We’ve been together for 8 months and I really love him, but I get anxious pretty easily. Sometimes when he replies short or takes a while to text back I start overthinking and ask if everything is okay between us. He says it makes him feel like I don’t trust him and that it’s exhausting. I don’t mean to be needy, I just get scared something is wrong. I’m 19 and this is my first serious relationship so I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or if this is normal. I don’t want to push him away but I also don’t want to keep feeling this anxious. Am I the problem here?
Tl/dr: I don’t know if I’m being too much, this is my first serious relationship

we have been dating for over 5 months now, and had pined over each other for 4 months before that. i’ve known him for nearly 4 years.

i just don’t know what to do. i’m completely heartbroken. we do really love each other, we have had no big problems in our relationship—the only thing i can think of is that this is his first serious/long term relationship, while it is my third. but i love him more than i’ve ever loved anybody.

i know that we are both very young, but it’s not wrong to just want a chance of things working out, right? he and parent 1 think that he will not be able to focus on college and will not be able to handle a serious relationship, along with his want to discover himself and grow and change, because he doesn’t feel like an adult yet. he doesn’t want anything holding him back. that concept breaks my heart even more. the idea that it’s not possible to grow and change together, or to at least try. the idea that it would be impossible to figure out a good compromise on keeping a relationship bothers me as well. on some level, i agree! keeping a full fledged relationship in school could be hard, but there are solutions to that, there are ways to make it work! 🙁 parent 2 would be supportive of us continuing to date, they do not have any strong feelings on the matter.

we have both agreed that we love each other so much that we want to be best friends until the day that we die, even if we stop dating. we have also agreed to work together professionally in the future (we are both artists, and look up to each other). and of course, i would be honored to have him as my best friend. i truly love him, completely, and if—or when—the time would come to actually break up, i would reshape that love into being the best friend ever. but i just feel like if we miss this chance, we might never get it again. i just want a chance to try.

right now, i can’t talk to him very much about it. we had several, very long text conversations about it for a few days, but he and parent 1 agreed that he is spending too much time thinking about the relationship and my reaction to his decision instead of thinking about college. it is fair, and i understand the need to put college first for now. but my heart feels so terribly heavy, and every morning i wake up and my heart beats uncontrollably fast just thinking about things ending next summer.

i was thinking about trying again to persuade him to just give our relationship a chance in college on our 1 year anniversary in the spring, or perhaps in the summer, maybe july. the month before college starts. i would do anything for him, and not in the silly, lovesick way—i have been working very, very hard to improve myself and my mental health in tangible ways since we started dating, because i know it is important to him, and in turn, it is important to me. it will continue being important to me even if/when we stop dating. i make an effort to bond with his family, because they are genuinely important to me, and i care about them. i am always there for him, and i have helped and supported him with his own mental health and self esteem. i support his art (which, of course i do. he is one of my favorite artists, ever) and we work incredibly well together on any kind of project, art, design, architecture, engineering—we have made incredible work together. we get along so well, and we can both be silly, childish, even very intimate together without getting embarrassed or feeling shame. i know that we could figure something out, we are both fairly intelligent and mature for our age. i just want to try to date in college, and i would be fine with it if we tried and it didn’t work out, the problem is that he doesn’t even want to try!!! 🙁

should i try again to convince him once about a year has passed, and it is time to go our separate ways? shоuld i try to convince him before then? shоuld i do anything at all? i don’t think my feelings are invalid, but is my reaction unwarranted? is there any way to soothe the terrible heartache that i am going through? 

(i don't mean this as asking for some kind of objective moral input, i just. i don’t know, i do not know what to do 🙁) 

honestly, any kind of advice would be incredibly appreciated, i just feel so lost and sad.

i am also seeing a therapist for a consultation today, which think will help me greatly. and of course, if she is the right fit, i would talk to her about this as well. i just feel like im going to implode with the waves of intense feelings that come over me every day. thank you for reading this super long post 🥲

TL;DR, my boyfriend of 5 months and friend of almost 4 years, and one of his parents, wants us to stop dating when college starts next year. their reasons are that they don’t think he can handle having a serious relationship while also working on college stuff, and he doesn’t want any ties to his childhood and wants to reinvent himself and become more adult, without anything holding him back. the idea that we could stop dating one day isn’t what bothers me, what bothers me is that he doesn’t even want to try to keep dating in college, and i truly think that we could miss out on something really great if we end it just like that. we both care about and love each other very much, and other than this, have an incredibly happy and supportive relationship. we are currently still dating.

Today I took off work because I am sick. He is usually here every day after work. But today he decided to go do a job for one of his friends after work. He never sent me a text or even asked me when we talked on the phone if I needed anything, he just announced at the end of work he wasn’t coming over today. This is the first day I have ever been this sick since we met or took off work. He never asked me once today how I was feeling or if I needed anything. He told me yesterday he could do that job for his friends whenever he wanted and it didn’t have to be today. Yesterday when I first was getting sick he said he was going to come over and make me dinner but instead got ingredients to make the same dinner I make several times a week and then proceeded to watch me cook it. Then today when I woke up sicker, nothing from him.

TL;DR: bf offered to make dinner yesterday but got me ingredients for me to cook dinner then today when I am sicker and took off work, he never asked how I am or if I need anything, just called to tell me I won’t see him today.

I apologize beforehand if there's any mispelling or grammar mistake, english is not my first language.

I (21F) been in a relationship with my boyfriend (20M) for almost 3 years. Even as teenagers, we were really mature in terms of conflict, and we handled arguments camly, we talked about our feelings and made a lot of effort to understand our needs. I have always felt like I was the anchor in those conversations, and I was always trying to calm him down if he got a little bit too angry or if he wanted to go home in the middle of the argument. I have always been clear on my limits and things I didn't like (for example: leaving in the middle of an argument, yelling) and he did change those things! But for the past year, he's been staying at my house 4 of 7 days a week (I still live with my mother, and she's cool with him coming over) so he started bringing a lot of his clothes to my place for convenience and comfort, I was ok with it so i gave him a space in my closet, the problem now is that he doesn't fold his clothes and leaves a mess in that little space, and I don't like it. I told him about it, he apologized and he promised to change. That happened like 20 more times before i told him to never bring his clothes again because he keeps making a mess and apologizing and doing it again. He accepted it, but weeks passed and I felt bad and I gave him another chance because this time he promised he was going to change it. Nonetheless, he didn't. He keeps doing it over and over again even though i tell him it bothers me.

