I recently started a new job which offered the option of shared housing or a weekly stipend in lieu. I was going to go with the stipend as my parents live in town, but they told me if I lived with them that I would need to hand over the entire amount to cover "food and lodging". So like, fuck that, right? I'll just do shared housing. If I can't have the money, then no one can.

My father makes extremely good money and has been charging me rent since the second I turned 18. Over the years, rent has gone up whenever he's felt like it. I have (thankfully) been mostly out of the house the past few years for college, and I only came back just under two months ago. He is not wanting this money to "teach me how to be an adult" but he is doing it out of greed. The second I shut him down and told him I'll just do shared housing, he panicked and backtracked and all he could muster was "But what about food costs?" as an argument. As though I hadn't been living away for the prior few years and have no idea how to fend for myself.

Oh yeah, also, my brother has never left home and now pays my father $950/month. More than a 1-bed apartment in my area. And my father argues that giving him my stipend is not that bad because "I charge your brother more." Okay man.

Glad I chose to do shared housing with my coworkers because they're chill - and I don't have to interact with my family.

Saw something that reminded me of this awful memory. Almost 30 years later and it still stings

My 7th birthday weekend was the first I spent with my NDad (he’d recently acquired every other weekend visitation) something I was very upset with my mother about. I cried and begged her not make me go, my NDad was a cruel bully and I was terrified. I was more insistent than usual, it was my birthday why couldn’t I decide where I wanted to go, etc. Earned myself nothing but a spanking from her and still had to go to NDad’s.

But when I arrived at NDad’s, he surprised me by being kind the whole time. I woke up on my birthday morning at his house and there were birthday decorations everywhere, a chocolate cake with vanilla icing (my mother must’ve told him that was my favorite), he told me we’d order pizza for dinner. He gave me a rather sweet birthday card and Cookie Crisp for breakfast (which my mother never allowed me.)

I was disoriented at first, should’ve been more suspicious due to his track record but I was a little kid. I got caught up in the excitement, my dad telling me he was proud of me for how well I was doing at school, that he’d saved up money from his new job to buy me the perfect gift. He showed me the large gift box wrapped in his closet, and I was so excited, I had a pretty good idea of what I thought it was but I’m too embarrassed to even share now. We spent the day having a nice-ish time together, playing catch at the park and walking/talking together. I feel foolish even now for it, but I really thought something was changing, that this man who’d bullied me for the past year could change. That he could grow to love me, that I could be worthy of his approval and affection finally…

He spent THE WHOLE DAY we spent together hyping up the gift, how much I would love it, asking me to guess what it was, but reminding me I couldn’t open it until later, teasing me and teasing me more as the time got closer, I was so excited and giggly. When I finally got permission to open my gift (right before pizza), I was almost shaking from anticipation….only for him to chuck the large gift box at me and laugh in my face. It weighed almost nothing….an empty box carefully wrapped up in “Happy 7th birthday” paper. I immediately began sobbing, I was so humiliated and heartbroken, so angry at myself for believing my NDad could actually love me, actually do something nice for me. No, of course not. The whole day was just a cruel prank, just more teasing from my dad the self-proclaimed “teaser…..he just laughed at me while I sobbed until I had a headache. I didn’t eat any of my pizza or cake, I was too devastated.

This is one of the few childhood memories of mine that I’ve shared with my wife and a few close friends….its enough for anyone to get the picture of what kind of guy my biological father is. What an insanely cruel thing he did to me, I still almost can’t believe it even with all the millions of other cruel things he did…

Just needed to get this out there. I’m OK but this story does piss me off so much whenever I remember it, one of the most humiliating moments of my life.

