Me (f35) and boyfriend m(42) have been together for a year now. Our relationship has been quite rocky lately but he insists we can fix our issues.

We had an argument and he said something in the lines of that he wants to feel that he can depend on me if we're going to build a life together. That got me a bit frustrated because I have never felt like I could depend on him. When I asked him why he's not made any steps to show me that we're heading towards a future together he said because he cannot see it yet due to our arguments. I feel like it's really bs, because a lot of the arguments are due to me not feeling secure in this relationship.

He is doing everything he can to convince me that we can work it out but actually hearing the words that he does not see a future with me after a year feels like I'm wasting my time. Am I overreacting or should I move on?

Tl:dr: my (f35) boyfriend (m42) said he does not see a future with me yet because of our arguments. We've been together for a year. Am I wasting my time on him?

I am 12 years older (38) than my boyfriend (26). It is my first relationship with younger man. Our relationship is actually wonderful, and I shouldn't be stressing over this, but I am.

I find myself thinking about the future ahead of us. In 10 years, I'll be approaching menopause, while he will be in the prime of his life. I keep thinking about how he has all the time in the world to have kids, while my biological clock is ticking as I type this.

He isn't ready yet and I understand him but he does want them.

What bothers me the most is that our relationship is truly great from the beginning (last 6 months). He is the man of my life, and I am his woman. This post is to ask for advice on how to find peace with this gap. Please share your examples if you made it work. Thank you all from this cougar ;)

Tl;dr: i'm stressing because im 12 years older then my boyfriend.

IMPORTANT EDIT: the age is a typo!!! We're both 28, so sorry for the confusion 🫪

Sorry, this is super long, but I need to talk about it somewhere.

What if you're with someone that can be really great, your family loves him and he does try to be supportive... But it's just not it? We had a great relationship before moving in together, had fun and resolved any issue with calm conversations. We were together for a little over a year when we moved in to an apartment about a year ago, and everything changed.

We smoked weed together just a few times and it was fun, but he never told me that weed was his way of relaxing and dealing with stress. He'd smoke 3-4 times a week, sometimes more than once a day. I don't like living with the smell and I don't like feeling like the sober one at the party when I get home. He said he'd stop and it got better, but he still uses it as a tool to help him sleep, instead of just a fun thing to do sometimes. I'm an immigrant here, I told him before moving in that I would have a really hard time finding another appartement and I asked questions, but he said he had nothing specific to talk about before doing this. Turns out he just assumed he'd have control and it wouldn't be a problem, but that means I couldn't make an informed decision to risk it or wait. It's better, then worse, then better, then worse... So I can't rebuild my trust because he keeps breaking it.

He cooks even more than I do, which I'm very thankful for, but it's clear he still feels like he's "helping". I feel so spoiled for complaining because I know that many men simply don't do anything at home and I love that I can't say the same about him. But then he adopted a dog on the best possible time for him (he still had a week of vacation), but at the worst time for me because I had one last week to write my master's thesis. I wasn't available for dog training sessions and didn't want to think about it before my deadline, so he mentioned the fact that he cooks, and this is all that he's asking of me. I felt like I didn't have the right to be stressed and put my work first even though I always avoided working at home as much as possible. I just needed one week of focus on my degree.

He agrees that we shouldn't have kids right now, agrees that women shouldn't be the only ones responsible for contraception, but then forgets to bring condoms every time we have a short trip during the weekend. And has the gall to make a joke about it all being on me. I still tap him on the shoulder during sex to remind him to put it on.

He forgot to give me a Christmas gift, even though I learned to knit just to give him fingerless gloves that he needed for work. I had to have multiple conversations with him about it, saying that it was hurtful, until he finally got me something. My birthday was last week. He forgot until the morning of, got me a cheap bamboo fan and a mug as a present and bought frozen cheesecake (his favorite). I don't have a lot of money, but I always put so much effort into what I give him and find ways to get something I'm sure he'll like and use, and he used to do the same.

He never tells me he loves me, he says he's always had a hard time saying that to anyone and talking about his emotions. When we have a problem now, I explain what I'm feeling and he stays silent or says very little. Talking things over feels like a monologue.

He has so many wonderful qualities, he can be supportive in so many other ways, takes care of me when I'm sick or tired, takes my feelings seriously, and can be so thoughtful. But all of these little things are wearing me down. This was the healthiest relationship I had so far, up until moving in.

I know other women have so many other, more difficult problems to deal with. But is this really it? Is this all I should be expecting from a partner? Should I have to ask for him to say he loves me, to give me a gift, to care about contraception?

I think I rationally know the answer, I just do really love his company and I don't want to leave. But I also don't want to stay like this. I like being with someone and for now it's tolerable, but if we ever got married, I can already see this getting worse and us getting divorced. Is it worth it to get therapy for a two and a half year long relationship or is this already a sign to get out before it gets too bad? Maybe these are all normal things, that come with moving in and adapting to another person.

TL;DR : two and a half year relationship. Everything was going really well until we moved in together a year ago. He does so many things that I love, but certain things bother me a lot. Are my expectations too high or is this really not ok for a long-term relationship?

I was talking to a guy for about a month, and it’s over now. I want to start from the very beginning because the history is part of why I’m so confused.

He first DMed me in 2021 when we were both 18. We talked for a few days, but I ended up ghosting him because I honestly just wasn’t that interested and had other things going on.

A few months later, in 2022, he sent me this generic “I miss you” type paragraph in my DMs. I was confused because we barely knew each other, got weirded out, and blocked him.

Then in 2024, he somehow texted my phone number saying, “I miss us.” I told him there was no “us.” He said we could get to know each other, and I told him I wasn’t interested in talking to guys at the time. After that, he asked if I would be interested in talking with the intention of marriage. I said no because I wasn’t looking to get married. We’re Muslim, so I understand why he thought mentioning marriage might make his intentions seem more serious, but I was literally 20 and had no interest.

Fast forward to 2026. I reactivated Instagram, but on a different account from the one I had blocked him on years ago. He found me and requested me multiple times even after I declined the request. Eventually I gave in and accepted it.

He immediately DMed me saying he “missed us” and that he remembered our three conversations from five years ago as some of “the best conversations he’s ever had.”

At this point I wasn’t talking to anyone, so I figured I’d give him a chance and see what happened.

