrases over and over again. The whole time I'm sitting just saying "okay, okay". She starts screaming "YOU DON'T KNOW ME, YOU DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL" (she literally spends hours everyday talking at me about every mundane and tedious detail about her life and ignores anything I say and talks over me). She continues "YOU ARE SELFISH YOU CAN FUCK OFF BACK TO X COUNTRY IN THE NEXT WEEK, HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT TELLING ME I CAN'T TELL PEOPLE THAT YOU'RE GAY. YOU KNOW WHAT THE TRUTH IS, YOU'RE ASHAMED OF BEING GAY, YOU'RE ASHAMED OF BEING GAY AND YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. DO I HAVE FEELINGS, AM I NOT HUMAN WHY AM I NEVER ALLOWED TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS, ARENT I HUMAN? I HAVE FEELINGS, I HAVE A HEART (she is extremely emotionally immature and her go to tactic is immediate emotional manipulation. She is an emotional vampire, like a dementor from Harry Potter and I act cold and never show my feelings because of how she raised me). She starts beating her heart and then beating her chest like a crazed gorilla. My older sibling comes in and starts shouting at her and they start arguing.

It's the next day and I guarantee she will stay in her bedroom and start the emotional blackmail. She usually says stuff like "I'm going to kill myself, I want to be with my mum and dad (who are dead)" and we all have to listen to the pity party.

I recently started a new job which offered the option of shared housing or a weekly stipend in lieu. I was going to go with the stipend as my parents live in town, but they told me if I lived with them that I would need to hand over the entire amount to cover "food and lodging". So like, fuck that, right? I'll just do shared housing. If I can't have the money, then no one can.

My father makes extremely good money and has been charging me rent since the second I turned 18. Over the years, rent has gone up whenever he's felt like it. I have (thankfully) been mostly out of the house the past few years for college, and I only came back just under two months ago. He is not wanting this money to "teach me how to be an adult" but he is doing it out of greed. The second I shut him down and told him I'll just do shared housing, he panicked and backtracked and all he could muster was "But what about food costs?" as an argument. As though I hadn't been living away for the prior few years and have no idea how to fend for myself.

Oh yeah, also, my brother has never left home and now pays my father $950/month. More than a 1-bed apartment in my area. And my father argues that giving him my stipend is not that bad because "I charge your brother more." Okay man.

Glad I chose to do shared housing with my coworkers because they're chill - and I don't have to interact with my family.

My mother doesn't want to do something, so she says "I was wondering if maybe you could help me do ___" when what she really means is "I want you to ___ so I won't have to." And all the sudden, the responsibility to do said thing is on your shoulders. Then she gets shady/passive-aggressive if you don't do it as soon as she asks you when you didn't even want to in the first place (and shouldn't have to). She acts more helpless as time goes on. She used to work with computers for at least 15 years or so, and now she literally has me drop me whatever I'm doing because she says she needs help with how to copy and paste.

Saw something that reminded me of this awful memory. Almost 30 years later and it still stings

My 7th birthday weekend was the first I spent with my NDad (he’d recently acquired every other weekend visitation) something I was very upset with my mother about. I cried and begged her not make me go, my NDad was a cruel bully and I was terrified. I was more insistent than usual, it was my birthday why couldn’t I decide where I wanted to go, etc. Earned myself nothing but a spanking from her and still had to go to NDad’s.

But when I arrived at NDad’s, he surprised me by being kind the whole time. I woke up on my birthday morning at his house and there were birthday decorations everywhere, a chocolate cake with vanilla icing (my mother must’ve told him that was my favorite), he told me we’d order pizza for dinner. He gave me a rather sweet birthday card and Cookie Crisp for breakfast (which my mother never allowed me.)

I was disoriented at first, should’ve been more suspicious due to his track record but I was a little kid. I got caught up in the excitement, my dad telling me he was proud of me for how well I was doing at school, that he’d saved up money from his new job to buy me the perfect gift. He showed me the large gift box wrapped in his closet, and I was so excited, I had a pretty good idea of what I thought it was but I’m too embarrassed to even share now. We spent the day having a nice-ish time together, playing catch at the park and walking/talking together. I feel foolish even now for it, but I really thought something was changing, that this man who’d bullied me for the past year could change. That he could grow to love me, that I could be worthy of his approval and affection finally…

He spent THE WHOLE DAY we spent together hyping up the gift, how much I would love it, asking me to guess what it was, but reminding me I couldn’t open it until later, teasing me and teasing me more as the time got closer, I was so excited and giggly. When I finally got permission to open my gift (right before pizza), I was almost shaking from anticipation….only for him to chuck the large gift box at me and laugh in my face. It weighed almost nothing….an empty box carefully wrapped up in “Happy 7th birthday” paper. I immediately began sobbing, I was so humiliated and heartbroken, so angry at myself for believing my NDad could actually love me, actually do something nice for me. No, of course not. The whole day was just a cruel prank, just more teasing from my dad the self-proclaimed “teaser…..he just laughed at me while I sobbed until I had a headache. I didn’t eat any of my pizza or cake, I was too devastated.

