I (m51) and my new love interest (f51) are both recently divorced. We’ve known each other as friends for a long time, but we reconnected after our lives changed, and an intense romantic love has developed.
We live in separate nearby cities, so at this point we meet on weekends or occasional weeknights. We text constantly and talk weekly. We openly share our love with one another.
We are both very excited about where this could go.

We are both mature and have relationship experience and are well aware of the bad patterns that accompany ‘rebound’ relationships.

I am thinking of moving, to be closer to her, and that is a big change.

When I am trying to decide if it’s a good idea, the idea of limerence comes to mind. It would be awful to move and then have our relationship not live up to our hopes. I’d be stuck in a new place and have to start again. (That’s life, I do understand)

I want to ask her, as a mature friend, who I care about and respect, to find out if she, as a mature friend who cares about and respects me, believes if our love is real enough to for me to make this commitment. I want to just discuss openly, without damaging the love we have, if we agree that this is a real thing we can build upon together.

On one hand, asking could expose cracks and bring questions about the others’ commitment and erode what we have. There is a magic to love, and to lift up the hood to try to look too closely at it might diminish that magic.

On the other hand, I’d like to think that it could be a productive conversation between two experienced people, in which we open ourselves up to one another, and maybe even bring us closer.

Any thoughts?

TLDR: Will asking my new serious girlfriend if she thinks our love is real and not infatuation damage her belief in our relationship? Or could the question bring us closer?

TL;DR; partner is becoming distant lately cant tell if its just her mental health or she doesn’t like me anymore

I 24M and 23F recently started dating 5 months ago (long distance) and for the first few months of our relationship things were perfect we had really good communication we would call and text all the time and occasionally play games together even when we were just friends it was great but the last month or two it feels like im talking to a brick wall or just being ignored and its a bit exhausting lately its been one or two text a day or none at all and ignoring my calls.she has bpd and struggles with mental health so this could be it but im supposed to see her in person whenever she wants me too but most of the time she just says “soon” i still really love her alot and she says she loves me too we have never argued she is genuinely really sweet which is why i feel like im just overthinking/overreacting and she just needs a bunch of space but also feel like the honeymoon phase is over and shes isnt feeling me as much as she used too. any advice on how i should go about this?

i am (f16) he is (m17). we’ve talked to each other about a month online. before that i met him for a weak when i was back at my country. i confessed to him that i like him, and he replied saying he has mutual feelings. yet after that… i am not sure what to do. i am very confused since it is my first possible relationship ever.. I didn’t ask if he wants to start dating ( which would be long distance for two years, before i return back to my country. i will be visiting it more tho through out this two years ).

what concerns me is the fact that i was the one to confess.. he said that he thought we would chat for 2-3 months and that’s all.. did he not have in mind confessing? also.. do i have to be the one again to suggest relationship? i just feel like i would be doing all of it, and it makes me feel like he doesn’t even want it..

i heard from my european friend ( i am slavic ) that before actually dating and being friends there is some other stage, where you see if you really match (..i think? i never heard abt it so i am not 100 percent sure..)

i know that in general he isn’t really that talkative. his mom even spoke to my mom saying that they aren’t really that talkative and never talk to girls ( my mom and his are best friends, i met him ages ago as children. he also have a twin brother)

can i ask advice on what to do? do i wait, letting him do the move? and advice regarding my concerns on him not wanting it? should i address it to him or just wait?

tl:dr: how do i get into relationship with the guy to whom i confessed, who has same feelings for me?

hello
he has a friend who he told me about very early on into mine and his relationship and when i asked about her he told me about how they did IT together because she wanted to try with a boy, how they would make out as friends, but also how she was a lesbian.. at the time he told me about her he wasn’t speaking to her as she blocked him bc of something that happened between them unrelated.. so every now and then he would send me pics of her randomly as well as other random pics unrelated and then tell me that he missed her and i also remember him telling me everyone needs a (her name) in their life.. and he also told me about how when they first met he thought she was pretty cute but then found out she was lesbian.. and now that mine and his relationship has progressed.. and also what i told u there that was a while ago.. im now feeling insecure because he still hangs out with her now and i can’t help but compare myself to her. sometimes he sends pics of her to me when they are out together but acts super innocent about it as it does seem innocent like they just do friend things together.. i just feel like if she was straight, he’d be with her. Or idk if she is lesbian.. idk i want to trust him too..

**TL;DR; : guy im talking to has a friend that he has a history with **.

I don’t know how to feel about this.

We’ve been dating for 6 months. About 4 months ago she told me she stalked me when we first started dating and I didn’t think much of it, I honestly thought she only went through my pictures. Fast forward a few weeks later, she takes her phone out, pulls up my Instagram following list, and starts going through all the girl’s profiles I follow and starts asking me where I know them from. Saying I felt uncomfortable is an understatement. She decided to pull this move because I had recently uploaded a new post and 2 female friends from high school commented on it and she got jealous.

The thought of going through someone’s following list had never crossed my mind, let alone someone I’m starting to date. This got the best of me. I decided to go through her following as well and all it did was make me insecure (duh). So I took that as a sign and said “fuck it”, I decided to delete instagram, I did not, however, deactivate my account.

The following day she decided to delete insta as well since she had already been contemplating it according to her, so I thought “cool”.

