The first few weeks of no-contact were HELL for me. All the bad things you can imagine. But I started to get a little better by the 25 day mark, as my pieces of grief got processed one by one and I slowly recovered a little.

However, the last 10 days we both mutually "half-broke" no contact to deal with financial loose ends and life admin. I was still in relationship autopilot and showed some emotion and friendliness in my initial texts, but instantly I realised that all I'd get from him were cold, emotionless responses during this loose ends process. Don't get me wrong, I understand why he needs to separate himself from any feelings he used to have, but it's still hard to go from being the most intimate couple to suddenly just cold emptiness.

Despite the corporate-speak nature of his sporadic texts over the last 10 days, I still got an alarming dopamine rush from the prospect of ANY communication with him. To the point where this has put my denial brain back into full force, even though I KNOW he won't be coming back.

My brain has seemed to be enjoying getting its addictive drug back, even in this shallow, horrifyingly mutated form. But now we've tied up the finances, and I'm faced with the reality of going back to no-contact. For... well we may as well assume forever to prepare for the worst.

As I face these coming days, I cant help but feel an intense sense of dread and fear, for the fact that my false security is gone again. I made progress over the initial no-contact phase, but now I fear I am going back to square one. I am terrified to feel the way I felt at the start again, as I know how horrible that period was.

Anyone able to offer reassurance and guidance? I just wanna tell myself that it wont be quite as bad as the initial grieving stage.

The last time she communicated with me, it was to tell me that she would never talk to me or see me again no matter what happened and even if we were the last people on earth.fast forward 6 months, I sent her a message when it was a year since we officially broke up and she responded with a Pic of her being embraced by her new man.

After all of that and even 15 new bodies, im still filled with sadness about the situation. Ive never felt so strongly about someone in the past and its taking longer than I thought for me to move on myself.

Sometimes I want to run away, sometimes I want to just end it. I wish I could just forget this person. I hope it happens soon I cant keep feeling like this over someone who doesn't give a clap about me

it was kind of on and off contact, but we hadnt seen eachother in person. he told me hes completely moved on and how he realised how toxic we were. HOW DO I GET HIM BACK? and no trust me i do not need advice on how i should move on bc trust me ive tried and iv3 been going to therapy and its not working and i tbink any advjce relevant to getting him back would be really helpful also we are eachothers first everything

My ex and I broke up 4months ago, and during our last phone call I was crying and begging him while he repeatedly told me to please leave him alone. He said he didn’t want to be mean, but that me calling and texting him wasn’t healthy and that he wanted to heal and move on.

So I respected his wishes. I completely stopped contacting him and have been trying to move on.
Since then, he has contacted me twice. First, he messaged saying he had posted some of my belongings and asked me to let him know when they arrived. I didn’t respond.

Now he’s messaged me again with a photo of a membership letter addressed to me that arrived at his place (where I lived with him before the breakup)

I understand these are practical reasons to contact me, but I’m confused. He was the one who strongly wanted me to leave him alone, and now that I’ve actually stopped contacting him, he keeps initiating contact with me.

Why would someone do this after being so adamant about wanting no contact? Is he simply being considerate by forwarding important information, or could he be using practical things as an excuse to keep some form of contact?

Should I continue ignoring him and maintaining no contact, or should I tell him directly that I don’t want him contacting me anymore?

It has been 2.5 years of no contact with my ex. For context, we were also together for 2.5 years and I moved coast to coast to be with her. I was convinced she was the love of my life but when we moved in together we started experiencing problems in communication and other barriers. She ultimately wanted to breakup and rather than fighting her like I had been for so long I gave in and moved away. I think about her everyday and miss being with her so much. The pain still feels fresh years later and I’m very much in love with her. I have been praying for some kind of miracle, that we will reconnect, we will learn from our mistakes, and build a new relationship. But that seems like such a long shot now. Does this pain ever get better?

We went on four dates. I (M34) thought we connected so well. I felt so at ease next to her (38), it's like I just felt like I was with someone who I would be so happy to be a part of my life. The "dates" felt more like hang outs though, so after the fourth "date" I told her I wanted to keep things romantic, and she told me she wasn't in a place to date and wanted to remain friends. Of course I accepted that and we just parted ways with a friendly hug, and that was that. And now it's been a month, with no connect whatsoever. Sure, she likes my stories, but that isn't communication and overall doesn't mean anything. Sure I get a hit of dopamine seeing that she still "sees" me, but it honestly still hurts that that is all I will get.