Another situation that happened recently is that my birthday was coming up, and this entire year I complained about how my mother kept gifting me pajamas in every ocasion even though i told her multiple times I didn't need or want them anymore. I explained to him that even after telling her it bothers me, she kept doing it, which i found really disrespectful (I mean, imagine gifting someone something that they specifically told you they didn't want!) I also told him it was a complicated situation because it made me feel selfish and ungrateful cause at the end of the day, i was feeling sad over a gift. He completely understood me and agreed that it was so disrespectful of her to do. Anyways, time passes and my birthday comes up, I remember telling him multiples times that week before that I was worried about my mother gifting me another pajama, he reassured me telling me that she probably understood by now. Clock hits 12am, and he wishes me a happy birthday, tells me to close my eyes and brings me my gift.... A pajama... He gifted me a pajama. He knew about how I felt. He knew it bothered me. I recieved it with a fake smile, and the morning after I told him how I truly felt. He told me he didn't want to gift me the pajama specifically, but the robe that came with it (it was a pajama set) but because he'd already bought it, gave it to me anyway.

I don't know how to feel about this. He tells me that there's no harm in the things he does, it's just he doesn't realize that what's he's doing hurts me. He says he wants to change, that he's trying, and when he says that, I feel bad and that I'm being to harsh on him. I'm conflicted if to believe that my frustation is valid, or if maybe I'm too alone in life and bored and I find anything just to get angry at him.

EDIT: I don't want to sound like the kind of girl who complains and then doesn't want to hear people telling her to kick his ass. I'm open to hear everyone and their opinions!! I want help! but I think it's also worth mention that he is supportive of me overall, with the poor and toxic relationship with my parents, he's next to me when I'm struggling and anxious, buys me crazy gifts, and have a good time with him. But these issues are starting to happen more often.

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**TL;DR;** : My boyfriend had promised to change, but keeps doing the things I told him I don't like. Should I be patient with him because he's trying?

My boyfriend (27M) and I (22F) have been together for four years, long distance for the past year.

When we met, I was in college and he already had his own business. He was charming, ambitious, adventurous, and traveled frequently for work. I’m similar in temperament, so we felt like a good match and talked about building our lives around travel and our careers.

There were some red flags early on. He could be very jealous and clingy when I traveled or worked with men, although this improved considerably after we talked about it.

He also used to tickle me despite knowing that it was connected to a serious trauma from my past. I explained why it was such a sensitive issue, but it took several months and a very bad reaction from me before he fully stopped. There were other physical boundaries I didn't know how to enforce when I was younger.

Recently, something happened that I can't seem to move past.

After we'd been apart for several months, we were intimate and he tried to put nicotine in my mouth. I told him no several times and tried to stop him, but he did it anyway and laughed. I ended up crying afterward.

The substance itself isn't really the issue. What bothers me is that I clearly said no and tried to stop him, and he continued anyway. He apologized afterward and has been gentle since, but something changed for me. I now have trouble fully relaxing during intimacy, even when I want to be close to him.

There are smaller things that have also started bothering me. He gets upset when I don't send him photos, dismissed my concerns about walking alone at night as a woman, and laughed when I told him about unwanted attention I've received from other people.

I've also noticed that I've lost a lot of my physical attraction toward him. He's changed physically since we got together, while I've stayed relatively similar. He also recently moved from his previous career into blue-collar work. I don't look down on that kind of work, but part of me feels like he's moved away from the ambitious person I originally fell in love with.

Recently he told me he can't wait for me to become successful so I can start paying for everything. That really hurt, especially because I'm a broke recent arts graduate and already feel guilty that I can't contribute much financially right now.

He's currently looking for work in my city, so there's a possibility we'll soon be living in the same place. Instead of feeling excited about that, I'm realizing I'm not sure I actually want it.

I love him, and four years is a long time to share with someone. At the same time, I'm questioning whether we're actually compatible long-term. I'm also scared of being alone in a new city, struggling financially, and trying to build the life I've dreamed about without him.

How would you approach this situation? Am I focusing too much on individual problems? Am I self sabotaging by focusing on the bad?

TLDR: My boyfriend had trouble listening to my boundaries and while have gotten better since, he crossed it the other month and I haven’t been able to move past it.

IMPORTANT EDIT: the age is a typo!!! We're both 28, so sorry for the confusion 🫪

Sorry, this is super long, but I need to talk about it somewhere.

What if you're with someone that can be really great, your family loves him and he does try to be supportive... But it's just not it? We had a great relationship before moving in together, had fun and resolved any issue with calm conversations. We were together for a little over a year when we moved in to an apartment about a year ago, and everything changed.

We smoked weed together just a few times and it was fun, but he never told me that weed was his way of relaxing and dealing with stress. He'd smoke 3-4 times a week, sometimes more than once a day. I don't like living with the smell and I don't like feeling like the sober one at the party when I get home. He said he'd stop and it got better, but he still uses it as a tool to help him sleep, instead of just a fun thing to do sometimes. I'm an immigrant here, I told him before moving in that I would have a really hard time finding another appartement and I asked questions, but he said he had nothing specific to talk about before doing this. Turns out he just assumed he'd have control and it wouldn't be a problem, but that means I couldn't make an informed decision to risk it or wait. It's better, then worse, then better, then worse... So I can't rebuild my trust because he keeps breaking it.