This is one of the few childhood memories of mine that I’ve shared with my wife and a few close friends….its enough for anyone to get the picture of what kind of guy my biological father is. What an insanely cruel thing he did to me, I still almost can’t believe it even with all the millions of other cruel things he did…

Just needed to get this out there. I’m OK but this story does piss me off so much whenever I remember it, one of the most humiliating moments of my life.

I’m in a better place than I have been in many ways, but what an infuriating memory…

I’ve recently started becoming more combative with them, attacking them about their abysmal financial planning skills, pointing out their hypocrisy and saying things to the effect of “they’re not my kids” whenever they attempt to parentify me and make me take responsibility for my siblings’ needs and outright refusing to do them.

This has all revealed to me they are deeply pathetic people whose only real friends are their immediate family. As things have grown harder to hide they’ve ruined everything for themselves and are now lonely irresponsible losers who get off on controlling their kids, but now that I refuse to be controlled it’s making them spiral.

This won’t work for everyone but I’ve found once I started being as selfish as they are its worked to my benefit

It’s like no matter what I do he still comes after me. It’s like an obsession or an addiction to a drug or something like a compulsion to involve me in everything even in things I have nothing to do with.

The latest debacle was someone else cooked and left the pan on the stove, a different person (grandma) put the food away but left the pan on the stove because the dishwasher was already going and she couldn’t stand to wash the dishes. The person who cooked and the narc came to the wrong conclusion that it was me who put the food away and left the pan on the stove. The narc then went on a tirade screaming about how he’s going to throw away the pan that I bought after a previous tirade of wanting to call the police on me because I moved his laundry bag, so I wouldn’t step on it. The situation had absolutely nothing to do with me yet. I was dragged in the middle of it, and he refused to admit that it was not my fault. It had nothing to do with me until a couple days ago. He sent a bullshit ass message to my mom for her to send to me saying that he he’s apologizes and he’s not going to do it again, and I told him if I had a penny for every time he has said that, I would be a trillionaire, I would have enough money to buy Tesla from Elon. I also told him that I don’t accept his apology because he couldn’t tell it to me directly. He told it to me through a third person because he clearly holds a lot of contempt for me. He’s only saying sorry to my mom so that she can forgive him and give him that validation and that he doesn’t actually care if I accept the apology or not. That he’s just waiting for a moment where “slip up” so he can start these fights all over again. I also said that he is literally foaming at the mouth for the chance to insult me again, that an apology without change means nothing and if he wants me to accept that apology then he can leave me alone and pretend I don’t exist.

I literally avoid him like the plague. I stay in my room, I don’t go outside whenever he’s outside, I don’t say anything to him, this man can go months without physically seeing me. I give him literally nothing to the point where he started to complain about me being in the kitchen in general. To the point where I can’t even make a cup of tea for my grandmother without him, throwing a tantrum about me being rude and disrespectful in the kitchen and being filthy and leaving the kitchen disgusting even if the kitchen is spotless. He gets giddy and excited at the chance to bring me up in any argument he has with my mom even if it has nothing to do with me at all. I don’t care about them or their arguments, she won’t leave him, but I just want to be left alone. I’ve made it very clear from the get go that I don’t want to be involved and to leave me alone.

Because of the argument that he created, nobody wants to go in the kitchen to cook anything and my grandmother needs to get food, she can’t cook for herself and I along with the other person, we’re the only ones who made food for her so now he has to go and buy her food every day because he can’t cook and he’s upset about that and he’s trying to apologize so that things could go back to normal and that so he can also have a chance to cuss and complain about me again. I have no plans of going back to cooking for others especially since the other person cause this issue on purpose because my mom rejected his advances, but my mom is also weak willed and might give up on enforcing this new “rule”.

Anyways, that’s besides the point, just a little bit of backstory to make everything make a bit more sense. My question is, how can I truly convey to the narc that I have no interest in him or his life or his problems and I do not wish to be involved in anything he has going on. He does absolutely nothing for me, I don’t ask him for anything, we don’t even interact, there is no reason for him to be up my ass around the corner every damn day. I don’t wanna be here, but I also can’t afford to move out at the moment, im just trying to create a bit more peace for myself so I can do what I need to do. Like- i’m trying to get a car, but I’m scared of getting one because if I do, he’s going to be mad that I have one and he’s going to want to know my business like whether or not I have a job or whatever and I don’t have nor want to tell him any of that. I just want him to pretend I don’t exist. I’ve tried grey rocking, stooping to his level, reasoning, arguing, nothing so far has worked and I have a feeling it’s because he uses me as a dig against my mom. I genuinely don’t care what happens between them I just want him to stop bothering me. Idc if they argue and use my name, just for him to stop targeting me as a way to get to her.