From the very beginning, he was extremely intense. He kept telling me we were going to get married, calling me his wife, etc. He even shared his location with me before we had ever met in person.

After about a week of texting, we hung out for the first time and spent 10+ hours together just talking and hanging out. During that first date/hangout, he literally promised he was going to marry me and told me he was in love with me.

That definitely made me a little uncomfortable because we had known each other for basically a week, but I convinced myself he was just being overly romantic/excited.

The next week, we hung out multiple times and basically spent entire days together. Everything still seemed great.

Then everything randomly flipped.

My mom asked who I had been talking to on the phone, so I told her about him. It wasn’t some huge “meet the parents” situation — she just knew we were talking. I casually told him afterward that my mom knew about him.

That night, while I was asleep, he randomly dumped me over text and blocked me on everything.

His breakup message barely explained anything, so I called him on WhatsApp and emailed him because I wanted an actual explanation. He eventually unblocked me and we talked.

Suddenly, his reasoning was that work was getting too busy and he didn’t think he could “give me what I deserve.”

Which confused me because…where was that concern during the previous two weeks when he was telling me we were getting married and that he loved me?

Then he also said he felt guilty about how turned on he had gotten when we were kissing and used that as another reason why he thought we shouldn’t be together.

I told him I didn’t think either of those things made sense as reasons to abruptly end the relationship, especially after how intensely he had pursued me.

Ultimately, he decided he wanted to stay together.

For the next three weeks, we still talked every day, but there was a VERY noticeable decline in his effort.

He didn’t seem excited to talk to me anymore. He rarely called. He stopped updating me about his day the way he used to. Instead of actually feeling involved in each other’s lives, our conversations became things like:

“hey”
“wyd”
“at work”
“going home”

I figured maybe this was genuinely what he meant when he said work was getting busy.

Whenever we actually talked on the phone, though, he would still insist we were together, tell me we would hang out again once he had his car back, talk about future plans, etc.

Then, two days ago, completely randomly again, he bluntly ended things and said work was catching up to him and that the relationship “wasn’t going to work.”

And that was basically it.

Looking back, I really wish I had just let him go the first time he dumped me and blocked me instead of convincing him to stay.

I also want to add that I don’t really have reason to believe there was another girl, which is part of why I’m so confused. Neither of us is currently active on social media, and he had deactivated all of his accounts. Before that, he had shown me his entire following and literally explained who everyone was. He also opened his messages, Snapchat, etc. in front of me multiple times without me asking, and I never saw anything suggesting he was talking to other girls. Obviously I can’t know everything with 100% certainty, but from what I personally saw, there were no obvious signs of someone else.

What I’m trying to understand is:

1. Does this seem like love bombing? The immediate marriage talk, saying he loved me after a week, calling me his wife, sharing his location, spending entire days with me, etc., followed by suddenly pulling away?
2. Considering he has repeatedly circled back to me over the course of FIVE YEARS despite us barely having a relationship before this, what do you expect his pattern to be?
3. He left some of his stuff with me. I don’t really want an excuse to contact him, he told me i could mail it if i really felt like it but it was indifferent to him. Do i even bother?

TL;DR: A guy pursued me on and off for 5 years despite us barely knowing each other. When I finally gave him a chance, he immediately became extremely intense—talking about marriage, calling me his wife, saying he loved me after a week, sharing his location, and spending entire days with me. After I casually told him my mom knew about him, he suddenly dumped and blocked me, then came back after we talked. His effort steadily declined for the next few weeks, and now he has ended things again, blaming work. Does this sound like love bombing, is he likely to circle back again given his history, and should I just mail his stuff back instead of contacting him?

Hello everyone,
I live in France with my boyfriend, and our relationship has never been better. But he has been offered a position in Japan where he would make a lot of money. I only work a minimum wage job with no qualifications, and it seems like a once in a lifetime opportunity for him. So obviously, moving there would make sense for him.
The thing is, I can only follow him if we get married. But do I really want to marry him just so I can become a stay at home wife in a country I know nothing about? At the same time, I don’t want to live without him.
But I also want more for my life. I want to go back to college and get a degree so I can stop having to work these miserable minimum wage jobs.
Being a transgender woman, I was used to the idea that people would just hate me for who I am, but he has been nothing but amazing to me. I don’t want to force him not to take this job just because of my comfort. I never thought someone would want to marry me, but am I crazy for not wanting to rush into marriage just so I can move to another country?
I know this is a bit confusing, I’m sorry. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?
**TL;DR; : is mariage a reason to give up your life?**

Tl:Dr: so my girlfriend (f20) of 9 months is hanging out with this Gay guy friend a lot, I made sure to make a boundary of no weird stuff or stuff that wouldn’t be okay with any other guy

she broke the boundary today and now I’m worried. When we were in school I caught him playing with her hair, we start leaving and I say her name 10 times and she doesn’t hear me and is too busy talking to him, and finally when we part ways to go to our respective vehicles she goes and sits in his car for a bit.

I tried mentioning it to her and talk to her about how it crosses my boundaries but she just said “Do you wanna stay? Then be quiet.” What should I do?

My partner and I knew each other for several years before we even had romantic feelings for each other. Then after 7 years he messages me and asks me on a date and about 4 months later we are dating. It has been now 3 times he has just up and left my life. No call, text, email, social media nothing. Yet we share locations and hes out with family, eating out, and going to baseball games. I have BPD and have told him from the beginning about my mental health issues and fear of abandonment. Yet whenever he is stressed about work or we have a big fight he dissapears. The first time lasted 7 days, and then he reached out to say he missed me and thought I was moving on with out him..I took him back, the second time I didnt allow him to ghost me and I just went to his place. He did answer and we talked saying he loves me but just stressed about life and work. Now this is the 3rd time, its been 5 days no contact and I dont know what to do. The night before no contact he literally called and told me he loved me and we will talk tomorrow and then nothing. We arent blocked, his profile pic is still of us and he hasnt deleted any pics of us. All my messages are left unread, im spiraling so bad and lost on what to do. Ive cried every morning and every night since hes done this for me. I was a idiot and I did message him today on teams, and left unread again. What should I do? His clothes, Xbox, bike is at my place. He also still has my apartment key, I miss him so much im just so lost. Should I just let him go? Without any closure or communication? I am hurting so bad and feel like a idiot to be hung up over him and hes apparently unbothered. Its tearing me apart how you could be at my place everyday for the last year to not even getting a response back..