Okay, so a few days ago, I’m minding my business on Reddit checking up on the latest GTA6 news, and she walks past me, side eyeing my phone and then asks me if I was on insta, to which I replied “no, it’s Reddit”. She then leaves and goes to her room.

I followed her and immediately she handed me her phone with some girl’s insta on her screen and started asking me who she was. I take a good look at it and recognize her from middle school, so I tell her that. She then asks “If you’re weren’t on insta, then why did you just follow her today?!” So naturally, I started tripping, because there’s no way I could’ve followed this girl since I don’t have instagram downloaded, and also, I’m not a douchebag boyfriend who follows random girls online.

So I download insta, go to this girl’s profile and unfollow her, then seeing she has her profile in private. So I tell my girl A) I could have sent her a request months ago and she just accepted it, or B) her profile was temporarily down and she logged in after a break (who hasn’t done this?).

She calmed down and I saw in her eyes that she believed me, which was a huge relief. But what did stand out to me and left me intrigued was, how tf did she know my following went up by 1? And mostly, how did she know when it went up? Obviously, I confronted her about this and she told me there’s this website that gives you all those details, she didn’t even try to hide it lol, and she told me she used before, when se started dating.

So now I know how she rolls. She’s got me checked up in a way and I’ve been feeling a bit uncomfortable ever since. I don’t know how much of a red flag this is, and I don’t know if she’s only used this website more than the 2 times she told me. And this sucks cause there’s many things about her I adore. But this, man, I don’t know.

Any advice?

TL;DR

Gf uses online platform to check my insta following count and it creeps me out.

My M/26 boyfriend and I F/26 have been in a relationship for four months now. For context he’s German and I’m Latin American and we both live in Germany (This info will help later)

He got a new job recently and went on a work trip for three days. During these three days he sent me 5 messages with basically no real communication besides hope you have a good day and one voice message at 12:20 am one day saying that “he was working a lot and spending time with his coworkers having fun”. I told him the first day of this trip that I wasn’t feeling well and was going to the doctor the next day, 3 days passed and he didn’t ask anything about my wellbeing while I spent a whole day sick in bed. This is a recurring problem for me because I think nobody is that busy to not be able to send a simple text during the day, this has already happened other times and now I’m questioning if this is something I can live with.
I’d really appreciate some advice from other intercultural or just relationships in general about how to handle this situation.

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**TL;DR;** : my boyfriend doesn’t text me

I am 12 years older (38) than my boyfriend (26). It is my first relationship with younger man. Our relationship is actually wonderful, and I shouldn't be stressing over this, but I am.

I find myself thinking about the future ahead of us. In 10 years, I'll be approaching menopause, while he will be in the prime of his life. I keep thinking about how he has all the time in the world to have kids, while my biological clock is ticking as I type this.

He isn't ready yet and I understand him but he does want them.

What bothers me the most is that our relationship is truly great from the beginning (last 6 months). He is the man of my life, and I am his woman. This post is to ask for advice on how to find peace with this gap. Please share your examples if you made it work. Thank you all from this cougar ;)

Tl;dr: i'm stressing because im 12 years older then my boyfriend.

Here's what's going on. My friend and I have been friends for nearly 6 years now. We met at college and bonded over Nintendo and similar interests. Recently though I've noticed he's changed.

I was deeply affected by the death of Dolly Parton, as she was an important figure in my life. He's been understanding, which I have appreciated. I am in the stages of getting over her passing lately which has been very good, and her death has made me wanna make some life changes, such as diet, and a chore list to help me remember, due to my ADHD.

He initially supported this, but tonight he went back on how he's feeling, saying I'm not in the right headspace to make these choices.

He then said "Sucks that Dolly is gone but she's been put to rest. Her soul lives on so its fine." Even though I'm sad about her death.

I'm happy she's at peace and she's with Carl now. But it felt like he was being dismissive. He then said "meanwhile I've been suffering from hallucinations and I'm in debt."

Here is why him doing this annoys me. He's been doing this for almost 3 years now. Whenever I have a thing thats upsetting me or making me sad, he always has to go "Um well ackshually" and one-up my problems by telling me about his. I appreciate that he has these problems.

I have actually felt sorry for him for these problems. He doesn't deserve to have hallucinations and voices in his head. But he's not telling me that for sympathy. He's telling me these things to make himself look better than me. I'm just upset. I'm not looking to be better than everyone else.

He called me out for being shitty. Here's the thing. I don't consider myself necessarily the nicest person. I feel like I'm an okay person. Not bad to be around but just nice enough. Thing is he's the only person who calls me out for being shitty. I have a decent amount of friends. He's the only one who calls me out like this. So my fear is that he thinks I'm being shitty, but only in his eyes. I ain't claiming to be perfect, but he's the only person who does it.

He has been trying to cover his debt by doing commissions. And I've helped him. I've told my friends about it. Sent them his price sheet. Only one of them bought one. He tells me "it never matters what I deal with". I mentioned that I tried to help by getting him commissions from my friends, and he said "Stuff like that makes me not wanna talk to you".

So it feels to me that whenever I make a good point he puts on the manipulation and tries to make the situation in his favour. His debt is £2000. It felt like to me that he's not mad that I'm not helping him (I am). It feels like he's mad because I haven't covered his whole debt.

I have said I apologise that he hears voices and hallucinates. No one deserves to go through that. Ever. I can imagine its a scary thing. But he tells me this every single time something is up. I don't know what he wants me to do about it. I'm not a nurse. I tried to provide comfort about the voices and the hallucinations but he then told me to shut up.

