r/nottheonion • u/novagridd • 6h ago

Thailand's Prostitution Patrol on High Alert as 5,000 US Sailors Drop Ship After 200 Days at Sea

https://www.fashiontimes.co.uk/pattaya-police-intensify-prostitution-patrols-us-navy-visit-1763395
18.1k Upvotes

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1.9k

u/BareNakedSole 6h ago

I grew up with a lot of guys that really didn’t have anything going on so a bunch joined the military. Years later, the guys that joined the Marines are mostly OK, but the guys that served in the Navy are mostly out of shape obnoxious know-it-alls who love Trump and think that because you didn’t serve in the military you don’t know shit about anything.

And yet, when you ask them about their time in the Navy, all you get is multiple stories about either some homo erotic shit being done on the ship while they’re in the middle of the sea, or all of the times they got gonorrhea from their time in ports like Subic Bay and Thailand.

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u/Bovronius 6h ago

I see you've met my brother that joined the navy... I don't think he owns a piece of civilian clothing thats not a blue lives matters piece... Also he's always in crippling debt but also has 3 new guns everytime he would come around... Also he's engaged to his buddies daughter he used to babysit.

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u/guimontag 6h ago

That last sentence YIKES

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u/Masquelinity 4h ago

Typical Republican.

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u/icepigs 2h ago

Just wait until she turns 12 and he will lose interest.

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u/Masquelinity 2h ago

They think Leonardo DiCaprio is a deviant because he dates all those old women.

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u/Fruit4Th0t 1m ago

*Traditional Republican.

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u/mmp737 3h ago

Damn that last sentence took me outttttt 😬

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u/NevrAsk 4h ago

Yikes indeed

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u/Kopitar4president 3h ago edited 2h ago

There's a clip of a guy in a comedy club where he's asked how old his wife is.

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How old is he

42

How long have they been together

5 years

How did they meet

It's his friend's daughter

And then he gets a round of applause.

Large age gap relationships are frowned upon on reddit (even without the added disgusting factor of grooming your friend's daughter) but most people don't see them as a big deal.

Edit: It seems people think I'm cool with large age gap relationships with teenagers. I'm not. The above situation disgusted me. I have friends who were victims of being groomed into relationships with people in their 30s and 40s within months of turning 18 and I've seen the trauma it caused them.

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u/Rail12 2h ago

I’m going to be honest. I think that’s wishful thinking on your end. My friends, who are not on Reddit, are in their 20s (so the desired age range of creep dads)  think the guy in your story is a creep. And in all honesty, a recap of a comedy show can’t actually prove that only Reddit thinks large age gaps are gross. 

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u/Bakoro 2h ago

And in all honesty, a recap of a comedy show can’t actually prove that only Reddit thinks large age gaps are gross.

Jokes and derision of "cradle robbers" go back a long time before reddit was a thing.

There's also the stereotype of the gross and immature kind of guy that people make fun of, the 21+ year old who can't get over high school and is still trying to get with highschool girls.

Meanwhile in many religious communities, a young girl and old guy is a typical thing.

Historically, an age gap was about getting with an "established" man, someone who actually had their shit together and could provide for a family, what with women basically not having rights and all.

People are all over the place on the issue, and it's changed over time and space.

Talking about "reddit" having an opinion about anything is silly, something like ~29% of men and ~23% of women in the U.S use reddit, ~5% of the world population uses reddit, it's a big tent.

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u/Kopitar4president 2h ago

Oh I'm sorry if I gave the wrong impression. I think they're disgusting and predatory.

To be clear I'm 37 and my fiancee is 34.

I have friends who were groomed into age gap relationships and I'll never be a "cleaning my shotgun when my daughter bring a boyfriend over" but if he's my age he better find a reason to break up with her before I'm in jail.

It's fucked up people in general don't think it's a big deal. It's a bad thing.

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u/guimontag 2h ago

Wow look at this single anecdote proving everyone wrong 

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u/Kopitar4president 2h ago

Who did I prove wrong?

What was I even proving wrong?