TL;DR My bf of a year and a half has ghosted me with no closure, should I just move on?

we have been dating for over 5 months now, and had pined over each other for 4 months before that. i’ve known him for nearly 4 years.

i just don’t know what to do. i’m completely heartbroken. we do really love each other, we have had no big problems in our relationship—the only thing i can think of is that this is his first serious/long term relationship, while it is my third. but i love him more than i’ve ever loved anybody.

i know that we are both very young, but it’s not wrong to just want a chance of things working out, right? he and parent 1 think that he will not be able to focus on college and will not be able to handle a serious relationship, along with his want to discover himself and grow and change, because he doesn’t feel like an adult yet. he doesn’t want anything holding him back. that concept breaks my heart even more. the idea that it’s not possible to grow and change together, or to at least try. the idea that it would be impossible to figure out a good compromise on keeping a relationship bothers me as well. on some level, i agree! keeping a full fledged relationship in school could be hard, but there are solutions to that, there are ways to make it work! 🙁 parent 2 would be supportive of us continuing to date, they do not have any strong feelings on the matter.

we have both agreed that we love each other so much that we want to be best friends until the day that we die, even if we stop dating. we have also agreed to work together professionally in the future (we are both artists, and look up to each other). and of course, i would be honored to have him as my best friend. i truly love him, completely, and if—or when—the time would come to actually break up, i would reshape that love into being the best friend ever. but i just feel like if we miss this chance, we might never get it again. i just want a chance to try.

right now, i can’t talk to him very much about it. we had several, very long text conversations about it for a few days, but he and parent 1 agreed that he is spending too much time thinking about the relationship and my reaction to his decision instead of thinking about college. it is fair, and i understand the need to put college first for now. but my heart feels so terribly heavy, and every morning i wake up and my heart beats uncontrollably fast just thinking about things ending next summer.

i was thinking about trying again to persuade him to just give our relationship a chance in college on our 1 year anniversary in the spring, or perhaps in the summer, maybe july. the month before college starts. i would do anything for him, and not in the silly, lovesick way—i have been working very, very hard to improve myself and my mental health in tangible ways since we started dating, because i know it is important to him, and in turn, it is important to me. it will continue being important to me even if/when we stop dating. i make an effort to bond with his family, because they are genuinely important to me, and i care about them. i am always there for him, and i have helped and supported him with his own mental health and self esteem. i support his art (which, of course i do. he is one of my favorite artists, ever) and we work incredibly well together on any kind of project, art, design, architecture, engineering—we have made incredible work together. we get along so well, and we can both be silly, childish, even very intimate together without getting embarrassed or feeling shame. i know that we could figure something out, we are both fairly intelligent and mature for our age. i just want to try to date in college, and i would be fine with it if we tried and it didn’t work out, the problem is that he doesn’t even want to try!!! 🙁

should i try again to convince him once about a year has passed, and it is time to go our separate ways? shоuld i try to convince him before then? shоuld i do anything at all? i don’t think my feelings are invalid, but is my reaction unwarranted? is there any way to soothe the terrible heartache that i am going through? 

(i don't mean this as asking for some kind of objective moral input, i just. i don’t know, i do not know what to do 🙁) 

honestly, any kind of advice would be incredibly appreciated, i just feel so lost and sad.

i am also seeing a therapist for a consultation today, which think will help me greatly. and of course, if she is the right fit, i would talk to her about this as well. i just feel like im going to implode with the waves of intense feelings that come over me every day. thank you for reading this super long post 🥲

TL;DR, my boyfriend of 5 months and friend of almost 4 years, and one of his parents, wants us to stop dating when college starts next year. their reasons are that they don’t think he can handle having a serious relationship while also working on college stuff, and he doesn’t want any ties to his childhood and wants to reinvent himself and become more adult, without anything holding him back. the idea that we could stop dating one day isn’t what bothers me, what bothers me is that he doesn’t even want to try to keep dating in college, and i truly think that we could miss out on something really great if we end it just like that. we both care about and love each other very much, and other than this, have an incredibly happy and supportive relationship. we are currently still dating.

TL;DR: I love my boyfriend and he’s a genuinely kind, supportive, trustworthy partner, but after 4 years I’m losing attraction because his people-pleasing, poor social awareness, lack of assertiveness/initiative, and increasingly childlike demeanor make me feel more like his parent than his partner. We’ve discussed these issues repeatedly and he improves temporarily, but the underlying dynamic remains. Our sex life has suffered and I wouldn’t marry him if nothing changed. I’m wondering whether this is realistically fixable or if we’re simply incompatible.

//

My boyfriend is genuinely a great person: kind, affectionate, extremely trustworthy, financially responsible, supportive, emotionally stable, and generous. We have a comfortable life together and my family loves him.

But after 4 years, I'm seriously questioning our compatibility because I don't trust his social judgment, assertiveness, or ability to take initiative without me guiding him.

He's intelligent and competent at work and with subjects he's interested in, but socially he can be extremely naïve, passive and people-pleasing.

For example, at a dinner with his family connections, I became uncomfortable and texted him three times that I wanted to leave. He still immediately accepted an invitation to continue to dinner. When he finally understood, he told them I had something to do and looked at me to explain why we were leaving. He then accepted a ride I'd already declined. I basically had to manage the entire situation for him.

Another time, we found possible insect debris beside the bed at his friend's house. He was terrified of inconveniencing his friend by bringing it up. Afterward he apologized repeatedly and told his friend, essentially, "You know me, I didn't have a problem with it," making me the difficult one. He later apologized to me and hasn't repeated that specific behavior.

There have been many smaller versions of this. He acknowledges being a people-pleaser, but despite years of conversations and me suggesting therapy, he hasn't independently pursued understanding or changing it very much.

He has improved, which makes this harder. But I still feel like I'm constantly noticing social dynamics, explaining them to him, telling him when something is inappropriate, or pushing him to advocate for himself/us.

This is now affecting my attraction. He's also become increasingly childlike in his humor/demeanor, which we've discussed as recently as last month. He also admitted he may have gotten too comfortable.

We barely have sex because I don't really want to anymore. When we do, I often have to direct him so much that I lose arousal. I miss passion, intellectual stimulation, initiative, and feeling like my partner can sometimes take the lead.

I don't want a macho or aggressive man. I actually love that he's gentle and goofy. I just want a gentle man who also has a backbone, situational awareness and independent judgment.

