I'm working with medical professionals to treat it, but in the meantime, how do I deal with the self loathing I feel every day? I'm 36, a mom, in recovery for breast cancer and dealing with all the side effects from that as well - including how it's changed my hair and skin and given me scars. I just dislike how I look every day and it's really impacting my happiness no matter how much I try, even after working with a psychologist.

Advice and good vibes appreciated.

Edit: This community is full of angels. 👑

I’ve lost a lot of weight recently, which has made me deeply insecure about my looks. When I was bigger, I had this “idgaf what people think” confidence. I was more sociable, less anxious, and more comfortable talking to people.

I think being fat gave me a kind of protective barrier. I could tell myself, “it’s just because I’m fat” or “when I lose weight I’ll be hot.” I convinced myself that most of what I disliked about my face was because of fat distribution (my hooded eyes, bigger-looking nose, double chin, etc.)

Now that I’ve lost the weight, I don’t have those explanations anymore. I obviously look different and probably better in some ways, but I’m struggling with the fact that I haven’t had the transformation I imagined. I thought I’d become a completely different person. Instead, I look like me, just thinner. I haven’t suddenly become Kendall Jenner. So now I’m stuck thinking I’m still ugly, just skinnier. What’s next, plastic surgery?

I’ve missed out on so many experiences because I kept telling myself I’d do them when I was skinnier. Now I’m doing the same thing again: “I’ll do it when I’m prettier, when I get my teeth done, when I fix my nose,” etc.
The worst part is I genuinely can’t tell how I look anymore. I have no idea whether I’m attractive, average or genuinely unattractive. My perception of myself feels completely unreliable. Some pictures I think I look nice others i look deformed. I wonder if I’ve developed a coping mechanism to convince my self Im not ugly by hallucinating better features on my face.

I’ve also never dated. Occasionally I get attention from men now, not compliments just attention, like they are taking to me as if im a person and not ignoring my existence like they did before, but instead of enjoying it, I spiral. I wonder if they’re making fun of me, targeting me because I seem like an easy target, or if they’re actually interested. I can’t tell when a man is genuinely being nice versus flirting. If I start to like someone, I panic and feel gross and hideous for even liking them, like they must think I’m some weird monster.

How do I stop this??

I just want to know if I’m actually hideous or not so I can accept it and move on, instead of obsessing over how everyone else perceives me

I've always known that most women's boobs aren't perfectly symmetrical, but mine are different enough in size that I've spent years trying to make sure nobody notices.

I'll adjust what I wear, position things differently, avoid certain tops, etc. And I honestly hate that something completely natural has made me feel like I need to hide part of my body.

The weirdest part is that I don't think anyone else judges my boobs nearly as much as I judge them myself.

Has anyone else dealt with this kind of shame around breast asymmetry? What helped you become more comfortable with it?

I'd like to start this out by saying I am 16 so high school is probably a big part of why I feel this way, but I feel like I am bad at being a girl. The biggest part of this is that I cannot do my hair for the life of me. I have watched endless tutorials and all they do is end up confusing me. Even doing things like putting my hair up in anything but a ponytail begins to frustrate me. It feels like my hair just will NOT listen to me! I can't even braid. Everyone at school always has their hair curled, or in a cute bun, or in braids, and I can't do anything. My hair is straight, reaches my mid back, and fairly thick, so I feel like this shouldn't be so hard for me. Does anyone have any sort of tips or has anyone had a similar experience?

I have for the last 4 days have eaten 3 meals out of sheer laziness this is not due to lack of availability of food I have ingredients just I am so tired. I kinda sort of know how to cook like I can make a pot of rice, 1 type of chicken and steam some veggies & season them but it’s all the same flavoring? Which I would like to have some variety.

My plan was to wait until Friday (got sandwich stuff that should last me until then) & make a spreadsheet of recipes & ingredients needed. Prep everything, store everything & keep a tracker of leftover items but I mentioned this to my sister and she said I was insane & said my roommates would be uncomfortable if I brought items out to cook in the kitchen since I do have my own mini fridge where I was going to store this.

Trying to figure out how other people manage to learn to cook with no skills & in a shared space. As well as have good meals for when they get busy/have no desire to cook. I just am not sure how to go about this…

I’m going through a really shit period of my life at the moment. I recently ended my marriage and even though I know why I made the decision, I’m absolutely heartbroken and struggling way more than I expected.

It’s only been a couple of days of properly trying to move on and I feel like I’m losing my mind lol. I’m sad, exhausted and constantly thinking about my ex. I also know he’s already sleeping with someone else, and I cannot stop thinking about it. My brain keeps imagining him talking to her, flirting with her, sleeping with her etc. while I’m sat here miserable, and I hate that I’m doing it but I genuinely can’t seem to switch it off.