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u/guimontag 21m ago

"Most people believe X because of this comedy stand up clip I watched"

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u/Repulsive_Trash_4542 6h ago

That... all checks out. Sorry for your loss

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u/SufficientSquirrel27 5h ago

I had to read that last sentence three times to make sure I was reading it correctly

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u/TapirOfZelph 1h ago

Using “buddy’s” would have helped

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u/animoot 5h ago

Gross

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u/MonsieurReynard 5h ago

JFC that is chef’s kiss perfection

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u/Turdmeist 5h ago

'Murica

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u/Lopsided-Anteater129 5h ago

Was he on Epstein's Island?

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u/RebootDarkwingDuck 4h ago

My almost BIL was Navy (cook). Most obnoxious fucking guy I've ever met. Couldn't hold a job, loud ass contrarian about everything.

Ended up doing five years for CP. Good fucking riddance.

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u/TokenStraightFriend 4h ago

Jesus Christ, and the buddy is okay with this?

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u/KiiZig 3h ago

BRO WTF THAT LAST PART MY HEART DROPPED 😨

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u/Mulllberry 3h ago

That screams B cluster personality disorder, probably Narcisisstic. Just google it, try to read a few books about it. For yourself, not for him. Being that messed up is a usually a consequence of horrifyingly bad parenting decisons, which means you likely have some issues your self, that are well studied in mental health field.

Having such people in the family is a reason enough to be careful around them and having a thought or two about keeping most, if not all of them at a distance.

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u/Krondon57 5h ago

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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u/Oregon-Pilot 5h ago

Peak performance

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u/billy_twice 3h ago

It's a shame the Navy has that reputation.

If I had to serve, I probably would have picked the Navy, because I love sailing, love diving, and love the ocean in general.

But I also need to enjoy the company of the people I'm with, and from the stereotype, it sounds like I wouldn't get along with many of them.

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u/spread_panic 1h ago

Experimenting with dad out at sea just wasn't enough.

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u/AmputeeHandModel 5h ago

*every time, two words.

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u/mikeru22 4h ago

THAT’S what concerns you about what was written?!

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u/Bakoro 2h ago

We can't change what happened, but we can make sure that the story is told properly.

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u/Physical-Builder-553 5h ago

My son is in the Navy and I am embarrassed by the things he now says.

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u/luminary_planetarium 5h ago edited 4h ago

My dad was in the navy and I'm embarrassed by the things he says lol it never ends I guess

*I should clarify he isn't MAGA. Stupidity is not exclusive to them unfortunately

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u/jawndell 5h ago

How does a draft dodger who publicly called out decorated and respected soldiers have military people in such a chokehold?? 

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u/Physical-Builder-553 5h ago

Its a cult and they want to fit in.

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u/luminary_planetarium 4h ago

I should clarify my dad isn't MAGA but he still says stupid, hateful things and does cringey stuff. Being at sea for months with a bunch of other dudes does things to you I guess.

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u/Oversensitive_Reddit 4h ago

Republican propaganda is almost totally successful at programming their voters to believe that Democrats are much, much worse. Their echo chambers are also bulletproof. I can find the nearest Trump supporter that considers themself """"informed"""" and tell them like 10 crimes Trump has committed, with evidence, in public, and they haven't heard anything about it.

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u/jawndell 3h ago

Dems need to target right wing media like Trump goes after anyone that disagrees with him.  

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u/PresidentKraznov 4h ago

The military isn't know for promoting critical thinking. I don't mean this in a disparaging way, as this is just how the chain of command works in pretty much any military around the world. You don't get points for individualism and you do get points for toeing the line. It's drilled into you the second you step off the bus. Pier pressure on steroids.

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u/lilbigwill204 4h ago

Lmao that's a good typo when talking about the navy !

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u/SistaChans 2h ago

Pier pressure for the seamen

Peer pressure for the marines 

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u/getliftedyo 5h ago

Im sorry! I bet its awful having a kid turn out like that.

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u/LKZToroH 3h ago

Right? That's why I don't want kids. What if they want to join the navy... Or become bolsonaristas(the Maga equivalent in Brazil). I'd never be able to live with the guilty of raising them.

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u/BreakingStar_Games 2h ago

Then there are ones that have mental issues, can't hold down a job or take really any responsibilities. And you have to take care of for the rest of your life like my brother.

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u/LKZToroH 1h ago

I'm in that boat 2x too.
My brother is 20yo already but is non-verbal autistic and have downs, and my wife's brother is also special needs.
There's no one to take care of either of them. When my parents pass or are simply too old, I'll take care of him. Same for when my wife's stepdad becomes too old.
That's why another reason for no kids for us. We have 2 already.