The hardest part is that I still love him. He's my closest companion and I love his affection. But when I asked myself, "If he stayed exactly like this for the next 10 years, would I marry him?" my answer was no.

We've had versions of this conversation for years. He usually tries harder, things improve temporarily, and eventually we end up here again.

I'm planning to have a serious conversation with him tomorrow, but I'm starting to wonder whether asking him to change again is even fair.

At what point do you accept that a good person simply isn't the right partner for you? Has anyone recovered attraction after starting to feel more like their partner's parent?

My boyfriend (27M) and I (22F) have been together for four years, long distance for the past year.

When we met, I was in college and he already had his own business. He was charming, ambitious, adventurous, and traveled frequently for work. I’m similar in temperament, so we felt like a good match and talked about building our lives around travel and our careers.

There were some red flags early on. He could be very jealous and clingy when I traveled or worked with men, although this improved considerably after we talked about it.

He also used to tickle me despite knowing that it was connected to a serious trauma from my past. I explained why it was such a sensitive issue, but it took several months and a very bad reaction from me before he fully stopped. There were other physical boundaries I didn't know how to enforce when I was younger.

Recently, something happened that I can't seem to move past.

After we'd been apart for several months, we were intimate and he tried to put nicotine in my mouth. I told him no several times and tried to stop him, but he did it anyway and laughed. I ended up crying afterward.

The substance itself isn't really the issue. What bothers me is that I clearly said no and tried to stop him, and he continued anyway. He apologized afterward and has been gentle since, but something changed for me. I now have trouble fully relaxing during intimacy, even when I want to be close to him.

There are smaller things that have also started bothering me. He gets upset when I don't send him photos, dismissed my concerns about walking alone at night as a woman, and laughed when I told him about unwanted attention I've received from other people.

I've also noticed that I've lost a lot of my physical attraction toward him. He's changed physically since we got together, while I've stayed relatively similar. He also recently moved from his previous career into blue-collar work. I don't look down on that kind of work, but part of me feels like he's moved away from the ambitious person I originally fell in love with.

Recently he told me he can't wait for me to become successful so I can start paying for everything. That really hurt, especially because I'm a broke recent arts graduate and already feel guilty that I can't contribute much financially right now.

He's currently looking for work in my city, so there's a possibility we'll soon be living in the same place. Instead of feeling excited about that, I'm realizing I'm not sure I actually want it.

I love him, and four years is a long time to share with someone. At the same time, I'm questioning whether we're actually compatible long-term. I'm also scared of being alone in a new city, struggling financially, and trying to build the life I've dreamed about without him.

How would you approach this situation? Am I focusing too much on individual problems? Am I self sabotaging by focusing on the bad?

TLDR: My boyfriend had trouble listening to my boundaries and while have gotten better since, he crossed it the other month and I haven’t been able to move past it.

So me (F21) and my boyfriend (M26) have been dating for 2 years now, and as the caption says, yes he doesn't have a job. At first i was fine with it when i was younger bc i wasnt too career driven but now i am. Hes been unemployed for about a year, and his mom used to give him 700 dollar checks every week for pretty much doing like 10 hours of work. she stopped around 3 months ago and now hes saying hes only been unemployed for 3 months, but he has admitted to me before that she was basically just giving him money and didnt have to do much. Hes also saying hes been applying everyday but still no luck. Were not paying rent right now because we live with his mom, which i am very grateful for but i have expressed to him in the past that i want us to move out, or maybe even I just get my own space. He gets very defensive when i bring up wanting my own space and he thinks its weird because we've been living together all this time which i get but i just dont want to be seen as a bum not paying rent and not living on my own. He always tells me that we have to "get out of here baby", but i dont see the effort on his end. I dont think we have the same goals anymore which sucks because i do really love him. His mom will also give him money for his drinking habits which i think is absurd. Once i turned 18 i was expected to buy my own food!

tl;dr bf dosent have a job, i pay for most dates, dosent have a desire to be independent

I (M20) do love my girlfreind (F21)but recently for some reason i feel like feelings have been slipping but i dont want to lose feelings im very confused. we’ve been together a while now (about a year) and ive always felt the same very loving towards her but for some reason i feel less in love then i used too even though i dont want to, tonight made me realise it. tonight she bought her first vibrator because shes never tried one and wanted to see what it was like so we got back home and she used it, obviously i was there with her and i felt so emotionless and just liike over everything then she tried having sex with me right after and i couldnt get hard and i felt like i just didnt want to see her, i want to love her as much as i did before but i dont know what to do, anyone have any thoughts?
TL:DR- im losing feelings what should i do

I’ve been going on dates with someone 11 years older for 1 month. We went on 6 dates and this last one I stayed in his place and we were intimate for 4
hours (grinding and kissing because I never did PIV sex). I did my best to make him cum without penetration and he even fell asleep in my arms which I thought it was a sign of emotional connection. It would be our last date until he comes back from his home country because he’s going to stay there the next 3 weeks.

When I came back home, he just texted me asking if I reached home and react with a kiss emoji to my reply. No good night message. No good morning message. No see you soon message. He just texts me the next day saying he landed because I asked him to and again, he reacts with a heart emoji. Today no messages too.

I thought it’s cold from his side to do this and I was expecting more communication after being intimate and flying to another continent, especially because he knows I’m a virgin and we aren’t even official. I feel used and ignored. I’m 26 and he’s 37. We belong to the same friend group and I feel so ashamed and embarrassed of this situation. He literally came on my ass and is acting like nothing happened. I feel like to stop seeing him. Besides of this situation, things are going so slow and he just texts me every other day and his dating history is only short-term relationships that lead nowhere because it “had no future.”