He cooks even more than I do, which I'm very thankful for, but it's clear he still feels like he's "helping". I feel so spoiled for complaining because I know that many men simply don't do anything at home and I love that I can't say the same about him. But then he adopted a dog on the best possible time for him (he still had a week of vacation), but at the worst time for me because I had one last week to write my master's thesis. I wasn't available for dog training sessions and didn't want to think about it before my deadline, so he mentioned the fact that he cooks, and this is all that he's asking of me. I felt like I didn't have the right to be stressed and put my work first even though I always avoided working at home as much as possible. I just needed one week of focus on my degree.

He agrees that we shouldn't have kids right now, agrees that women shouldn't be the only ones responsible for contraception, but then forgets to bring condoms every time we have a short trip during the weekend. And has the gall to make a joke about it all being on me. I still tap him on the shoulder during sex to remind him to put it on.

He forgot to give me a Christmas gift, even though I learned to knit just to give him fingerless gloves that he needed for work. I had to have multiple conversations with him about it, saying that it was hurtful, until he finally got me something. My birthday was last week. He forgot until the morning of, got me a cheap bamboo fan and a mug as a present and bought frozen cheesecake (his favorite). I don't have a lot of money, but I always put so much effort into what I give him and find ways to get something I'm sure he'll like and use, and he used to do the same.

He never tells me he loves me, he says he's always had a hard time saying that to anyone and talking about his emotions. When we have a problem now, I explain what I'm feeling and he stays silent or says very little. Talking things over feels like a monologue.

He has so many wonderful qualities, he can be supportive in so many other ways, takes care of me when I'm sick or tired, takes my feelings seriously, and can be so thoughtful. But all of these little things are wearing me down. This was the healthiest relationship I had so far, up until moving in.

I know other women have so many other, more difficult problems to deal with. But is this really it? Is this all I should be expecting from a partner? Should I have to ask for him to say he loves me, to give me a gift, to care about contraception?

I think I rationally know the answer, I just do really love his company and I don't want to leave. But I also don't want to stay like this. I like being with someone and for now it's tolerable, but if we ever got married, I can already see this getting worse and us getting divorced. Is it worth it to get therapy for a two and a half year long relationship or is this already a sign to get out before it gets too bad? Maybe these are all normal things, that come with moving in and adapting to another person.

TL;DR : two and a half year relationship. Everything was going really well until we moved in together a year ago. He does so many things that I love, but certain things bother me a lot. Are my expectations too high or is this really not ok for a long-term relationship?

I (29F) always feel like my husband (29M) is shooting down my ideas when I get excited about something. This evening, I developed a new training plan for an upcoming half marathon, and spent an hour on my first workout. I got home and told him all about it. He responded by telling me what I could be doing better, and saying that my plan isn't optimal.

I immediately felt disheartened. I told him I didn't appreciate him immediately criticizing something I'm excited about, and please only give unsolicited advice if you're truly concerned about me, not just to pick out things that are imperfect.

This sort of thing has been a pattern. I also love playing music, I've been working on coding, and I do other random projects from time to time. His first response always seems to be criticism. Or, especially with music, that I'm being too loud.

I've brought this up many times, and he doesn't seem to get it. Today, I asked him if he can try to brainstorm ways to respond more supportively. He said "he won't commit to anything right now," because this is all brand-new to him.

I feel uncared for and put down, and I explained this to him as well. What do I do in this situation? Any advice would be helpful. Thank you.

TL;DR: My husband criticizes my ideas and projects. I've brought it up many times and he hasn't changed. What do I do?

My M/26 boyfriend and I F/26 have been in a relationship for four months now. For context he’s German and I’m Latin American and we both live in Germany (This info will help later)

He got a new job recently and went on a work trip for three days. During these three days he sent me 5 messages with basically no real communication besides hope you have a good day and one voice message at 12:20 am one day saying that “he was working a lot and spending time with his coworkers having fun”. I told him the first day of this trip that I wasn’t feeling well and was going to the doctor the next day, 3 days passed and he didn’t ask anything about my wellbeing while I spent a whole day sick in bed. This is a recurring problem for me because I think nobody is that busy to not be able to send a simple text during the day, this has already happened other times and now I’m questioning if this is something I can live with.
I’d really appreciate some advice from other intercultural or just relationships in general about how to handle this situation.

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**TL;DR;** : my boyfriend doesn’t text me

Me (18M) and my girlfriend (17F) have been talking for 5 months and been dating for 3. She is everything I’ve wanted, she’s perfect, beautiful, and sweet, and considerate. Its just one problem that really bothers me- she is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS late. It doesn’t matter what the plans are, when I tell you that we’ve hung out probably upwards of 50 times (would be higher if I wasn’t on vacation for a good length of the summer), she hasn’t been on time once. Not once. If I say 2:30, ill text her at 2:25 and she will say “oh im just gonna shower and do my makeup and my hair and then Ill come over” At first i figured that it was just her procrastinating because she was nervous, but it’s been three months and I don’t know if she’ll ever change. Its not even a problem of punctuality or integrity for me. Its just the fact that I get really impatient REALLLL easy and I want to see my girlfriend at the time that we agree on. I wake up every morning we have plans and get so excited to see her, and I dont know, it just seems like she is late because maybe shes not as excited to see me or something, i just dont get it. As i continue to write this i realize that breaking up with her may be a little bit extreme, since she is literally the girl of my dreams- im just getting everything off of my chest- since it happened again today. Also, she always apologizes for being latw and asks if im mad, and of course i say no, but i just dont wanna start an argument. I just dont know man.

TLDR: My girlfriend is consistently late to every hangout we have. When she asks if im mad that she was late, i just say no of course not and then everything is fine- while i secretly am so frustrated. Im confused on whether this is a matter of not being as interested in hanging out as i am, or if this is a punctuality thing.

