I (20F) want to preface this by saying I’m not an experienced girl, I’ve been really sheltered most of my life and have had limited interactions with men so what feels heavy to my heart may not be the case with the older more experienced people reading.
My ex (23m) shot himself two months ago late June, two months after no contact and it is still in my head. It still eats me up at 2am when the external world doesn’t numb my mind, when the sleep meditation I play at night isn’t bursting into my eardrums.

I thought it was a simple case of me being too anxiously attached, him becoming avoidant and than discarding me but it is a much more complicated painting now. I had been noticing him becoming more irritable, distancing and a bit cold which sparked my anxious tendencies. One or two times it even led to silly spats sometimes which were more just fuelled by an underlying need for attention because I was the same as I’ve always been, he wasn’t, he changed. One night 2 weeks before he broke up with me he, someone who was usually calm and collected, funny and guiding, sort of lost his handle and told me he didn’t have the energy. He told me the reassurance can be a bit off putting but I didn’t understand, it wasn’t before, why would it be now? I didn’t understand and took it personally.

Then when he broke up with me it was the night after I came back from vacation. He was weird our whole interaction before bed and broke up with me over text saying he was burnt out and couldn’t go on feeling how he did or risk harming me. I honestly read it as a load of shit. He didn’t care for me, he just wanted an easy cop out is how I read it. He seemed emotionless as I picked up on friends saying he started drinking in excessive amounts yet I still felt this vitriol and pain. It completely shattered me. He cut off any lines of communication and forced NC. I heard stories of him through mutual friends of flirting, getting drunk or getting high and I felt so disgusted, as if I fooled myself. I fucked myself over thinking this man cared or had standards for himself.

A month into the NC he started orbiting our shared spaces. Days leading up to his death even he tried to get my attention multiple weird ways but at the time why would I? I knew he was entertaining women. I knew how he left me crying, shattered, broken, completely alone with a million questions.
But the day he died he posted on his socials about how tonight he will die. I contacted him right away and he responded. We finally spoke after two months of NC. He told me not to worry about him, how far he drove off to shoot himself and that the real reason in him leaving was his worsening condition (mental and physical I value his privacy and do not want to get into any diagnoses). I tried to talk more but he was insistent on not traumatizing anyone on his “way out.” I tried everything that I could but my efforts failed and went to shit because he died.

I noticed weird sort of suicidal framing posts on his socials a few days before he died but he was drunk posting them and has that sardonic/dark sense of humour and I was still upset for being treated as such. I wish I didn’t ignore his strange attempts of contact. I wish I intervened when I saw the first texts even if it turned out to be a joke. Better safe than sorry.

When his note came out and it had said he thought about it for months I felt absolutely shattered and broken. MONTHS. He knew what he was doing when he left me. I focused on my extreme low self esteem narrative instead of thinking it was him. I regret this so much.

I miss him so much. Please for anyone going through no contact, any thoughts or struggles or beliefs you have that they may be suffering, take the action. No matter the cost, no matter your dignity. I don’t know how to process this. If soulmates existed I feel like I lost mine. I could only hope he loved me. I wish I knew. I will never know for sure. I think with the information he left me it can be safe to assume but your dignity isn’t worth losing someone you love or yourself don’t listen to these “coaches” or “friends” who want to play the game with people and are convinced people are playing the game with you 10 times out of 10. I don’t know how I’ll like again.

I honestly don’t know what I was expecting. Maybe nothing. Maybe I just wanted to see if he was okay. But seeing his story and he’s new picture . seeing him looking happy, seeing his new home… it completely broke something inside me.
I literally had a panic attack. I couldn’t breathe. My heart was hurting so badly, like someone had physically grabbed it and squeezed it. I just sat there staring at the screen wondering, How can someone who was such a huge part of my life suddenly look like a stranger? It’s been two months. I thought I was doing better. I’ve been praying, trying to focus on myself, trying to heal, trying to accept that our relationship is over. And then one picture brought everything rushing back.
And the weirdest part is… a part of me is genuinely happy for him. I’m happy that he has a home. I’m happy if he has found some peace. I don’t want him to suffer just because I’m suffering.
But another part of me is absolutely devastated.
I think what hurts the most isn’t even the picture itself. It’s realizing that his life is continuing without me. There are new rooms, new memories, new chapters… and I’m not there anymore.
I hate that I still care this much. I hate that two months can feel like forever and yesterday at the same time.
Maybe healing isn’t as linear as I thought.
Tonight I learned the hard way that sometimes you can be genuinely happy that someone you loved is okay… while simultaneously breaking your own heart watching them move on.
I just wish I could stop feeling everything so deeply.