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u/jubuttib 1h ago

"What if they want to join the navy"

I know Brazil is a very religious country, but most people are born with their sexuality and as long as they're not hurting anyone you should try to be accepting.

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u/bestestopinion 6h ago

Can you please regale us with these homoerotic stories?

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u/Different_One9412 5h ago

It would be considered gay except they say the phrase "It ain't gay if its the Navy"

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u/Acceptable_Gap3015 5h ago

"It's not gay if it's underway"

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u/Ask_bout_PaterNoster 4h ago

It’s not queer if you’re by the pier

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u/Agreeable-Network485 4h ago

It's only gay if you cum on purpose

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u/zatalak 3h ago

*porpoise

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u/rybres123 2h ago

Seriously not gay if you’re at sea

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u/JyveAFK 4h ago

Boss was submariner. Docking in... think it was Thailand. Him and half a dozen mates went to a place where there was a large round table. 1 girl, 1 boy walk in, go under the table and random BJ's are given out. First one to look under the table to see if they got the chick or the dude pays for the whole thing.
Boss would get drunk, tell this story, often, laughing that he might be gay but he doesn't know for sure as someone else paid for the night.

!Normal things in the Navy. As bad as regular crew are, submariners are something else.

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u/BasvanS 3h ago

I wouldn’t mind a blowjob by a man as much as this kind of group dynamic.

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u/Davido401 3h ago

A mean am not gay(or in the navy) but if you cant see whose sooking yer baws(scottish translation: sucking your balls) and its good who cares! Although that table would have to be there for plausible deniability cause the thought of eye contact with a male down there wouldnt fill any mouths with my Scottish cum.

Hesus fucking christ did I just type that lol

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u/bazderoman 3h ago

thank you for the translation 

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u/Davido401 3h ago

No problem, tips fedora (wouldnt catch me dead with a fedora, more respect for myself)

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u/iAmYoungAndInMyPrime 3h ago

you are the weirdest dude I saw online and I've been on 4chan

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u/Davido401 3h ago

Th-er... Thats an achievement! I guess lol

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u/clandestineVexation 51m ago

But of course you are still making eye contact with everyone else at the table.

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u/Davido401 49m ago

Thats different! Whoever looks away is clearly embarrassed and thus gay! (Kinda like when I was in school and if someone got their ear pierced it was the "gay ear" I think it was the right in my year at school but it probably changes year to year and person to person haha)

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u/Bakoro 2h ago

Are you saying that the group dynamic bothers you more than the idea of a blowjob from a man, or are you saying that you'd be more comfortable with getting a blowjob by a man if you had a social environment that wasn't hostile?

Like, I've got no romantic interest towards males, but I'm flexible enough that if there was a healthy social environment I would be fine with some amount of male physical contact.
Most of the cultures around the world that I'm familiar with, and the vast majority of men I've known are just so fucking gross though.

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u/90210fred 2h ago

In Thailand "1 girl, 1 boy" might be considered a generous assumption in the absence of clear evidence.

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u/JyveAFK 25m ago

That's a /really/ good point. Wonder if that ever occurred to him.

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u/Dependent_Basis_8092 2h ago

It calmed down somewhat when women started going on subs but when it was all stag boats it could definitely get weird. I remember one guy doing a professional presentation to develop leadership skills, these presentations could be on anything and he chose ducks, it was 12 minutes on how ducks will fuck anything, they’ll hold the females head underwater while mating, gang up on the females and a big part about their anatomy. The chief was livid, but told him while it was well presented he needed to better title his presentation next time to match the content.

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u/Daxx22 5h ago

They practice docking on the poop deck a lot.

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u/cabaiste 5h ago

Manoeuvring their torpedoes into their tubes.

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u/chum-guzzling-shark 5h ago

penis in buttholes

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u/thatsalovelyusername 5h ago

Just harmless games of topless volleyball and the like

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u/agentchuck 5h ago

I did some scuba in Okinawa with a group run by ex US military. They were excellent dive masters, ran everything by the book. But man it took like 15 minutes before they started busting out stories of getting $20 beer & BJ & haircut combos in some SE Asia deployment.