He told me that I've changed since Dolly's passing and that I pushed him away but talked to my other friends fine. That's bullshit because I haven't mentioned I talked to my other friends. Because I haven't. Not as much anyway.

He has mentioned he's aware that he has an ego, but he doesn't want to change it. But I'm worried this ego of his is ruining our friendship, and he's trying to pin it on me.

Reddit, PLEASE tell me if I'm wrong here. I need to know. I'm going crazy.

Tl;dr: Friend is telling me that I'm making positive life changes, I get confused. Then he tells me I've changed. He then also claims I have become a whole different person

Tl:Dr: so my girlfriend (f20) of 9 months is hanging out with this Gay guy friend a lot, I made sure to make a boundary of no weird stuff or stuff that wouldn’t be okay with any other guy

she broke the boundary today and now I’m worried. When we were in school I caught him playing with her hair, we start leaving and I say her name 10 times and she doesn’t hear me and is too busy talking to him, and finally when we part ways to go to our respective vehicles she goes and sits in his car for a bit.

I tried mentioning it to her and talk to her about how it crosses my boundaries but she just said “Do you wanna stay? Then be quiet.” What should I do?

We’ve been together for 8 months and I really love him, but I get anxious pretty easily. Sometimes when he replies short or takes a while to text back I start overthinking and ask if everything is okay between us. He says it makes him feel like I don’t trust him and that it’s exhausting. I don’t mean to be needy, I just get scared something is wrong. I’m 19 and this is my first serious relationship so I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or if this is normal. I don’t want to push him away but I also don’t want to keep feeling this anxious. Am I the problem here?
Tl/dr: I don’t know if I’m being too much, this is my first serious relationship

Today I took off work because I am sick. He is usually here every day after work. But today he decided to go do a job for one of his friends after work. He never sent me a text or even asked me when we talked on the phone if I needed anything, he just announced at the end of work he wasn’t coming over today. This is the first day I have ever been this sick since we met or took off work. He never asked me once today how I was feeling or if I needed anything. He told me yesterday he could do that job for his friends whenever he wanted and it didn’t have to be today. Yesterday when I first was getting sick he said he was going to come over and make me dinner but instead got ingredients to make the same dinner I make several times a week and then proceeded to watch me cook it. Then today when I woke up sicker, nothing from him.

TL;DR: bf offered to make dinner yesterday but got me ingredients for me to cook dinner then today when I am sicker and took off work, he never asked how I am or if I need anything, just called to tell me I won’t see him today.

Throwaway account obviously. Now before I continue I just want to say please don’t judge me, I already know the age gap is off and that’s why I’ve been having a lot of conflicting feelings.

A couple months ago, I, as a joke (but also out of curiosity) increased my age range. I matched with this guy let’s just call him Josh, mainly because he’s a dentist, which is the career im aiming for, and also because he was cute of course. At first, things were nice, and he’s been very respectful to me. Pretty early on (maybe a couple days after we matched), he started talking about sex, but in a relaxed and non pressuring way. He went on saying how he wants me to be comfortable with it and that we could introduce physical touch slow. I told him I was a virgin, and he said this exact thing, “I don’t want to fetishize virginity, but if you trusted me I’d be honoured and I would definitely make sure you feel safe.” I felt a bit weirded out after he said that, but you see I tend to downplay things like that so I just ignored it. I liked talking about sex because it is genuinely something I want to explore sooner or later.

I also asked him about his dating preference for younger women, and he mentioned that he dates both older and younger women, and that I’m the youngest he’s talked to (well I sure hope so buddy..).

After a couple days of this, I still felt weird about the age gap, and broke it off with him, he understood and wasn’t rude or angry about it, but then he said “If you’re not interested in me, do you have any friends you think would be? Because I would still like to meet people that would be a good match.” Like what?? Isn’t it kind of weird asking someone 12 years younger if she has other friends you can date? It makes me feel as though he’s specifically targeting very young women, I’m not even in my 20s yet.

Okay now this is the part where you’ll probably judge me the most, but I texted him a couple days after asking if we can start talking again. I did this because, with the little experience I have, Josh has been the most communicative and respectful guy I’ve talked to so far. I felt, and still feel to some extent, that I wouldn’t want to lose a guy like him, because most men I’ve talked to aren’t as good as him.

So we’ve been talking a while, and I’ve met him 3 times. They were a bit awkward because sometimes when we both had nothing to say he’d just stare at me and smile. And I keep getting these mixed feelings that he’s very cringey but also kind of attractive and I don’t really know how to deal with that. Like he’s very smart and started the dental club I joined in my first year of uni (crazy coincidence), so I admire that part of him, but sometimes when he flirts on text it makes me cringe.

The most recent date was yesterday, and I didn’t really enjoy it. We didn’t talk about much, but to be fair, I’m not great with small talk and always mess up my words. He’s a very talkative guy so mainly let him talk, but he doesn’t ask as many questions about me. I could also tell he wasn’t fully engaged because he suggested that I could catch my bus earlier because he was selling his car and got a potential buyer, whom he was texting. Kind of random but he also made this weird comment about Trudeau’s blackface, saying it would’ve been fine/funny if it was tan and not black, mind you he’s white and I’m brown, so that didn’t come across very well.