I’m in a better place than I have been in many ways, but what an infuriating memory…

before i start, no im not some porn addict who has a fantasy, nor do i find this hot in any way shape of form. nor am i trolling. i posted this to r/ask and got demolished in the comments because they thought i was some 50 year old dude getting off to ts. i am confused.

so i’ve had a previous past of abuse (my past posts will show) and my mum does not care about my privacy. my mum will make comments about my penis calling it big, or as she says ‘with ur big willy’. she said this morning, also since i sleep in my dads room cuz she sleeps in my room due to them having not the best relationship, i get up to go to the kitchen and 9x10 she’s glanced or is looking at my crotch. also when i leave the house with friends and come back, she likes to look down there. and one time she told me why, she said it’s because she thinks im having gay sex with my friends. im being so ffrn. she genuinely thought this for so long and it’s weirded me out hella cuz other parents aren’t like this, my dad watches channels that are esentially clothed porn in the living room, it’s like this channel which walks around cities but instead they follow women with big arses, u can find this available on youtube. my mum and dad are certified weirdos and im growing up all around it. help 😭✌️

I have no siblings. My friends have normal families, they love their parents, they don't know what it's like to have a narc father and a useless mother. I feel emotionally abandoned, I'm all I have but I've been feeling that I'm not enough. I have no one to talk to, I have no support, nothing. What should I do? I hate my parents for being unable to parent me, to give me support. I hate being all by myself.

I don't want to have children, so I will not "build my own family". I feel like I'm going to be alone forever.

25f

It is a shed turned into a studio that I'm temporarily renting from them, until me and my partner secure and apartment (partner lives elsewhere right now, but he used to live here too).

I am out of the house at 4a.m. to go to work and come back at around 4p.m., and during that time she breaks in and goes through my stuff. She used to break in when my partner lived here too, whenever we were both out of the studio, which in my eyes is an insane breach of privacy (it is one thing to do it to me, still a breach of privacy, but to someone unrelated it is ridiculous, like what do you want to find? What do you expect a young couple to keep at their house?). She knows i do not want her coming in here btw, she doesnt care and when called out, she tries to play it off as something cute. My parents have a history of physical and emotional abuse against me and my brother which is another huge reason why her just invading my space irks me so much.

The past few days I think she's been trying to unlock my tablet too, cause it is always in a different position than what I left it as before leaving to work. One time she broke in to clean, after being told no multiple times, cause a) privacy b) the house was not in disarray that would imply i needed help c) she used my cleaning chemicals, which i wouldnt mind if i didnt buy them for work and if they were not *strong* to the point that if used incorrectly could kill someone.

I feel like I'm going insane, she has done the same thing to my brother too (he lives in the main house) which has lead to screaming matches between them. The whole clueless act she puts on after being called out boils my blood.

My Ndad is the worst, at 24 yrs old he got a $250,000 loan from his dad. He leveraged it and bought a $1M of rental real estate. 40 yrs later now has $30M. Of course he never mentioned the loan when I was growing up.
My grandfather was generous and supported him. My dad even admitted this is a text to his 7 kids.
He promised he would bypass any money he received and pass it to his kids. But instead he decided to give 4/7, $100,000 for Xmas. Me and 2 other brothers got $0.
My life was normal until my grandfather got Alzheimer’s. They isolated me from my grandfather the last 6 yrs of his life, and never got to meet my son.
I was in my grandfathers will, but later found out it was changed years after dementia onset.

It is criminal that my dad can just decide he isn’t going to support his adult kids. I am contesting the will in court, but there is no legal remedy.

Is there anything I can do legally? Case is in Louisiana

If so, what were your symptoms?

I, 26F, was diagnosed with PTSD and depression at 19. I’ve been estranged from my narcissistic birth mother since 15. I don’t know how long a diagnosis can stick with you, it seems to have morphed into crippling anxiety, insomnia, and I’ve been on and off antidepressants for years.

Anyway, I’m just curious

last december, i (f21) had my 21st birthday which is on christmas eve. my mom planned a very fancy dinner for my birthday at 7:30. told her i would be home by 5:30. i was spending some time with my boyfriend hiking. we got super tired and fell asleep when we got to his place. i texted my mom at 6 saying that i am coming home.

we got to my parents place at around 6:45. my mom was understandably pissed, because i said i would be home by a certain time and i didnt follow through. we had reservations to a nice place. i get it. i apologized to her but shes pissed.

at the actual dinner, she isnt speaking to me bc shes pissed, and i start crying. my dad is trying to comfort me and tell me that she wants to talk to me and its a misunderstanding. she starts yelling at me, calling me ungrateful, etc. Mind you, its a fancy restaurant. im talking course meal, a 4 hour dinner.

so the entire time, she is just shouting at me and im sobbing uncontrollably. genuinely the dinner was 4 hours and i was sobbing the entire time, people probably could hear me sobbing and her crying at this nice place, and she just wouldnt stop yelling at me and then ignoring me. i had my first drink, blew out my birthday candles, and my dad said happy birthday to me. she didn't even say happy birthday.

when we finally got home, i ran to my room sobbing. she didn't even come up to say happy birthday. and the next day was christmas, and guess what? she was happy as can be.