TL;DR: went on 6 dates with a friend’s friend who’s 11 years older than me. We got intimate before he left to his home country for 3 weeks and his communication decreased. Feeling ashamed and wanting to end everything.

so recently my [f18] bf [m18] decided he was gonna move out. it felt out of nowhere. we have been arguing a lot, but honestly my number one feeling throughout all this has just been that he’s far away. maybe not physically, but emotionally. he’s just not here with me. for the past few months i’ve been pretty convinced my boyfriend doesn’t love me. at first i got clingy, i’d beg him to stop playing video games and give me some attention. then i got mean. i wanted to protect my feelings and i turned cold. i regret that now. at first he told me he wanted to move out he said it was for his independence. then a few days ago, he switched it up and said it’s because i shut down a lot when we argue, and he thought moving out and giving each other space would be best for our relationship, as that fixed his unhealthy relationship with his mom. but i am not his mom. i tried making that clear and told him this would probably lead to a breakup. he told me he wanted to try it. in my mind, this will lead to a breakup. i’m clingy, im loving, and i’ve done long distance before and it sucks. i’m a full time college student as well as a full time manager at a pizza place. i don’t see him much as it is. i told him i felt that this was a poor choice, but he wanted to move back into his moms regardless. so i let him, im not gonna try to control him. what’s the point. his mom ended up not even wanting him to move back, so he’s getting a dorm. he will probably move out this weekend. i feel defeated. it’s like we’re roommates as it is. i don’t feel any love from him. his jokes feel like insults. any time i want to touch him i feel like its violating, even if i ask for consent i feel as though he’s utterly disgusted by me. i try to pretend im happy sometimes but it’s so draining the mask slips regardless. i wish we could go back to how we were. i don’t understand why he’s choosing to move out. this is gonna break us. i can’t take it. i was so happy before this mess. i thought he was too. i don’t understand why he is doing this. he says he still wants to be together and tries to claim that all of this negative is just on my side. i feel like it’s over. we’ve been together for a year and a half. i don’t even know what to do. i love him so much. but i don’t know if there’s any saving it

TL;DR my boyfriends pretty much cutting me loose and i’m not totally sure if it’s loose loose

Me (18M) and my girlfriend (17F) have been talking for 5 months and been dating for 3. She is everything I’ve wanted, she’s perfect, beautiful, and sweet, and considerate. Its just one problem that really bothers me- she is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS late. It doesn’t matter what the plans are, when I tell you that we’ve hung out probably upwards of 50 times (would be higher if I wasn’t on vacation for a good length of the summer), she hasn’t been on time once. Not once. If I say 2:30, ill text her at 2:25 and she will say “oh im just gonna shower and do my makeup and my hair and then Ill come over” At first i figured that it was just her procrastinating because she was nervous, but it’s been three months and I don’t know if she’ll ever change. Its not even a problem of punctuality or integrity for me. Its just the fact that I get really impatient REALLLL easy and I want to see my girlfriend at the time that we agree on. I wake up every morning we have plans and get so excited to see her, and I dont know, it just seems like she is late because maybe shes not as excited to see me or something, i just dont get it. As i continue to write this i realize that breaking up with her may be a little bit extreme, since she is literally the girl of my dreams- im just getting everything off of my chest- since it happened again today. Also, she always apologizes for being latw and asks if im mad, and of course i say no, but i just dont wanna start an argument. I just dont know man.

TLDR: My girlfriend is consistently late to every hangout we have. When she asks if im mad that she was late, i just say no of course not and then everything is fine- while i secretly am so frustrated. Im confused on whether this is a matter of not being as interested in hanging out as i am, or if this is a punctuality thing.

I don’t know how to feel about this.

We’ve been dating for 6 months. About 4 months ago she told me she stalked me when we first started dating and I didn’t think much of it, I honestly thought she only went through my pictures. Fast forward a few weeks later, she takes her phone out, pulls up my Instagram following list, and starts going through all the girl’s profiles I follow and starts asking me where I know them from. Saying I felt uncomfortable is an understatement. She decided to pull this move because I had recently uploaded a new post and 2 female friends from high school commented on it and she got jealous.

The thought of going through someone’s following list had never crossed my mind, let alone someone I’m starting to date. This got the best of me. I decided to go through her following as well and all it did was make me insecure (duh). So I took that as a sign and said “fuck it”, I decided to delete instagram, I did not, however, deactivate my account.

The following day she decided to delete insta as well since she had already been contemplating it according to her, so I thought “cool”.

Okay, so a few days ago, I’m minding my business on Reddit checking up on the latest GTA6 news, and she walks past me, side eyeing my phone and then asks me if I was on insta, to which I replied “no, it’s Reddit”. She then leaves and goes to her room.

I followed her and immediately she handed me her phone with some girl’s insta on her screen and started asking me who she was. I take a good look at it and recognize her from middle school, so I tell her that. She then asks “If you’re weren’t on insta, then why did you just follow her today?!” So naturally, I started tripping, because there’s no way I could’ve followed this girl since I don’t have instagram downloaded, and also, I’m not a douchebag boyfriend who follows random girls online.

So I download insta, go to this girl’s profile and unfollow her, then seeing she has her profile in private. So I tell my girl A) I could have sent her a request months ago and she just accepted it, or B) her profile was temporarily down and she logged in after a break (who hasn’t done this?).

She calmed down and I saw in her eyes that she believed me, which was a huge relief. But what did stand out to me and left me intrigued was, how tf did she know my following went up by 1? And mostly, how did she know when it went up? Obviously, I confronted her about this and she told me there’s this website that gives you all those details, she didn’t even try to hide it lol, and she told me she used before, when se started dating.

So now I know how she rolls. She’s got me checked up in a way and I’ve been feeling a bit uncomfortable ever since. I don’t know how much of a red flag this is, and I don’t know if she’s only used this website more than the 2 times she told me. And this sucks cause there’s many things about her I adore. But this, man, I don’t know.

Any advice?

TL;DR

Gf uses online platform to check my insta following count and it creeps me out.

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Hey everyone. I’m M16, I moved from Ukraine to Germany, and I’m still trying to get used to everything here and make friends.

About a year ago I became very close friends with a F17. She’s a lesbian, and I have absolutely nothing against that. I’ve always been more comfortable with close, mostly platonic relationships anyway, so her sexuality was never an issue for me.

She’s also quite a complicated and insecure person. She has a lot of problems with trust and used to have a really hard time believing that people genuinely cared about her. She especially struggled to believe that another girl actually had feelings for her. She also has a lot of insecurities about her appearance and often doesn’t feel good about herself.

During the past year, I tried to be there for her whenever things got difficult. I listened to her, helped her when she needed it, and stayed by her side when she was having a hard time. Eventually we became extremely close.

At some point, I started feeling like she might have feelings for me. She started showing me a lot of affection and attention, and since I had never been in a relationship before, I honestly liked feeling wanted. Eventually, I started developing feelings for her too.

Then another girl came into the picture.