He hasn’t texted me at all since yesterday. I’ve been trying to figure out what to say to him and how to end it (for good now). At the same time I wish we could continue, because I want to explore my sexual life and the way he talks to me about it makes me feel secure, but I recognize that we don’t have very fulfilling convos about other things not related to sex.

Sorry if this might seem like more of a rant, I just don’t have anybody to talk to about this so I’m trying to work out my feelings here. I feel conflicted because I haven’t felt comfortable talking to any other guy about sex but at the same time, this guy feels off and I don’t know how to directly pinpoint why (other than him being older).

If you have any advice based on anything I’ve said, I’d greatly appreciate it.

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**TL;DR;** : I (18F) feel conflicted about my relationship with this guy (30M) because he makes me feel comfortable talking about my sexuality, and he’s also in a career I want to be in, which makes me respect him. However, I find that we aren’t great at talking about other things, and he‘s made a couple of off-putting comments.

So me (F21) and my boyfriend (M26) have been dating for 2 years now, and as the caption says, yes he doesn't have a job. At first i was fine with it when i was younger bc i wasnt too career driven but now i am. Hes been unemployed for about a year, and his mom used to give him 700 dollar checks every week for pretty much doing like 10 hours of work. she stopped around 3 months ago and now hes saying hes only been unemployed for 3 months, but he has admitted to me before that she was basically just giving him money and didnt have to do much. Hes also saying hes been applying everyday but still no luck. Were not paying rent right now because we live with his mom, which i am very grateful for but i have expressed to him in the past that i want us to move out, or maybe even I just get my own space. He gets very defensive when i bring up wanting my own space and he thinks its weird because we've been living together all this time which i get but i just dont want to be seen as a bum not paying rent and not living on my own. He always tells me that we have to "get out of here baby", but i dont see the effort on his end. I dont think we have the same goals anymore which sucks because i do really love him. His mom will also give him money for his drinking habits which i think is absurd. Once i turned 18 i was expected to buy my own food!

tl;dr bf dosent have a job, i pay for most dates, dosent have a desire to be independent

I'm a 28-year-old male, and she's a 38-year-old female. We've really hit it off and things between us have been going great so far. We've been getting along really well, enjoying each other's company, and we've also been intimate a few times. Honestly, up until now, I haven't really had any major concerns or doubts about where things could potentially go between us.

I've always found myself preferring older women. I think part of that is because I tend to be attracted to the experience and maturity that can come with someone being older. Obviously, age doesn't automatically determine how mature someone is, but generally speaking, I've always felt that I connect better with women who have a little more life experience.

However, something recently came up that has completely scrambled my brain, and I've honestly been overthinking it for hours.

She told me that she has a 20-year-old daughter. Now, I completely understand that there is an eight-year age gap between me and her daughter, and logically, I know that I'm not actually close in age to her. I also know that I'm dating the mother, not the daughter, and I have absolutely no interest in her daughter whatsoever.

But for some reason, the fact that her daughter is 20 has really thrown me off.

I think the reason I'm struggling with it is because 20 still feels relatively close to my own age in a way that I wasn't expecting. If her daughter was 18 or 19, I honestly don't think I would feel quite as strange about it. But because she's 20, my brain seems to be making it feel like the age difference isn't as significant as it actually is.

Maybe I'm just massively overthinking the entire situation, but I genuinely can't seem to get it out of my head. Everything else between me and this woman has been great, and I don't want something that ultimately might not even be an issue to ruin something potentially good.

I'm also wondering whether I'm simply uncomfortable with the idea of dating someone whose child is an adult and not far behind me in age. Maybe it's less about the actual numbers and more about the situation itself. I've never been in this position before, so perhaps it's just something that feels unusual because it's completely new to me.

I'm not judging her for having a daughter, and her having a 20-year-old daughter doesn't change the fact that I like her. I'm just struggling to understand why it's bothering me as much as it currently is.

Am I genuinely overthinking this, or is it normal to feel a little strange about dating someone whose adult child is relatively close to your own age? If anyone has been in a similar situation or can offer some advice, I'd really appreciate it because I've genuinely been scrambling my brain over this for hours.

tl;dr

TL;DR: I (25M) reconnected with someone I previously dated (24F) and asked if we could give things another try. After one date, I realized I don't feel a romantic connection and would like to end things respectfully. How should I communicate this, especially since I was the one who suggested trying again?

I'm looking for advice on how to respectfully tell someone that I don't want to continue dating them.
I met this woman several months ago, and we initially stopped seeing each other because I wasn't ready for a relationship. I was honest with her about that at the time.
Some time later, she reached out to see how I was doing. We talked briefly, and eventually I reached out to her because I felt I hadn't handled things as well as I could have the first time. I asked if she would be open to going on a date and seeing if there could be something between us.
We went on one date, but afterward I realized that I don't feel the romantic connection I'm looking for. I don't want to lead her on, so I think it's best to be honest and end things now.

I feel a little awkward because I was the one who reached out and suggested giving it another try. What's the best way to communicate this kindly and respectfully?
Any advice would be appreciated!

I (24F) want to cut my brother (37M) out of my life. I hate who he is. I hate how he is always in my life and saying me what to do or ask too many questions. I am very independet person and I get overwhelmed and annoyed with questions because I do not want to say anything to anyone. I can not live without being independent. I hate his whole personality and I hate him even more since he owns me so much money, he made my credit score go down like crazy and now im in debt because of him and cant do anything else. I hate the way he thinks and he is kind of a person who needs to know every freaking detail. He thinks we need to move and live as a family and thinks having an independet life means not caring and removing family. He is married and we dont live together. Its only me and my mom.