My mother doesn't want to do something, so she says "I was wondering if maybe you could help me do ___" when what she really means is "I want you to ___ so I won't have to." And all the sudden, the responsibility to do said thing is on your shoulders. Then she gets shady/passive-aggressive if you don't do it as soon as she asks you when you didn't even want to in the first place (and shouldn't have to). She acts more helpless as time goes on. She used to work with computers for at least 15 years or so, and now she literally has me drop me whatever I'm doing because she says she needs help with how to copy and paste.

Hi, anyone know what narcissistic moms obsession with cutting off their daughters hair or just the hair in general?

Back when I was 12, we were going to a semi-formal event at my aunt's house. Back then, I wanted to 'look like a teenager' so i wanted to wear a black hoodie but my mom said no. I was fine with it but i was pretty angry that time cuz she always got to control everything i wore and i hated it.

So the whole time, my eyes were practically glaring at the thought of her controlling what i wear but i didn't yell or try to tell her my feelings.

But she noticed how i looked and was angry about it and it led into an argument, she'd say "you think you're so beautiful?" "Haba ng buhok mo ah, landi mo teh (wow, your hair’s gotten long. You’re such a slut) idk how to translate it sorry.

In the Philippines, there's a saying that longer hair = beautiful. It's just a saying and a lot of filos kinda use it for jokes and stuff.

So then that's when he grabbed my hair and tried to cut it off. Luckily, my hair was too thick that time so it didn't work.

Mind you, I wasn't even being disrespectful and i wasn't saying anything at all.

Growing up, she'd still threaten me to cut my hair whenever we had a disagreement and she'd tell me how i wanted to look like a hooker whenever I tried to wear just a bit of makeup. I never felt confident with how I looked back then.

I (25F) am moving from South Carolina to Texas in exactly 3 to live with my boyfriend. I am leaving behind my family, and once I cross that state line, I plan on going completely no-contact with my dad and a temporary freeze on contact with my mom and sister (21F).

My family is doing everything they can to sabotage my exit, and the psychological warfare under this roof has reached a breaking point. I need to lay out what I have lived through because my family is trying to convince me that I am the crazy, ungrateful one.

For over 17 years, my dad has used "play fighting" as a cover story to physically dominate the women in the house. He will pull our hair, smack or tap our faces, drag us across floors, grab our wrists painfully tight, and physically restrain our arms from behind. If we walk past him in the kitchen, he will randomly swing and hit our shoulders or heads. We scream "stop" and "move," but he never stops until he gets a reaction.

When I was 19, I threw a water bottle and swung at him after he refused to stop hurting my sister and me. He dropped his "playful" mask, grabbed me by the neck, and slammed me down into a hamper full of shoes. My mom had to separate us. For years, anytime I stand up for myself, he threatens extreme physical violence, telling me: "I will break your jaw. I will leave your ass laid out in the grass for the ambulance to come get you. Call the police, they will have a reason to take you away."

My mom and extended family watch him do this. They admit he is "crazy" and aggressive, but they constantly insinuate he would "never hurt us" and that it's all just play. My mom literally says, "Best believe if he wasn’t playing, you think I would let him harm me or yall?" because her own denial won't let her admit she is a victim.

My dad is an absolute authoritarian controller. He barges into my room without knocking, claims it is his house, and throws my things. He tracks my every move on Life360. My parents demanded my boyfriend's home address, phone number, and email, and my mom constantly stalks his Zillow and Google Maps to try and invent "mysteries" to make me paranoid about him. My dad is also a massive hypocrite. He cheated on my mom 13 years ago, had an outside child, and then dumped the daily parenting responsibilities of that child onto my mom, my sister, and me. Yet, he currently lectures me about how my boyfriend's past children will be a burden to me.