Growing up my parents would often say something about my body especially my private parts like my chest and groin. ​When i was developing as a teenager i would often hear comments like my chest being bigger, growing pubic hair or my thighs were too big. Sometimes they say things like if i lost weight I'd be so sexy or when i wear shorts it makes them say things like teasing in a cat calling way or saying how again my thighs are so big. What bothers me more is the touching, i am not a touchy person but that's a boundary thing and i think many people are like that but i hate when they touch me in general. My mom has this weird thing to touch my groin and my chest often flicking or twisting my boobs or "tickle" into my groin or ass as a joke, where in my dad slaps my thighs a lot cuz according to him "it's so fat", Whenever i react they belittle me and tell me that I'm over reacting and then later get on a rant about how bad of a person i am especially as a daughter.

What i hated the most growing up is my mom wanting to watch me change or having to watch me change, even as a child this bothers me a lot and i have always felt uncomfortable. Before she'd barge in on me showering and proceeded to wash me in stead and i still remember when she would wash my groin even after i kept pushing her away i was still a teenager, idk why but she stopped doing it and I'm very happy about that but even now i sometimes think she'd barge in. I have talked to her about the watching me change issue and she got upset saying she is my mother and she's already seen me so it should be okay. Even sleeping doesn't feel safe, i get so scared of them saying smth or touching me that whenever i lay on the bed or couch i would hide my lower half with anything near by just so they won't do or say anything. I ask for privacy or boundaries but they would always say there is no such thing as boundaries or privacy between family and they would proceed to accuse me of doing smth if i did have privacy.

For the longest time i thought this was normal and that all parents behave like this or it's just part of culture or smth but the older i got the more it bothered me so i asked ppl and they told me this wasn't normal at all. And you know what sucks it's how now this is still going on and I'm not even allowed to be upset with it instesd they tell me to joke with it, the most common jokes they make are how I'd never get gr*ped or i am too ugly and fat to be kidnapped or assaulted. Anyways that's all i just wanted to rant cause my mom once again refused to leave me alone when i wanted to change.

I dont like chores. I hate leaving my room. The dog is too noisy and it makes me breakdown. I dont like doing dishes cuz mom likes to take that time im out to micromanage and criticise me, then stand all quiet like shes being reasonable as she riles me up into a argument.

I do the dishes but sometimes I'd rather die than wash one so i leave it for the morning

I hate doing anything outside my room. I dont like cleaning the bathroom as it takes too long and i hate being outside long enough for her to hurt me.

And today she argues with me about chores.

I try to do the dishes. I do.

Shes arguing about the bathroom, the dishes. Im tired. I never wanna do another dish again. I never wanna be home again. I wanna never come home again.

But for now, i guess i deserve this. I do nothing. Im nothing.

Hi, anyone know what narcissistic moms obsession with cutting off their daughters hair or just the hair in general?

Back when I was 12, we were going to a semi-formal event at my aunt's house. Back then, I wanted to 'look like a teenager' so i wanted to wear a black hoodie but my mom said no. I was fine with it but i was pretty angry that time cuz she always got to control everything i wore and i hated it.

So the whole time, my eyes were practically glaring at the thought of her controlling what i wear but i didn't yell or try to tell her my feelings.

But she noticed how i looked and was angry about it and it led into an argument, she'd say "you think you're so beautiful?" "Haba ng buhok mo ah, landi mo teh (wow, your hair’s gotten long. You’re such a slut) idk how to translate it sorry.

In the Philippines, there's a saying that longer hair = beautiful. It's just a saying and a lot of filos kinda use it for jokes and stuff.

So then that's when he grabbed my hair and tried to cut it off. Luckily, my hair was too thick that time so it didn't work.

Mind you, I wasn't even being disrespectful and i wasn't saying anything at all.

Growing up, she'd still threaten me to cut my hair whenever we had a disagreement and she'd tell me how i wanted to look like a hooker whenever I tried to wear just a bit of makeup. I never felt confident with how I looked back then.

My Mom thinks it’s okay to make jokes making fun of me and laughing at me but doesnt realize it just hurts every single time because we dont have a great relationship. You can only successfully poke fun at someone if you're close and they KNOW you're just being sarcastic. To me it just feels like my mom is making fun of me and wants me to feel bad. Because how have I lived with you for 23 years and you still don’t realize or care to realize that every time you say sh*t like that it hurts me and feels like a stab to the chest? How unaware are you? Oh because I’m not allowed to fight back or stand up for myself in any way shape or form. Yeah I remember now. You know deep down you’re probably doing something wrong but you still say it anyway and don’t make eye contact with me as you’re doing it so you have no idea what I’m feeling because you’re unconsciously ignoring it and you don’t want to face reality, because that would mean acknowledging maybe not that you’re a mean person but that you’re capable of meanness which hurts people. And caring loving self sacrificing perfect mommy would NEVER! How dare you even accuse her of being that way!