I feel like I’m no longer receiving affection from my boyfriend, and I don’t know if I’m overreacting
I’ve been struggling a lot these past couple of years, and I honestly don’t know if I’m being unreasonable about this.
My boyfriend (26) and I (24)have been together for many years. Recently, I’ve gained quite a bit of weight and I don’t look the way I used to. I’ve become really insecure about my body. Whenever we’re intimate, I find myself thinking about how I look and wondering what he thinks about my body.
He has told me many times that my body shape doesn’t matter to him, but I still struggle to actually feel that from him.
My love language is physical touch, and I’ve told him before that I want to feel seen and loved. I want to feel like he’s proud to be with me and that he isn’t ashamed of me in public. But I just don’t feel much affection from him anymore. It feels like there are a lot of words, but not much action behind them.
It also doesn’t help that some of his friends have made jokes about my weight. I don’t know exactly how he responds when I’m not around, but those comments have definitely made my insecurities worse.
We also don’t see each other very often. When we do, he usually wants sex, which I understand can be an important part of a relationship. But sometimes I genuinely don’t want to have sex.
The problem is that when I say no, he’ll often keep saying things like “come on, just real quick.” Eventually, I usually give in because I feel guilty. I tell myself to just get it over with because at least I’m making him happy.
But afterwards, I feel really sad because I start wondering: is that the only time he actually appreciates me? Is sex the only way I’m making him happy?
He is genuinely a good person in many ways, and that makes this even harder for me. I don’t want to make him sound like a terrible boyfriend because I don’t think he is. I just feel completely disconnected from him emotionally and physically.
Am I asking for too much? Or is it reasonable to want more affection, reassurance, and for my “no” to actually be respected?tl;dr

So me (F21) and my boyfriend (M26) have been dating for 2 years now, and as the caption says, yes he doesn't have a job. At first i was fine with it when i was younger bc i wasnt too career driven but now i am. Hes been unemployed for about a year, and his mom used to give him 700 dollar checks every week for pretty much doing like 10 hours of work. she stopped around 3 months ago and now hes saying hes only been unemployed for 3 months, but he has admitted to me before that she was basically just giving him money and didnt have to do much. Hes also saying hes been applying everyday but still no luck. Were not paying rent right now because we live with his mom, which i am very grateful for but i have expressed to him in the past that i want us to move out, or maybe even I just get my own space. He gets very defensive when i bring up wanting my own space and he thinks its weird because we've been living together all this time which i get but i just dont want to be seen as a bum not paying rent and not living on my own. He always tells me that we have to "get out of here baby", but i dont see the effort on his end. I dont think we have the same goals anymore which sucks because i do really love him. His mom will also give him money for his drinking habits which i think is absurd. Once i turned 18 i was expected to buy my own food!

tl;dr bf dosent have a job, i pay for most dates, dosent have a desire to be independent

I've been with my girlfriend for 3.5 years. I love her, and I respect that she's dealing with something real — her mental health has been bad for a long time, and I don't say that to diminish what she's going through. But I'm at a point where I need to be honest, even if it's just to strangers on the internet, because I can't say this out loud to anyone I know.

She has severe mood swings, pretty much daily. I've asked her multiple times to see a therapist. She won't. Not once in 3.5 years. So it's just me, every day, trying to hold the emotional weight of whatever she's feeling, with zero professional support in the picture.

Here's the thing that makes it harder: I lost both my parents when I was young. That did something to me — made me numb, kind of flat, not someone who's naturally funny or good at lifting a mood or starting conversation easily. I'm not great at "cheering someone up." I never really learned how, because nobody ever really did it for me.

So most evenings go like this: I come home from work, tired, and I call her hoping for something light, something easy. And more often than not, her mood has already tanked — sometimes over something genuinely small. And I don't have the tools to fix it, and she doesn't have outside support to help her regulate it, so it just sits between us.

I've absorbed this for 3.5 years because I care about her and I don't want to abandon someone who's struggling. But I'm noticing it's wearing me down. I don't feel like I have space to have a bad day of my own. I don't feel like I'm allowed to be anything other than the stable one.

I don't know if this post has a question at the end. Maybe: how do you keep showing up for someone like this without disappearing yourself? Has anyone been on either side of this and figured out where the line is?

TL;DR: Dating someone with severe, untreated mental health issues for 3.5 years. She refuses therapy despite me asking repeatedly, and has daily mood swings. I lost both my parents young, which left me numb and not great at cheering people up or keeping conversation light — so when I come home hoping for a good time and get hit with her bad mood instead, I have no tools to fix it and no backup from professional support on her end. I've absorbed it for years because I care about her, but it's now taking a real toll on my own mental health, and I don't know how much longer I can keep being "the stable one" with no space for my own bad days.

I'm a 28-year-old male, and she's a 38-year-old female. We've really hit it off and things between us have been going great so far. We've been getting along really well, enjoying each other's company, and we've also been intimate a few times. Honestly, up until now, I haven't really had any major concerns or doubts about where things could potentially go between us.

I've always found myself preferring older women. I think part of that is because I tend to be attracted to the experience and maturity that can come with someone being older. Obviously, age doesn't automatically determine how mature someone is, but generally speaking, I've always felt that I connect better with women who have a little more life experience.

However, something recently came up that has completely scrambled my brain, and I've honestly been overthinking it for hours.

She told me that she has a 20-year-old daughter. Now, I completely understand that there is an eight-year age gap between me and her daughter, and logically, I know that I'm not actually close in age to her. I also know that I'm dating the mother, not the daughter, and I have absolutely no interest in her daughter whatsoever.

But for some reason, the fact that her daughter is 20 has really thrown me off.

I think the reason I'm struggling with it is because 20 still feels relatively close to my own age in a way that I wasn't expecting. If her daughter was 18 or 19, I honestly don't think I would feel quite as strange about it. But because she's 20, my brain seems to be making it feel like the age difference isn't as significant as it actually is.

Maybe I'm just massively overthinking the entire situation, but I genuinely can't seem to get it out of my head. Everything else between me and this woman has been great, and I don't want something that ultimately might not even be an issue to ruin something potentially good.