Every single job I have ever had, my dad has attacked negatively. I recently lost my hotel job because my hours were cut right at the end. My dad calls my jobs "penny-pinching" and screams at me to work in warehouses, but the moment I try to take independent initiative, he rages. When I called him to ask about a car lot a while back, he screamed, "Leave the car lot now, you don't know what you're doing!"

Five years ago, I saved up $3,000 in cash. My dad dragged his feet for a year to "help" me look for a car so I would stay dependent on them for rides. When he finally found one, he and my mom hid the fact that the previous owner said it didn't run and needed a new alternator. They took my $3K, wouldn't let me go with them to buy it, and had it towed to the backyard where it sat dead for 6 months while they told me to "be patient." When it finally died for good, my dad scrapped it for $300 and forced me to split my money with him and my mom.

For my current car, I saved a $2,000 down payment, but needed my dad to co-sign. The very first night I got it, he took my car by force to pick up his outside daughter, screaming that without him, I wouldn't even have it. He forces me to leave the spare key in the kitchen so he can drive it whenever he wants, drain my gas, and leave trash in it. One night, I hid the spare key in my room. He burst in while I was asleep, screamed in my face, called me names, and threatened me until I gave it back.

Now that I am moving, they are throwing everything at the wall. They told me my eye-twitching are "signs from the universe" that the move is wrong (ignoring the fact that their stress is what is destroying my health). My dad screams that I have no money (I have plenty saved up in my account that ), that I will fail, that my boyfriend will isolate me, put me on drugs, or leave me pregnant and stranded. He explicitly threatened that if I take my car out of South Carolina, he will report it and hunt me down. Because of this legal threat and his volatile history, I have made a massive strategic decision: I am leaving the car behind on their driveway. I am leaving the keys, walking away from the debt, and walking away from his leverage

My boyfriend is driving down to get me in 5 days. We are folding his SUV seats flat and cramming my belongings into his car. I am terrified, and my brain keeps playing my parents' voices telling me I'm going to fail and that I'm "isolating myself." But my physical body has been screaming the truth since childhood through constant chest pains, jaw clenching, night terrors, and chronic fatigue.

Lately, my parents and my grandmother have shifted to claiming they have "visions" and "strong feelings" about my doom. My dad keeps repeating, *"I already see how things go, I already see stuff before it happens, and you running behind this dude in Texas is not going to end well."*He and my mom swear up and down that within two weeks to a month, I will be crying, homeless, living in a motel, and begging to come back

To make it worse, my mom fed all of her distorted stories about my boyfriend to my grandmother to get her to join the ambush. My grandma sat me down, acting incredibly sad and dramatic, saying, "At least I got to say goodbye to you, because I have a strong feeling you are making the biggest mistake of your life and you aren’t going to come back to South Carolina alive."

It is sickening. They are trying to wrap their control in the blanket of "spiritual warnings" and family worry.

My parents are completely fixated on my boyfriend personal life and use it as a it against me. My boyfriend is not a flawless prince, and I am not blind to his reality: he has been married and divorced twice, has three children from those marriages, and recently lost his job, so he is currently doing gig work. He’s also 35 years old.

They also constantly throw it in my face that over our entire one-year long-distance relationship, my boyfriend has only traveled down from Texas to visit me in person three times on weekends, and he has never met my parents. My dad rages that if my boyfriend actually cared about me, he would have come to the house, introduced himself, and bought me car tires.

But my parents don’t understand that this move isn't a fairytale, I am fiercely keeping my boyfriend away from my house because my dad is a physically volatile man with a short temper, and I refuse to let them clash. I am moving to Texas to immediately get a job, save money, and build my own life away from them especially my mean dad.

I’ve recently started becoming more combative with them, attacking them about their abysmal financial planning skills, pointing out their hypocrisy and saying things to the effect of “they’re not my kids” whenever they attempt to parentify me and make me take responsibility for my siblings’ needs and outright refusing to do them.

This has all revealed to me they are deeply pathetic people whose only real friends are their immediate family. As things have grown harder to hide they’ve ruined everything for themselves and are now lonely irresponsible losers who get off on controlling their kids, but now that I refuse to be controlled it’s making them spiral.