This girl developed feelings for my friend, and they started spending a lot of time together. They would hold hands, hug, go places together, and sometimes just disappear somewhere together when we were all hanging out.

What made it more confusing was that my friend spent a long time not believing that this girl actually liked her. She constantly questioned her feelings and seemed unsure about what their relationship even meant.

I tried not to make a big deal out of it. I didn't want to be jealous or make my friend feel like she had to choose between us.

But a few days ago something happened that completely confused me.

My friend got very drunk and started crying. She told me that she loves me very much and that she cries because of me almost every day. She said she worries about me a lot, especially when I go out alone at night, and told me that I mean more to her than almost anyone else in her life.

She hugged me really tightly and kept telling me how important I am to her.

And then, shortly afterwards, she went back to spending time with the other girl.

Now I genuinely don't know what to believe.

I know she was drunk, so I don't know how seriously I should take everything she said. At the same time, it feels difficult to completely dismiss it because of how close we've become over the past year.

I also don't know whether what she feels for me is actually romantic. Maybe she loves me extremely deeply as a friend. Maybe she has romantic feelings but is confused about them. Or maybe she simply feels very attached to me because I've been there for her during some difficult times.

That's what makes this so difficult for me.

I don't want to compete with the other girl. I don't want my friend to feel pressured to choose me. And I definitely don't want to ruin the friendship we've built.

But I also don't want to keep hoping for something that might never happen.

So what should I actually do?

Should I talk to her when she's completely sober and ask her honestly what she meant?

Should I tell her that I have feelings for her too?

Or should I just accept that she may care about me very deeply, but still want someone else romantically?

I'm honestly really confused and could use some outside perspective.

What would you do in my situation?

TL;DR: My best friend and I have been extremely close for about a year. I've always been there for her when she was struggling with trust and insecurity, and eventually I developed feelings for her. Recently, while drunk and crying, she told me that she loves me extremely strongly and that I'm one of the most important people in her life. But shortly afterwards she went back to spending time with another girl who has feelings for her. I don't know whether my friend's words were romantic, platonic, or just intensified by alcohol. Should I talk to her about it while she's sober, or should I accept the situation and move on?

We’ve been together for 8 months and I really love him, but I get anxious pretty easily. Sometimes when he replies short or takes a while to text back I start overthinking and ask if everything is okay between us. He says it makes him feel like I don’t trust him and that it’s exhausting. I don’t mean to be needy, I just get scared something is wrong. I’m 19 and this is my first serious relationship so I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or if this is normal. I don’t want to push him away but I also don’t want to keep feeling this anxious. Am I the problem here?
Tl/dr: I don’t know if I’m being too much, this is my first serious relationship

I apologize beforehand if there's any mispelling or grammar mistake, english is not my first language.

I (21F) been in a relationship with my boyfriend (20M) for almost 3 years. Even as teenagers, we were really mature in terms of conflict, and we handled arguments camly, we talked about our feelings and made a lot of effort to understand our needs. I have always felt like I was the anchor in those conversations, and I was always trying to calm him down if he got a little bit too angry or if he wanted to go home in the middle of the argument. I have always been clear on my limits and things I didn't like (for example: leaving in the middle of an argument, yelling) and he did change those things! But for the past year, he's been staying at my house 4 of 7 days a week (I still live with my mother, and she's cool with him coming over) so he started bringing a lot of his clothes to my place for convenience and comfort, I was ok with it so i gave him a space in my closet, the problem now is that he doesn't fold his clothes and leaves a mess in that little space, and I don't like it. I told him about it, he apologized and he promised to change. That happened like 20 more times before i told him to never bring his clothes again because he keeps making a mess and apologizing and doing it again. He accepted it, but weeks passed and I felt bad and I gave him another chance because this time he promised he was going to change it. Nonetheless, he didn't. He keeps doing it over and over again even though i tell him it bothers me.

Another situation that happened recently is that my birthday was coming up, and this entire year I complained about how my mother kept gifting me pajamas in every ocasion even though i told her multiple times I didn't need or want them anymore. I explained to him that even after telling her it bothers me, she kept doing it, which i found really disrespectful (I mean, imagine gifting someone something that they specifically told you they didn't want!) I also told him it was a complicated situation because it made me feel selfish and ungrateful cause at the end of the day, i was feeling sad over a gift. He completely understood me and agreed that it was so disrespectful of her to do. Anyways, time passes and my birthday comes up, I remember telling him multiples times that week before that I was worried about my mother gifting me another pajama, he reassured me telling me that she probably understood by now. Clock hits 12am, and he wishes me a happy birthday, tells me to close my eyes and brings me my gift.... A pajama... He gifted me a pajama. He knew about how I felt. He knew it bothered me. I recieved it with a fake smile, and the morning after I told him how I truly felt. He told me he didn't want to gift me the pajama specifically, but the robe that came with it (it was a pajama set) but because he'd already bought it, gave it to me anyway.

I don't know how to feel about this. He tells me that there's no harm in the things he does, it's just he doesn't realize that what's he's doing hurts me. He says he wants to change, that he's trying, and when he says that, I feel bad and that I'm being to harsh on him. I'm conflicted if to believe that my frustation is valid, or if maybe I'm too alone in life and bored and I find anything just to get angry at him.

EDIT: I don't want to sound like the kind of girl who complains and then doesn't want to hear people telling her to kick his ass. I'm open to hear everyone and their opinions!! I want help! but I think it's also worth mention that he is supportive of me overall, with the poor and toxic relationship with my parents, he's next to me when I'm struggling and anxious, buys me crazy gifts, and have a good time with him. But these issues are starting to happen more often.

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**TL;DR;** : My boyfriend had promised to change, but keeps doing the things I told him I don't like. Should I be patient with him because he's trying?