The reason why this is difficult is not because i care or else. I dont care about him at all. I would be very happy if he s dead. But it is so hard because he is not gonna understand! He thinks everything can be resolved with talking and does not understand how much independence means too me. If im not independent, i suffer from living. Its the only way i can live. My hate is not new. I hate him since i was 14 years old or something. He thinks he is the best brother and son but he is really nothing and does nothing else but harm us financially and mentally. And also it is very hard because we share the same mother.

I dont know what i can make him to understand? He thinks he has a word over my life. He thinks he can make decisions about my life and interfere in my life however he wants. He gets mad when i say stuff like "I won’t live by anyone’s rules but my own" and says "im not anyone im your brother" bruh anyone who is not me is called anyone.

What kind of speech i can give? I cannot think of any way to make him understand. I think he will get very emotional and start saying things like "i love you very much i do anything for you why are you like this why are you so selfish we are a family how can you say this things why are you so rebellious" bla bla bla.

Even after we talk about everything, the damage is already done and his presence is enough to get on my nerves. He doesnt even have to open his mouth. He doesnt care about anyone's opinions or feelings (he thinks he does, he believes he is very empathetic and thoughtful and says he always think of us). He doesnt even realize how disrespectful he is.

I dont know what to say to him. I used to be a people pleaser so this can give you some ideas about my personality and how hard it is for me. Because i still sometimes struggle with even saying "no" to people.

Please give me some ideas. What kind a of a speech i should give?

Thank you all

tl;dr my brother thinks he can interfere in my life however he wants. I hate the way he thinks and his personality and i dont wanna see his face ever again. Im a very independet person. I cant live without my independence, i only suffer. He doesnt understand i can have my own life. He thinks we should live and move as a family. He is very disrespectful and doesnt care about others opinions or feelings but he thinks he is very empathetic and thoughtful. He will not understand my reasons of not wanting him in my life. He will turn it on me by saying things like you re so rebellious why are you like this we are a family you are my sister ily so much bla bla. I dont care any of this. I used to be a people pleaser so its still hard for me to do this kind of talks. What kind of a speech i should give so he can understand?

I apologize beforehand if there's any mispelling or grammar mistake, english is not my first language.

I (21F) been in a relationship with my boyfriend (20M) for almost 3 years. Even as teenagers, we were really mature in terms of conflict, and we handled arguments camly, we talked about our feelings and made a lot of effort to understand our needs. I have always felt like I was the anchor in those conversations, and I was always trying to calm him down if he got a little bit too angry or if he wanted to go home in the middle of the argument. I have always been clear on my limits and things I didn't like (for example: leaving in the middle of an argument, yelling) and he did change those things! But for the past year, he's been staying at my house 4 of 7 days a week (I still live with my mother, and she's cool with him coming over) so he started bringing a lot of his clothes to my place for convenience and comfort, I was ok with it so i gave him a space in my closet, the problem now is that he doesn't fold his clothes and leaves a mess in that little space, and I don't like it. I told him about it, he apologized and he promised to change. That happened like 20 more times before i told him to never bring his clothes again because he keeps making a mess and apologizing and doing it again. He accepted it, but weeks passed and I felt bad and I gave him another chance because this time he promised he was going to change it. Nonetheless, he didn't. He keeps doing it over and over again even though i tell him it bothers me.

Another situation that happened recently is that my birthday was coming up, and this entire year I complained about how my mother kept gifting me pajamas in every ocasion even though i told her multiple times I didn't need or want them anymore. I explained to him that even after telling her it bothers me, she kept doing it, which i found really disrespectful (I mean, imagine gifting someone something that they specifically told you they didn't want!) I also told him it was a complicated situation because it made me feel selfish and ungrateful cause at the end of the day, i was feeling sad over a gift. He completely understood me and agreed that it was so disrespectful of her to do. Anyways, time passes and my birthday comes up, I remember telling him multiples times that week before that I was worried about my mother gifting me another pajama, he reassured me telling me that she probably understood by now. Clock hits 12am, and he wishes me a happy birthday, tells me to close my eyes and brings me my gift.... A pajama... He gifted me a pajama. He knew about how I felt. He knew it bothered me. I recieved it with a fake smile, and the morning after I told him how I truly felt. He told me he didn't want to gift me the pajama specifically, but the robe that came with it (it was a pajama set) but because he'd already bought it, gave it to me anyway.

I don't know how to feel about this. He tells me that there's no harm in the things he does, it's just he doesn't realize that what's he's doing hurts me. He says he wants to change, that he's trying, and when he says that, I feel bad and that I'm being to harsh on him. I'm conflicted if to believe that my frustation is valid, or if maybe I'm too alone in life and bored and I find anything just to get angry at him.

EDIT: I don't want to sound like the kind of girl who complains and then doesn't want to hear people telling her to kick his ass. I'm open to hear everyone and their opinions!! I want help! but I think it's also worth mention that he is supportive of me overall, with the poor and toxic relationship with my parents, he's next to me when I'm struggling and anxious, buys me crazy gifts, and have a good time with him. But these issues are starting to happen more often.

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**TL;DR;** : My boyfriend had promised to change, but keeps doing the things I told him I don't like. Should I be patient with him because he's trying?