This won’t work for everyone but I’ve found once I started being as selfish as they are its worked to my benefit

I just remembered something... Did anyone else have a similar story to this: my mom would often take me shopping, but after buying me something she would abuse me the entire car ride home until she got a reaction.. then when I snapped since I had zero escape she would kick me out of the car so I'd have to walk about 30 minutes home. This happened a lot and even as I got older she would threaten me with kicking me out of the car. Also I suddenly remembered my dad would sometimes have to drive me to school because I missed the bus (turns out I had ADHD..) and would completely lose it and scream the entire way. Like he almost cried he got so stressed... Once he even said he would drive us of the road and crash the car. Weirdly that story wasn't as bad to me as what my mom used to do. What I'm getting at is, did your parents ever use the car as a way of trapping you or abusing you with no escape?

today i had to open a new checking and savings account because i just turned 18. my old one was under my moms account since i couldn’t open a normal one. my mom was at work and my dad had to come with me. the bank teller is explaining that my mom has to be there in person since my account is under hers, my dad blows up and starts saying that HES the “owner” of both of us so he should be able to close the old account. his body language gets super aggressive and he starts looking around and sighing to himself and talking to himself.

the bank teller literally thought i was in an abusive relationship. idk how but he thought my dad was my husband and as we were leaving he tells me that he can’t access my account or money and asks if i’m okay. i was so embarrassed.

later today we went to walmart and my dad screamed at the cashier because she wasn’t at her register. multiple people turned around and murmured including a group of mid 20’s guys who laughed but saw me and asked if i was okay as well. i told my dad to shut up because he’s embarrassing himself and he said, “no i’m not. she was slacking off at her job. it’s embarrassing for HER. everyone is laughing at her, not me. she’s embarrassed because i called her out.” i had to apologize to her and she was the sweetest lady ever. i feel so bad. it’s genuinely humiliating to go out with him in public because he’s so weird when it comes to human interaction.

I grew up with a narcissist father from birth. I tell this to you technically, I'm a personality psychologist by trade and one day when I came home from grad school the family asked me to administer one of the tests I'd been learning about to all of them.

The results were staggering. Step-father was in the bottom 15th percentile for trait level empathy. Mother, myself, and my brother were all in the upper 90th percentile or higher for trait level empathy.

Father passed away and I moved back in with Mother to help take care of her. This has become a nightmare. She was a codependent hoarder ever since I was a small child and when I first stepped into the house on moving back in it felt like the things in it were screaming.

Mother has been developing dementia symptoms on top of symptoms of neurological trauma after an accident (seeing strange geometric shapes and hallucinating odd buzzing sounds). When I reminded her primary care physician of this the physician put in a MRI scan request and an exam to evaluate mother's mental health. Mother agreed in the meeting, then flatly refused to keep any appointments. She thinks everything will magically get better if she just eats a Brazil nut each day.

Her general executive functioning is not well. It takes her an inordinate amount of time to do basic life tasks. It takes her 3 hours every morning to go through her morning exercises, during gathering recycling she insists on boxing every bottle and can even though it makes a 30 minute task something that takes her 6 hours to complete. We are chronically late for everything, I can count on one hand the number of times we've been on time for things, and that is when I give her hours in advance to work through things and get herself ready.

She also doesn't learn. She'll have a question about how to do something on her phone. I will demonstrate it to her, then have her do it correctly in front of me. In the moment she can complete the task, but days later she comes back complaining about not knowing how to do the same thing.

I feel like my mother is this giant neurotic child I constantly have to soothe and entertain, that while working full-time. She also goes on and on about how she doesn't have enough money. I went bankrupt helping support the family, she's sitting on $50,000 in savings, gets over $2100 from social security monthly for existing and 270k in her 401k yet still goes on and on about how she just doesn't have enough money.

I'm tired. I am 35 and I feel like my parents devoured me at birth. I wanted a family by now, I wanted kids frolicking through rooms and a wife to take care of. But at this point, it feels like all of that potential has been eaten so my Mother can delay growing up just one more year.

I very recently found out that what happened to me as a baby did not actually happen the way I had been told.

Growing up, my mother would tell me long stories about spending my first year of life in hospital. She spoke about being there beside me, holding my hand while I went through repeated operations on my head, including surgery to relieve hydrocephalus. That was the story I grew up with, and for most of my life I never really had a reason to question it.