My boyfriend (21M) and I (20F) have been together for about 2 years. Our relationship has been very complicated.
Early on, I was insecure because he posted sad songs/TikToks about his ex, including missing her and wanting her back. While we were together, he told me he saw her at Walmart, felt sad, and ran away. He also posted sexual songs about other girls and followed lots of girls even after I told him it hurt me.
We broke up at one point, and while we were apart I met another guy. I told him no around 7 times, said I wasn’t ready, and told him I wanted my first time to be with someone I was actually dating. He kept pressuring me until I eventually gave in. I regretted it and immediately told my boyfriend and apologized.
My boyfriend was extremely hurt. He called me extremely degrading names, said he hoped I would be pressured again, made hateful songs about me, and then ghosted me for about a month.
Around March this year, I went through his phone and found messages from while we were together with his cousin’s girlfriend, Maricela (20F). EDIT/CLARIFICATION: I forgot to make the timeline clear in my original post. My boyfriend had sex with Maricela in March 2024, about 7 months before we met. The romantic/sexual messages I mentioned were also from around that time. He says he did not flirt with her, have sex with her, or do anything with her after that. I only found out about it much later, after we were already together. I wanted to clarify this because I think my original post made it sound like the cheating happened while we were together.
He called her “baby” and told her “I love you so much,” “you’re so perfect,” “you’re so beautiful,” and “you’re the only girl I want.” He asked her to send him more pictures because he thought she was beautiful. She also sent him sexual TikToks/posts, and he responded with sexual messages, including saying he still remembered being intimate with her and making comments about wanting to make her legs shake. These messages happened both before and after they had sex. He admitted they had sex.
He says he was drunk/asleep and that she woke him up, kissed him, and initiated everything, and he says she assaulted him. Maricela told me the opposite—that he initiated things, flirted with her, had feelings for her, and tried to pull her closer shortly before visiting me.
When I first asked my boyfriend if they had sex, he admitted they did. Later, I called him and asked how many times, and he said four times. Later he changed his story and said they didn’t have sex four times and that he only said that because I kept asking.
I don’t know who is telling the truth, but the secrecy, messages, and conflicting stories destroyed my trust. When I confronted him, he was rude and told me, “That’s why you got cheated on.”
Recently, he’s been much better. He blocked Maricela, doesn’t see her, calls me more, and has been very loving. I genuinely believe he’s changed.
But during an argument last week, he told me, “If I were sober, I wouldn’t be with you. We wouldn’t be together.” He later said he only said it because he was stressed.

TL;DR: I made a mistake while my boyfriend and I were apart, but later found out he had sex with his cousin’s girlfriend while we were together and had been sending her romantic/sexual messages. We’ve both hurt each other, but he says he’s changed and has been treating me better. I still love him, but I’m hurt and don’t know if I can trust him or if I should stay.

I (24F) want to cut my brother (37M) out of my life. I hate who he is. I hate how he is always in my life and saying me what to do or ask too many questions. I am very independet person and I get overwhelmed and annoyed with questions because I do not want to say anything to anyone. I can not live without being independent. I hate his whole personality and I hate him even more since he owns me so much money, he made my credit score go down like crazy and now im in debt because of him and cant do anything else. I hate the way he thinks and he is kind of a person who needs to know every freaking detail. He thinks we need to move and live as a family and thinks having an independet life means not caring and removing family. He is married and we dont live together. Its only me and my mom.

The reason why this is difficult is not because i care or else. I dont care about him at all. I would be very happy if he s dead. But it is so hard because he is not gonna understand! He thinks everything can be resolved with talking and does not understand how much independence means too me. If im not independent, i suffer from living. Its the only way i can live. My hate is not new. I hate him since i was 14 years old or something. He thinks he is the best brother and son but he is really nothing and does nothing else but harm us financially and mentally. And also it is very hard because we share the same mother.

I dont know what i can make him to understand? He thinks he has a word over my life. He thinks he can make decisions about my life and interfere in my life however he wants. He gets mad when i say stuff like "I won’t live by anyone’s rules but my own" and says "im not anyone im your brother" bruh anyone who is not me is called anyone.

What kind of speech i can give? I cannot think of any way to make him understand. I think he will get very emotional and start saying things like "i love you very much i do anything for you why are you like this why are you so selfish we are a family how can you say this things why are you so rebellious" bla bla bla.

Even after we talk about everything, the damage is already done and his presence is enough to get on my nerves. He doesnt even have to open his mouth. He doesnt care about anyone's opinions or feelings (he thinks he does, he believes he is very empathetic and thoughtful and says he always think of us). He doesnt even realize how disrespectful he is.

I dont know what to say to him. I used to be a people pleaser so this can give you some ideas about my personality and how hard it is for me. Because i still sometimes struggle with even saying "no" to people.

Please give me some ideas. What kind a of a speech i should give?

Thank you all

tl;dr my brother thinks he can interfere in my life however he wants. I hate the way he thinks and his personality and i dont wanna see his face ever again. Im a very independet person. I cant live without my independence, i only suffer. He doesnt understand i can have my own life. He thinks we should live and move as a family. He is very disrespectful and doesnt care about others opinions or feelings but he thinks he is very empathetic and thoughtful. He will not understand my reasons of not wanting him in my life. He will turn it on me by saying things like you re so rebellious why are you like this we are a family you are my sister ily so much bla bla. I dont care any of this. I used to be a people pleaser so its still hard for me to do this kind of talks. What kind of a speech i should give so he can understand?

For context, my boyfriend and I have been together for just under 1 year and moved in together after 4 months (Ik not the best idea but young and naive) I really thought he was the love of my life and someone I wanted to spend forever with. I got married at 18 (not the best track record lol) and was with that person for 4 years, so this is not my first real relationship and was single for a few years in between to see what the market is like.

Before we moved in together I used to tell people I was so spoiled because of all the things he used to do for me (bring me coffee as an excuse to see me, always brought flowers, would come over and meal prep for me before my long shifts, etc) he made me feel seen and appreciated. FFW to a little bit after we moved in together and those things became less and less and I started to notice. It felt like I was pouring into his cup so much without reciprocation that mine ran dry. To be fair he was on a LOA for the first few months we got together, and began full time work, M-F 7a-4p, a little before we moved in together.

It’s now a few months later and I don’t feel seen or heard by him. He’s not really interested in the things I have to say, most times we go out and do something it ends up being what he wants to do, I haven’t gotten flowers in weeks, I don’t remember the last time he’s brought me home coffee just because. I’ve tried to bring this up and he almost always gets defensive saying he feels like he can’t do anything right. I’ve made a list of things that he can do that would bring me joy and only one of those things have happened maybe twice in a few months.

We recently had an argument because for weeks I’ve been wanting to plan a trip for our 1 year or even just in general and I always get the “I’m super busy with work” “I don’t have the time” but then a few days ago he asked me if I cared if he went on a trip with his buddies at the end of the year. Naturally I got emotional because I’ve been trying and haven’t gotten the time of day but he now has the time to go with his friends.