I know I need to stop looking backwards and start building a life that feels like mine again, but right now I feel like I’ve completely lost my spark.

So girls, when you’ve been at absolute rock bottom, what did you actually DO to get yourself back?

Did you start running? Get obsessed with the gym? Change your hair? Travel somewhere? Make your house nice? Take yourself on dates? Get really into a hobby? Go out more? Read? Completely reinvent yourself? 😂

I want to hear the little things as well as the big things. What made you start feeling excited about your own life again? What made you feel attractive, confident, independent and like yourself?

And if you’ve been through the horrible “my ex is with someone else and I cannot stop thinking about it” stage, how the fuck did you get past that part?

I know everyone says time helps and obviously I’m going to have to give it time, but right now I just need some evidence that I can actually come out the other side of this.

Tell me your success stories, your weird coping mechanisms, your glow-ups, your hobbies, your random little things that made life feel good again.

I just want my spark back. ❤️

UPDATE: Girls 😭 Your responses made me so emotional (not in a bad way!) but I was teary reading all of your stories and your suggestions. What a beautiful little slice of the internet, knowing there are strangers out there who will take their time to share their experiences and what worked for them during some of the darkest times of their own lives. I know that this is all part of the journey, but I really needed to hear all of the lovely things you shared. So from the bottom of my (broken) heart, thank you ❤️

Upon reflecting on myself, I have realised that my poor sense of self worth leads me to look for validation from others, especially men. I want to change that. Where do I begin?

I’m trying to figure out what’s going on with me… LMAO.

So, I’ve been questioning my sexuality since I was young… And it’s always greatly stressed me out lol. I’ve never felt feelings for women in real life, but I find that my genitals can react to certain sexy scenes with women in it… Which is very confusing. On its own, of course I find the female body beautiful and attractive, but I wouldn’t necessarily feel like it tickled my fancy. I don’t really know how to explain it…

Basically, I could get a reaction in my genitals, but the rest of my body was necessarily feeling it. Maybe I’d blush if it was a sexy scene and I was with my parents, but no where else reacted. And my mind was always in a different place too. The other confusing thing, is which stimulating “the down-under”, lmao, it’s like I’d lose the attraction. Because I only felt it down there, so when searching for release… There was nothing else going on in my body. I have no idea of this is confusing to read or not, if anyone has questions about this part specifically… Lemme know.

I’ve experimented with two women, just body touching, and allowed two other women to kiss me. All four times… I either felt nothing, or a little bit disgusted. Which was very confusing to me, because I found myself aroused by the erotica… But not in real life??? I sometimes get groinal reactions to being touched by a woman, but the rest of my body is icked out. And I really don’t think it’s an internalized homophobia thing, because I’ve been actively seeking it out for a long time and my family isn’t homophobic either— I literally tried to enjoy being kissed by a woman, but was disgusted. I tried afterwards to “bask” in the feeling, but I felt rigid and stiff both times it happened. Could this just be arousal to erotica? Is that the answer? I don’t know. Any responses are welcome.

(For anyone wondering, my reaction to men is much different. I enjoyed being touched and touching… I do get some anxiety around men, but that stems from trauma— It’s definitely different than the uncomfortable feeling with women.)

J’ai toujours été très mince avec une petite poitrine mais j’ai perdu 10 kg en 2 mois car je suis malade et en sous alimentation. Mon corp a change et c’est très dure sachant que même avant je complexais sur le fait d’entrée trop maigre et plat mais c’est encore pire maintenant. Si il y a des filles qui on déjà vécu ça, est ce que en prennent du poids vous avez retrouvé votre corps d’avant votre perte de poids la poitrine a repris son volume ? Parce que j’ai pas envie de me racheter des soutien-gorges plus petit 😭

I keep catching myself doing this and I can't work out what it means.

There's a version of me in my head who does the things I say I'm going to do. She gets up when the alarm goes, she doesn't renegotiate at 6am, she doesn't spend four days being great and then vanish. I picture her constantly.

What I can't figure out is whether I've ever actually been her or whether I invented her.

So I'm curious how this works for other people. When you picture the version of you who follows through, what is she actually like? Can you see her clearly or is she vague?
Does she feel like someone you'd be meeting, or someone you already know?