We broke up over a year ago, but we never really left each other’s lives. When we first broke up, I wanted to walk away because I knew being friends would hurt me. He told me, “I don’t understand how you don’t love me enough to still want to be my friend.” So I stayed.
Except we were never really just friends. We still talked constantly, hung out, were intimate, cuddled, kissed, and were there for each other emotionally. He literally kissed me last week.
Then he suddenly blocked me without telling me what was happening. I panicked and tried reaching out because we still had belongings, plans, and other loose ends to deal with, and I genuinely didn’t know if he was ever going to speak to me again.
He finally emailed me explaining that he was ending the friendship completely and asked me not to contact him anymore.
I know I have to respect that. I’m not confused about that. But it feels so fucking unfair.
I tried to walk away a year ago and was made to feel like doing so meant I didn’t love him enough. I stayed because I loved him. Now he gets to decide he’s done, and I’m expected to disappear from his life.
And he wasn’t just my ex anymore. Somewhere along the way, he became my best friend. I’m not only grieving someone I was in love with. I’m losing the person I talked to, spent time with, laughed with, and went to for comfort too.
The worst part is I know he wasn’t good for me. I know he hurt me. I know I deserved better. Somehow none of that makes losing him hurt any less.
Someone who kissed me last week is now someone I may never speak to again.
It genuinely feels like the end of my world right now. I wish he had just let me walk away the first time.

My boyfriend broke up with me and blocked me everywhere a month ago, after I begged him not to end our relationship. Since then, my life has been kind of really sad. I haven’t been able to eat properly, sleep properly, or function normally at work. My room has become an anxiety-inducing place because of all the memories.
I can’t fully enjoy the moments I spend with my family or friends without him somehow crossing my mind. Today was my birthday, and everyone really went out of their way to make sure I had a good time. I think it’s pretty obvious to everyone that they’re worried about me.
My birthday wish was for him to come back to me. It was the only thing I did in the hope of bringing him back into my life. I don’t usually believe in things like that, but it brought some comfort to my soul.
For the last time, I put fresh sheets on my bed while thinking that maybe he would come over that day. For the last time, I wore a cute outfit while wondering if he would like it. And for the last time, I planned my day hoping that he might suddenly show up or send me a message.
The past few weeks have been about nothing but every part of me wishing for him to come back to me. But I think it’s time to let go of this illusion and start living my life without him.
I hope he’s doing well, and despite all the pain I feel, I truly wish for him to have everything he wants in life and to be happy, even without me.

It would be nice to make some friends with people who are also going through no contact.
I’m a 33 year old woman living in Los Angeles. I love watching movies and TV shows, hiking, and I’m getting ready to learning to roller skate. It would be nice to connect with people 30+ who understand who are currently going through no contact and maybe support each other along the way.

I’m struggling with something I don’t know how to get past.
I was the one who ended the relationship. Then I regretted it, went back, and begged him to take me back. He completely refused and moved on with someone else very quickly. It’s been a year since we broke up.
I’ve been in complete no contact for 10 months now. I haven’t reached out even once, not even during the hardest moments. I honestly don’t know how I managed to do it, or how I’m still doing it. Maybe because deep down, I know he would never take me back.
And honestly, I don’t care if I never find love again after this. I genuinely don’t. I hope he has a good life and I sincerely wish him the best.
This isn’t about wanting him back anymore.
I just want to get rid of this feeling of shame. The shame of having begged him.
I know I was doing it because I was in unbearable pain. My feelings were real, and at that moment I was desperate for the pain to stop. But looking back, begging him was one of the ugliest feelings I have ever experienced.
I never thought I would become the kind of person who begs someone to stay. I don’t recognize that version of myself.
Even now, writing about it makes my chest feel heavy. I hate remembering myself that way. I hate knowing that I gave someone the power to see me at my most desperate.
And I think that’s what hurts the most.
Not that he moved on. Not even that he chose someone else.
It’s the shame of knowing that I begged someone who had already made his decision.
I just want to forgive myself for that version of me. I want to understand that I was hurting, that I was human, and that one desperate moment doesn’t define who I am.
But I don’t know how to actually let go of the shame.
**How do you make peace with yourself after doing something you deeply regret while you were in extreme emotional pain?**

Hi everyone, I really need an honest reality check and some support because the guilt and anxiety are crushing me.