So I’m in a predicament. I’m 21 and my bf is 20 soon to be 21 and my parents have never liked him from day one. We’ve been together for almost 4 years. They’ve never got to know him, talked to him besides very very small talk at random times where we’ve all been together. I’ve never talked bad about him because there’s nothing bad to say, he’s the sweetest guy and does everything for me and treats me well. I’ve asked them multiple times why they don’t like him and they always give some vague or very minor reason and reference something that to them is a red flag but it’s something like oh you drive him around all the time when I don’t, or you pay for everything which I don’t. Today I asked and they finally laid it on me and said your boyfriend is basically a loser. For context, he works in a trade as a trim carpenter and he makes good money and he’s outdoorsy likes to hunt and fish, my parents aren’t those kinds of people. My bf also didn’t have everything given to him and all his things paid for (I did bc I’m an only child) so he figured his stuff out on his own. My parents said that he doesn’t make enough money has no 401k and is not motivated in life so they think I’m providing for him since I’ve been through college and have a good paying job. They don’t want to take the time to get to know him and know his personality or what he’s like, they just view him as a person who has no career motivation and he hates it. I love him obviously and my parents are trying to dictate what I can and can’t do with my life as an adult and my bf believes I can’t stand up for him but that’s all I’ve been doing. I’m not sure what to do because I don’t want this to affect us starting to become serious.

I hate being treated like a friend. Or being called “b*tch,” “girl,” instead of “honey,” or “baby” like any normal parent would. Idk why nparents do this. I feel like it’s because they grew up having no friends at all so they want to “experience” what friendship is like. Lmao.

I believe that my older sister has been emotionally manipulating me and abusing me and has displayed several narcissistic traits. I have tried to write down all of the major signs, and if anyone can relate or has similar experience, I’d love to hear from you. For context, my sister is 4 years older than me, we are the only two children, and I am the younger daughter. 

• My sister lives at home with our parents (Rent free, using her own money to go on vacations) and allows our mom to cook, clean, do all the errands for the family, yet blames me for making our mother work so hard. (Keep in mind I don’t actually live at home anymore) I consistently feel like a bad child and second-guessing my contributions to the family. 
• She undercuts all of my success: I am currently a junior in college with a 4.0 gpa, double majoring, internship, research assistant in several labs, and studying abroad in the UK next year. Any time I bring up my accomplishments or talk about my own life she will either ignore the entire conversation or laugh and say that that none of what I do is impressive. She graduated over 2 years ago and is now living with my parents working as a full time nanny, and so every dinner conversation revolves around her work and the family/kids that she cares for. 
• Recurring silent treatment: whenever I have committed any minor perceived slight, she will completely ignore me for at least a day. It is so agonizing, especially when I am home from college and we are all under the same small roof. At family dinners, she will only address and look at my parents, treating me as if I am invisible, any time I speak or ask questions I will be completely shut out. Then, completely out of the blue, I will be “accepted” again by her. This has led me through a constant emotional spiral where I feel destabilized and like I am walking on eggshells: I have no idea what version of her I am going to get every morning. Once the silent treatment stops, I am expected to immediately switch back on to being kind and pleasant to her without any explanation or apology.
• For years she has taken my mother on luxurious annual vacations, and I am never invited and told to never ask about it or complain. Even when I offer to pay my way, both her and my mom have told me that I am not invited. The few times I have mentioned that I am a little hurt and confused by why neither want me to come, I have been called sensitive. 

I genuinely feel like the black sheep of the family and the outcast. When she has my mom on her side they make me out to be the obnoxious little sibling. I begin to feel almost like an annoying little brother, and they often try to strip me of my femininity by always making me do the more “manly” or “masculine” chores or tasks. 

To justify this behavior, my parents have consistently told me that she is just jealous of me. Or they will side with her and criticize my every action, calling me immature. I feel like I am going crazy carrying heightened expectations for my future career, grades, and life that my older sister has never been held to. I am often expected to be the one to “grow up first” and do the adult things before my sister is ever expected to. The dysfunction the family has caused me has led me to consider estrangement when I am finally old enough to do so, but I also feel the guilt and pressure of even considering that. I have been called sensitive my entire life so I have always thought that all of these things are minor, but they have been consistent patterns of behavior in my life and in my family, and now that I am in college and away from my sister for long periods of time I have begun to reflect. Any insight would be great, thank you so much.