A few weeks ago, a family member I hadn't had much to do with told me that I had been physically abused as a baby, that what happened to my head was as a result of my being shaken as an infant, and otherwise physically mishandled.

I didn't know what to make of that, so I started requesting my medical records.

What I've received so far has been horrific to read.

I had already gone no contact with my mother, although that was ultimately her choice, which I've written about previously in this sub. My father is nowhere to be found either. I thought I had already grieved both of those relationships to some extent.

What I wasn't prepared for was having to grieve something else entirely.

For all the difficulties of my childhood, I had at least grown up believing that, as a baby, I had been loved and wanted. I believed that when I was sick, my mother had been there fighting for me and doing everything she could.

Reading the medical records has shaken that belief.

They describe doctors trying to work out what was happening to me while my condition became progressively worse, until I was critically ill. They raise questions I never knew I needed to ask, and they paint a very different picture from the one I was given growing up.

I don't yet know exactly what happened to me, and I'm still trying to piece that together.

But I do know that the version of my infancy that I carried with me for nearly my whole life no longer feels true.

And strangely, that is what I find myself grieving now.

Not only what may have happened to me as a baby, but the loss of the belief that, whatever else happened later, I had at least been loved, protected and wanted at the beginning.

That has affected me far more than I expected it to.

My common sense tells me I'm still here, still functional and alive... knowing how I got the scars doesn't really change anything, but it ...does now?

basically what the title says. i know my father has tried to get into contact with me but i have him blocked on everything and moved to a new address that he does not know. it just feels so good to know that i am free to live my life without his bullshit or him leveraging my belongings and finances and using them to control me. im 22 and have wanted to go no contact since i was 12-13. ive had 3 different therapists speak with him and tell me they believe him to be an undiagnosed narc. if i went into specific details id be writing a novel and im sure no one cares enough to read about it. just glad that fucker is out of my life and i am free from him. feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. i know he is getting a dog soon and will probably try to use that as an opening to get me to see him again but i will not do that to myself again. he has shown me too many times that he is an unsafe person for me and does not value my life or safety.

When I was young, my Narc Mum would drag me to various parties and events where I would be bullied by other kids and so would walk around alone or just sit next to her quietly while she ignored me and socialised with others. Not once did she ever enquire why I wasn’t playing with the other kids and said it was it my fault for not trying hard enough (no, they were horrible bullies who found an easy target).

As I got older and stopped going out with her, she would get upset saying that she couldn’t 100% enjoy herself because I wasn’t there and she missed me. But whenever I am around, she acts like I don’t exist.

E.g. Once she insisted I come over for my birthday and then left for the whole day because she “needed to go to the bank“ with the GC and I was alone in the house.

Has something similar happened to you?

As in homophobic, transphobic and also including racists, misogynists, fatphobic, etc etc

And have you noticed that its all a form of control?

The audacity that my dad, who wouldn't let me be seen making Muslim friends despite going to an 80% Muslim school, is wearing a tshirt that says "love music, hate racism".

Extra points for dickheadry because he seems to hate female singers and will turn the radio off and make a gun noise as soon as they hit a high note. Hurts his ears apparently

10/10 ridiculousness points to him

My nmom wanted to introduce me to her "friends", 2 teenage boys who are 13. She has this whole weird narc web going on with all the neighbours, giving all the children candy and trying to be their best friends, acting nice to the parent's faces and saying vile things behind their backs e.g accusing them of abusing their children, accusing them of having affairs.

I've been living in another country for the last few years and recently came back temporarily. So she's talking to these kids and says to them "you haven't met my son, he lives in x country and yeah he has a friend he lives with". These kids have seen me walking with my bf and one of them asked my mum if I was gay a few weeks ago, my nmum told her that I was and then this kid spread it around to the other kids.

She orders me to come and meet these two teenagers saying "x come here come meet my friends". I was about to eat and really didn't want to and made the mistake of venting one frustration saying "why do I need to meet everyone, I don't know these people". I go to meet them and it's incredibly awkward, I just say "nice to meet you" twice and leave. She does this thing of forcing people into awkward situations.