Me (18M) and my girlfriend (17F) have been talking for 5 months and been dating for 3. She is everything I’ve wanted, she’s perfect, beautiful, and sweet, and considerate. Its just one problem that really bothers me- she is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS late. It doesn’t matter what the plans are, when I tell you that we’ve hung out probably upwards of 50 times (would be higher if I wasn’t on vacation for a good length of the summer), she hasn’t been on time once. Not once. If I say 2:30, ill text her at 2:25 and she will say “oh im just gonna shower and do my makeup and my hair and then Ill come over” At first i figured that it was just her procrastinating because she was nervous, but it’s been three months and I don’t know if she’ll ever change. Its not even a problem of punctuality or integrity for me. Its just the fact that I get really impatient REALLLL easy and I want to see my girlfriend at the time that we agree on. I wake up every morning we have plans and get so excited to see her, and I dont know, it just seems like she is late because maybe shes not as excited to see me or something, i just dont get it. As i continue to write this i realize that breaking up with her may be a little bit extreme, since she is literally the girl of my dreams- im just getting everything off of my chest- since it happened again today. Also, she always apologizes for being latw and asks if im mad, and of course i say no, but i just dont wanna start an argument. I just dont know man.

TLDR: My girlfriend is consistently late to every hangout we have. When she asks if im mad that she was late, i just say no of course not and then everything is fine- while i secretly am so frustrated. Im confused on whether this is a matter of not being as interested in hanging out as i am, or if this is a punctuality thing.

I feel like I’m no longer receiving affection from my boyfriend, and I don’t know if I’m overreacting
I’ve been struggling a lot these past couple of years, and I honestly don’t know if I’m being unreasonable about this.
My boyfriend (26) and I (24)have been together for many years. Recently, I’ve gained quite a bit of weight and I don’t look the way I used to. I’ve become really insecure about my body. Whenever we’re intimate, I find myself thinking about how I look and wondering what he thinks about my body.
He has told me many times that my body shape doesn’t matter to him, but I still struggle to actually feel that from him.
My love language is physical touch, and I’ve told him before that I want to feel seen and loved. I want to feel like he’s proud to be with me and that he isn’t ashamed of me in public. But I just don’t feel much affection from him anymore. It feels like there are a lot of words, but not much action behind them.
It also doesn’t help that some of his friends have made jokes about my weight. I don’t know exactly how he responds when I’m not around, but those comments have definitely made my insecurities worse.
We also don’t see each other very often. When we do, he usually wants sex, which I understand can be an important part of a relationship. But sometimes I genuinely don’t want to have sex.
The problem is that when I say no, he’ll often keep saying things like “come on, just real quick.” Eventually, I usually give in because I feel guilty. I tell myself to just get it over with because at least I’m making him happy.
But afterwards, I feel really sad because I start wondering: is that the only time he actually appreciates me? Is sex the only way I’m making him happy?
He is genuinely a good person in many ways, and that makes this even harder for me. I don’t want to make him sound like a terrible boyfriend because I don’t think he is. I just feel completely disconnected from him emotionally and physically.
Am I asking for too much? Or is it reasonable to want more affection, reassurance, and for my “no” to actually be respected?tl;dr

We are a LGBTQ couple from India, and I know this isn’t simply about religion or atheism. At the heart of it, we are two people who genuinely love and care about each other, and I really don’t want our differences in beliefs to become the reason our relationship ends.My partner is an atheist, while I come from a Hindu/religious background. Over time, our different beliefs have become increasingly complicated, and sometimes we end up having conflicts because of them.

I want to make it very clear that I have absolutely no hatred or resentment towards him for being an atheist. I respect him, I respect his way of seeing the world, and I want him to be able to be himself without ever feeling pressured to believe what I believe. At the same time, I want to be able to explore and understand my own beliefs without that becoming a threat to our relationship.

Being from India also adds another layer to this because religion, family expectations, traditions, festivals, marriage, and cultural practices can be deeply connected here. So I'm especially interested in hearing from people who have dealt with similar cultural pressures, whether you're from India or anywhere else in the world.

I know we can't possibly be the first couple to go through something like this. There must be many couples around the world where one person is religious or spiritual and the other is atheist, agnostic, or follows a completely different belief system — and some of those couples must have found ways to build genuinely happy and healthy lives together.

That's why I would really appreciate hearing from people who have actually experienced this.

How did you make it work? How do you handle disagreements about religion or spirituality? What boundaries did you establish? How do you make sure neither person feels pressured to change? How do you deal with festivals, religious practices, families, marriage, children, and other future decisions where these differences might become more significant?

What compromises worked for you, and what things did you realize should never require compromise? How did you learn to disagree without those disagreements turning into fights or making either person feel that their identity was being rejected?

I'm not looking for someone to tell me that one of us needs to convert, become religious, become atheist, or simply end the relationship.

I'm looking for perspectives from people who have found a way to love each other without requiring each other to see the world in exactly the same way.

If you're in a relationship like this and have managed to build a happy life together, I would genuinely love to hear your story — including the struggles, mistakes, boundaries, compromises, and lessons that helped you get there.

We love each other, and I don't want us to give up on something meaningful just because our beliefs are different. I want to understand how couples who have been through this learned to navigate those differences while still allowing each other to be themselves.