I keep telling myself to "grow up" and "move on", but the feelings are still there and I just cannot stop thinking of her, no matter how much of a "grown ass adult" I may be. Every cool thing I see I want to tell her about, every cool place I go I just think about how much I would want to take her there. I hate how now I am playing this whole nonchalant no-contact game, even though I don't want to. It's so freaking immature and petty and I hate it. Though whenever I tell myself to just "grow up" and "reach out" to her, there is just this overwhelming voice in my head that's like "lol you only met four times, she doesn't like you dude, she's probably already seeing someone else. Just move on". If I reached out and asked her to hang out, she would likely say yes, but what would I even be doing there?

It's funny, because at first I was like ehhh we'll see wear this goes, but hey we could be good friends maybe. After seeing her for the third time I totally fell for her though. I just wonder though what I would even tell her. When we last saw each other after hanging out for the day, we walked to my car ready to part ways, and it was just just going to be a casual friendly "ok cool, well it was nice seeing you, yeah see you around! Bye!" but I "manned up" and was just like "so do you want to make next time an actual date? No pressure of course, we don't have to." And she smiled but looked kinda caught off guard like she didn't know how to respond, but yeah she was like I just don't know if I'm really in a place to date right now, because I'm so busy, but I still want to be friends with you. And so I said totally fine, we hugged and parted ways. I want to tell her how I feel, but I feel like what else is there to even say to her? And so I just stay distant...

And so that's what we do, and it's just back to the apps...

hi! i’ve been looking at this forum recently and wanted an honest perspective about what i’ve been going through.

i was seeing this guy last year september up until april of this year, we ended up stop talking because he got caught cheating and decided to be with the person he was caught with. i confronted the girl and she acted like she cared and that he was weird but decided to stick by him. after that i didn’t pay attention to what either of them had going on, i blocked her on everything and before i could even block him he ended up blocking me on everything when i didn’t even do anything wrong.

since april and onwards he has been unblocking me, watching my stories, watching from a fake account, i don’t know if his friend has anything to do with this but his own friend that he hangs with will like my pictures and story posts.

and as of recently i was unblocked for two weeks straight on tiktok (im gonna assume because it was his birthday?) and he was watching my tiktok stories within minutes and i mean literal minutes.

for me it’s super weird? for one, you were the one who ended things and ultimately thought this new girl was the better choice and ended up being together but for what? if you were happy and that was the right decision why are you constantly watching my story? why did you create a fake page to stalk my instagram? my sister and friends tell me that clearly the relationship isn’t what they’re making it out to be and he could me unblocking and watching me everytime they are into it or him wanting to break no contact and speak. what is ur take from what im going through.

Trying to get people to share some positivity and support, when we're all going through tough times.

Personally I'm coming up to 60 days since breakup and 30 days since they went no-contact (the no contact being the point that it actually hit me as we had the "still friends" denial phase after the initial breakup). Since the start of this period, I've found that everything normal and "fun" just felt completely empty. I went to the gym, I hung out with friends, I spent time with my family - but I felt numb in every moment, and couldn't feel any happiness.

Well today, after getting an enourmous mental load off my shoulders regarding my ex that had been plaguing me since no-contact, I had dinner with my family (20m uni student at home for summer) and relaxed with them watching TV. And you know what happened? I enjoyed the taste of the food, I enjoyed the company, and I laughed and smiled again without forcing it. This reminded me that although grief is a visceral, soul-tearing process, time will heal you.

For anyone in the first couple of weeks of their breakup, please grieve and cry your soul out, as this is a necessary step. But try to do the "happy" productive things too (self improvement, socialising, excercise etc) ESPECIALLY when you find it difficult to feel anything other than numbness doing so. It might feel like you'll never feel joy again in the ordinary things, but trust me, you will, if you just let time do its thing.