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u/godans_frog 3h ago

Any idea where this was in SE Asia

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u/HotPersonality8126 3h ago

They for sure overpaid

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u/thrice-true 2h ago

Nah it was a really good haircut 

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u/sjw_7 5h ago

I'm in the UK and a few friends of mine from school joined the forces back in the 90s. A couple of the lads who joined the army spent a fair bit of time in Bosnia and from what they told me things got pretty dicey for them.

The one who joined the navy I don't think he ever ended up in a conflict zone instead he seemed to spend most of his time bobbing around in the Caribbean and trying to shag anything that moved. All his stories are just around stuff he and his shipmates got up to.

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u/swaywithwords 5h ago

I see you met my uncle who is retired Navy

I have a lot of respect for the armed forces, but much respect is lost when you act holier than thou and openly support Trump.

I haven't met a single Trump supporter that likes themselves or seems content or happy with their life. It's all misery loving company.

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u/Oregon-Pilot 5h ago

I don’t blanket respect armed forces. A lot of people who join up are idiots, and some are just shitty people. Just because you decide you want to make a living by living out your Rambo dreams doesn’t make you a hero. Don’t tell me you joined to “serve” and sacrifice for your country, when all you really want is to take advantage of the perks the title gives you.

That doesn’t mean there aren’t people who are very honorable and who do believe in service, and who people who do act heroically. It’s just that I think there are way less of them than the narrative seems to push.

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u/roguevirus 4h ago

and some are just shitty people.

I am a Marine veteran, and did 9 years on active duty. The very best people I've met in my life are United States Marines; importantly, the very worst people I've met in my life are also United States Marines.

We're just people.

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u/OldDoubt1577 3h ago

"The best part of my time in the military was the people. The worst part of my time in the military was the people." - SOmeone.

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u/Dzov 2h ago

Yeah, people talk shit about marines, but I’ve got an ex-marine friend that’s both smart and well-adjusted.

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u/jubuttib 1h ago

Nice, they must have gotten the good crayons.

Edit: Playful ribbing of course, I have nothing inherently against any branch of service.

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u/robyculous_v2 1m ago

Semper Fi 🫡

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u/PirateSanta_1 4h ago

A lot of people who join the military did it simply because they didn't have the grades for college and didn't know what else to do with their life after high school. Military service in general is over glamorized for what is just a job for like 99% of the people there. All the military vets who i've met that aren't shitheels just talk about things like how the base they where on was kinda shitty and the shower floors where disgusting.

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u/FartPiano 2h ago

i don't fault people for being young, poor, or ignorant, and ending up in that situation, but if you come out of it Proud To Have Served, that's what makes me wtf. you saw it from the inside for years and you're like yeah this organization is great? really?????

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u/linknt01 3h ago

Hey, just because I joined up for my free Denny’s grand slamwich every Veterans Day doesn’t give you the right to dunk on me!!

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u/uniyk 2h ago

Basket of deplorables, just like Hillary said?

Who would have thought Hillary being right, haha.

0

u/FoolOnDaHill365 5h ago

I agree with you. But your second paragraph basically describes liberals too. Have a look at reddit and see how content and happy people seem. There is a lot of bad energy in the world right now. A lot of blame and hate.

*I am liberal AF. I just don’t like when people describe Trump supporters as all being u happy and insufferable because that describes a lot of liberals too.

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u/swaywithwords 5h ago

I don't actually know a lot of miserable liberals personally. They may be depressed, but, I don't know a single "liberal" person who acts hateful or racist.

It's really just the Trump supporters bringing out the worst in themselves. There's nothing really on par with those people. They are in a cowardly league of their own.

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u/LaconicGirth 4h ago

Being depressed often leads to being miserable, you don’t actually have to be an asshole to be miserable

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u/Capraos 4h ago

I think in this case they mean miserable to deal with just as much as they mean them being miserable.

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u/timid_scorpion 4h ago

In general, it seems like liberals are less likely to scream from the rooftops when they are having problems, and instead start with a little self reflection. Not all of life’s problems are caused by the government, in fact we are fortunate to have many of the things that are provided.

Most of the time I hear a MAGA complain it’s always about what the gov isn’t doing for THEM, when I hear liberals complain it’s about what the government isn’t doing for the GROUP.

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u/stupidjapanquestions 4h ago edited 3h ago

You gotta let go of this mindset, man. It's 2026. It just doesn't represent reality anymore.