I'm also wondering whether I'm simply uncomfortable with the idea of dating someone whose child is an adult and not far behind me in age. Maybe it's less about the actual numbers and more about the situation itself. I've never been in this position before, so perhaps it's just something that feels unusual because it's completely new to me.

I'm not judging her for having a daughter, and her having a 20-year-old daughter doesn't change the fact that I like her. I'm just struggling to understand why it's bothering me as much as it currently is.

Am I genuinely overthinking this, or is it normal to feel a little strange about dating someone whose adult child is relatively close to your own age? If anyone has been in a similar situation or can offer some advice, I'd really appreciate it because I've genuinely been scrambling my brain over this for hours.

tl;dr

TL;DR: I (25M) reconnected with someone I previously dated (24F) and asked if we could give things another try. After one date, I realized I don't feel a romantic connection and would like to end things respectfully. How should I communicate this, especially since I was the one who suggested trying again?

I'm looking for advice on how to respectfully tell someone that I don't want to continue dating them.
I met this woman several months ago, and we initially stopped seeing each other because I wasn't ready for a relationship. I was honest with her about that at the time.
Some time later, she reached out to see how I was doing. We talked briefly, and eventually I reached out to her because I felt I hadn't handled things as well as I could have the first time. I asked if she would be open to going on a date and seeing if there could be something between us.
We went on one date, but afterward I realized that I don't feel the romantic connection I'm looking for. I don't want to lead her on, so I think it's best to be honest and end things now.

I feel a little awkward because I was the one who reached out and suggested giving it another try. What's the best way to communicate this kindly and respectfully?
Any advice would be appreciated!

We are a LGBTQ couple from India, and I know this isn’t simply about religion or atheism. At the heart of it, we are two people who genuinely love and care about each other, and I really don’t want our differences in beliefs to become the reason our relationship ends.My partner is an atheist, while I come from a Hindu/religious background. Over time, our different beliefs have become increasingly complicated, and sometimes we end up having conflicts because of them.

I want to make it very clear that I have absolutely no hatred or resentment towards him for being an atheist. I respect him, I respect his way of seeing the world, and I want him to be able to be himself without ever feeling pressured to believe what I believe. At the same time, I want to be able to explore and understand my own beliefs without that becoming a threat to our relationship.

Being from India also adds another layer to this because religion, family expectations, traditions, festivals, marriage, and cultural practices can be deeply connected here. So I'm especially interested in hearing from people who have dealt with similar cultural pressures, whether you're from India or anywhere else in the world.

I know we can't possibly be the first couple to go through something like this. There must be many couples around the world where one person is religious or spiritual and the other is atheist, agnostic, or follows a completely different belief system — and some of those couples must have found ways to build genuinely happy and healthy lives together.

That's why I would really appreciate hearing from people who have actually experienced this.

How did you make it work? How do you handle disagreements about religion or spirituality? What boundaries did you establish? How do you make sure neither person feels pressured to change? How do you deal with festivals, religious practices, families, marriage, children, and other future decisions where these differences might become more significant?

What compromises worked for you, and what things did you realize should never require compromise? How did you learn to disagree without those disagreements turning into fights or making either person feel that their identity was being rejected?

I'm not looking for someone to tell me that one of us needs to convert, become religious, become atheist, or simply end the relationship.

I'm looking for perspectives from people who have found a way to love each other without requiring each other to see the world in exactly the same way.

If you're in a relationship like this and have managed to build a happy life together, I would genuinely love to hear your story — including the struggles, mistakes, boundaries, compromises, and lessons that helped you get there.

We love each other, and I don't want us to give up on something meaningful just because our beliefs are different. I want to understand how couples who have been through this learned to navigate those differences while still allowing each other to be themselves.

**TL;DR;**

TLDR

My bf (22M) of 4 years all throughout university. Me(21F)..he's my first love..first relationship..first almost everything 🥲

I love him very much and I honestly can't imagine a life without him.. it feels blurry and scary like jumping off a cliff but lately life with him is starting to feel like a death by 1000 cuts with bandaid sometimes...

We got over an emotional betrayal in the past (u can read my previous 💔 post) and honestly he never said sorry for putting me through it...I forgave him in my head and he forgave me for putting him in a tough spot..all is well I thought. Our relationship looks fine on the surface..he's nice , loving and makes me smile..texts no other girl anymore. He landed a good job in another city..and I know he sort of wishes that we should live in the same city so that we can stay together..and he is never suspicious of me at all ..even if he is..he says he doesn't care because there is no way to actually confirm that someone is cheating unless u see it explicitly with ur own eyes...so no point in monitoring. Overall our relationship finally started to feel blissful even in ldr.

But the problem is..right from the start..he's been an avoidant attached personality. A conflict appears..he disappears for hours..sometimes days if I dont fix it first. Or tries to reset back to normal without repair after hours of ghosting. I go along with it to keep the peace but after years of being unheard. And dismissed and always blamed for every conflict. I dont know how long i can stay without emotional availability...but at the same time..I am so scared to start over again..he's hot, intelligent , well mannered and kind to the outside world..gives me his time everyday..wherever he is..and when we r happy..we click so well..I cannot imagine literally nobody in his place if I break up with him..all the good times..but again when a conflict arises idk who he is..I am scared that I'll be alone when I really need him...because there had been many instances where he left me alone when all I needed was for him to stay and say..here I'm..im not going anywhere. Idk what to do..it sucks so much I feel like I am stuck in a limbo..and note : he never fought for this relationship

.I know the min I say break up..he'd leave without questions asked..I feel like he's emotionally checked out of this relationship long ago or that he is so sure that I'll never truly leave..I wanna cry.. can u love someone and stay with them..all ur life without emotional availability and when they sometimes act like a misogynist.. and recently I started to talking to his mum..I really like her..at this point i like her better than I like him..but the way she describes some things at home.. and knowing he grew up seeing his mum being ignored when crying or always made to feel like overly sensitive.. and left alone when emotionally broken..I am scared that will happen if I ever marry him.. but when he smiles all my doubts and worries goes out of the window.. all i care about is that damn smile..I feel so cooked.