My ex and I decided on a one-year break because we were fighting a lot lately. During the first month, No Contact was extremely hard for me, so he blocked me to help enforce it. He promised he would contact me in the future after a year, and asked me not to make fake accounts, follow him, or text him.
A week later, I had a severe panic attack and felt an overwhelming need to talk to him. I completely lost control:
- I tried to reach him on multiple platforms.
- I created new accounts to beg him to talk.
- I messaged his friend out of desperation.

He ended up blocking me on literally every single platform. I know I crossed his strict boundaries and went way too far. It’s been a week and the guilt is immense, and I am terrified that I destroyed the trust completely.

I am now leaving him in absolute, total peace for the rest of the year. But my anxious brain won't stop asking: Did I completely ruin everything by ignoring his explicit request? Is there any chance that a year of absolute silence can repair this damage and he might still reach out, or did I permanently destroy our future?

Well. I made it 10 days. Im so absolutely exhausted at this point I feel like Im going to sleep really well tonight. I have sent one text around day 2 and broke down and tried to call after a week and total radio silence. But I am accepting this is just the way things are now and starting to heal. I still think about him but am resigned I wont reach out again. Im just still in disbelief that he decided we could no longer work on things. Im in shock that someone he told me how much he missed and loved me literally days before just vanished. But slowly and surely my heart is starting to get to a journey of healing. 🥰🥰🥰 Tomorrow is going to be absolute focus on eating healthy meals after a good night's rest. And thats all I can really do.

There’s a theory that if a man truly loved his ex, he never forgets her—he just gets used to life without her. How true is that? Men, confirm this.

My ex (21F) and I (23M) were together for almost 5 months. I know that isn’t an incredibly long relationship, but it was very intense and meaningful to both of us (I hope). I was her first boyfriend, her first serious relationship, and her first sexual partner.

We both started dating eachother with the intention of pursuing a serious lifelong relationship, culminating in marriage and children.

The difficult part is that our relationship was genuinely really good when we were physically together. We didn’t have cheating, toxicity, constant fighting, or anything like that. We were extremely affectionate, went on dates constantly, talked about our future, marriage eventually, traveling together, etc... She told me I was her "Prince Charming".

Unfortunately, political circumstances required her to leave the US to go back to our country (She was an international student, while I am a dual citizen of both the US and our country.)

Her entire life changed at basically the same time. She lost the future she thought she was going to have here, had to restart college in another major, and her dream career that was she was pursuing was practically over. She was extremely emotional about all of this, and struggled heavily over it. We had many talks about it when she was here, and also when she was in our country.

Our relationship basically nosedived within about 5 weeks of her leaving.

She told me that she loved me and loved our relationship, but that long distance had changed everything and was “killing her.” Again, I also didn't want our relationship to "kill her". She even said that if we were still physically together, things would probably be completely different.

I wanted to keep trying. I was planning a trip to see her, and long-term I had told her I was willing to compromise on where we lived so she could pursue her dream. I told her that if her career eventually took her to somewhere like New York, I would be willing to build my future around that too. I would be willing to help support those dreams financially also. So if she needed ant further courses, education, etc... I'd be more than willing to help her. I'm on the verge of a landing a great salary, so I'd have the financial means doing so comfortably. When she felt hopeless about her career, I was always the person telling her not to give up and that we would find a way.

During the breakup I told her that I wanted to stay, but I wasn’t going to beg someone to choose me. I also told her that my conscience was clear because I genuinely felt I had done everything I could for the relationship.

I didn’t cry or beg during the breakup. I stayed pretty composed, although since then I’ve cried harder than I have in years.

She wanted to maintain contact afterward, but I told her I couldn’t do that. I explained that no contact wasn’t punishment. I needed it to protect myself because I still loved her and couldn’t immediately pretend to be her friend while still being madly in love with her.

Today is now day 5 of no contact.