Im f18 and my ex is m18. we were together for three years and brokeup last april.
Im not going to get into what exactly happened between us but it was REALLY bad towards the end of our relationship and ended with him blocking me on everything to ignore/forget about what he did to me. I finally realized he isnt the same boy i first fell in love with, so I took five ish months to focus on myself for once. After a while I found my now girlfriend, then i posted her on my insta to show her off ofc. about two or three days later my ex messages me saying I was right the whole time and he blocked me to ignore the guilt but it haunts him every night. He keeps telling me that he doesn't know who he is anymore, and he needs my help to find himself again without substances. I dont think its fair for me to have to comfort him during his hard times, because when i was having bad thoughts again he blocked me on everything for reaching out to him. obviously this whole thing makes my woman upset too and my woman comes first but im scared he will try something on his life if he doesnt have me to talk to. We went through a lot of shit together and idk if i could live with myself if anything happened to him. but i also dont want him to ruin my new relationship. i feel very stuck, advice is much appreciated 🙏🙏

Im f18 and my ex is m18. we were together for three years and brokeup last april.
Im not going to get into what exactly happened between us but it was REALLY bad towards the end of our relationship and ended with him blocking me on everything to ignore/forget about what he did to me. I finally realized he isnt the same boy i first fell in love with, so I took five ish months to focus on myself for once. After a while I found my now girlfriend, then i posted her on my insta to show her off ofc. about two or three days later my ex messages me saying I was right the whole time and he blocked me to ignore the guilt but it haunts him every night. He keeps telling me that he doesn't know who he is anymore, and he needs my help to find himself again without substances. I dont think its fair for me to have to comfort him during his hard times, because when i was having bad thoughts again he blocked me on everything for reaching out to him. obviously this whole thing makes my woman upset too and my woman comes first but im scared he will try something on his life if he doesnt have me to talk to. We went through a lot of shit together and idk if i could live with myself if anything happened to him. but i also dont want him to ruin my new relationship. i feel very stuck, advice is much appreciated 🙏🙏

I was dating a guy for 4-5 months ( Ldr), but his bestfriend was cheating on his gf, so I told my bf to tell her bout the cheating, but he did not, so I broke up with him. After break up he ended his friendship with that guy as well, I kinda miss him SM, but Idk if I should give it another shot or move on, I'm a bit skeptical because he follows bunch or random ass girls on his both insta handle and have bunch of ppl on his snaps as well. What should I do?

My ex who dumped me in june broke no contact just after 3 weeks asking if we can get back together. I told him he can try to win me back but i dont want to be in the same relationship we used to have and things would need to change. For a month he was acting weird, awkward and a bit hot and cold ig? I didnt feel him changing much UNTIL some guy interested in me appeared. Ex didnt know about the guy tho but all of a sudden he started caring so much.

He says he promises he is working on himself and he will change. and i just dont know what to do. I do not really miss him. I dont miss the relationship at all. I moved on. But yet i still cant let it go completely tho i told him i cant see it working, he still stayed and im hoping he will change and we will have a new relationship that will actually work. What do i do

TLDR. We were together for 6 years. She discarded me for someone she had met online. Flew over to him and planned it all out to make it seem as if i was the bad person in this story and she successfully did.

She started to blame and accuse me of the worst things you can imagine and i found out years later down the road that this was just her accusing me of all the things she was doing.

Valentinesday 2019 is the date she discarded me.

Right now i am happily married with my wife i am with for 5 years almost. I have a 2 year old son and truly everything is going amazing for me ; great career, beautiful house and a beautiful wife and son. If they would ask me to go back to day one and suffer again i wouldn't hesitate knowing what was waiting for me in the future - where i am right now. And i truly suffered a lot too get where i am.

For years i neglected all her messages and ignored all of it until today where i liked that one picture of the dog i was very with since day one up until our 6th year.

I genuinely have no ill feeling or whatsoever and i just wanted to bring this out that after some healing has been done you just can get over people. Will you ever forget their existence? No, that's not possible but you do get over the hatred and most importantly the romantical feelings you think will never fade away.

He still has me blocked adter i blocked him everywhere...4 years later. But he came back to me once years later...

I deleted all my social media some time ago

We were on and off several times

Last time he tried to contact me, he did it 3 times in the span of a couple of months (and we hadnt talked in a while before these attempts)

I blocked him everywhere and he blocked me back too everywhere

I was fine or so I though but I saw a photo of him recently and I felt very heartbroken and sad for a couple of days

If I contacted him without revealing it is me? Even without meeting up. I want to hear from him to keep me more structured at least for a while

I have not been with anyone else since him. I flirted only with some guys. It was cool but also very worthless. Nothing interesting for me.