All of this ran inside my head is because..I told him u try to buy me all little stuff or food I ask for but why do u never get me flowers..he only did once on my bday that too a single orchid...and sometimes he plucks the flowers from trees when hes in a good mood. The no of times he got me flowers can be counted on my fingers within our 4 year relationship..and when i argued about flowers.. he got mad and hung up and just ghosted me for hours even though I sent reassuring texts that I appreciate everything he does for us and that maybe my tone should have been better and that i am sorry if i hurt him..that i meant no disrespect and offered to order something he likes to eat ..he downright rejected it and just left..yet again.Mind u i have begging for flowers since years..its not about flowers..its about getting one from him..i know i sound pathetic...i really dont know what to do..I love him i dont wanna leave him..over something petty but its the little things that hurt together the most right..please advise me reddit. Be respectful in the comments..

I (m51) and my new love interest (f51) are both recently divorced. We’ve known each other as friends for a long time, but we reconnected after our lives changed, and an intense romantic love has developed.
We live in separate nearby cities, so at this point we meet on weekends or occasional weeknights. We text constantly and talk weekly. We openly share our love with one another.
We are both very excited about where this could go.

We are both mature and have relationship experience and are well aware of the bad patterns that accompany ‘rebound’ relationships.

I am thinking of moving, to be closer to her, and that is a big change.

When I am trying to decide if it’s a good idea, the idea of limerence comes to mind. It would be awful to move and then have our relationship not live up to our hopes. I’d be stuck in a new place and have to start again. (That’s life, I do understand)

I want to ask her, as a mature friend, who I care about and respect, to find out if she, as a mature friend who cares about and respects me, believes if our love is real enough to for me to make this commitment. I want to just discuss openly, without damaging the love we have, if we agree that this is a real thing we can build upon together.

On one hand, asking could expose cracks and bring questions about the others’ commitment and erode what we have. There is a magic to love, and to lift up the hood to try to look too closely at it might diminish that magic.

On the other hand, I’d like to think that it could be a productive conversation between two experienced people, in which we open ourselves up to one another, and maybe even bring us closer.

Any thoughts?

TLDR: Will asking my new serious girlfriend if she thinks our love is real and not infatuation damage her belief in our relationship? Or could the question bring us closer?

TL;DR; partner is becoming distant lately cant tell if its just her mental health or she doesn’t like me anymore

I 24M and 23F recently started dating 5 months ago (long distance) and for the first few months of our relationship things were perfect we had really good communication we would call and text all the time and occasionally play games together even when we were just friends it was great but the last month or two it feels like im talking to a brick wall or just being ignored and its a bit exhausting lately its been one or two text a day or none at all and ignoring my calls.she has bpd and struggles with mental health so this could be it but im supposed to see her in person whenever she wants me too but most of the time she just says “soon” i still really love her alot and she says she loves me too we have never argued she is genuinely really sweet which is why i feel like im just overthinking/overreacting and she just needs a bunch of space but also feel like the honeymoon phase is over and shes isnt feeling me as much as she used too. any advice on how i should go about this?

i am (f16) he is (m17). we’ve talked to each other about a month online. before that i met him for a weak when i was back at my country. i confessed to him that i like him, and he replied saying he has mutual feelings. yet after that… i am not sure what to do. i am very confused since it is my first possible relationship ever.. I didn’t ask if he wants to start dating ( which would be long distance for two years, before i return back to my country. i will be visiting it more tho through out this two years ).

what concerns me is the fact that i was the one to confess.. he said that he thought we would chat for 2-3 months and that’s all.. did he not have in mind confessing? also.. do i have to be the one again to suggest relationship? i just feel like i would be doing all of it, and it makes me feel like he doesn’t even want it..

i heard from my european friend ( i am slavic ) that before actually dating and being friends there is some other stage, where you see if you really match (..i think? i never heard abt it so i am not 100 percent sure..)

i know that in general he isn’t really that talkative. his mom even spoke to my mom saying that they aren’t really that talkative and never talk to girls ( my mom and his are best friends, i met him ages ago as children. he also have a twin brother)

can i ask advice on what to do? do i wait, letting him do the move? and advice regarding my concerns on him not wanting it? should i address it to him or just wait?

tl:dr: how do i get into relationship with the guy to whom i confessed, who has same feelings for me?

hello
he has a friend who he told me about very early on into mine and his relationship and when i asked about her he told me about how they did IT together because she wanted to try with a boy, how they would make out as friends, but also how she was a lesbian.. at the time he told me about her he wasn’t speaking to her as she blocked him bc of something that happened between them unrelated.. so every now and then he would send me pics of her randomly as well as other random pics unrelated and then tell me that he missed her and i also remember him telling me everyone needs a (her name) in their life.. and he also told me about how when they first met he thought she was pretty cute but then found out she was lesbian.. and now that mine and his relationship has progressed.. and also what i told u there that was a while ago.. im now feeling insecure because he still hangs out with her now and i can’t help but compare myself to her. sometimes he sends pics of her to me when they are out together but acts super innocent about it as it does seem innocent like they just do friend things together.. i just feel like if she was straight, he’d be with her. Or idk if she is lesbian.. idk i want to trust him too..

**TL;DR; : guy im talking to has a friend that he has a history with **.

I am 12 years older (38) than my boyfriend (26). It is my first relationship with younger man. Our relationship is actually wonderful, and I shouldn't be stressing over this, but I am.

I find myself thinking about the future ahead of us. In 10 years, I'll be approaching menopause, while he will be in the prime of his life. I keep thinking about how he has all the time in the world to have kids, while my biological clock is ticking as I type this.

He isn't ready yet and I understand him but he does want them.

What bothers me the most is that our relationship is truly great from the beginning (last 6 months). He is the man of my life, and I am his woman. This post is to ask for advice on how to find peace with this gap. Please share your examples if you made it work. Thank you all from this cougar ;)

Tl;dr: i'm stressing because im 12 years older then my boyfriend.