**TL;DR;**

TLDR

My bf (22M) of 4 years all throughout university. Me(21F)..he's my first love..first relationship..first almost everything 🥲

I love him very much and I honestly can't imagine a life without him.. it feels blurry and scary like jumping off a cliff but lately life with him is starting to feel like a death by 1000 cuts with bandaid sometimes...

We got over an emotional betrayal in the past (u can read my previous 💔 post) and honestly he never said sorry for putting me through it...I forgave him in my head and he forgave me for putting him in a tough spot..all is well I thought. Our relationship looks fine on the surface..he's nice , loving and makes me smile..texts no other girl anymore. He landed a good job in another city..and I know he sort of wishes that we should live in the same city so that we can stay together..and he is never suspicious of me at all ..even if he is..he says he doesn't care because there is no way to actually confirm that someone is cheating unless u see it explicitly with ur own eyes...so no point in monitoring. Overall our relationship finally started to feel blissful even in ldr.

But the problem is..right from the start..he's been an avoidant attached personality. A conflict appears..he disappears for hours..sometimes days if I dont fix it first. Or tries to reset back to normal without repair after hours of ghosting. I go along with it to keep the peace but after years of being unheard. And dismissed and always blamed for every conflict. I dont know how long i can stay without emotional availability...but at the same time..I am so scared to start over again..he's hot, intelligent , well mannered and kind to the outside world..gives me his time everyday..wherever he is..and when we r happy..we click so well..I cannot imagine literally nobody in his place if I break up with him..all the good times..but again when a conflict arises idk who he is..I am scared that I'll be alone when I really need him...because there had been many instances where he left me alone when all I needed was for him to stay and say..here I'm..im not going anywhere. Idk what to do..it sucks so much I feel like I am stuck in a limbo..and note : he never fought for this relationship

.I know the min I say break up..he'd leave without questions asked..I feel like he's emotionally checked out of this relationship long ago or that he is so sure that I'll never truly leave..I wanna cry.. can u love someone and stay with them..all ur life without emotional availability and when they sometimes act like a misogynist.. and recently I started to talking to his mum..I really like her..at this point i like her better than I like him..but the way she describes some things at home.. and knowing he grew up seeing his mum being ignored when crying or always made to feel like overly sensitive.. and left alone when emotionally broken..I am scared that will happen if I ever marry him.. but when he smiles all my doubts and worries goes out of the window.. all i care about is that damn smile..I feel so cooked.

All of this ran inside my head is because..I told him u try to buy me all little stuff or food I ask for but why do u never get me flowers..he only did once on my bday that too a single orchid...and sometimes he plucks the flowers from trees when hes in a good mood. The no of times he got me flowers can be counted on my fingers within our 4 year relationship..and when i argued about flowers.. he got mad and hung up and just ghosted me for hours even though I sent reassuring texts that I appreciate everything he does for us and that maybe my tone should have been better and that i am sorry if i hurt him..that i meant no disrespect and offered to order something he likes to eat ..he downright rejected it and just left..yet again.Mind u i have begging for flowers since years..its not about flowers..its about getting one from him..i know i sound pathetic...i really dont know what to do..I love him i dont wanna leave him..over something petty but its the little things that hurt together the most right..please advise me reddit. Be respectful in the comments..

I was talking to a guy for about a month, and it’s over now. I want to start from the very beginning because the history is part of why I’m so confused.

He first DMed me in 2021 when we were both 18. We talked for a few days, but I ended up ghosting him because I honestly just wasn’t that interested and had other things going on.

A few months later, in 2022, he sent me this generic “I miss you” type paragraph in my DMs. I was confused because we barely knew each other, got weirded out, and blocked him.

Then in 2024, he somehow texted my phone number saying, “I miss us.” I told him there was no “us.” He said we could get to know each other, and I told him I wasn’t interested in talking to guys at the time. After that, he asked if I would be interested in talking with the intention of marriage. I said no because I wasn’t looking to get married. We’re Muslim, so I understand why he thought mentioning marriage might make his intentions seem more serious, but I was literally 20 and had no interest.

Fast forward to 2026. I reactivated Instagram, but on a different account from the one I had blocked him on years ago. He found me and requested me multiple times even after I declined the request. Eventually I gave in and accepted it.

He immediately DMed me saying he “missed us” and that he remembered our three conversations from five years ago as some of “the best conversations he’s ever had.”

At this point I wasn’t talking to anyone, so I figured I’d give him a chance and see what happened.

From the very beginning, he was extremely intense. He kept telling me we were going to get married, calling me his wife, etc. He even shared his location with me before we had ever met in person.

After about a week of texting, we hung out for the first time and spent 10+ hours together just talking and hanging out. During that first date/hangout, he literally promised he was going to marry me and told me he was in love with me.

That definitely made me a little uncomfortable because we had known each other for basically a week, but I convinced myself he was just being overly romantic/excited.

The next week, we hung out multiple times and basically spent entire days together. Everything still seemed great.

Then everything randomly flipped.

My mom asked who I had been talking to on the phone, so I told her about him. It wasn’t some huge “meet the parents” situation — she just knew we were talking. I casually told him afterward that my mom knew about him.

That night, while I was asleep, he randomly dumped me over text and blocked me on everything.

His breakup message barely explained anything, so I called him on WhatsApp and emailed him because I wanted an actual explanation. He eventually unblocked me and we talked.