Would he reply? I can't believe he is still annoyed about me blocking him

Hello reddit. This is my first time making a post like this so bear with me. I broke up with my boyfriend of 1 year about a month ago. There were a lot of good moments, but those good moments were followed by really painful ones. I basically was doing most of the work/effort and wasn't being treated how I'd like and deserved to be.

Anyways, we both met and regularly go to this psychosocial clubhouse. Since the breakup, I've been having a really hard time over there. The first week after the breakup he was avoiding me which I was fine with but the next week he approaches me and says that that was immature of his and that he wants to start fresh. I had no idea what he meant by that, but I told him that I don't want to be friends because every time we'd break up. We would become friends and then start dating again very soon. I told him that I'm fine with colleagues and he said, "yeah, that's what I meant."

The days pass and keeping up with my emotions and seeing him was starting to take a massive toll on me. Every few days he would approach me and ask if we could talk, find small ways to approach me, etc. It was getting draining at that point because I just wanted to go there to focus on me, but he kept approaching me. He would also email me asking if I'm okay, if we could talk, etc. It was getting too much to the point where I broke down in front of the staff and they know my situation.

decided to take a break from that place for a week and eventually I started to feel like myself again. I thought I was ready to go back there and face him but boy was I wrong. As soon as I went back, he again asked if we could talk which I said no too. Despite that "no" he still made multiple excuses to talk like returning a video game he bought that we'd play together and saying it's not fun playing by himself.

At that point, it was just too much for me to handle so I emailed the program director and asked for her help. I explained that my boundaries kept being broken and it was affecting me, so she talked to him and got it settled. It's been a few days since and he's been leaving me alone but I'm still having an incredibly difficult time over there. I just can't seem to let go of the heartbreak of how he treated me and how unaffected he looks by all of this.

I know that he masks what he feels. That I knew since we started dating. He keeps things to himself and wants to handle everything by himself. I honestly don't want to care what he is thinking or doing. I just want to enjoy that clubhouse like I used to, but I don't see how I can do that while he still goes there. I'm currently taking another break from that place and this time I think it'll be much longer. I'm upset with myself for letting me affect me so much. I feel hopeless. Someone please tell me what to do because I don't want to give that place up.

I’m really confused right now.
So, about three months ago, she ended a two-year relationship. The reason we broke up was basically because she became mentally exhausted from always being the one putting effort into the relationship. She was always the one trying, while I wasn’t a good boyfriend. I barely put any effort into the relationship and I honestly didn’t appreciate her enough. I’m not trying to make excuses for myself — I know I messed up.
She gave me like a million last chances, but I never really changed. I took her for granted, and eventually she had enough and ended things.
Then, about a month after the breakup, she called me. We started talking every now and then, and she was giving me a lot of mixed signals. Somehow, this continued throughout the entire summer.
Recently, it was her birthday, so I brought flowers to her door. She was really happy, called me, and thanked me and we talked for like one hour and she said that she misses me and our texting,sex....About a week later, she invited me on tennis . After tennis, she told me that she didn’t want to give me false hope. I asked her if there was still any hope for us, and she said yes, but she didn’t want it to look like we were suddenly back together after tennis.
After that, we talked normally for about five days. We were having conversations every day.
In the meantime, one of my friends talked with her at a bar and asked her where she was going next. She apparently said, “Nowhere, because he isn’t here,” and according to my friend, she also said that she wants me.
So after five days of talking every day since we played tennis, yesterday I asked her if she wanted to grab something to eat after work. She told me to give her some time.
Now I’m really confused. What does “give me some time” actually mean in this situation? Does it mean she still has feelings but isn’t ready to get back together, or is she slowly trying to move on?
I know I messed up in the relationship and I genuinely regret it. I’m trying to show her through my actions that I’ve changed rather than just telling her that I have.
I just don’t know what I should do now. Should I give her space and let her come to me, or should I keep talking to her normally?