He is constantly telling me he loves me so much and can’t see himself having a family/being with anyone else and that he can’t wait to start a family with me, but his words and his actions don’t align. How do you love someone so much but somehow don’t do things for them to show them they’re loved ? Is this a love language issue? Is this an incompatibility issue? I don’t feel comfortable having hard conversations with him anymore because I’m always met with defensiveness or down playing my feelings. I’m scared to have a family with him because I’m worried I’ll be the sole providing parent, working full time, dealing with kid things, etc and he will just be… there.

I go back and forth with myself over this every day. On one hand, I’ve heard the first year is one of the hardest to get through due to differences. On the other hand, I don’t feel like these issues should be happening in the first year and it’s a predictor for down the road. I don’t know if this is something to work through because relationships take work or if this is simply because we are not meant for each other and someone else can love me the way I need to be loved.

TL;DR : should I break up with my boyfriend due to differences or stay together and try to work through it?

Today I took off work because I am sick. He is usually here every day after work. But today he decided to go do a job for one of his friends after work. He never sent me a text or even asked me when we talked on the phone if I needed anything, he just announced at the end of work he wasn’t coming over today. This is the first day I have ever been this sick since we met or took off work. He never asked me once today how I was feeling or if I needed anything. He told me yesterday he could do that job for his friends whenever he wanted and it didn’t have to be today. Yesterday when I first was getting sick he said he was going to come over and make me dinner but instead got ingredients to make the same dinner I make several times a week and then proceeded to watch me cook it. Then today when I woke up sicker, nothing from him.

TL;DR: bf offered to make dinner yesterday but got me ingredients for me to cook dinner then today when I am sicker and took off work, he never asked how I am or if I need anything, just called to tell me I won’t see him today.

Throwaway account obviously. Now before I continue I just want to say please don’t judge me, I already know the age gap is off and that’s why I’ve been having a lot of conflicting feelings.

A couple months ago, I, as a joke (but also out of curiosity) increased my age range. I matched with this guy let’s just call him Josh, mainly because he’s a dentist, which is the career im aiming for, and also because he was cute of course. At first, things were nice, and he’s been very respectful to me. Pretty early on (maybe a couple days after we matched), he started talking about sex, but in a relaxed and non pressuring way. He went on saying how he wants me to be comfortable with it and that we could introduce physical touch slow. I told him I was a virgin, and he said this exact thing, “I don’t want to fetishize virginity, but if you trusted me I’d be honoured and I would definitely make sure you feel safe.” I felt a bit weirded out after he said that, but you see I tend to downplay things like that so I just ignored it. I liked talking about sex because it is genuinely something I want to explore sooner or later.

I also asked him about his dating preference for younger women, and he mentioned that he dates both older and younger women, and that I’m the youngest he’s talked to (well I sure hope so buddy..).

After a couple days of this, I still felt weird about the age gap, and broke it off with him, he understood and wasn’t rude or angry about it, but then he said “If you’re not interested in me, do you have any friends you think would be? Because I would still like to meet people that would be a good match.” Like what?? Isn’t it kind of weird asking someone 12 years younger if she has other friends you can date? It makes me feel as though he’s specifically targeting very young women, I’m not even in my 20s yet.

Okay now this is the part where you’ll probably judge me the most, but I texted him a couple days after asking if we can start talking again. I did this because, with the little experience I have, Josh has been the most communicative and respectful guy I’ve talked to so far. I felt, and still feel to some extent, that I wouldn’t want to lose a guy like him, because most men I’ve talked to aren’t as good as him.

So we’ve been talking a while, and I’ve met him 3 times. They were a bit awkward because sometimes when we both had nothing to say he’d just stare at me and smile. And I keep getting these mixed feelings that he’s very cringey but also kind of attractive and I don’t really know how to deal with that. Like he’s very smart and started the dental club I joined in my first year of uni (crazy coincidence), so I admire that part of him, but sometimes when he flirts on text it makes me cringe.

The most recent date was yesterday, and I didn’t really enjoy it. We didn’t talk about much, but to be fair, I’m not great with small talk and always mess up my words. He’s a very talkative guy so mainly let him talk, but he doesn’t ask as many questions about me. I could also tell he wasn’t fully engaged because he suggested that I could catch my bus earlier because he was selling his car and got a potential buyer, whom he was texting. Kind of random but he also made this weird comment about Trudeau’s blackface, saying it would’ve been fine/funny if it was tan and not black, mind you he’s white and I’m brown, so that didn’t come across very well.

He hasn’t texted me at all since yesterday. I’ve been trying to figure out what to say to him and how to end it (for good now). At the same time I wish we could continue, because I want to explore my sexual life and the way he talks to me about it makes me feel secure, but I recognize that we don’t have very fulfilling convos about other things not related to sex.

Sorry if this might seem like more of a rant, I just don’t have anybody to talk to about this so I’m trying to work out my feelings here. I feel conflicted because I haven’t felt comfortable talking to any other guy about sex but at the same time, this guy feels off and I don’t know how to directly pinpoint why (other than him being older).

If you have any advice based on anything I’ve said, I’d greatly appreciate it.

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**TL;DR;** : I (18F) feel conflicted about my relationship with this guy (30M) because he makes me feel comfortable talking about my sexuality, and he’s also in a career I want to be in, which makes me respect him. However, I find that we aren’t great at talking about other things, and he‘s made a couple of off-putting comments.

Me and my boyfriend, both 21, have been dating for 5 months. We've been long distance for the past 2 months and have a 7-hour time difference. I am sort of an anxious attachment style when it comes to him because everytime we have an argument, I tend to want to fix it and talk it out as soon as it happens. My boyfriend on the other hand, works on hourly shifts and hence, tends to always have long hours and doubles so whenever we fight, he tends to run off to work leaving the conversation open for discussion at a future date. This leaves me anxious since I find it hard to leave things be for 2-3 days in a row and it makes me feel like my anxious nature is not taken into consideration and I'm silently being asked to compromise and wait until he's free. I'm conflicted as to whether I'm always going to be stuck at this spot of having to choose between giving him space whilst letting myself question if he thinks I'm important enough or not.

TL;DR: how do I ask my boyfriend to reassure me that he's not letting disagreements marinate because he wants to make it harder for me, and how do I work on myself to not feel this way too and give him the benefit of doubt.