After she comes in I say "why do you need to tell everyone on the street about my life and business?". She says she didn't and I said "they all know I'm gay and about my life in x country". She goes on this whole speech about how "no one in this country cares about being gay anymore, everyone accepts it no one has a problem with it". She says "fine you just hide away and I won't tell anyone about you ever, I'll just act like you don't exist". I say "okay". She then goes out to drink with a friend.

She comes back hours later completely drunk, I tell my older sibling because she can barely walk and I dont think I can get her up the stairs myself. She shouts "why are you telling him saying I'm really drunk, you're always judging everyone I'm sick of it". She then orders me to sit on the sofa saying "this is my house sit down now and listen" (I pay rent to her while staying here for a month or two). I leave the room saying we can talk tomorrow. She says "yeah run away like you always do, you can fuck off back to x country, fuck off back to x country in the next 2 weeks. I'm going to get [your older sibling] to knock you out."

I go to my bedroom and she follows, comes in and sits on my bed (she often does this even when I'm naked in bed under the duvet btw). She starts on this whole diatribe for an hour repeating the same phrases over and over again. The whole time I'm sitting just saying "okay, okay". She starts screaming "YOU DON'T KNOW ME, YOU DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL" (she literally spends hours everyday talking at me about every mundane and tedious detail about her life and ignores anything I say and talks over me). She continues "YOU ARE SELFISH YOU CAN FUCK OFF BACK TO X COUNTRY IN THE NEXT WEEK, HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT TELLING ME I CAN'T TELL PEOPLE THAT YOU'RE GAY. YOU KNOW WHAT THE TRUTH IS, YOU'RE ASHAMED OF BEING GAY, YOU'RE ASHAMED OF BEING GAY AND YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. DO I HAVE FEELINGS, AM I NOT HUMAN WHY AM I NEVER ALLOWED TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS, ARENT I HUMAN? I HAVE FEELINGS, I HAVE A HEART (she is extremely emotionally immature and her go to tactic is immediate emotional manipulation. She is an emotional vampire, like a dementor from Harry Potter and I act cold and never show my feelings because of how she raised me). She starts beating her heart and then beating her chest like a crazed gorilla. My older sibling comes in and starts shouting at her and they start arguing.

It's the next day and I guarantee she will stay in her bedroom and start the emotional blackmail. She usually says stuff like "I'm going to kill myself, I want to be with my mum and dad (who are dead)" and we all have to listen to the pity party.

My job severely underpaid me, and I am running out of money, to the point I can't even pay my bills. I'm looking to sort it out legally, but until then, my money is running out, and I really need it. My mother, who is a terrible person, is the only person I can rely on financially. I really wish I didn't have to rely on her and I want to go no contact with her as soon as possible, but this is currently impossible. What do I do?

My Mom thinks it’s okay to make jokes making fun of me and laughing at me but doesnt realize it just hurts every single time because we dont have a great relationship. You can only successfully poke fun at someone if you're close and they KNOW you're just being sarcastic. To me it just feels like my mom is making fun of me and wants me to feel bad. Because how have I lived with you for 23 years and you still don’t realize or care to realize that every time you say sh*t like that it hurts me and feels like a stab to the chest? How unaware are you? Oh because I’m not allowed to fight back or stand up for myself in any way shape or form. Yeah I remember now. You know deep down you’re probably doing something wrong but you still say it anyway and don’t make eye contact with me as you’re doing it so you have no idea what I’m feeling because you’re unconsciously ignoring it and you don’t want to face reality, because that would mean acknowledging maybe not that you’re a mean person but that you’re capable of meanness which hurts people. And caring loving self sacrificing perfect mommy would NEVER! How dare you even accuse her of being that way!

I go back and forth constantly on thinking my mom is a covert narcissist because she seems to have empathy yet is one of the most emotionally immature people I've ever met. When I confront her on how she abused me she'll cry and say she's sorry but it's ALWAYS "yeah but my circumstances were this" "I was just so hurt and didn't know what to do" things like that. Or, of course, she'll go to the "I'm the worst mom ever I get it, your dad did nothing wrong" (he was neglectful and emotionally absent, she refused to divorce).

I'm so lost on if this can be a thing narcissists do tbh. please help, am I just overthinking it and she's being genuine?