Not asking what her habits are, I'm asking who she is

Hi everyone,

I’m new in this subreddit and I am interested in trying out menstrual cups in like forever. For many years, I always relied on pads and period panties but the problem is that I am extremely sensitive down there. It hurts a lot even every time when I get my PAP smear or every try practicing using a tampon, it hurts down there. Sometimes when I have a really bad menstrual cramp somehow it also hurts down there, I don’t know why it just start hurting down there. Overall, it’s just a big NO when it comes to inserting something inside of me.
But now that I’m a bit older (30) I am willing to try something new. Plus, I’m going to travel around Asia around the end of December and I don’t want to buy pads or pack a pack of pads or a bunch of period panties or worry that I might leak and I have find a restroom to change every few hours. Also I’ve learned that wearing menstrual cups/discs are easier have around while you are traveling if you might get your period so I am a complete newbie on learning how to use these things.

So my questions are:
• Cups or Disc (I’m more interested in using the cups more than the disc but I’m happy to hear out your opinions on which is easier to handle)?
• Which brand would you suggest for beginners and for those who are sensitive, probably like a soft silicone that is easy to slip the cup in and out?
• How can you tell if the cup is full and when do you take it out?
• Any chance or leakage once the cup is full?
• How do you find the cups inside of you? I know that some of the cups have these little nubs or rings at the end to help find them and the disc has literally nothing to get it out so I’m kinda scared that I won’t able to find it and I will have to use my fingers to dig it out of me.
• How do you clean them especially when you are traveling?

In other words: How do you accept changes? Sorry for the lengthy rambling ahead.

I'm 19. As of this year, I had broken up twice with 2 people, lost and cut contact with several friends, and my academics declined quite severely. Long story short: a lot of decisions were made during a very tumultuous state of mind. Admittedly I wasn't the most mature person in a lot of my former friendships, and I wished I had been a lot more proactive in discussing the problems in the relationship.

While I'm trying to make peace with the changes and keep my head up, I can't help but always return to the thoughts of 'What could have been had I not done this/that?', 'If only I had held on/been braver/more responsible' etc. I'm semi-aware of the lives of my estranged friends and those who I have cut contact with; they all seem to have pleasant lives, a good relationship, a decent job, a new group of friends.

I understand it should not be my business to pry or compare myself to them. But, I can't help feeling like I was their anchor to a fulfilling life. That I am a sore loser because I cut them off.

How do I accept my circumstances and move on?

Hi y'all, I'm wondering what are your tips for staying safe with the insane use of AI these days. My last experience with the apps wasn't that long ago, but it AI was so less commonly used. I am unable to join groups and meet people IRL as a first point of connection unfortunately, so dating apps it is.

What we can do to protect ourselves while there's so much AI everywhere? Like how do you safely browse on the apps themselves? People are using AI for writing their profile and editing pictures, how can we filter out the fake accounts, besides the obviously too polished profiles? I came across this great tips of jumping on a phone call or video call before going to meet the person IRL for the first time, but it seems kinda limiting also with the use of deep fakes.

I also ask for a proof of STIs testing when things were going well and moving along, and now I don't even know if I can trust these anymore... I'm so very confused, how are you ladies navigating all of this? Thanks for your help!

I'm going on vacation to two different natural areas. One is a mountainous area and one is a big forest where there may be water activities depending on the weather.

How do you like to collect photos? I have my phone camera which is the best quality, my instax camera for fun "polaroids", and I'm thinking of bringing my heavy duty point and shoot which is very old and not as good as my phone camera, but it is durable and waterproof.

Also, I'm by no means a photographer, I just like to take a lot of photos especially since this is my only trip of the year. I mostly keep them digital but I like to print out photos too and display my polaroids.

Thoughts?

Hiiii I could use some advice.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress at my current role. It’s a combination of many things like constantly putting out fires, not feeling respected (#girlbossproblem), feeling stuck in my role, feeling like I’m not set up for success, and dealing with a sexis work environment. I literally feel like I work at a frat house. 😭

Anyways it got to a point where I’ve decided to step away for my own health. I’m burnt out.

But the problem is that I got a great part time opportunity for a role that I do want. I’ve been wanting to transition into this role for a while and I finally found a team that values me.

I genuinely feel so excited and happy working there. But doing both is not helping. So I’m going to quit next week at my full time role.

I just don’t know how I can both recover from burnout while navigating my new role and making sure I do a good job.

I’m thinking of going to get a massage because of all the body tension from stress. But since I’ll be losing my main source of income, I gotta be mindful of expenses. I love to journal so maybe that? Maybe sleeping in more?

I’ve already started my new opp so not doing that is not an option. I really do enjoy it and maybe I’m struggling right now since I’m doing both but would still love to tend to my mind and body from the stress that other role caused me.

Any advice? TYIA 🫶🏻

but in all seriousness genuinely how?? i see all these people showing off how they got a paypig but they never explain how or when they do its very vague. not just paypigs but eboys too. if you have a paypig or eboy how did you meet them? what is it like? is that real or is it just for clicks. is it only men or are there women versions too? is it all nsfw or do some do only sfw too? do you guys talk a lot or do you only hit them up when you need some money?

coming from someone who is genuinely curious and might also be strapped for cash lmao

Sorry if I'm doing anything wrong, I've never posted here before, so please correct me if I did!!