I honestly don’t know what I was expecting. Maybe nothing. Maybe I just wanted to see if he was okay. But seeing his story and he’s new picture . seeing him looking happy, seeing his new home… it completely broke something inside me.
I literally had a panic attack. I couldn’t breathe. My heart was hurting so badly, like someone had physically grabbed it and squeezed it. I just sat there staring at the screen wondering, How can someone who was such a huge part of my life suddenly look like a stranger? It’s been two months. I thought I was doing better. I’ve been praying, trying to focus on myself, trying to heal, trying to accept that our relationship is over. And then one picture brought everything rushing back.
And the weirdest part is… a part of me is genuinely happy for him. I’m happy that he has a home. I’m happy if he has found some peace. I don’t want him to suffer just because I’m suffering.
But another part of me is absolutely devastated.
I think what hurts the most isn’t even the picture itself. It’s realizing that his life is continuing without me. There are new rooms, new memories, new chapters… and I’m not there anymore.
I hate that I still care this much. I hate that two months can feel like forever and yesterday at the same time.
Maybe healing isn’t as linear as I thought.
Tonight I learned the hard way that sometimes you can be genuinely happy that someone you loved is okay… while simultaneously breaking your own heart watching them move on.
I just wish I could stop feeling everything so deeply.

Ahhhhh life feels so bad lately how I suppose to move on from her I really really love her she don't even miss me ig she never text me I texted her today to show my Instagram story and she showed me a picture of her with another guy his hand was on her shoulder I just can't get it out of my mind what to do

I (30NB) I’m posting this here because I know so many people in this sub are fighting the exact same invisible battle, and I need to put this somewhere safe instead of carrying it alone.
For 3.5 years, I gave everything to a relationship. I was fully invested in building a real, grounded future. I brought stability, real-world resources, and long-term commitment to the table, believing we were working toward a life together.
Then came the discard.
It wasn’t a mature conversation. It wasn't a tearful, mutual sit-down where we processed what went wrong. It was a cold, abrupt wall dropped overnight—a sudden detachment that left me processing the death of a 3.5-year relationship completely alone.
In the immediate aftermath, the neurochemical withdrawal was brutal. My brain kept searching for answers, trying to make sense of how someone could promise you a lifetime and then run away into low-stakes comfort zones and digital escapism the second real accountability was required. I spiraled through every stage of grief—confusion, intense rage over the lack of justice, and the deep, unfair pain of feeling like the person who broke you just gets to walk away unscathed.
Over the past few weeks, with a lot of reflection, I’ve started to realize a few hard truths about avoidant dynamics:

1. The cold exit wasn't about my worth; it was about their capacity. Avoidants don't process conflict to fix it—they silently accumulate guilt until their nervous system panics, and they take the fastest coward's exit available to stop feeling overwhelmed.
2. You can't build a real-world future with someone hiding in a sandbox. I was demanding adult growth and real presence; they were operating on low-effort validation and escape mechanisms. We were running on two completely different frequencies.
3. True justice isn't a revenge message; it's total trajectory separation. The unhealed pattern they used to run from me is the exact same pattern that will keep them stagnant. Meanwhile, I get to take all the loyalty, energy, and stability I threw into a black hole and invest it back into myself.
4. I'm posting this to hold myself accountable to total No Contact. Today marks a hard boundary for me. I am locking my focus entirely on my physical transformation, my career, and building a high-value life that belongs only to me.
5. To anyone else dealing with the sudden shock of a cold discard: you didn't deserve the cowardice, but you do deserve to take your power back. We will get through this.

My ex and I broke up 10 weeks ago (she dumped me), and went directly into no contact from day 1. This was strict no contact, she drunk texted me once, but there was only exchange of a total of 4 messages, where I didn't reply to her last message because it didn't seem right. Other than that, I never messaged her, never called her, didn't even open her Instagram page(it's private anyway). However, I did accidentally opened her linkedin page once (it was stupid but I legit accidentally opened it). Yesterday, I had a moment of extreme weakness and noticed that she has blocked me everywhere. On Instagram and WhatsApp (she drunk texted me on WhatsApp so that's understandable). I am so confused, has anything like this happened with you guys?

Context: Broke up 1 month ago, I have kept up NC since the break up. It was kind of a blindsiding breakup. But I did my best to end it on “good terms”, as in I chose to accept it as much as I didn’t want it as she seemed very adamant in her decision.

She’s reached out to me a few times with unserious small talk, with things like: how have u been? Did you get a new dog? How did your exams go?
For the sake of keeping NC, I chose to ignore her. She always keeps unsending those messages a few days later and I saw she recently unfollowed me after another of those attempts to contact me.