I am doubting everything I did during the breakup and right before. Everything comes and goes in waves. Sometimes I am bawling my eyes out (full ugly crying), other times I am despondent in bed, and sometimes I am even angry.

Does it ever get better? I feel like I lost the love of my love. Rationally, I know that that isn't so, but still I feel like my life is ending.

My family and friends think she may have already been leaning toward breaking up and was trying to find reasons/excuses for it. I don’t know if I agree completely because I genuinely believe the enormous upheaval in her life and the long distance affected her badly. I have a lot of compassion for what she was going through. But maybe it's true! there are some things that made me think that its possible.

I still love her. I still miss her like crazy. Part of me desperately hopes she eventually regrets ending things and comes back wanting to really try again

So I guess my questions are:

Did I handle the breakup/no contact reasonably?

Does this sound like a relationship that genuinely collapsed because of circumstances, or does it sound like she was already checking out?

And if someone came back after a breakup like this, would you personally consider giving them a second chance?

I’d especially appreciate perspectives from people who have been on either side of a breakup where you still loved each other but long distance/life circumstances became too much.

Thank you everyone.

I was in a 3-year relationship with someone I genuinely loved and saw my entire future with. The breakup completely blindsided me because everything still felt normal and loving right up until it happened.

She says I didn’t do anything wrong and that her feelings simply changed, but I keep replaying everything wondering what I could’ve done differently. I didn’t just lose my girlfriend—I lost my best friend and the person I shared my everyday life with.

Since then I’ve struggled with anxiety, panic attacks, eating, sleeping, socializing and thoughts of hurting myself. I still love and miss her deeply, while trying to accept that she considers the relationship over and wants us both to have space to heal.

I am lost and trying to get out of this spiral.

Hey everyone, I need to get this off my chest and get some outside perspective because my head has been spinning.

​We broke up back in May. After the breakup, whenever I tried to back out, pull away, and give myself space to heal, she would reach out and contact me every few weeks. She kept pulling me back into her orbit, and because I cared about her, I stayed available.

​From May until recently, I went through hell. I spent months grieving, losing sleep, and barely eating while trying to support her. Whenever she needed comfort or emotional support, I was there 100%. But over time, I started feeling like I had zero priority in her life. She began treating me like a nuisance and an inconvenience—yet she still kept coming back to me whenever she felt down, overwhelmed, or needed a shoulder to cry on.

​Last week while she was at home, she was video calling me, crying, and taking all my care and attention. Then out of nowhere, she confessed that she has been in a relationship with another guy for two months and even went on a trip with him just two weeks after our breakup in May.

​The worst part? She didn't even confess out of honesty or respect for me. She admitted she only told me because he found out I was still messaging and caring for her, and he demanded that she tell me to stop. Right after dumping all of this on me to satisfy him, she blocked me everywhere.

​Looking back, I realize she was keeping me hooked as a guilt-free emotional safety net while building something with someone else. Every time I tried to step away over these past few months, she reached out just enough to keep me on a leash until she was forced to drop me.

​When she told me, I felt total numbness—like my brain just shut down after months of being emotionally drained. I know I am completely done and moving on, but the anger of realization is heavy.

​How do you deal with the anger of realizing you were systematically used as a backup option? How do you rebuild your self-worth after letting someone treat you like an inconvenience for months?

Trying to get people to share some positivity and support, when we're all going through tough times.

Personally I'm coming up to 60 days since breakup and 30 days since they went no-contact (the no contact being the point that it actually hit me as we had the "still friends" denial phase after the initial breakup). Since the start of this period, I've found that everything normal and "fun" just felt completely empty. I went to the gym, I hung out with friends, I spent time with my family - but I felt numb in every moment, and couldn't feel any happiness.

Well today, after getting an enourmous mental load off my shoulders regarding my ex that had been plaguing me since no-contact, I had dinner with my family (20m uni student at home for summer) and relaxed with them watching TV. And you know what happened? I enjoyed the taste of the food, I enjoyed the company, and I laughed and smiled again without forcing it. This reminded me that although grief is a visceral, soul-tearing process, time will heal you.

For anyone in the first couple of weeks of their breakup, please grieve and cry your soul out, as this is a necessary step. But try to do the "happy" productive things too (self improvement, socialising, excercise etc) ESPECIALLY when you find it difficult to feel anything other than numbness doing so. It might feel like you'll never feel joy again in the ordinary things, but trust me, you will, if you just let time do its thing.