Here's what's going on. My friend and I have been friends for nearly 6 years now. We met at college and bonded over Nintendo and similar interests. Recently though I've noticed he's changed.

I was deeply affected by the death of Dolly Parton, as she was an important figure in my life. He's been understanding, which I have appreciated. I am in the stages of getting over her passing lately which has been very good, and her death has made me wanna make some life changes, such as diet, and a chore list to help me remember, due to my ADHD.

He initially supported this, but tonight he went back on how he's feeling, saying I'm not in the right headspace to make these choices.

He then said "Sucks that Dolly is gone but she's been put to rest. Her soul lives on so its fine." Even though I'm sad about her death.

I'm happy she's at peace and she's with Carl now. But it felt like he was being dismissive. He then said "meanwhile I've been suffering from hallucinations and I'm in debt."

Here is why him doing this annoys me. He's been doing this for almost 3 years now. Whenever I have a thing thats upsetting me or making me sad, he always has to go "Um well ackshually" and one-up my problems by telling me about his. I appreciate that he has these problems.

I have actually felt sorry for him for these problems. He doesn't deserve to have hallucinations and voices in his head. But he's not telling me that for sympathy. He's telling me these things to make himself look better than me. I'm just upset. I'm not looking to be better than everyone else.

He called me out for being shitty. Here's the thing. I don't consider myself necessarily the nicest person. I feel like I'm an okay person. Not bad to be around but just nice enough. Thing is he's the only person who calls me out for being shitty. I have a decent amount of friends. He's the only one who calls me out like this. So my fear is that he thinks I'm being shitty, but only in his eyes. I ain't claiming to be perfect, but he's the only person who does it.

He has been trying to cover his debt by doing commissions. And I've helped him. I've told my friends about it. Sent them his price sheet. Only one of them bought one. He tells me "it never matters what I deal with". I mentioned that I tried to help by getting him commissions from my friends, and he said "Stuff like that makes me not wanna talk to you".

So it feels to me that whenever I make a good point he puts on the manipulation and tries to make the situation in his favour. His debt is £2000. It felt like to me that he's not mad that I'm not helping him (I am). It feels like he's mad because I haven't covered his whole debt.

I have said I apologise that he hears voices and hallucinates. No one deserves to go through that. Ever. I can imagine its a scary thing. But he tells me this every single time something is up. I don't know what he wants me to do about it. I'm not a nurse. I tried to provide comfort about the voices and the hallucinations but he then told me to shut up.

He told me that I've changed since Dolly's passing and that I pushed him away but talked to my other friends fine. That's bullshit because I haven't mentioned I talked to my other friends. Because I haven't. Not as much anyway.

He has mentioned he's aware that he has an ego, but he doesn't want to change it. But I'm worried this ego of his is ruining our friendship, and he's trying to pin it on me.

Reddit, PLEASE tell me if I'm wrong here. I need to know. I'm going crazy.

Tl;dr: Friend is telling me that I'm making positive life changes, I get confused. Then he tells me I've changed. He then also claims I have become a whole different person

I (24F) want to cut my brother (37M) out of my life. I hate who he is. I hate how he is always in my life and saying me what to do or ask too many questions. I am very independet person and I get overwhelmed and annoyed with questions because I do not want to say anything to anyone. I can not live without being independent. I hate his whole personality and I hate him even more since he owns me so much money, he made my credit score go down like crazy and now im in debt because of him and cant do anything else. I hate the way he thinks and he is kind of a person who needs to know every freaking detail. He thinks we need to move and live as a family and thinks having an independet life means not caring and removing family. He is married and we dont live together. Its only me and my mom.

The reason why this is difficult is not because i care or else. I dont care about him at all. I would be very happy if he s dead. But it is so hard because he is not gonna understand! He thinks everything can be resolved with talking and does not understand how much independence means too me. If im not independent, i suffer from living. Its the only way i can live. My hate is not new. I hate him since i was 14 years old or something. He thinks he is the best brother and son but he is really nothing and does nothing else but harm us financially and mentally. And also it is very hard because we share the same mother.

I dont know what i can make him to understand? He thinks he has a word over my life. He thinks he can make decisions about my life and interfere in my life however he wants. He gets mad when i say stuff like "I won’t live by anyone’s rules but my own" and says "im not anyone im your brother" bruh anyone who is not me is called anyone.

What kind of speech i can give? I cannot think of any way to make him understand. I think he will get very emotional and start saying things like "i love you very much i do anything for you why are you like this why are you so selfish we are a family how can you say this things why are you so rebellious" bla bla bla.

Even after we talk about everything, the damage is already done and his presence is enough to get on my nerves. He doesnt even have to open his mouth. He doesnt care about anyone's opinions or feelings (he thinks he does, he believes he is very empathetic and thoughtful and says he always think of us). He doesnt even realize how disrespectful he is.

I dont know what to say to him. I used to be a people pleaser so this can give you some ideas about my personality and how hard it is for me. Because i still sometimes struggle with even saying "no" to people.

Please give me some ideas. What kind a of a speech i should give?

Thank you all

tl;dr my brother thinks he can interfere in my life however he wants. I hate the way he thinks and his personality and i dont wanna see his face ever again. Im a very independet person. I cant live without my independence, i only suffer. He doesnt understand i can have my own life. He thinks we should live and move as a family. He is very disrespectful and doesnt care about others opinions or feelings but he thinks he is very empathetic and thoughtful. He will not understand my reasons of not wanting him in my life. He will turn it on me by saying things like you re so rebellious why are you like this we are a family you are my sister ily so much bla bla. I dont care any of this. I used to be a people pleaser so its still hard for me to do this kind of talks. What kind of a speech i should give so he can understand?