There are two sides here:

  1. Wants to make the country better. Not perfect. Better. For all people, regardless of who they are. Including people they don't like. They ignore any attempts to sideskirt this, which they perceive as a basic human right, and treat people who think this is nonsense as idiots. The idea here is basically "Poor people shouldn't die because they're poor".

  2. Wants to take revenge on perceived "enemies" and make sure that any of them suffer as much as they did when they were poor, ignoring the fact that the vast majority of them are poorer than their enemies, who ironically also want to make their lives better. On the surface, they tout an idea that all people should be able to support themselves despite that not being a reality in 2026 and not even something their own constituents can do.

That's it. That's basically America politics in a nutshell in 2026. There's no "lol liberals are also mad all the time".

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u/TheLawlessMan 4h ago

I haven't met a single Trump supporter that likes themselves or seems content or happy with their life. It's all misery loving company

Your are on a majority left-leaning website full of people who can't stop talking about how much they hate their country, neighborhoods, culture, etc, etc. They don't want kids, hate people who have any number of kids, don't like people who have any amount of money or property. They are okay with people they disagree with being murdered. Hell... They hate people for maintaining and being proud of having a nice yard.

These people aren't MAGA but they certainly aren't happy. Not even a tiny bit.

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u/swaywithwords 3h ago

I'm referring to real life, not reddit

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u/ClassicUse2579 5h ago

Then you haven’t met me

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u/swaywithwords 5h ago

Best wishes

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u/torgofjungle 4h ago

As an ex-navy guy.. most of my shipmates are pretty split. Granted it’s a small sample size since I served on a sub, but some of them are Trump douche bags. Others are far leftists. One is an actual Nazi, or at least I cut off contact when he started espousing Nazi talking points.

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u/FartPiano 2h ago

I think its amusing when people act bewildered by nazi elements in militaries around the world. no shit??? how did ignorant teenagers trained to be professional killers end up subscribing to this might-makes-right ideology???? truly a mystery

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u/UnquestionabIe 5h ago

Only guy I know who joined the Navy was practically special needs, amazed he not only graduated high school but was even accepted into the armed forces. Didn't make him any more intelligent but boy did he have a lot of stories about brothels and prostitutes!

And while normally you would think someone who is willing to admit that was the only way they got laid would try to at least make the experience seem less pathetic he did quite the opposite. Most every story was about how he upset the lady in question by struggling to perform or managed to blast off while she tried to put the condom on him.

Yeah he's someone who makes me question how society has managed to survive to this point. Of course then I head to work and deal with the public to get a fresh reminder that while he might not be a complete exception he isn't quite the rule. The world is made up of all sorts of people with varying kinds of damage, a shame so many seem to be brain centric.

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u/Cent1234 1h ago

Up until relatively recently, the US Military was quite happy to actively recruit the developmentally challenged.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_100,000

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u/greywar777 5h ago

Dead on accurate for my male navy friends-my 2 navy folks who are woman though talk more about the sex abuse.

My marine friends both have some serious alcohol issues. They drank a lot during their time in partying, and it ended up being a lifetime issue.

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u/darth_handturkey 5h ago

To be fair, every branch has their fair share of homoerotica. I assume this is from a combination of being surrounded by same-sex individuals and in a high stress environment. I was in the air force and we had "Man love Thursday," which... is exactly what it sounds like.

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u/Cesspoolofhumanity69 4h ago

I’d heard that term… yeah not exactly what it sounds like

Goofleslop: "Man-love Thursday" is a slang term used by coalition soldiers and contractors during the war in Afghanistan to describe bacha bazi, a traditional and illegal practice where older or affluent men exploit adolescent boys for social entertainment and sexual abuse.Definition and OriginThe Practice (Bacha Bazi): Translating roughly to "boy play," the custom involves young boys dressed in women's or girls' clothing dancing for groups of men at private social gatherings, often resulting in sexual enslavement or abuse.The Slang Term: Western military personnel and contractors in Afghanistan used "Man-love Thursday" as a dark or half-joking reference to the night before the Islamic holy day (Friday), falsely or colloquially rationalizing it among local security forces as a localized custom.

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u/Chewy79 6h ago

I never got to go to the Philippines or Thailand, but I loved Australia! 