Ahhhhh life feels so bad lately how I suppose to move on from her I really really love her she don't even miss me ig she never text me I texted her today to show my Instagram story and she showed me a picture of her with another guy his hand was on her shoulder I just can't get it out of my mind what to do

Broke up 1 month ago,tomorrow she will come for some of her clothes to pick it up

So Me 27M broke up with my gf 23F 1 months ago,after 1.5 years.She already moved out 2 weeks ago,but we forgot about some of her stuff,so she will come to pick it up tomorrow.What do you advice?I know i fked up things in the relationship,and she also had issues.I still love her despite the things she said to me.I would like to have some chat with her about the past..I dont know if I should have a little talk with her,or should I just hand over her stuff and never see her again...We met on LoL,I didnt deleted or blocked her so far on every plaftorms...I just cant do it...I have seen in her LoL match history,that on the day when she moved out she played with someone.I didnt recognized that player name from before.Today I checked and she played with this guy 3 matches in a row yesterday...Also I just cant stop stalking her instagram,and her spotify...I know this is just making me suffer more,but I just cant...In my mind i still hope,that she will regret the decision,and should try it again...Despite the fact that my friends and family dont really like her,because how she handled the situation and the things she said to me...And deep down,I really want to ask her,that if she moved on with another guy...If it is confirmed,maybe I can move on too,and block her..

He has completely stopped personal contact. However, we still communicate normally about work. I remain professional and continue doing my job as usual. Nothing has changed professionally between us, he still compliments my work, and I continue to exceed his expectations, as I always have.

I keep thinking, “He can't even feel my absence because I'm still in his inbox and still doing excellent work.”

I don't want to manipulate him, sabotage my work, or make him chase me. I genuinely want to detach and maintain my professionalism.

For those who've been through something similar:

Is professional-only contact enough to count as no contact, and how did you stop emotionally reacting to every interaction?

TL;DR: My ex ended our romantic relationship after our first trip together, but I still work for him. We have no personal contact, but we communicate professionally. How do I actually detach when I can't completely disappear from his life?

(FA discard)

My ex discarded me 6 months ago, got with someone new only weeks later. I was devastated I thought that was it. I didn’t hear from him again then I sent him a letter a few months ago, since then he’s watched all of my stories and since heard they have broken up.

he unlocked me from WhatsApp a couple of weeks ago, I thought I’d reach out to say hope you’re well but I heard nothing back. Today i notice he’s blocked me again. Hes also stopped viewing my stories.

what is going on? why be so keen and curious and then wipe me out again its a minefield

How can someone just abandon someone else? I spent the best part of 4 months living with her and helping raise her children. Now it's like nothing ever happened, she won't acknowledge me, she won't reply. Even if I call her via another phone and she does answer she just immediately hangs up.

I know my actions and reactions were wrong, but did that time mean nothing to her? All the laughs, the days out, time spent with her kids, the amazing sex, what was it all for? Why is she doing this to me?

I know I made mistakes, and that I reacted childishly to the breakup. But I was upset, and I was spiralling out of control. I have apologised profusely until I am numb, but she just won't listen. She blocks me everywhere, threatens to call the police on me if I were to turn up at her house.

How can someone who told you they loved you? Someone who was talking about officially moving in one day. How could they do this? And be so cold about it? Does she not love me? Was that love a lie?

So. This would be the first year I didn't wish them a happy birthday and say that love them. Something that probably only means something to me still. We have been separated for a long time but that hasnt changed where I stand. So instead of giving i to to that.. i guess ill just post here. Little steps I guess.

Hi, I just wanted to know about other women's experiences, have you ever relapsed and talked again to the person you knew you shouldn't because they're bad for you or things just didn't work out? And if so, how did it go when you did it?

My ex and I broke up 4months ago, and during our last phone call I was crying and begging him while he repeatedly told me to please leave him alone. He said he didn’t want to be mean, but that me calling and texting him wasn’t healthy and that he wanted to heal and move on.

So I respected his wishes. I completely stopped contacting him and have been trying to move on.
Since then, he has contacted me twice. First, he messaged saying he had posted some of my belongings and asked me to let him know when they arrived. I didn’t respond.