Did I make the right decision ignoring her? Or should I have at least replied to see if she was trying to get to talk about the breakup more seriously?

My boyfriend broke up with me and blocked me everywhere a month ago, after I begged him not to end our relationship. Since then, my life has been kind of really sad. I haven’t been able to eat properly, sleep properly, or function normally at work. My room has become an anxiety-inducing place because of all the memories.
I can’t fully enjoy the moments I spend with my family or friends without him somehow crossing my mind. Today was my birthday, and everyone really went out of their way to make sure I had a good time. I think it’s pretty obvious to everyone that they’re worried about me.
My birthday wish was for him to come back to me. It was the only thing I did in the hope of bringing him back into my life. I don’t usually believe in things like that, but it brought some comfort to my soul.
For the last time, I put fresh sheets on my bed while thinking that maybe he would come over that day. For the last time, I wore a cute outfit while wondering if he would like it. And for the last time, I planned my day hoping that he might suddenly show up or send me a message.
The past few weeks have been about nothing but every part of me wishing for him to come back to me. But I think it’s time to let go of this illusion and start living my life without him.
I hope he’s doing well, and despite all the pain I feel, I truly wish for him to have everything he wants in life and to be happy, even without me.

Will a pros and cons list help me to stop thinking so much about her . Not to forget the good times but also not to emphasise the bad times as i’m so hurt. Is this a good idea or any other suggestion?

M/33 I’ve been in a relationship for almost one year with a girl F/29. I live in London. We started off poorly, casually dating and took us a while to gain trust. we fell deeply in love, but faced challenges along the way. every girl on my instagram made her upset, curious and led to an argument. I have many female contacts on instagram from either romantic interest, career or friends. I never spoke to any of them since my relationship but regardless the following made her uneasy.

I went to back to LA where I used to live, and she doubled down on communicating because she felt I couldn’t be trusted. I was there for two weekends, and both weekends linked with old friends and bar after bar eventually led us to the strip club. during a lap dance, the stripper proceeded to give me head and I stopped it within 2 seconds. I felt uncomfortable because I never consented. two days later, my girlfriend couldnt sleep, called me with a deep intuition that I had done something. I confessed to what happened and she freaked out completely. I had broken her trust, and she didn’t believe my truth. the following days was her 30th birthday, where I was meant to fly back, celebrate with her and her family, and take her to Italy. She has gone quiet, no replies on WhatsApp and unfollowed me on instagram. my heart is destroyed because I was loyal to her, and the strip club got the best of me.

One week of no contact has left me feeling lower than ever. I want to kill myself. I have no way of communicating with her. She’s a super avoidant person with conflict, whereas I am anxious attached. I’ve given her space for days now, hoping she will reach out after she’s done dissassociating. I know I hurt her, and ruined her Birthday. Death seems to be better than what I’m feeling now.

I wake up every night at 3:30am in utter despair and agony. this pain won’t end, and the no contact is making me suffer continuously. I’d do anything just to have a conversation with her, take account of my actions. What can I do to get her to contact me? And I know these seems like I can never recover from this, but could she understand that I didn’t intentionally cheat, I felt taken advantage of in the club. but I lied and it broke her trust.

Broke up 1 month ago,tomorrow she will come for some of her clothes to pick it up

So Me 27M broke up with my gf 23F 1 months ago,after 1.5 years.She already moved out 2 weeks ago,but we forgot about some of her stuff,so she will come to pick it up tomorrow.What do you advice?I know i fked up things in the relationship,and she also had issues.I still love her despite the things she said to me.I would like to have some chat with her about the past..I dont know if I should have a little talk with her,or should I just hand over her stuff and never see her again...We met on LoL,I didnt deleted or blocked her so far on every plaftorms...I just cant do it...I have seen in her LoL match history,that on the day when she moved out she played with someone.I didnt recognized that player name from before.Today I checked and she played with this guy 3 matches in a row yesterday...Also I just cant stop stalking her instagram,and her spotify...I know this is just making me suffer more,but I just cant...In my mind i still hope,that she will regret the decision,and should try it again...Despite the fact that my friends and family dont really like her,because how she handled the situation and the things she said to me...And deep down,I really want to ask her,that if she moved on with another guy...If it is confirmed,maybe I can move on too,and block her..