Hi, I'm just looking for some insight. I've always really struggled with my appearance and with my self confidence, and I feel like it's only gotten worse as I've gotten older (I'm 21). My jaw is extremely far forward (search up long face syndrome for reference if you're curious, though honestly mine is much more forwards than that) so I have a very long face and have an unusual side profile.

I try to not compare myself to friends or other women I see, but it's really difficult. I never feel pretty or good about myself and when my partner or family compliment my appearance, I feel like they're lying. I've buried myself so deep in my own insecurities throughout my life to the point that some days I find it difficult to even look in a mirror.

I've never been able to find a makeup style that suits my features (I lean towards being more alternative) and I taught myself to do makeup through tutorials, but I haven't been able to find any for my specific face shape.

I know everyone can be insecure but I feel like mine is almost crippling at times. Has anyone else experienced this? How did you grow from it? What helped you?

Im 17. I get bad cramps when on my 2nd day of periods .

Sometimes when I'm out, especially in my classes, I get cramps and it's so painful i don't know what to do. I always almost cry in these situations cause of the amount of helplessness I feel. I get cramps only for 1 day and the next 3 days im normal without pain. It's just I can't focus in my class if I get cramps.

(I always tie my jacket on my stomach tightly. Have been doing this since years and don't know if i should)

Advise me on something we can do to immediately soothe the pain when in this situation.

Why did I ever put myself through that?? (And those around me, I’m sure)
Social media fear-mongering got to me. 🤦‍♀️

It’s crazy how well this works… didn’t realize I had a stick of magic and was voluntarily giving it up! I will never go back.

Anyone else in the same boat?

I've always had this issue. I never know when to trust my instincts and when not to. Mainly because I have anxiety and I overthinking almost everything. For instance, I was at the gym today and this guy came up and corrected my form. I'm completely okay with that. I actually appreciate when people do that because it helps a lot. He lingered for a bit and kept staring at me. Then he started talking to me and asking me a bunch if questions. He seemed like a nice person. He asked me where i live and work and what I do for a living and how do get to the gym and what time do i usually workout etc. This is pretty normal questions but then I asked me how much I make for a living and I thought that was a little weird. I don't like discussing my salary with anyone especially strangers. Anyways, he asked for my number and I gave it to him because I didn't want to be mean.

He seemed like a really nice person but idk, i just felt like something was off. I can't put my finger on it but our entire interaction just felt weird. I probably sound like such an asshole right now. I don't even know this guy but I'm judging him because my instincts is telling me that something is wrong. Also my anxiety is probably to blame for that as well. Maybe I am overthinking it. My gym has a really great community and I love making friends there. I just can't get rid of this feeling. How do I know whether to trust my instincts or not?

I'm in my early 30s and feel like I wasted my twenties. I never went out, never drank or smoked or partied. Just stayed in, read books, played board games, and while it was fun at the time I'm now regretting not experimenting and having fun when I was younger. I feel like I've totally missed my chance and while I definitely have some hard-earned wisdom, I feel so small and foolish in rooms with people in their twenties who seem to have more experience in social areas than I do. Any tips on getting over this? Preferably not just "go out and party now."

Sometimes I feel so lost that I don’t even look forward to waking up the next day. I want to leave home and start a new life, but honestly, I don’t know where to begin. I left school in sixth grade because I couldn’t afford transportation. Since then, I’ve spent most of my time at home, feeling like I’m just watching my life pass me by.

I want to become independent, build a life for myself, and finally feel like I’m truly living instead of just getting through the days. I don’t have any close friends or relatives I truly trust.

If you were in my situation, what would you do first? I’m looking for practical advice on how to safely leave home and start building a life for myself.

In our country, people often shame girls who leave home, saying, “That girl ran away” or “She left with a guy.” But sometimes leaving home isn’t about rebellion or disobedience; sometimes a person feels that leaving is the only choice they have left. It’s not always about running away—it can simply be someone feeling that leaving is the only option available to them to finally start their own life.

hi, first time on here so sorry if im doing it wrong. im just SO desperate atp

i get really heavy periods, i used to leak from tje back but fixed it w longer pads. i always try to sleep on my side or front, but the blood will literally find the edge of the pad where it extends past the gusset, or leak down the wings to the underside of my panties. what do i do??? i dont think even period panties would be enough, this blood is DETERMINED to get to my thighs!

Feeling incredibly anxious and wondering what other girls are up to on a Sunday night? Maybe you all can give me some ideas to chill tf out lmao