Now he’s messaged me again with a photo of a membership letter addressed to me that arrived at his place (where I lived with him before the breakup)

I understand these are practical reasons to contact me, but I’m confused. He was the one who strongly wanted me to leave him alone, and now that I’ve actually stopped contacting him, he keeps initiating contact with me.

Why would someone do this after being so adamant about wanting no contact? Is he simply being considerate by forwarding important information, or could he be using practical things as an excuse to keep some form of contact?

Should I continue ignoring him and maintaining no contact, or should I tell him directly that I don’t want him contacting me anymore?

It has been 2.5 years of no contact with my ex. For context, we were also together for 2.5 years and I moved coast to coast to be with her. I was convinced she was the love of my life but when we moved in together we started experiencing problems in communication and other barriers. She ultimately wanted to breakup and rather than fighting her like I had been for so long I gave in and moved away. I think about her everyday and miss being with her so much. The pain still feels fresh years later and I’m very much in love with her. I have been praying for some kind of miracle, that we will reconnect, we will learn from our mistakes, and build a new relationship. But that seems like such a long shot now. Does this pain ever get better?

We went on four dates. I (M34) thought we connected so well. I felt so at ease next to her (38), it's like I just felt like I was with someone who I would be so happy to be a part of my life. The "dates" felt more like hang outs though, so after the fourth "date" I told her I wanted to keep things romantic, and she told me she wasn't in a place to date and wanted to remain friends. Of course I accepted that and we just parted ways with a friendly hug, and that was that. And now it's been a month, with no connect whatsoever. Sure, she likes my stories, but that isn't communication and overall doesn't mean anything. Sure I get a hit of dopamine seeing that she still "sees" me, but it honestly still hurts that that is all I will get.

I keep telling myself to "grow up" and "move on", but the feelings are still there and I just cannot stop thinking of her, no matter how much of a "grown ass adult" I may be. Every cool thing I see I want to tell her about, every cool place I go I just think about how much I would want to take her there. I hate how now I am playing this whole nonchalant no-contact game, even though I don't want to. It's so freaking immature and petty and I hate it. Though whenever I tell myself to just "grow up" and "reach out" to her, there is just this overwhelming voice in my head that's like "lol you only met four times, she doesn't like you dude, she's probably already seeing someone else. Just move on". If I reached out and asked her to hang out, she would likely say yes, but what would I even be doing there?

It's funny, because at first I was like ehhh we'll see wear this goes, but hey we could be good friends maybe. After seeing her for the third time I totally fell for her though. I just wonder though what I would even tell her. When we last saw each other after hanging out for the day, we walked to my car ready to part ways, and it was just just going to be a casual friendly "ok cool, well it was nice seeing you, yeah see you around! Bye!" but I "manned up" and was just like "so do you want to make next time an actual date? No pressure of course, we don't have to." And she smiled but looked kinda caught off guard like she didn't know how to respond, but yeah she was like I just don't know if I'm really in a place to date right now, because I'm so busy, but I still want to be friends with you. And so I said totally fine, we hugged and parted ways. I want to tell her how I feel, but I feel like what else is there to even say to her? And so I just stay distant...

And so that's what we do, and it's just back to the apps...

hi! i’ve been looking at this forum recently and wanted an honest perspective about what i’ve been going through.

i was seeing this guy last year september up until april of this year, we ended up stop talking because he got caught cheating and decided to be with the person he was caught with. i confronted the girl and she acted like she cared and that he was weird but decided to stick by him. after that i didn’t pay attention to what either of them had going on, i blocked her on everything and before i could even block him he ended up blocking me on everything when i didn’t even do anything wrong.

since april and onwards he has been unblocking me, watching my stories, watching from a fake account, i don’t know if his friend has anything to do with this but his own friend that he hangs with will like my pictures and story posts.

and as of recently i was unblocked for two weeks straight on tiktok (im gonna assume because it was his birthday?) and he was watching my tiktok stories within minutes and i mean literal minutes.

for me it’s super weird? for one, you were the one who ended things and ultimately thought this new girl was the better choice and ended up being together but for what? if you were happy and that was the right decision why are you constantly watching my story? why did you create a fake page to stalk my instagram? my sister and friends tell me that clearly the relationship isn’t what they’re making it out to be and he could me unblocking and watching me everytime they are into it or him wanting to break no contact and speak. what is ur take from what im going through.