Suddenly, his reasoning was that work was getting too busy and he didn’t think he could “give me what I deserve.”

Which confused me because…where was that concern during the previous two weeks when he was telling me we were getting married and that he loved me?

Then he also said he felt guilty about how turned on he had gotten when we were kissing and used that as another reason why he thought we shouldn’t be together.

I told him I didn’t think either of those things made sense as reasons to abruptly end the relationship, especially after how intensely he had pursued me.

Ultimately, he decided he wanted to stay together.

For the next three weeks, we still talked every day, but there was a VERY noticeable decline in his effort.

He didn’t seem excited to talk to me anymore. He rarely called. He stopped updating me about his day the way he used to. Instead of actually feeling involved in each other’s lives, our conversations became things like:

“hey”
“wyd”
“at work”
“going home”

I figured maybe this was genuinely what he meant when he said work was getting busy.

Whenever we actually talked on the phone, though, he would still insist we were together, tell me we would hang out again once he had his car back, talk about future plans, etc.

Then, two days ago, completely randomly again, he bluntly ended things and said work was catching up to him and that the relationship “wasn’t going to work.”

And that was basically it.

Looking back, I really wish I had just let him go the first time he dumped me and blocked me instead of convincing him to stay.

I also want to add that I don’t really have reason to believe there was another girl, which is part of why I’m so confused. Neither of us is currently active on social media, and he had deactivated all of his accounts. Before that, he had shown me his entire following and literally explained who everyone was. He also opened his messages, Snapchat, etc. in front of me multiple times without me asking, and I never saw anything suggesting he was talking to other girls. Obviously I can’t know everything with 100% certainty, but from what I personally saw, there were no obvious signs of someone else.

What I’m trying to understand is:

1. Does this seem like love bombing? The immediate marriage talk, saying he loved me after a week, calling me his wife, sharing his location, spending entire days with me, etc., followed by suddenly pulling away?
2. Considering he has repeatedly circled back to me over the course of FIVE YEARS despite us barely having a relationship before this, what do you expect his pattern to be?
3. He left some of his stuff with me. I don’t really want an excuse to contact him, he told me i could mail it if i really felt like it but it was indifferent to him. Do i even bother?

TL;DR: A guy pursued me on and off for 5 years despite us barely knowing each other. When I finally gave him a chance, he immediately became extremely intense—talking about marriage, calling me his wife, saying he loved me after a week, sharing his location, and spending entire days with me. After I casually told him my mom knew about him, he suddenly dumped and blocked me, then came back after we talked. His effort steadily declined for the next few weeks, and now he has ended things again, blaming work. Does this sound like love bombing, is he likely to circle back again given his history, and should I just mail his stuff back instead of contacting him?

I’ve been going on dates with someone 11 years older for 1 month. We went on 6 dates and this last one I stayed in his place and we were intimate for 4
hours (grinding and kissing because I never did PIV sex). I did my best to make him cum without penetration and he even fell asleep in my arms which I thought it was a sign of emotional connection. It would be our last date until he comes back from his home country because he’s going to stay there the next 3 weeks.

When I came back home, he just texted me asking if I reached home and react with a kiss emoji to my reply. No good night message. No good morning message. No see you soon message. He just texts me the next day saying he landed because I asked him to and again, he reacts with a heart emoji. Today no messages too.

I thought it’s cold from his side to do this and I was expecting more communication after being intimate and flying to another continent, especially because he knows I’m a virgin and we aren’t even official. I feel used and ignored. I’m 26 and he’s 37. We belong to the same friend group and I feel so ashamed and embarrassed of this situation. He literally came on my ass and is acting like nothing happened. I feel like to stop seeing him. Besides of this situation, things are going so slow and he just texts me every other day and his dating history is only short-term relationships that lead nowhere because it “had no future.”

TL;DR: went on 6 dates with a friend’s friend who’s 11 years older than me. We got intimate before he left to his home country for 3 weeks and his communication decreased. Feeling ashamed and wanting to end everything.

My partner and I knew each other for several years before we even had romantic feelings for each other. Then after 7 years he messages me and asks me on a date and about 4 months later we are dating. It has been now 3 times he has just up and left my life. No call, text, email, social media nothing. Yet we share locations and hes out with family, eating out, and going to baseball games. I have BPD and have told him from the beginning about my mental health issues and fear of abandonment. Yet whenever he is stressed about work or we have a big fight he dissapears. The first time lasted 7 days, and then he reached out to say he missed me and thought I was moving on with out him..I took him back, the second time I didnt allow him to ghost me and I just went to his place. He did answer and we talked saying he loves me but just stressed about life and work. Now this is the 3rd time, its been 5 days no contact and I dont know what to do. The night before no contact he literally called and told me he loved me and we will talk tomorrow and then nothing. We arent blocked, his profile pic is still of us and he hasnt deleted any pics of us. All my messages are left unread, im spiraling so bad and lost on what to do. Ive cried every morning and every night since hes done this for me. I was a idiot and I did message him today on teams, and left unread again. What should I do? His clothes, Xbox, bike is at my place. He also still has my apartment key, I miss him so much im just so lost. Should I just let him go? Without any closure or communication? I am hurting so bad and feel like a idiot to be hung up over him and hes apparently unbothered. Its tearing me apart how you could be at my place everyday for the last year to not even getting a response back..

TL;DR My bf of a year and a half has ghosted me with no closure, should I just move on?