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u/steven2003 5h ago

Subic Bay is wild man

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u/pro-gram-mer 5h ago

Man am I glad my former Navy dad dodged the Trump fanaticism. Caught the out of shape and obnoxious parts though 🤣

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u/Throwaway392308 5h ago

I would never join the military, mostly for philosophical reasons but also because I'm a coward. The latter is why I figured, if I ever had to join the military, I would join the navy to avoid all the getting shot at. Any military in the world with enough firepower to genuinely threaten an aircraft carrier has too much to lose by actually doing it. 

I guess I say all that to say that I'm not too surprised to learn that the navy has a bunch of chickenhawk losers in it. 

•

u/DroidOnPC 23m ago

I did 8 years active in the Navy and now do Reserves.

I spent half my time in a joint command (working with Marines, Army, Air Force, and Coast Guard).

There are losers in all of those branches. And some really chill, cool people in all of them.

I don't really get the OP comment that much because most of who I knew hated/hates Trump, and we avoided bringing up that we were in the Navy out of uniform. The loudest ones were the Marines who were almost all Trump supporters and had a lot of "homo erotic" stories.

So complete opposite experience for me.

2

u/Geodude532 2h ago

If I had just spent 200 days on a ship with a bunch of other people, I'm going to find a hotel and sleep alone for every second I can before I have to get back on that ship for the next stretch.

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u/Elementium 5h ago

Ah yes Marines are famously well adjusted individuals. 

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u/DroidOnPC 21m ago

I like the part about Navy guys being the pro-Trump ones, and not the Marines lol.

Every Marine I know acts like they took personality lessons from Andrew Tate and is full blown MAGA.

All my Navy buddies are the complete opposite, mostly liberal and keep to themselves and never mention their service unless asked.

1

u/Oryzae 5h ago

Seems like the song In The Navy is more true than not lol

1

u/The_Plaguedmind 5h ago

It kills me that people that were in can't think of anything to say besides the dumb shit that goes on. People can be in the ceremonial guard, work in a SAR unit, and push recruits, but default to blackout drinking and whoring for story telling....

1

u/Acceptable_Gap3015 5h ago

Lol yes it's crazy how common it is with the navy guys. But for sure there are plenty of Marines doing it as well just less loud about it

1

u/Knotical_MK6 4h ago

Lmao my cadet got robbed by a prostitute in Subic Bay

1

u/BringOutYDead 4h ago

Knew 4 guys who went in together. They all went AWOL and were caught and given a choice to stay or be discharged. One went back, one was dishonorable discharged,  one was discharged but somehow not dishonorable. And this is when they JUST got out of bootcamp. To hear them talk, you'd think they ate flag pills and shit red, white, and blue.

1

u/sphinxofblackquartzj 4h ago

Well, that's why they have the stereotype for the Navy. lol

1

u/LKZToroH 3h ago

Not american but I served in my country's military for a few months(mandatory here) and we get to know some people from our Navy during an event I had to attend.
Those guys were insufferable. Completely out of shape and completely incompetent. They looked like very dumb cosplayers.

1

u/Vrazel106 3h ago

I work with a bunch of navy vets and you summed up likw 90% of them

1

u/LopsidedUniversity30 3h ago

Not all of us.

1

u/TheEntireRomanEmpire 3h ago

I see you've met my FIL who came home with bouquets of surprises for his wife.

1

u/WeirdIndividualGuy 2h ago

know-it-alls who love Trump and think that because you didn’t serve in the military you don’t know shit about anything

If these sailors knew the meaning of irony

1

u/Empty-Drummer-1486 2h ago

You mean Pubic Bay.

1

u/Angry_beaver_1867 1h ago

Navy 101.  Any port in a storm 

1

u/TrumpsCummyOnahole 1h ago

It's shocking how shitty the Navy is. I was a contractor in cyber on a Navy base near me earlier this year and I had to quit after 4 months because it was like 900% chuddery turned up from any other branch I've worked with lol, somehow shittier than the Army

1

u/PiccoloAwkward465 3h ago

and think that because you didn’t serve in the military you don’t know shit about anything

I love this in arguments with gun control. "YMMMMM ACKTUACLLY if you don't know every detail of every gun you have no business legislating them!!!!". I mean okay has merits in some cases, but also is a little crazy.