TL;DR: Amo meu namorado e nossa relação é tranquila, saudável e temos planos juntos, mas nossos estilos de vida são muito diferentes. Eu gosto muito de sair, viajar, beber e ter liberdade, enquanto ele prefere ficar em casa. Moramos juntos, juntamos nossas finanças e temos uma vida praticamente de casados, mas estou me sentindo sufocado e com saudade da minha individualidade. Também fico confuso porque, apesar de amar ele, sinto falta das emoções intensas que tinha em relacionamentos anteriores. Não sei se estou diante de uma incompatibilidade real ou se preciso aprender a ter mais individualidade dentro do relacionamento. Devo terminar ou estou jogando fora uma relação boa por gostar demais de liberdade?

Tenho (M)26 anos e namoro outro homem de 25.
Começamos a namorar em janeiro de 2024. No começo, eu não queria exatamente namorar. Já estávamos ficando há uns 3 ou 4 meses e, naquela época, podíamos ficar com outras pessoas. Eu sentia que, se não pedisse ele em namoro, provavelmente acabaria perdendo ele.
Quando estamos somente nós dois, damos muito certo. Temos ideias parecidas, conversamos sobre futuro e consigo enxergar nele alguém com quem eu poderia construir uma vida. Foi justamente por isso que decidi assumir o relacionamento, apesar de ainda estar bastante indeciso.
O problema é que, desde o começo, percebi algumas incompatibilidades.
Eu sempre fui uma pessoa muito festeira. Gosto de sair, beber, viajar, encontrar meus amigos, conhecer lugares e simplesmente aproveitar. Ele é completamente diferente. Raramente saía e bebe apenas às vezes.
Mesmo assim, ele é um cara muito legal, esforçado e trabalhador. Quando o conheci, ele estava se formando e eu fui acompanhando a evolução dele.
Na época, eu morava sozinho. Aos poucos, ele começou a passar cada vez mais tempo na minha casa. O que inicialmente era apenas passar o fim de semana acabou virando semanas inteiras juntos.
Até que um dia precisei sair do apartamento onde morava e decidimos alugar um apartamento juntos. Compramos móveis, dividimos as contas e, na prática, começamos a viver uma vida praticamente de casados.
E é aí que comecei a me sentir sufocado.
Não é que a gente se dê mal. Muito pelo contrário. Nossa convivência é tranquila. O problema é que temos estilos de vida muito diferentes.
Eu sinto muita falta de ter um parceiro para sair. Sempre imaginei que, quando estivesse em um relacionamento, meu namorado também teria vontade de viver esse tipo de coisa comigo.
Eu trabalho, consigo me sustentar, gosto de viajar, sair e tenho muita necessidade de liberdade e de ter minha própria individualidade. Quando, por exemplo, ele precisa dormir na casa dos pais para cuidar da casa e da irmã enquanto eles viajam, eu acabo saindo com meus amigos e me divirto como se fosse a última noite da minha vida.
E isso acaba sendo muito intenso justamente porque sinto que não consigo viver essa versão de mim mesmo com ele.
Ao mesmo tempo, eu vejo que ele tenta. Só que não é algo natural para ele.
Os amigos dele vivem chamando a gente para jogar vôlei. Eu não gosto e já falei várias vezes para ele ir sozinho, sem mim. Só que ele fica chateado quando eu não vou e, às vezes, acaba cancelando para ficar comigo.
E isso me incomoda porque, sinceramente, eu quero que ele vá. Quero que ele tenha os hobbies dele, os amigos dele e a vida dele. Não quero que ele deixe de fazer as coisas por minha causa.
Além disso, hoje nossas vidas estão extremamente interligadas.
Morando juntos, conseguimos ter um padrão de vida relativamente bom porque juntamos nossas rendas. Praticamente todo o dinheiro virou “nosso dinheiro”. Temos cartão de crédito com compras dos dois, uma fatura relativamente alta, aluguel caro e várias despesas compartilhadas.
E acho que isso também está pesando na minha cabeça.
Outra coisa que me confunde muito é que esse relacionamento é completamente diferente dos outros que tive.
Nos meus relacionamentos anteriores, eu sentia um turbilhão de emoções. Tinha paixão, brigas, reconciliações, aquela sensação de estar vivendo alguma coisa muito intensa.
Com ele, tudo é extremamente tranquilo. Quase não brigamos. Quando existe algum problema, geralmente conversamos e resolvemos.
Eu sei racionalmente que isso é algo bom. Só que, ao mesmo tempo, às vezes essa falta de emoções mais intensas me faz pensar: “Será que eu realmente amo ele?”
E a resposta que encontro dentro de mim é que sim, eu amo. Mas parece que tudo está tão confuso que não sei mais diferenciar amor, acomodação, companheirismo e medo de perder a vida que construímos.
Às vezes penso que talvez eu simplesmente não esteja pronto para viver uma vida tão “de casal”. Talvez eu goste demais da minha liberdade. Talvez eu tenha entrado em um relacionamento querendo alguém para construir uma vida, mas agora que essa vida realmente existe, estou sentindo falta da vida que tinha antes.
Só que terminar não seria simplesmente terminar um namoro.
Temos um apartamento relativamente caro que só conseguimos manter porque moramos juntos. Temos móveis, contas, cartão de crédito, compras parceladas e uma vida financeira completamente compartilhada.
Então fico pensando se estou apenas passando por uma fase, se preciso aprender a ter mais individualidade dentro do relacionamento ou se, no fundo, estou tentando me convencer a permanecer em uma relação que não combina comigo.

Quero opiniões sinceras, inclusive choque de realidade.
Vocês acham que estou confundindo estabilidade com falta de amor?
Estou sendo egoísta por querer um parceiro com um estilo de vida mais parecido com o meu? É possível amar alguém e, ainda assim, perceber que vocês não são compatíveis?

Ou o problema não é o relacionamento, mas o fato de termos perdido completamente nossa individualidade?

Podem falar na lata. Depois desse texto gigante que foi escrever tudo isso, aceito opiniões, críticas e até puxões de orelha.